I am really scared ladies and i dont know what to do

[weepyngwyllow]

DH "works" all hours of the night, and cant be bothered to spend time with his wife and kids. My family thinks I am a waste of human flesh, yes I mean that, they told me it more than once. My job thinks I am an embarassment to our profession, just got told that today. My sons think I am to blame for a horrible childhood and blame me for the lying, cheating, fighting etc that they do. My "freinds" all only want to go on about thier issues. I reached out to talk to my ob/gyn today to see if PPD is still possible with a 20 mo old baby. They didnt answer the phone, so I called my family Dr and the girl that answered the phone talked down to me like I was wasting her time. She was short with me, yelled and told me that it wasnt going to "work my way" and I needed to take time off work which I cant to come see them in a few days. She said that they are booked inside and out and couldnt spare the time to worry about me today.
I dont know where to turn. I am having visions of doing something and taking the baby with me. I dont think I want to care anymore. I am tired, I need help and NO one can spare a FREAKIN second to be bothered. I dont want to bother with all of this anymore. If I knew for a fact it wouldnt bring me bad karma and I wouldnt be stuck burning for it, I would take her and do it in a hot minute. I am so scared I am shaking and this started this morning. Everyone Ive reached to cant take the time. So now what do I do?

[The4OfUs]

Please, please call a crisis line, so they can help you find some real resources in your area.

1-800-SUICIDE* 1-800-273-TALK
1-800-784-2433* 1-800-273-8255

This link can give you numbers in your state.

http://suicidehotlines.com/national.html

Please, please call. You are NOT a waste of human flesh.

[emma_goldman]

Please call the crisis line! You are not a waste.

[mirlee]

I am so sorry you feel like this. . Take a look in the phone book in the blue pages or have a look online for a Mental Health Crisis line in your area. There should be one. They should be able to help you.

As for that oh, so helpful receptionist, do you recall her name? You need to report her to the doctor that employs her. Maybe she doesn't have the time to talk to you, but your doctor might just have made time to talk to you.

As for your "DH". Don't worry about him right now. Place your efforts on yourself and your beautiful child.

Take a deep breath and go one step at a time.

[mirlee]

See, you reached out and we were here. Post often if that helps. Sometimes writing can help you organize your thoughts. We'll read.

[pumpkinseed]

Please call

We care.

[Jane]

Please keep calling all of the health professionals that you've seen in the last few years...sometimes your regular doctor, or a nurse practioner, or a midwife will "hear" what you are saying, or remember who does same-day appointments or something. Just keep reaching out.

[weepyngwyllow]

Have tried that apricot. Thank you tho. I think I need time to not be so stressed. I have the number and I will call as soon as DH leaves the house so I dont have to listen to him $%^&* about it when I do call. Im usually able to handle what ever comes my way, but something today just was the straw that broke the camels back. I need some one to talk to. Doesnt matter who it is. Doesnt matter if you can write me a script for some pretty pills. Doesnt matter if you dont know me. I need to have this. The shakes are almost gone. I honestly didnt think I would get a reply. I cried when I saw them. I am way to stressed and having a *itchy family sucks. The job I have I love, I hate the office politics. Seems like I am stressing the world today.
A lil validation does a body good?? That and I need a huge kitty pile to lay in the center of. Lots of hugs and lots of self/re assurance I am not going to go mental.

[Jane]

What's on your agenda today? Do you have to work? Is Monday laundry day? What's up at casa willow?

[The4OfUs]

Glad to hear back from you.

Maybe try an urgent care center in your area? That way you would be seen today. Most areas have them, and most are open evenings; not critical as an ER, not as "regular" as an office. Recognizing that youre having thoughts of hurting yourself and/or your babe along with you is definitely a reason to seek help; BIG kudos to you for reaching out, even if just to us!

Please keep us updated.

[Ruthla]

We all have rough days, and sometimes we say things we really don't mean to those we love. Try not to take all of that "blame" personally, esp from your children.

Nobody is a "waste of human flesh" and I'm so sorry people who you thought loved you told you something so horrible. You are a valuable human being and you deserve to get help and you deserve to feel good.

[GooeyRN]

If you are having thoughts of hurting yourself, your baby or anyone else, dial 911. An ambulance will come for you, and take you to the ER. A crisis worker will meet with you. You can be admitted to a psych hospital, or intense outpatient therapy. Please do not ignore harmful thoughts.

[faith21]

We are here for you .. big . If you'd like to look at my recent posts, I can relate to how you are feeling. And, when you feel at your wits end and then no one you reach out to is helpful, compassionate, or nice. . it makes everything that much worse. I know the feeling of picking up the phone, trying to call your primary while being shaky..that feeling of dissapointment when the annoying receptionist blows you off, and in your head you are saying 'im losing my mind here, help!', but you refrain and hang up, not feeling better. I am still on the road to getting better, definitely not 100%. But, this hopeless feeling is lifting, there are moments I still feel : , literally.. but I'm getting there. you will make it through this tough time. im not a doctor by all means, but yes, it sounds like depression & a lot of anxiety, which can really be an evil beast. we are here to help mama! remember you are the most important thing right now, take care of you, make yourself a priority. i agree with the pp, no one is a waste of flesh, that is just not nice. as far as children blaming you for their mistakes, it's an easy excuse for them, i've done it (oops)..and i am sure they don't mean it from their hearts. reaching out for help is a courageous step to feeling better.....

[faith21]

ps.. i also had what they like to call 'intrusive', 'harmful', thoughts and fears, images. it's the worst, as if the anxiety and depression isn't enough. I, personally was diagnosed with OCD because of them. but, of course that may not be your case at all. i didn't have a history of depression or any other disorder before what i'd like to call 'the breakdown'. ocd is really just an anxiety disorder. I knew I wouldn't act on the feelings, but they were very hurtful & overwhelming even more because of that reason. if you have the resources, find a good psychologist to talk to, so they can reassure you and help. i was terrified of saying the truth, but when i finally did, my psychologist was not taken back by it all, and it made me feel better.

[earthmama369]

We're here, mama.

[mama_b]

Like other pp's have said, if you are having thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, and nobody will help you, please call 911 or go to the ER. They will help you. You are most definitely not a "waste of human flesh". Shame on whoever said that to you. Please let us know how you are doing.

[damselfly41]

A lot of us have been there, mama. You take care of you and your babe! You are a beautiful, loving mama. Your babe needs you, and your dh needs you, too. Please, be well, get help, and talk about it. We care for you!

[momma,mia]

You are not a waste. It seems to me like ppl in your life have been inconsiderate and don't realize they are all piling it on you at once. Thank goodness you do have the ladies here. They do care and are here.

Sometimes work environments can be really crappy at times. I loved my job too, but where I was at just seemed to make me unhappy.

It sounds like you have had an especially harsh day, there are others that have days where we wonder where we fit in and who really cares about us.

You said you kept trying to talk to ppl who seemed too busy and uncaring to talk to you. I imagine that made you feel sad and hurt. It sounds like you feel very hurt and feel your not truly being listened to. I hope you see that you have been listened to here. Please keep us posted!!

I would try your ob again and make sure you have a nurse on the phone who you feel is listening to you. If not call back and get another nurse. Talk to them about ppd. You might also consider a counselor. Counselors are great to talk to and will be there for you. I think it would be awesome for you to have someone that you could talk to like a counselor as well as us here!!

[2crazykids]

Hey Mama!

If you can PM me your location maybe we can meet up and chat at a coffee house or I can help with kids for a while at the park (weather is nice enough!). Or even better, try to make some connections with other moms in your area IRL from MDC. Check out the tribal areas and find your location.

It always makes me feel better to have another like-minded Mama to chat with in person, even if kids are hanging around.

anyway, and keep us posted.

[traceface]

I am so sorry for what you are going through mama. Hang in there.

when you call your doctor, you don't have to explain anything to the receptionist/nurse. You can just say, you have an emergency and need to speak to your physician or the physician on call.

I worked in a Dr's office, they have to get you a call back from an M.D. if you simply tell them that.

I don't think the doc would be dismissive if you tell him what you told us here.

Please come back and post here, we can give you some support. I am sorry you're suffering so much. It will get better, it really will.