Sex and the Seven-Year-Old

[annettemarie]

I need some advice. My almost-eight-year-old, who has never before shown any interest in where babies come from (once he vaguely asked, I mumbled something about eggs and seeds, and I think he wandered off thinking he was once a plant ) has encountered the word "sex" in a play he's in. He asked us what it meant, and we said it meant male or female. He seemed to buy this, but then today he said someone told him there was another meaning that was "gross". I said it wasn't gross, and he said, just tell me, and I said it has to do with how babies get started. So we really need to have the talk with him, I guess.

Much as I want to dump this on my husband, I've seen how he explains things and it generally leaves people feeling pretty : . But I just don't really know how to explain this. I don't want Michael to think it's gross or nasty. I also don't want him to feel it's shameful, but I don't want him discussing it at the lunch table either.

Sigh.

I know I'm not reinventing the wheel here. How do you talk about it? Is there a pop-up book out there or something?

[PumpkinSeeds]

No advice, but this made me

Originally Posted by annettemarie

Much as I want to dump this on my husband, I've seen how he explains things and it generally leaves people feeling pretty :

[Thalia the Muse]

My parents were very matter-of-fact with me, and I've always been glad they were. I have a five-year-old, and we've already talked a little about her uterus and that a baby can grow in there when she's grown up, and how daddies and mommies give their sperm and eggs to make a baby. We haven't really covered how the sperm gets there, though.

How much does he already know? Does he know that women have vaginas and uteruses and all that, and the correct name of his own equipment?

I'd start with the mechanics -- get a book that shows diagrams of male and female equipment, a baby in the womb, etc. And I guess my spiel would be something like:

You know how you have a penis? When you are grown up and with a woman you love (or are married to, however you want to present it), you will want to have sex. Your penis will get erect, this is what you will do together, and you'll have an orgasm and ejaculate -- when boys get older, semen and fluid come out of their penises, which is normal and doesn't hurt. Sex feels good and also makes people who love each other feel closer to each other. It can also make a baby, and if someone doesn't really want it or does it for the wrong reasons, they can be hurt, so it's somethjing to be respectful of. There are other things you can do that will also make your body feel very good, without worrying about making babies.

And you can go on and talk about how some men are attracted to other men and have those sexual and romantic feelings for them, instead of women, if that's a topic you feel comfortable with.

[nicole lisa]

The book It's So Amazing really is amazing. You could check it out from the library and go through the chapters you think would be best for now - even if just for ideas. It's very cool and scientific in the explanations, but it also has two cartoon characters who comment on the information on each page and one is very interested and wants to know more and the other is a bit embarrassed but still interested, mirroring two of the typical reactions in children when learning about sex. It grows with kids too as so many topics relating to sex and relationships are covered.

Here's the amazon link:
http://www.amazon.com/Its-So-Amazing...e=UTF8&s=books


We've just been really upfront and honest about what sex is and how natural it is. But we've never been modest with DS so the topic has always just been what it is. Sometimes it is lunch table talk with us .

I'd just let him ask questions and then answer them. That way he doesn't get more info than he's looking for - let him guide the discussion. DS spends time with It's So Amazing every once in a while and then he'll come up with new questions.

[annettemarie]

He knows vaginas and uteruses and how babies get out. It's just never occurred to him to ask how they get in. He knows he has a penis, and he knows it gets hard. I like your idea. I'll pass it on to my hubby.

[Thalia the Muse]

Hey, one of the advantages of having a son! I KNOW my husband is not going to sit down and talk about sex with our daughter!

[TiredX2]

I love It's So Amazing.

If you want a little *less* detail, the author now has one for 4-8 year olds:

It's Not the Stork!: A Book About Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families and Friends

Definately look through them first and make sure the messages line up with your beliefs.

DD & DS have known the mechanics for a while but a friend of DD's (just turned 8) recently made that "But how do the egg & sperm get together" connection and has been asking EXPLICIT questions. So be prepared.

[Roar]

Let me add my voice to suggesting the books It's Not the Stork and It's So Amazing. I'd go ahead and get both and that way you'll be ready.

I think it is really important to be honest and open with him about sex. You are establishing yourself now as a reliable (or unreliable) source of information on this topic and when he's older especially you really want to know that when he's got questions he's coming to you. Obviously he's picking up stuff from other kids. "Gross" isn't the best thing to learn, but it isn't the worst thing he's going to hear from other kids and it points to the need for his parents to offer him information.

[annettemarie]

I'm definitely going to order those books. And we do want to be open with him. We always have been and don't want this to be any different.

[zinemama]

Another vote for It's So Amazing.

But even before I got that book for ds, we went over this stuff. Like your son, mine knew all about uteruses and babies coming out. He knew that the baby grows from a little part of the mother and a little part of the father. He even knew they were called the egg and the sperm. But he'd never gotten curious about the rest of it.

And then one day (age 4) he asked HOW the baby starts growing. I said, "This might sound kind of strange, but the papa puts his penis inside the mama's vagina, and the sperm comes out of the penis and meets up with the egg in the mama, and the baby starts growing."

(I deliberately avoided using the word "squirt" in this description. Ds was obsessed with squirters of all kinds at this point, and I just didn't want to go there. Not yet).

Anyway, he was very matter-of-fact about this explanation. I think he just said, "Oh." But then we got ISA, and went over it all again.

[ledzepplon]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

Is there a pop-up book out there or something?

:

I'm picturing the pop-up book . . .

[irinam]

Originally Posted by Thalia the Muse

Hey, one of the advantages of having a son! I KNOW my husband is not going to sit down and talk about sex with our daughter!

same here. I did "dump" it on Dh with our son. But now we have a daughter growing up, so I better gear up.

(basically subbing to the thread for future reference )

[joensally]

We had the same issue with DD - she understood sperm and egg, and how babies grow in utero and how they are birthed. But she'd never inquired about just how the sperm and egg got together. Thus far, she's been satisfied by Meg Hickling's Boys, Girls & Body Science : A First Book About Facts of Life . It's gentle and straightforward about testicles etc (we heard the word "balls" around here for a while), and deals with intercourse in one gentle sentence.

I'm definitely going to check out the other recommended books in this thread, as I think she's going to need more info sooner rather than later. ATM, however, she's moved from having a crush on a boy and wanting to kiss him , to wanting nothing to do with PDAs of any kind...so I really don't think she wants any details right now!

[annekevdbroek]

We checked this book out of the library for DS (age 3.5 years):

http://www.amazon.com/Mommy-Laid-Egg...e=UTF8&s=books

It is really quite funny and cute - but also matter of fact about sex and reproduction, babies, etc.

And of course the always classic: Where Did I Come From

http://www.amazon.com/Where-Did-Come...e=UTF8&s=books

[velochic]

I wanted to add something to the already good advice you've gotten. I would wait until a school break and talk to him about it at the beginning of the break. That way, you're not talking to him about this and the next day he's at school talking about it "in the lunch room". And also he has a couple weeks to digest it and ask any follow-up questions. By the time he goes back to school, perhaps the novelty of the idea (and the urge to ask friends about it at school) will have worn off.

[annettemarie]

Originally Posted by velochic

I wanted to add something to the already good advice you've gotten. I would wait until a school break and talk to him about it at the beginning of the break. That way, you're not talking to him about this and the next day he's at school talking about it "in the lunch room". And also he has a couple weeks to digest it and ask any follow-up questions. By the time he goes back to school, perhaps the novelty of the idea (and the urge to ask friends about it at school) will have worn off.

Excellent advice. And I now now what we'll be learning about over winter break.

[annettemarie]

Oh, and the one pregnancy/sex-type book we've read, outside of the Dr. Sears "Baby on the Way" book, is "Everybody Has a Belly Button".

[hottmama]

My almost 4 yr. old just learned about sex a couple of weeks ago. He'd known about childbirth for a long time and that mommies have eggs and daddies have sperm and together they create an embryo which can grow into a baby. He was here when his brother was born a year ago. So anyway, he finally asked how the egg and sperm get together, and I told him that when grown-ups like each other a whole lot, they may decide to have sex, and that sometimes this involves a penis entering a vagina and then the sperm can come out and find the egg. I added that two men or two women can also have sex and that penis in vagina sex is just one type of sex.
Thankfully that was enough for him because I'm really not ready to talk about other types of sex yet, but I didn't want his idea of sex to = penis in vagina hetero intercourse.
I imagine I would have been more in-depth with an almost 8 yr. old.