4 yr old not behaving at daycare

[skippysmommy]

My 4yr old's preschool teachers are constantly telling me how advanced my son is. He loves science and is already reading. Unfortunately, for him, it gets him in trouble because he is becoming bossy and is always the first to answer all the questions in class. The teacher has to pull him out of learrning activities to give the other kids a chance to answer. He is misbehaving when the class has visitors. He tests the teachers by tossing toys or pushing on kids when other adults or school administrators are in his class. We always teach respect at home and when he is at school. He is a good kid but for some reason is looking for attention. He is an only child and gets alot of attention from us. We spend alot of time reading and learning new things. He also has his free time to play with his toys and friends.

Any suggestions on how to help his teachers to get a handle on him at school and what I should do to displine him when I get a bad report from his teachers?

I have taken away toys and take away his play time with his friends, time out....

[mistymama]

Do you think the setting he's in might be too structured? Just the way you phrased that about "answering questions in class" made me wonder. He can be super smart (I've got a pretty smart 4 year old myself!) but he's still 4, and a school-like setting may be too much right now. Just a thought.

I've got my son in a Waldorf preschool where they pretty much free play outdoors, but also do tasks with the teachers and have oral stories told, circle, snack and lunch. My son is already reading, but he really thrives on the non-academic atmosphere of Waldorf preschool .. he's learning important social skills, manners, etc. And we still work on the stuff he's interested in at home. I wonder if your son feels his daycare is too restrictive, too structured? I could be totally off .. I just got that feeling from your words.

[mamaduck]

Its important to find out what needs he is trying to meet by acting in these ways, and then figure out how they can structure his day better to meet his needs. Punishing him is not going to help.

[georgia]

He sounds like a bored 4 yr old boy. Could boredom be an issue? Rather than reacting and punishing the actions, I would suggest to look to the underlying needs that are fueling the actions. IMO, it's going to be so important to figure out what it is he's feeling and needing so everyone can co-exist in a more peaceful way....I would think that there's gotta be some flexibility taking into consideration that a 4 yo isn't going to have the ability to sit still and "behave" for any stretch of time. Is that happening?

How are they addressing his answering the questions? Do you think he might be frustrated b/c he *knows* the answers but isn't given an opportunity to share or express what he knows? You said he's looking for attention...I think you're probably right on. But is this a negative thing to you/the teachers? He's trying to get the attention to communicate his needs and express himself. I'm sure if he were capable, he'd simply say, Hey, guys, I'd really like to run around and play dinosaurs right now instead of sit and listen to these adults

The challenging part comes in working with the daycare to work with your ds to accomodate and meet his needs as an individual (who sounds extremely bright, full of life and the love of learning!) Best wishes on working through this

[katallen]

Maybe he needs a class that is less structured and provides more opportunities for running around and getting energy out. I don't think that you should be punishing him for his behavior at school, if he is bad at school a time out at home is not going to make a difference unless you come in and he is hitting someone and give it to him then. If the school does time out then they need to put him in time out when he hurts someone, if they don't do time out they probably still do a child centered form of it where they send the child to sit and take a break until he is ready to follow the rules. I would encourage you to tell them that they need to do this consistently.


He sounds like he is looking for limits so make sure you and the teachers have them there. If he talks about pushing friends or not listening to the rules I would suggest expressing strong disapproval but I wouldn't go beyond that. He sounds like he is doing normal kid stuff and a competent teacher should be able to handle it. Some teachers will let you know that your child is acting out like this just so you are aware of what is going on but a good teacher doesn't expect that you will solve the problem since you are not there when this behavior is going on, they just want you to be aware of what is going on in the classroom since it is your kid.

[gaialice]

My almost 6 yo dd is definetely academically more advanced than the rest of her class. Last year, the teacher was not able to handle her. The teacher she has this year, in contrast, has:
- bought a huge colouring book just for her, where she can colour when she is done with the task that the class is supposed to work on (since she takes less time to complete her assignments than other kids do) She loves colouring, and she has a huge task at hand with this book and when she's done colouring it all, then, she can take it home. Also when I get a chance to spend some time in her class, she always shows me the progress she has made with her book. Maybe there is an activity that your son likes and that his teacher could let him engage in when he is done with his work?
- the teacher always involves dd1 in many tasks, cleaning the whiteboard, fetching stuff, whatever...
- one day, she sat dd1 and had a conversation with her about how she felt about her always answering first. She told her she knew it was hard for her, that she knew that dd knew the answers but she was asking her please to give a chance to others. They also decided on a secret sign that the teacher gives my dd to remind her to let the others speak. She often forgets but when the teacher gives her the sign, she lets go. I think in this way the teacher silently acknowledges my dd's answer.
As a result of these very simple steps, the teacher is very happy with dd1, in fact she says dd1 is a resource for her in the class, always available, bright, happy.. sociable. Punishing her behaviour and putting her in time out like the previous teacher did resulted in dd not cooperating, misbehaving, and also becoming progressively isolated by her classmates. Fact is, we do not do punishments at home, and both my kids do not function very well in punitive environments.