My work and childcare debate

[OTMomma]

Ok, this might turn into a vent, I'm not sure.

So, last spring I returned to working part time, I had a great situation with another mom to keep dd and my dd (then 3.5) played with her dd and enjoyed my work days as a nice playdate time. I was off for summer (school based job) and in the fall had to find a new plan. I hated the daycares I looked at, as they all pushed academics very hard, and that's not what i want for dd. We ended up setteling on a mother's day out program, and another mom would take and pick my dd up for me, as the MDO didn't last my full work day. Unfortunately TONS of issues have arrisen with the MDO- I don't want to list them and get all upset again, but lets just keep it to, my minimum standards of my child feeling safe and happy are not being met.

So we've agreed dd will not do that program anymore. I have care for the rest of this month, and then I'm out for Christmas for a couple of weeks. Right not I've interviewed 2 different possible childcare options but neither is really perfect. One leaves the TV on most of the day, though she does a lot of activities with the kids she likes it on for "back ground noise" and she doesn't have any girls there dd's age- other than those 2 things though, she was great. The other is a mom with one child who would keep dd as a friend to her child, however on one of the days dd goes there she would have to go along and wait while this other child does dance class. I cannot put dd in that dance class, and I really think this would get old for dd after a few weeks.

I thought about contacting the one with the TV problem, and asking her to keep the TV off more- but dh seems to think I'm crazy and that she'll only think I'm some kind of nut. On that topic- who in the world needs "background noise" with a room full of playing children??? The TV is set to Noggin or Nick Jr, so its not that I can argue its inappropriate programing, its just I don't think dd will do well with that much constant stimulation. She's a pretty sensitve child, and though we aren't TV free, we have a lot of limits.

So I'm pondering if I need to just give a month's notice at work. I have friends who would keep dd a few times each until I worked out my notice. I'm preg and planning to quit anyway in June. The bad part of this is that I do like my job, and I did want to finish the school year, as I am working with specific children there who I feel I am helping. Also, we need the money, I make a good income, way more than I could make doing anything from home. And we will have to pay for the homebirth I want out of pocket- $3000. We also have debts and such we had hoped to pay off with my income before the baby arrived. But all that in, I just hate compromising on childcare! I feel like doing ANY childcare is a compromise, becase the best person to be with my child is ME, and finding faults with these people right up front worries me. I mean, no situation is perfect, but I have a hard time getting into something AGAIN that is only "ok", not great. I thought the MDO was going to be "ok" and it turned out awful.

I don't know what I'm looking for here, advice, comisseration, btdt stories..... but thanks for reading!

[Sydnee]

Well, first off, . I know how difficult it is to make a decision regarding your childs welfare. I have BTDT. I had a very close friend and my MIL watching Rachel while I worked OTH, up until she was 10 months, but I knew after that I was going to have to look into something else, as my friend couldn't watch her anymore. Ultimatley I quit my job and stayed home to do daycare. I feel it was the best decision for us.

If extra money is needed, maybe talk to the provider about the TV issues, I know when I first started daycare, I had the TV on all day too, for background noise, but now, I limit the TV, and it is very rarely on. If having the TV is on is that big of a deal, then I would look at other daycares too. Also, are the kids camped out in front of the TV all day? I think you really need to weigh everything out, are there things you could compromise on?? Otherwise maybe you being home is the best choice?? Good luck momma!!!

[Ellien C]

I wouldn't give up just yet on finding childcare that you like.

1) Ask everyone you know if they know anyone who does childcare - ask at work, ask at the neighborhood, ask at your spiritual center (if applicable) ask the checkout clerk in the grocery store and then have your DH ask everyone he knows.

2) Ask in your tribal area here at MDC. Especially if you are just looking for care until June. There might be someone thinking of starting a formal day care who would enjoy a trial run with a definite ending.

3) When you have reliable childcare that you feel confident, you will like your job much better! You will enjoy the time you spend away and look forward to being with your DC when you return. And you will enjoy your work more, which I think you can almost see happening, were it not for the frustrating childcare situation.

[KimProbable]

Personally, I would stay home. Putting my child in the care of someone who I doubted upfront would not work for me.

[Flor]

I asked all the other teachers where their kids were and it helped a lot, though in the end, my mom quit her job and I paid her instead. The other teachers had an array of different options, like a woman across the street from the school who had about 4 teachers kids and that was nice to just cross the street during prep and check in and bf. I feel for you!! For this year, I know I am so lucky to have found a sweet little Montessori school that we all loved.

[Mothra]

I do freelance work and need childcare only sporadically. I've found that hiring a nanny to come to our home works best. It is definitely more expensive than a daycare situation, but you have more control over your child's environment. We had nanny who came to care for all three of our children during the summer and then another one who only cared for our daughter and brought her son about the same age. We paid the first nanny a bit more than the second. If you find someone who has a child of their own that they want to bring you might be able to pay a little less than a "professional" nanny.

I'm not opposed to daycare in general. I would have preferred that arrangement for us for financial reasons, but this worked out well, too.

[OTMomma]

Thanks for all the thoughts. I've taken the suggestion to look harder for another childcare option. I've called some friends to ask them to look and did post in the tribal area here. I'm hoping something good comes along in the next few days. I do think I will choose not to compromise and use one of the people I listed above. And if nothing comes along good enough, I'll deal with that- I liked being a SAHM before.

[4imprints]

Childcare is the reason why I am a SAHM. Yeah - of course finances would be great if I worked - we could pay off debt and get a nicer second car...but not at the sake of my children's welfare.

I would suggest a few things:

1)since it is only for a few more months I would ask the TV lady if she can compromise - maybe stick to certain shows or turn it off for a few hours or what have you. With DD I kept the TV on all of the time because ...call me weird...but if felt like adult interaction!LOL. It wasn't until I attempted to turn it off that I realized how much calmer my day was. There is no harm in asking - you may find that she is receptive to some compromise that you are willing to do and it may work for you for the next 6 months.

2) give your one months notice

3) let your daughter go with the dance mom for a few weeks just to get those few extra checks and wait to give your months notice until Jan or Feb if you can find it. Their are children that wait in the waiting room at my daughters dance. Maybe you could find an old pair of shoes and the girls can make a game out of it once they get back to her house? It might be worth the shot if the work is important to you.

ETA - what if you asked your work about working only 3 days a week or so while they trained someone else and keep that until the end of the year? If the money is right - they might just make you pay for a substitute for two days a week and then your daughter might not be as affected???

[Ellien C]

If you need a boost or a little encouragement, come over to the working mothers forum, too! There are a number of people who were in you situation and were able to find childcare they felt confident about.

[mamaduck]

Waiting at dance class once a week seems like absolutely no big deal to me. Maybe because I have 2 children, and one of them always seems to be waiting during the other one's activities! I have also babysat during my children's activities, and I just sit and read to the other children while we wait. Never had complaints. She could carry a special bag on dance day, with coloring, snacks and stuff.

[nextcommercial]

Since you are planning to quit in June anyway, I think that either solution would work out fine.'



#1. The no girls her age might bug her a little. But, I have a daycare, and I have one two year old girl on a few days when there are no other two year old girls. She gets along just fine with the boys. The TV issue wouldn't bother me too much, since she is part time, and will only be there til June.

#2. This could go either way. The two girls might absolutley love each other and be best friends for life. OR, they might have a hard time together, and everybody will be unhappy. The waiting at dance class thing wouldn't be a big deal. Again, it's only til June.

I suggest going with the one that makes you feel the most comfortable. One must give you a better feeling. I would choose that one. But, I wouldn't quit the job just yet.

[nextcommercial]

Originally Posted by OTMomma

Thanks for all the thoughts. I've taken the suggestion to look harder for another childcare option. I've called some friends to ask them to look and did post in the tribal area here. I'm hoping something good comes along in the next few days. I do think I will choose not to compromise and use one of the people I listed above. And if nothing comes along good enough, I'll deal with that- I liked being a SAHM before.

I know of a few providers in Tenn. If you P.M me with your location, I can ask them on the daycare board if they are near you and have any openings.

[srain]

How about using the dance class mom, but on class day use other options whenever possible: such as the aforementioned friends who'd help while you gave notice, your husband, teenage babysitters, etc. Can you switch your work schedule so you have off on dance-class day at least sometimes?

[OTMomma]

Well, after all my worry and stress a perfect solution came about today. Dd's bestfriend's mom offered to keep my dd with her child for the spring semester. She is really great and will also be homeschooling next year like we will, and I'm sure dd will be happy there.

Thank you all for your thoughts!