How do I deal with too many gifts from Grandmother? - Page 3

[Mamma Christi]

I have this problem too! Jacob will be two months old on Christmas and it's already happening! Why not talk to your mother and suggest a present that you could never get too much of - BOOKS! That's what I would do at least, just tell her that you have more than enough clothes, toys, etc for him already and that you'd love if she got him books instead or maybe she could do money/gift certificates to you instead so you could pick out stuff yourself.

[fly-mom]

Originally Posted by Pyratekk

I have this problem too! Jacob will be two months old on Christmas and it's already happening! Why not talk to your mother and suggest a present that you could never get too much of - BOOKS! That's what I would do at least, just tell her that you have more than enough clothes, toys, etc for him already and that you'd love if she got him books instead or maybe she could do money/gift certificates to you instead so you could pick out stuff yourself.

LOL, well believe it or not, yes, you can have too many books She gets her tons (probably literally) of books. Love the books, but we are overflowing. One of MY pathologies is to never be able to get rid of books either (they are some wierd kind of sacred for me), so that doesn't help matters.

She likes to pick the stuff out, so gift certificates are not going to happen. I think everyone's suggestions are good for normal overexhuberant grandmothers, but my mom is kind of indescribably odd in this arena. Part of the problem is that she gets great stuff, really. Melissa & Doug toys, wooden blocks, train tables, lots of open ended creative toys, and books (as well as the Barbie and princess crap, which is dd's favorite). If it was junk stuff I'd have less of a problem getting rid of it.

My husband says that he is going to talk to her, and I think that will be a good approach, because she and I go through power struggles even to this day. Hearing it from him might make her really understand that this is more than a power struggle.

[SneakyPie]

I guess maybe I have to revise my vote based on the sheer volume you're reporting. That just sounds super-overwhelming. I was a "let it go"-er, but now I have several different solutions to suggest:

1) Have 6 more kids, immediately, but DON'T TELL HER (and then you can spread the toys around)!

2) Let me move in next door, and we will "borrow" stuff for as long as you need the space!:

3) Open a toy store and make a killing!

4) Pretend you don't recognize your mother any more and start regifting her all these toys!:

5) Rent a sleigh, a couple of deer, and a big red suit, and drive around town distributing largesse and good cheer! (For the houses where Santa is "not done," just remember to explain that you are a character in a myth and everybody has their own beliefs, etc )

Seriously, good luck! It's hard to imagine. I wonder what needs she's meeting doing this? Is she kind of buying stuff for her own inner child? (Armchair psychology is even more satisfying from a great anonymous distance!)

[NYCVeg]

Originally Posted by fly-mom

She likes to pick the stuff out, so gift certificates are not going to happen. I think everyone's suggestions are good for normal overexhuberant grandmothers, but my mom is kind of indescribably odd in this arena. Part of the problem is that she gets great stuff, really. Melissa & Doug toys, wooden blocks, train tables, lots of open ended creative toys, and books (as well as the Barbie and princess crap, which is dd's favorite). If it was junk stuff I'd have less of a problem getting rid of it.

Yes, this is the problem I have, too. My mom just came to visit and brought:
*a beautiful Waldorf doll
*a large playrug (this is what we asked for for the holidays)
*another play mat with barnyard animals on it
*an expensive "sleep time" set that included a bath towel, washcloth, slippers, and three soft stuffed dolls
*a wooden Hannukah-kitchen set (menorah, wooden candles, gelt, frying pan, latkes, dreidel)
*a Madame Alexander baby doll
*a large, soft "play cube" that dd could also support herself on to learn standing
*a wooden stacking toy
*a set of bath toys

All of this was lovely...except that my dd is six months old (so many things are not remotely appropriate for her yet) and we live in a tiny apartment! Add this to the boxes of toys that my mom sends "just because" and the stacks of clothing she brings...and, of course, the more normal gifts we get from dd's other grandparents, aunts and friends...it's insane. Everything she gets is wonderful quality and (usually) very thoughtful, but dh and I have unopened boxes of toys stacked in corners at this point...we simply can't use this much STUFF. And then my mom wanted to take us shopping for dd! :

BTW, dd is my mom's third grandchild (and one more on the way), so I regret to inform you that it doesn't get better.

[newmainer]

Wow, NYCVeg. That is amazing.

One thought i had was that your dd is going to *love* so many of those things as she gets older. Those waldorf dolls get so much play...

but it might be interesting for your mom to see what happens as your dd gets older and she ignores 90% of what is there. It will happen. Is that something your mom will check up on and that might make a difference when she sees that in fact, it is impossible for a toddler or preschooler to play with that many toys? I can't remember if you posted that your mom keeps track or not. and of course, that means storing and keeping that stuff until she becomes ready to play with it.

will she rent you a storage unit?

i guess i don't have too much to offer, but i had to say- wow- to that list.

[jdedmom]

My problem is I choose exactly what should be bought with websites and item #'s to make it easier for my mom and she buys everything listed. I have to learn to scale way back on the list although I feel uncomfortable being that specific and deciding how much money she spends is appropriate. My kids have way too much already but I am learning to invest in better quality toys that I want to keep forever.

I also think eventually I will have a home daycare so I purchase toys with that in mind.

[fly-mom]

Originally Posted by SneakyPie

I guess maybe I have to revise my vote based on the sheer volume you're reporting. That just sounds super-overwhelming. I was a "let it go"-er, but now I have several different solutions to suggest:

1) Have 6 more kids, immediately, but DON'T TELL HER (and then you can spread the toys around)!

2) Let me move in next door, and we will "borrow" stuff for as long as you need the space!:

3) Open a toy store and make a killing!

4) Pretend you don't recognize your mother any more and start regifting her all these toys!:

5) Rent a sleigh, a couple of deer, and a big red suit, and drive around town distributing largesse and good cheer! (For the houses where Santa is "not done," just remember to explain that you are a character in a myth and everybody has their own beliefs, etc )

Seriously, good luck! It's hard to imagine. I wonder what needs she's meeting doing this? Is she kind of buying stuff for her own inner child? (Armchair psychology is even more satisfying from a great anonymous distance!)

I DO like these suggestions! LMAO! I'd better get busy if I'm going to have 6 more kids though...

[Damien]

Your mom must be related to my MIL somewhere ;-)

I came from a family that didn't get a huge amount at christmas. I have a brother a year 1/2 older than I so my parents would often tie our "big gifts" together, e.g. one year we got this small pool table to share along with a few smaller individual bits (a book, small box of candy bars). Also my parents wouldn't individual wrap things, in fact the "Santa" gifts would tend to be stacked up unwrapped in a pile so when we'd get up at 7 or 8 we wouldn't be bothering them with the unwrapping ;-) In addition to that they'd give us gifts from them later on in the day that would be wrapped up in a single bundle - a sweater, a book, that kinda thing. So IMHO fairly low-key.

Contrast that to my DW's family where they individually wrap everything and then pile them up around the tree. For six years we spent Christmas with them and every year it was insane, and it just got worse as DW and her sister had children. My MIL was the key culpret, due to her own upbringing she directly associates "stuff", and giving stuff, with love, so to make up for her lack of closeness with her children she buys them and their children an insane amount of junk. How many woven baskets does anyone need, or fancy boxes - a good portion of it is stuff that she wants or likes, not what we like or need. We've tried talking her into toning it down, and she's getting better, but my SIL seems to be taking over for her :-\

Last year was one of the best Christmases I ever had. Instead of doing this huge family thing all day, we spent the morning separately and then converted for the evening meal. They did talk us into doing the inter-family swap the night before which, as expected, turned into utter chaos as usual and many of both the children and adults got upset over it; however, for the "santa" gifts we all stayed out of each other's hair so DW and I, who have only one child, could take it easy and not stress ourselves out over it all. That was the kind of Christmas I'd been fighting to do for years and it was worth all the hassle.

This year we're being pushed into doing the old, stupid family event, this time because my SIL wants her dad to be there for all of the santa gifts getting opened. Why they didn't simply invite the grandparents up to their house I don't know, but we're being forced into doing christmas a way we don't want to, and there's nothing really we can do without distancing ourselves even further from them.

So I'm glad that we've finally decided to move back to near my family so we can get away from this.

As for fixing the problem, I think persistence and, if need be, stopping inviting / visiting said grandparents at Christmas, is the only way to do it. Some people will learn over time, others simply refuse to let you control what your child receives. Good luck with it.

[oliviagoddess]

Try asking for specific things that are natural, organic and waldorf-ish. A handmade Waldorf doll will run her over $100 and may cut down the amount of stuff simply because she is spending more per. As for clothes, do you know how much woolies cost? Again, natural and organic clothing will make grandma feel she is giving the kids something super special - hard to find and trully appreciated. Stockmar makes great beeswax block crayons (and regular) great for little hands. There are other brands out there - check the art supply section of your local craft store. Also Target has a great aisle of wood toys with a kitchen, market, food and puppets theatre. Also, introduce her to Nova naturals catalogue http://www.novanatural.com/

This is the 1st year for our soon to be 6 daughter in a Waldorf kindy and since I am asked for a list, I gave it. "Expedition" weight cold clothes (they go out in all weather) and natural wooden toys. Melissa and Doug are available at AC Moore and Michaels. We asked for musical instruments and the small doll house with a garage. The Victorian dollhouse with furnished rooms will run about $150. This is an "heirloom" toy that will last your children well into their pre-teens. Also you can sign up for 40 to 50% off coupons for both stores on-line.

Grandmas have the urge to shop and buy, but if you train her eye, she can get the special things and not buy so much ... stuff ...

So to recap:
Natural, organic and wood toys
Art Easle
Large fully decked doll house
Waldorf dolls
Wooden toy food
Wooden pretend kitchen or have her go all out and get the play awning pair and canopy
Wooden pretned market
Puppet theatre
Finger and other puppets
Wood or enamelware dishes for the kitchen - these can be found at yard sales - if grandma is into that

[Heffernhyphen]

Yeah, same story here. While I know my mom is feeling generous and giving, to me it really seems selfish. Doesn't matter how many times I point out that we don't want holidays to be all about the stuff, how terribly small and full our house is, how impossible it is to keep his playroom clean, how the stress of the constant clutter is actually hurting our marriage . . . shop she must.

She asked me recently what his favorite animal is because she's just learned how to sew stuffed animals. I told her about the overflowing tub of stuffed animals that he never plays with, that I'm Freecycling and giving away just to make some needed space, and she comes back with, "Oh, so I don't even get to give my grandson a Christmas present?"

Then I tell her that what he could really use would be a few pieces of furniture for his doll house . . . maybe a chair and a couch. So she goes to the most expensive toy store in Saratoga and gets him two full rooms. Now not only will our house be cluttered, his doll house will be too. Oy vey.

[NYCVeg]

Originally Posted by newmainer

Wow, NYCVeg. That is amazing.

One thought i had was that your dd is going to *love* so many of those things as she gets older. Those waldorf dolls get so much play...

but it might be interesting for your mom to see what happens as your dd gets older and she ignores 90% of what is there. It will happen. Is that something your mom will check up on and that might make a difference when she sees that in fact, it is impossible for a toddler or preschooler to play with that many toys? I can't remember if you posted that your mom keeps track or not. and of course, that means storing and keeping that stuff until she becomes ready to play with it.

will she rent you a storage unit?

i guess i don't have too much to offer, but i had to say- wow- to that list.

And then ANOTHER toy from her (a stuffed barn with a bunch of little stuffed barnyard animals) came the next day. : She doesn't check up--heck, I bet she can't even remember what she gets--and she *usually* doesn't mind if we ask that the occasional something be returned if there's a good reason.

But we're going to start storing the big/loud stuff that we don't like at Grandma's. They can be Grandma's house toys. My mom's apartment isn't that big either...so we're hoping that moving some of the stuff in will encourage her to tone it down.

You're right, though--kids cannot POSSIBLY play with that many toys. I also think it's not good for them to have so much excess. It takes away the specialness of the truly special toys and overwhelms them.

What I also don't understand is...if she's getting her all that "when you're older" stuff now...what is she going to get her when she's older?!? I have horrible visions of a pony in my living room...

[MommytoTwo]

My ILs are totally out of control with is. Except they dont buy actual toys - that I would appreciate. Instead, MIL satisfies her retail therapy needs at the dollar store, so we end up with "Merry Christmas" ribbons, and $1 figurines of Santa. My kids have gotten so much garbage from her its unreal. I dont expect her to spend a lot of money - but instead of spending $30 at teh dollar store on total crap, one individual actual toy would be nice. And when they do buy a "big ticket" item, its another piece of furniture. Chairs, tables, toyboxes. She has OCD and her house is completely cluttered, to the point of mental illness - I dont want our like that and she doesnt understand that. We have 4 people (soon to be 5) living in this house and its not very big. Their rooms are FULL and I dont want stuff all over the house. I end up getting rid of a lot.

[Luckiestgirl]

This subject was really on my mind today, having just enjoyed our best Xmas ever, at HOME with our two kids (one on the way). We really pushed for fewer gifts over the last couple of years and finally have been successful. Also, being at home, dh and I could peek at gifts to make sure they were appropriate before giving them to our kids. We also saved a few things to dole out in a few months to avoid overwhelming the kids. Again, this is possible only b/c our family lives out of town.

A few posters have touched on this, and I really want to emphasize it -- I really believe that when people go overboard on gifts it is usually NOT about generosity but about adults using the holidays/birthdays, etc. to fulfill their own fantasies/addictions.