Helping 3 yo understand "No Christmas for us"?

[sputnik]

Hi Mamas-
My son is 3, and very verbal. We are Jewish and celebrate Hanukkah, and this is the first year that he has really noticed all around us that everything is Christmas themed. He wants us to have Christmas lights on our house, he's wondering why Santa won't come to our house, etc. etc. The saddest part for me is that I don't want him to feel excluded - I try to say things like, "We don't put Christmas lights on our house, but we can walk around our neighborhood and look at other people's pretty lights," etc. but my basic statement, that we do Hanukkah instead of Christmas, seems to fall a little flat for a 3 year old who is confronted by it at every turn. Does anyone have any good advice for me?

Thanks!:

[MamaPam]

Positively redirect his focus. Try to point out the unique aspects of Hanukkah that your family is celebrating. We get to do "fill in the blank" insteade since we celebrate Hanukkah. Try to incorporate your child in as many preperations etc for Hanukkah.

-Pam

[katallen]

How about getting some books from the library or the store about Hanukkah and reading those to him and explaining that this is what you celebrate and try to make it a nice celebration with the decorations that go with it. Make sure to emphasize the wonderful fun things that he will get to do at Hanukkah and try not to get to sucked into admiring all the Christmas things if it makes him less fond of the religion you are raising him in.

[talk de jour]

You could get a light-up menorah to put in the window. "See? We have Chanukah lights!"

[3boysmom]

Our Jewish neighbors put up blue and white lights on their house and mennorahs in the windows. Very lovely.

[sputnik]

Thanks for the thoughts, Mamas. Isn't it funny - I can't get myself to do lights. Probably because my family never did, and also in part because I don't want to feel like I am trying to "keep up" with the Christmas stuff. We are going to do some decorations inside the house that I think will be fun.

[Thalia the Muse]

I agree with PP -- why not find some beautiful decorations for your home? It doesn't have to be strings of lights if that seems too "Christmassy," but maybe some floral stuff inside, or make or buy wall banners or something that only come out at Hannukah time. He can help you make holiday crafts and treats.

[captain optimism]

Ha! I thought we would never have this problem, and we are! It must be the age.

Go get him some Hanukah themed books and dreidels, and buy the candles for the menorah in advance. That has been helpful for us.

I have to admit that I have taken a very patronizing tack toward our neighbors, pointing out that they just don't have as many religious holidays as we do and that's why they have to make such a big deal out of this one. Poor things.

[jkpmomtoboys]

You know, I just tell my kids that every family is different and then emphasize what we do that's fun.

Though I feel for you--when ds was 3, he looked at our neighbor's elaborate Christmas lights, figures, etc... and pronounced our house "sad". They all go through that...

[bobica]

my friends live in a predominantly Jewish & Italian neighborhood in Brooklyn. They are the only Jewish ones on their stretch of street so they decided to go all out for Hannukah. here are some pics they're the only house we know of that does this & it's made the local news. they figured everyone else was over the top, they should have some fun with it!

[Fiercemama]

Would it help at all to talk about how this is a festive season for many faiths? Sure there's Chanukah and Christmas, but also Eid and the solstice. Personally I enjoy how so many people are celebrating at the darkest time of the year, and knowing that none of us need be all alone in the dark.

[Dakota's Mom]

There is a really cute little Sesame Street Movie about several different religions and winter holidays. They talk about Hannukah, Christmas, Kwanza. And they talk about different traditions such as Christmas in Mexico. Can't remember the name of it, but it's cute. Unfortunately it does not include our beliefs. We are pagan and we celebrate Yule instead of Christmas. Father Winter brings a stocking filled with small gifts. We have a Yule tree and exchange gifts, but we don't do Santa. DS is 4.5 now and he really wants to have Santa. It's hard to explain different traditions to small children.

In our family Grandma and Grandpa are Catholic, our family are pagan, and DH's sister and her family are Jewish. It makes a very interesting holiday. When we exchange gifts on Christmas Eve, there are gifts for the kids from Santa, Father Winter, and Hannukah Harry.

Kathi

[SabraMamma]

A different idea- not sure if you would trust a 3 year old with this secret information, but when my DH was young, he was also very envious of his Christian neighbors and their lights. His parents told him that Santa was made up and that it was a big secret but they trusted him with it. He felt powerful because he knew the secret, and he never did tell. I'm not sure how young he was when they told him that.

I like the idea of putting up Hanukah decorations INSIDE the house. You can make some deocrations that will last a long time. When I was young my sister and I made dreidel shapes and Jewish star shaped photo holders- basically just posterboard cut out with a photo of us in the middle- and we decorated them with blue and silver glitter, and my mom still hangs them up in her house each year, about 30 years now. You can easily do cut outs from construction paper and color them with a 3-year old. Last year my DD who was 5 at the time wanted to make decorations for our bay window in front of the house. My kids also love to look at the Christmas lights, but they know that we dont have them at our house. DS is 3. He thinks they are so "cool". We have been reading Hanukah books, have taken out the menorahs and dreidels and have been talking a lot about the upcoming holiday.

Maybe you could take your DS on a special drive one night to look at all the lights in your area. Even though he wouldn't have his own, you can honor his desires with a special night-time outing. Follow it up at home with some gelt!

[jempd]

Point out how long Hanukkah lasts and that Christmas is only one day. Do you light the candles every night? Let him (with help) light the candles.

P.s. I think what you said you did is just fine (walking around and looking at the lights)--in fact I think it's nice that you show that you can enjoy aspects of christmas. I think that's way better for a 3 year old than if it's responded to in a strictly off limits kind of way.

[oliversmum2000]

i am curious as to the link between christianity and santa.

i understand why jewish people do not celebrate christmas, but is santa a christian figure too?

i really thought that santa was a pretty secular figure that was pretty much adopted generally :

could you help out a girl who doesnt know much about religion :

[warriorprincess]

Some info on the origins of Santa: http://www.stnicholascenter.org/Brix?pageID=23

[Lovenest]

I found this website that may help you:

http://parents.berkeley.edu/advice/h...ish-santa.html






oliversmum2000- I never thought about that. I never thought he was one religion either, I thought he was a jolly old guy that gave pressies one year in Holland and started the tradition. I think I may be wrong! I tried to find info on google about Santa/Jewish and it came back with alot of nothing and also just mostly saying Santa and Jewish do not mix. Thats all I can say.
I dont want to step on anyones toes:, as I really dont know the whole story just saying what I have found so far. Ok just found out from the website warriorprincess posted.

The true story of Santa Claus begins with Nicholas, who was born during the third century in the village of Patara. At the time the area was Greek and is now on the southern coast of Turkey. His wealthy parents, who raised him to be a devout Christian, died in an epidemic while Nicholas was still young. Obeying Jesus' words to "sell what you own and give the money to the poor," Nicholas used his whole inheritance to assist the needy, the sick, and the suffering. He dedicated his life to serving God and was made Bishop of Myra while still a young man. Bishop Nicholas became known throughout the land for his generosity to the those in need, his love for children, and his concern for sailors and ships.

Now I understand. For some reason I thought "santa" was not the same as "saint nick"..
Had my history lesson for the day!

[edamommy]

you could put up Hanukkah lights, right?

in preschool ds just learned all about Hanukkah and they invited three jewish kids from the local elementary school to come in and tell the little ones all about it and they played jewish holiday games and had special candy and ds was really taken with Hanukkah and wanted to know why WE didn't do that!?!!

[tbavrbab]

There is a website on the history of Santa somewhere...ahh here we go:
http://www.santa.net/story.html
http://www.santalady.com/history.html

I am pagan as well, but my husband is not (he's not really anything though, I guess), and we have chosen to use Santa. While we emphasize him as a Father Winter figure, we use the name since it is easy for Ryan to understand.

We have a Yule tree, lights up on the house (as a welcoming and encouragment for the coming light and warmth of Spring), and open our presents on Yule, though we leave a few for sharing at family gatherings (both families celebrate Christmas).

Santa then arrives on Christmas Eve like he always does.

Santa has become a very secular figure. While he may or may not have been one originally (I've heard serious arguments from theologians regarding Saint Nicholas' status as a "real" saint), he's come to be associated most closely with the Christian celebration of Christmas. Many Christians are now abandoning both Santa and the "Christmas Tree" as pagan symbols. The tree, I agree, is a pagan symbol (thank you for "returning" it ), but Santa?

Anyway, that's what I know, which isn't much!

[Terabith]

Well, if it makes you feel any better, my friend who is a devout Christian told me that her dd learned about Hanukkah in kindergarten and is very bitter that they don't get to celebrate Hanukkah.