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Night #1 UPDATE night#7 Ready to throw in the towel - Page 2

post #21 of 109
Thread Starter 
Ok I'm back.

I need to clarify the "lazy" comment. I in no way meant to implie that mom's who nurse during the night are lazy. I only ment it in my case because I would roll out of bed get her climb back into bed and nurse her so that I could fall back to sleep and not deal with the hypothetical burb, wet bum, or tummy gas, bercause that would require me losing sleep to take the extra few minutes. I was using my breast to pacify DD till the morning when I could deal with it and being neglectful to her needs and discomfort. I'm sure any co-sleeping mom would change a daiper in the middle of the night if that is what their child wanted, I just offered the breast till she took it and settled with it till the next time she woke. That wasn't fair to DD, I screwed up, and I'm fixing it. If DD still wants to nurse and does not fall back asleep after a while I'll bring her to bed and nurse her till we both fall asleep.

What I consider valuable skills may differ for every individual family. I feel that DD learning to transistion and lull into sleep on her own in no distress what soever is a valuable skill, because she learns to listen to her body and meet her bodies needs. I've heard many moms on this bored state that breastfeeding releases horomones which cause the mother and child to relax more often aiding in the transistion into sleep, so in a way you could say it acts like a natural drug which your body produces. IMHO it makes sense to me that if DD can fall asleep on her own without this horomone then when she nurses she should fall asleep that much easier because she is already working on relaxing making it a joint effort on many levels.

I would also like to address the increase nursing to increase production posts. I'm leaking and full most of the day and night(not evening however) and I can feed her and still pump 3-5oz afterwards. Not to mention that she feeds off of on breast per feeding so if she is hungry there is always to other side.

Also the paci has been tried and I'm afraid to post this but she loves her paci sometime but other times she just doesn't care, and then there's time where she doesn't want it at all. If there is anything else you would like clarified , or eplained, or any misconceptions I have that you may want to help me tounderstand I'm open to it.
post #22 of 109
I think it is great the OP is doing what she feels is best for her family. And I can't believe there are some people harping on her, when she is not crying it out, she is gently and lovingly getting her child back to sleep. i didn't realize there is only one way to parent at night.
post #23 of 109
lots of life skills are learned starting from birth- sitting up, rolling over- give the woman a break- babies are sponges- compared to the skills learned during the first year of life alone, our adult brains are practically asleep- learning to see and recognizing one's caregiver- learning that one can communicate- when I cry mommy or daddy respond- by bringing the kid to bed with you at night you are encouraging that child to sleep- an invaluable life skill- new moms have a hard time figuring out when their child is hungry, how often to feed- she's just looking for encouragement and advice- when she comes here she should know she will be encouraged to feed the child every time she stirs. IMO that's not the best advice. But go ahead censor me.
post #24 of 109
In my opinion, not that anyone asked , the OP's technique is well within the bounds of acceptable. She is NOT crying it out, she is nursing her baby when she wakes at night, and she seems to be very in tune with her child's development and needs. We might quibble over whether the baby should stay in the family bed, but I believe this is a call for each family to make.
post #25 of 109
Quote:
I think it is great the OP is doing what she feels is best for her family. And I can't believe there are some people harping on her, when she is not crying it out, she is gently and lovingly getting her child back to sleep. i didn't realize there is only one way to parent at night.
I don't see any harping, nor do I see anyone saying there is only one way to do something. Please remember that if anyone has an issue with how a thread is progressing, or if you see a post that is in violation of the MDC User Agreement, please report it.
post #26 of 109
I think most of us have just stated what we know from experience, and from what we have learned through research. Oh, and some people were ticked about the lazy comment.

CC -- FWIW I don't change DD's diaper at night anymore unless she poops, which is very rare.
post #27 of 109
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by AugustineM View Post
I think most of us have just stated what we know from experience, and from what we have learned through research. Oh, and some people were ticked about the lazy comment.

CC -- FWIW I don't change DD's diaper at night anymore unless she poops, which is very rare.
But if it was making her uncomfortable and she wanted it changed I'm sure you wouldn't force her to settle on the boob, instead you would change her then offer her your breast again. Pee is sterile so I had no problem justifying that "it won't hurt her" but sometimes it does make her very uncomfortable.

Oh yeah night 5
So she took her 20 minute nap arround 7:00, then at 10:00 we started to relax and cuddle togather, she was out by 10:30. I however got sick yesterday so I just brought her to bed once she woke up and collapsed on the pillow. When I woke up if she was there sleeping in bed I moved her back to her cradle. I think she got up 3 times.

I enjoy our cudddle/relaxing time before sleeping or when she wakes up. There have been times when DH has tried to help put her back to sleep and they obviously aren't enjoying it even if they are making progress towards the ultimate goal of sleep, so I step in and do it myself.

Oh and I forgot to address the time thing. Unfortunatly one of us is working everyday of the week and need the alarm clock. When I wake if it is close enough to when we normally get up I don't concern myself with going back to sleep for 20 minutes because I just end up more tired. So I glance at the clock when getting DD from the cradle(it's kinda hard to miss anyways). During the day I know whta time according to what tv show is on in the background:

But I'm running out of time for my shower so I have to wrap this up. Thanks to all the supportive mommas, and thanks for the concern from all the ones who aren't
post #28 of 109
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chronic Chrissy View Post

I need to clarify the "lazy" comment. I in no way meant to implie that mom's who nurse during the night are lazy. I only ment it in my case because I would roll out of bed get her climb back into bed and nurse her so that I could fall back to sleep and not deal with the hypothetical burb, wet bum, or tummy gas, bercause that would require me losing sleep to take the extra few minutes.
Ok, that makes sense. But there is still a big difference in attending to your daughter's needs, and teaching her "valuable life skills". Not being lazy and changing a diaper in the middle of the night because your baby is uncomfortable is not teaching them "valuable life skills". Trying to avoid nursing to sleep at night without CIO to teach "valuable life skills" is unrealistic. I get the impression from this post that the latter is what you are trying to achieve.

I am all for trying to resettle my daughter back to sleep without nursing, IF IT WORKS, as we are going through something similar. But I don't view learning to not nurse to sleep at night as a valuable life skill. It's normal. Especially at 5 months old. And even if she does only nurse for a second and fall asleep, this helps our supply, and I know you've had weight gain issues, so you might want to reconsider restricting her nursing for a while.
post #29 of 109
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by North_Of_60 View Post
And even if she does only nurse for a second and fall asleep, this helps our supply, and I know you've had weight gain issues, so you might want to reconsider restricting her nursing for a while.

Thank you for your concern about DDs weight. I just thought I'd let everyone know because I haven't posted it lately, DD is at 11lbs 5oz
and according to our Dr. doing great. The difference is that I keep offering the breast even when she didn't want it till she took it. I was abusing my breast as a pacifier in the literal sense not the rubber pacifier sense.

I am glad that I kinda straitened out the lazy issue though, I really ment no offense.
post #30 of 109
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chronic Chrissy View Post
I was abusing my breast as a pacifier in the literal sense not the rubber pacifier sense.
There is no such thing. If they didn't want it, they wouldn't take it. You can't make them, and you can't abuse it.
post #31 of 109
Quote:
Originally Posted by North_Of_60 View Post
There is no such thing. If they didn't want it, they wouldn't take it. You can't make them, and you can't abuse it.
:

-Angela
post #32 of 109
Chronic, I'm sorry you are receiving some of these replies. I'm very new to this board, but it seems that constructive criticiscm is oft time replaced by repeating dogmatic mantras in the face of a mother who is simply trying to find out the parenting solution that meets their family's needs.

Regardless, your experiences really resonate with me. I'm not trying to "teach" or "train" my daughter anything, but I do feel that it is in her best interest to have several long sleep intervals each night. I also began by simply offering the breast, simply to find her awaking within ten minutes. Why? Because she needed burping, diaper, soothing, a change of clothes, or a dozen other things. When we adjusted our nighttime parenting to include my husband in many of the wake-ups, dd's needs were met sooner than if I had just grabbed her in to bed and nursed. We lovingly attend her when she needs us, keeping her nearby all night long. We also lovingly refuse to interrupt her sleep when she makes "sleep noises." My baby (like yours, it sounds), makes various noises in her sleep. Where I was once grabbing her up at the first peep, I now listen for a moment, or walk over and observe her. Often her body is relaxed, but she is just talking in her sleep. Why would I wake her? After a few weeks, my body has learned the difference. In fact, my milk lets down when she is really awakening to eat.

My dd is sleeping fabulously. She is more rested during the day, less fussy in the evenings, growing wonderfully, and really thriving. We never CIO, we just parented during the nights in the only way we knew how.

So much of this depends on your child's personality. My dd is easily overstimulated, so offering the breast was waking her up fully and winding her up into an awake and active state. Doing that 10+ times each night was destroying her sleep. However, some babies do wonderfully with frequent night nursings as they are soothed back into sleep. It sounds like you know your baby and are doing the best you can with the tools you have.
post #33 of 109
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by North_Of_60 View Post
There is no such thing. If they didn't want it, they wouldn't take it. You can't make them, and you can't abuse it.
I'm trying to think of how to put this without it being misinterperted...
: : :
I've seen babies who love their bottle much like DD loves the breast. Say I bottle fed, and I kept a warm bottle in a therma bag beside the bed because I know that a warm bottle always puts her to sleep. Say she woke up the same as she does now needing to be changed or burped, but everytime I bring her to bed snuggle her and pop the warm bottle in her mouth neglecting her needs in the same way I have been. Would I not be abusing the bottle? Why is it different for the boob? I'm providing comfort, nourishment, relaxation, and a questionable form of bonding.
post #34 of 109
Questionable form of bonding?
post #35 of 109
Quote:
Originally Posted by rmzbm View Post
Questionable form of bonding?
I assume she was talking about the bottle being the questionable form of bonding?
post #36 of 109
Oh, OK...yes, I see that. That's why I asked. Chrissy, I think you can nurse your DD AND STILL burp her & change her, etc...no? It doesn't have to be either/or.
post #37 of 109
Thread Starter 
I don't like to state that bottle feeding is a form of bonding even though I do believe it is because many moms here state that there are many other ways to bond besides bottle feeding especially when it is presented as a way for Dad to bond. I'm just trying not to step on anymore toes.
post #38 of 109
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chronic Chrissy View Post
I'm trying to think of how to put this without it being misinterperted...
: : :
I've seen babies who love their bottle much like DD loves the breast. Say I bottle fed, and I kept a warm bottle in a therma bag beside the bed because I know that a warm bottle always puts her to sleep. Say she woke up the same as she does now needing to be changed or burped, but everytime I bring her to bed snuggle her and pop the warm bottle in her mouth neglecting her needs in the same way I have been. Would I not be abusing the bottle? Why is it different for the boob? I'm providing comfort, nourishment, relaxation, and a questionable form of bonding.
I have never been able to force a bottle on my daughter anymore then I've been able to force the boob.

I'm confused. Are you waking up with your daughter to change her diaper and burp her, or to teach her a different way to sleep without being nursed? As far as I'm concerned the two are entirely different.
post #39 of 109
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by rmzbm View Post
Oh, OK...yes, I see that. That's why I asked. Chrissy, I think you can nurse your DD AND STILL burp her & change her, etc...no? It doesn't have to be either/or.
I don't disagree but when I do burp her or change her and she falls asleep afterwards as I said she does in past posts she obviously doesn't need/want to nurse. If she doesn't fall back asleep after burping or changing I have stated that I do take her to bed and nurse.
post #40 of 109
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by North_Of_60 View Post
I have never been able to force a bottle on my daughter anymore then I've been able to force the boob.

I'm confused. Are you waking up with your daughter to change her diaper and burp her, or to teach her a different way to sleep without being nursed? As far as I'm concerned the two are entirely different.
I am waking with DD to meet her needs which I wasn't doing in the past by JUST nursing her back to sleep, often I find that she doesn't need to nurse everytime she wakes because she falls back asleep once I burp her change her or soothe her.
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