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Crud, he waits until NOW?? - Page 2

post #21 of 44
Have a wonderful birth! Congrats on your baby!!!

Melanie
post #22 of 44
Could you perhaps find a physician that disagrees with circ? Maybe AFTER having the baby, take dh to see that physician and discuss it.

If he keeps throwing a fit, tell him he has no choice in the matter.
post #23 of 44
Oh, Eli's mommy, that's a great idea!!! When my son was born, we had a wonderful anti-circumcision pediatrician who was very open in telling us that it was totally and completely unnecessary....

melanie
post #24 of 44
I had not thought much about circumscision (my brothers were all circumsized sp?) and my husband is not, but we had a daughter last time. I did not view the video but saw the pics and my heart was pounding. I know now that I could NEVER do that to my baby and I am crying now just thinking of all the helpless little boys who have been subjected to this.

Why did I not know this sooner?

I think the best point is that if they want circumcision for themselves when they get older then okay! But not when they don't have the choice. Thanks for the info, you have saved me from a terrible mistake.
post #25 of 44
Kristin,
I'm so glad you saw this too! And it's great that your husband is intact; you most likely won't have to deal with what Sarah is going through right now. It is such a shame that so many women like us--who would be appalled even at the thought of circumcision if we knew what it entailed--don't find out until it's too late. But it's not too late for you. Hooray!
post #26 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eli's_mommy View Post
If he keeps throwing a fit, tell him he has no choice in the matter.
Don't say, "You have no choice in the matter." That's very patronizing. And not just due to male ego: I'm sure most women would be offended by such a statement as well.

Just state that it's not going to happen. Period.

If he pokes and prods, you can frame it in terms of you having no choice either, because it's your son's body, not yours. That way you group yourself in the same boat as your husband in having no choice in the matter.
Emphasize that it's your son's choice, and you're just protecting your son's say in the matter, because it's his preference that is overwhelmingly the most important, not yours or your husband's.

If your goal is to patronize your husband, then by all means, pull out the "you have no say in the matter" line, implying that it is your choice but not your husband's.
But if you'd rather be a bit more honest in your implications, then group yourself in with him as having no say in the matter. Because if you consider circumcision a human rights issue (and I hope you do), then you oughtn't consider yourself to have a say in the matter either.

You're just protecting your son's rights, as you are obligated to do (being his parent and all).
post #27 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by autumn_faune View Post
A benefit of birthing unassisted at home, is that there is no hospital, doctors, pediatrician, etc.. to contend with. So nothing can happen on the sly Yay for that!
:

Got to love UC!

So, basically what you are saying is it is nearly impossible for your son to be circumcised, you just want DH on the same page. I think once your DH sees his perfect whole son, he won't even consider it.

I hope you have a beautiful, gentle, empowering birth!
post #28 of 44
Tell him that you absolutely cannot make a decision like this while you're under this much stress... inform him that you can discuss it AFTER you and DS are safely home...

and then, of course, refuse!!!!
post #29 of 44
I told my husband that the only way I would agree to circumcision of our son was for him to watch a live circumcision of another child beforehand. Knowing fully that my husband would never do this anyway (he doesn't like gross medical procedures like this) I then told him he would have to be there with our son during the circumcision. (Hell, I would never let that happen either!) He zipped up real quick after that. I also informed him of how it damages the breastfeeding bond. He really came around after that. I love him!! : )
post #30 of 44
I got my hubby on board by forcing him to watch several videos of circ. After video #1 he said it was barbaric, after video #2 he said no future child of his would have that done and after video #3, he appoligized (crying) to James.
post #31 of 44
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zamber View Post
So, basically what you are saying is it is nearly impossible for your son to be circumcised, you just want DH on the same page. I think once your DH sees his perfect whole son, he won't even consider it.
basically, yes. After all this stress and discussion with him, I sure hope it IS a boy! And for now, I'm going to go, and be insane from resealing leaks and prodromal labor- blah!
post #32 of 44
Tell him to give it a year. That way if it interferes with nursing, the baby will have had a year to get all the benefits of nursing. Then, after that, no father will want his son put through that pain. That's what worked for me. Eventually DH just said we didn't have to do it, I know honestly he still wants it done, but knows there's no reason and wouldn't put his son through that.

Has your DH seen the circ video with the dad and doc talking in the background? GREAT video for skeptical dads. I can't watch it at all, but I've read the commentary.
post #33 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mamm2 View Post
WTH?? Talk about sneaky...wait until you are in labor and your weakest! I would tell him when hell freezes over. End of story.

Sorry you are going thru this!
:
post #34 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by tiffer23 View Post

Has your DH seen the circ video with the dad and doc talking in the background? GREAT video for skeptical dads. I can't watch it at all, but I've read the commentary.
Here's the link to the video:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...14237112&hl=en

I transcribed what the doctor and dad are saying and this video includes that in subtitles. Best of both worlds!
post #35 of 44
OMG! I'm crying at work. I can't believe what that doctor was saying the whole time!!! That is exactly why I hate most doctors; they talk over your concerns without addressing them and subtly make you feel like an idiot for even asking the question. :
post #36 of 44
I haven't read the other posts, but as far as bringing this up during labor I find it the perfect time to bring it up. After my husband has been with me through two labors, the second all natural no drugs, in a free standing birth center, he knows that whatever I say and want during labor is mine. My first son was born in a hospital with an epi, but pushing was hell for 3 straight hours. As soon as I was in active labor with DS#2 my DH did what I asked, when I asked and how I asked.

If I had asked him to jump off a bridge, he would ask if I wanted him to swan dive or do a back flip.

Ok... over exagerating, but seriously. When I was in labor the world was mine and he was catering to me hand and foot. I think it's hard for someone to see you going through so much pain and he would have done anything to make it easier for me. If he had brought up circ I probably would have grabbed his testicles and let him know a portion of what he was trying to inflict on our child.
post #37 of 44
Blarg, I think you brought up a really good point about how certain words can really hurt and create even more problems Just a little tweaking of the phrase gets the same point across. Plus it's totally true- it should always be the decision of the person who owns the foreskin in question, and parents should not take it on. I like your point about framing it as "It's not our decision, honey, it's his."

autumn faune, can't wait to hear about your UC!
post #38 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blarg View Post
Don't say, "You have no choice in the matter." That's very patronizing. And not just due to male ego: I'm sure most women would be offended by such a statement as well.

Just state that it's not going to happen. Period.
Hmmm. I guess I don't see how that's different.
post #39 of 44
It is different because you didn't quote the rest, which said 'It's not going to happen... because it's not the parents' decision, it's the boy's body and therefore his decision.'

"you have no choice in the matter" usually sounds like "Because I have decided, and because I say so." This way, it's because it would be wrong to decide for the child.
post #40 of 44
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lula's Mom View Post
It is different because you didn't quote the rest, which said 'It's not going to happen... because it's not the parents' decision, it's the boy's body and therefore his decision.'

"you have no choice in the matter" usually sounds like "Because I have decided, and because I say so." This way, it's because it would be wrong to decide for the child.
Exactly. Usually, when you say "YOU have no choice in the matter...", it sounds like a dictatorship, and that's what male circumcision is; just like any other human rights violation. BUT, when you say it about the issue of MGM (male genital mutilation), it's NOT, because what you're doing is not taking away basic human rights deserving of all human beings, but GIVING it (the choice) up to them.

I can't really say it any clearer than that and if your husband or any other partner who insists on circumcision can't get it, then they have to look at their thought process.
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