my son is wonderful...and i have still have a problem

[boysarecool]

my son attends an amazing private school, which started as a homeschooling coop and now has 50+ children
they have a very gentle approach and the curriculum is VERY arts-based
there are approx 5-6 students in each grade (obviously one class per grade) with one teacher and one assistant in each class
the director and teachers live and breathe this school and care very deeply for each and every child
sounds great? it is
and it's even more valuable in my area where public schools are good but overcrowded (13 classes of 22 per grade!!!) and private schools are super pricey and very rigorous academically
i feel very lucky to have found this school and to have it in our lives

however...
my son is in first grade
this is the 2nd first grade of the school (meaning 2nd grade is currently the highest grade in the school) and i worry that the teachers are in over their head academically
none were elementary school teachers before; outside of one teacher, none of the others are impressive or even comfortable from an academic standpoint and they shy away from academics
honestly, my son does art all day!
i think they make weak decisions--e.g., academic time is late in the day (1:30 p.m. when the kids are tired and full from lunch and i've gotten comments from the teachers that my son is very tired at this time) whereas art, music, pe, etc. happen in the morning before lunch

all this to say, i'm concerned because my son is struggling with reading, writing, handwriting
i mean, really struggling

i do want to say that my son is an amazing, kind child and i believe the school has contributed greatly to the person he has become
i just wish the more 'traditional' studies were emphasized and that the teachers were more competent in this one area (and it pains me to say this as i love them all so much)

full disclosure: my husband and i both excelled academically--it was a very big deal in my upbringing
while i feel like i want more than just academics for my son, it's hard to shake what you were raised with

would you be worried if you were in our position? can i wait and see if he comes around and reading/writing clicks for him in the next couple years? or am i potentially creating a serious problem by not nipping it in the bud now
they think he has no problems--not saying i think he does but i wish i had confidence in them that they could really evaluate them properly

i know we shouldn't compare with other children but our son is definitely behind others in the reading/writing department (ugh...that sounds awful even as i type it)

i know he's really young, i know there should be more to school than academics...trust me, my husband and i have talked about this so many times
and we do realize how lucky we are that are choices are to stay, to enroll in public school or to enroll in a new private school that is very academically driven (we think too much for our taste)

we are just confused and would LOVE to hear what you all have to say
thank you so much for reading this and please respond

[Kim]

In an effort to give you full disclosure I want to tell you that we are planning on homeschooling.

I came across some interesting reading just today by Raymond and Dorothy Moore (http://www.moorefoundation.com/about.html). Dr. Moore did extensive research about cognitive development in children. The site is worth a glance. I'm sure there is a wealth of other studies by others as well. Just thought I'd pass this along as it was timely.

First, don't subject your children to formal, scheduled study before age 8 to 10 or 12, whether they can read or not. To any who differ, as their evidence let them read Better Late Than Early (BLTE) or School Can Wait (SCW).

The Smithsonian Institution's study of twenty world-class geniuses stressed three factors: 1) warm, loving, educationally responsive parents and other adults; 2) scant association outside the family, and 3) a great deal of creative freedom under parental guidance to explore their ideas, drilling as necessary.

[Flor]

Is it a full day program? Sounds like it if lunch is invovled. Does it seem like he gets the most of the program in the morning? Can he somehow participate in this school for what he can get out of it, and be homeschooled for the rest? I also excelled in school. I chose to have ds at a little Montessori school where he would get all that art, science, cooking, sewing fun. Maybe the difference is that at 3 years old, I already see his growing interest and ability in reading and writing and it is nurtured by the school. Because I am not at all worried about him in that realm, I want his schooling to be more arts based. If I was worried about that, I'm not sure I'd be comfortable with the lack of reading/writing/etc.

[mijumom]

If you love the school, I think you should consider yourself lucky and do some research so you can work on certain things at home with your son. The book "Why our children can't read" is a good book with ideas about phonics etc. Also, many progressive schools believe that children come to it when they are ready. I think you should read with him and if he is interested work on writing and phonics in creative and non-pressure ways.

Also, many boys take longer with reading and writing.

Can you talk to the staff about your concern that he be learning at his appropriate level and ask them to perhaps integrate more academics or more opportunities?

[boysarecool]

thanks everyone!

first, thanks for reading my very long post

and thanks for all the replies
it's true--i KNOW we should just relax and it will come to him (and i know this is the attitude of the school)
and he is quite bright and i wish i could be more confident that it will come
i just go through periods where i'll see his writing or he won't recognize a letter and i just can't believe it :

i would like to talk to the school about it and i have during parent/teacher conferences but i don't think my issue is so much that my son isn't reading or writing as i think he should; my issue is more "is the school capable of teaching academics properly?"

but then, flor, i think you're absolutely right, because if he had a propensity, interest or ability with reading/writing (like he does with math, which he is a whiz at), then i probably wouldn't be giving it a 2nd thought

i guess i'm just venting and my only concern is: will i regret just waiting it out if it turns out that he really could have used more help now? or do i trust that no formal education before 8 is the way to go and i'll never regret that? (boy, i'd love to go that route but it's really not me...oh well)

:
thanks for reading

[lauren]

I agree with others and especially mijumom, that the environment you have him is definitely of higher value than the strong academics, especiallly if he is a gentle spirit. I would second the idea of doing your research at home and seeing how you can supplement, even hiring a tutor if needed, once you identify what the issues are. There are also independent testing centers that can help identify IF there is a problem and precisely what that problem is, but I wouldn't think first grade would be the time to invest that kind of money and effort; many kids do not read in first grade and approaches like Waldorf wouldn't even dream of worrying about it at that age.

Another site worth knowing about is Mel Levine's site www.allkindsofminds.com

[margitmama]

Can your son recognize numbers and/or print numbers? If the answer is yes, then don't worry at all, according to a teacher friend of mine. It is the same skill set, and the transfer to letters will happen when he is ready, when the fancy strikes him, or when he is encouraged.
hth~

[mommy68]

Originally Posted by mijumom

Also, many boys take longer with reading and writing.

I disagree. I had so many people tell me this about my two DS and they both started reading with phonics by age 5 1/2. I think it's all about the child. My DD is now 4 and can barely write her name and shows no interest in books when both of her brothers were writing their names (and other words) by age 4 and liked books already and were beginning readers a year later.

The way any child learns depends on the *child* not the sex of the child.

[mijumom]

mommy68- I apologize for the generalization, I prefer to focus on individual children rather than gender as well. Statistically, my statement is true. I think that the point is to give each child the space they need to come to it when they are truly ready. It is typical for boys to struggle more with settling down and focusing on lessons, that doesn't mean that it is a rule or that one should deny what he/she is seeing in his/her own child. I was trying to support the OP and let her know that what she is experiencing with her son is normal and especially common with boys.

[amberbella]

I haven't read the responses, so I appologize if this stuff has already been mentioned.

I do think that you could be doing great harm to your child's academic career by keeping him in a school that doesn't focus on academics in early childhood. I am a teacher and have observed many different school environments and think that at this young age children really need to be getting their basics down. Art and music are wonderful (infact, I'm a music teacher) and they can support academic achievement and are great for students who learn best through art and/or music, but the academics cannot be ignored or allowed to suffer at this stage.

Unless your child has developmental, emotional, focus (adhd) issues at this young age, there is no need for him to be in private school. The real benefit of a school like the one your son is attending is social-emotional. This social-emotional need is most likely to become a problem later in life....(ie Middle School) the little ones who are not autistic, ADHD, or NLD rarely have problems with social-emotional development...particularly if the work is being done at home. It's less likely that you, as parents, will have the necessary skills to teach reading and math to your little one. It's important to have a teacher who knows the inner workings of the little learning brain and all stages of educational development. People who do not have a degree in education probably aren't educated in that any more than you are.

Hope that helps. I plan on enrolling my child in public school until Middle School years when I plan on re-evaluating my child's needs and seeing what kind of school will best help him/her develop best.

That being said, I do know that not all public schools are created equally (I teach at two and would really prefer my child attend one over the other). But I have never seen an private school advantage over a public school one in elementary school. It really comes down to the school. There are some REALLY lousy private schools out there.

ETA: Mel Levine is great, The private school I worked at encorporated it, but if your school isn't using it, it's probably not going to be worthwhile. The idea for Mel Levine is that learning strategies are implemented at school and supported at home.

[mommy68]

Originally Posted by boysarecool

i guess i'm just venting and my only concern is: will i regret just waiting it out if it turns out that he really could have used more help now? or do i trust that no formal education before 8 is the way to go and i'll never regret that? (boy, i'd love to go that route but it's really not me...oh well)

that's the thing, we just don't know. as parents we just have to make what we feel is the best decision at the time.

when I used to homeschool my oldest two DS I constantly wondered year after year if they were where they should be academically and if they were up to par in each course. My oldest always struggled with math and the youngest DS always struggled in science. Once they both started school they did better and always make excellent grades so I'm not sure if it was what I wasn't doing at home with them or if they just weren't ready to excel in those areas yet until they were a bit older and just happened to be in private school at that time. I try not to worry about it and just go with the flow.

You sound very happy with this school. Do they have a PTA/PTO that you can be involved with? Perhaps you could bring it up at a meeting in the future that you feel more academics should be done in the morning and other stuff like PE, recess and art should be afternoon work. That's how it is in my son's private school. They do most of the academic (especially reading and math) in the morning before lunch. After lunch they do recess, PE three days a week, and art/music on alternating days each week. I agree with you on that as I think my children's school does too.

[moms222]

Amberbella,

I couldn't disagree more about parents not being able to teach reading and math to their children. Hsing parents are doing this every day, all year long. Who better than parents to know the "workings of their little brains"? I have an Early Childhood degree, and I don't feel that gives me so much more knowledge than just working with my child. Right now, he's only 3, so we're not really "homeschooling", just living and learning.

I know this isn't a hsing thread, or forum even. That just got my back up b/c my older ds learned to read before he even ended up in his private school. So he didn't need school for that.

To the OP, if your gut is telling you something, listen! I am always glad when I do. Mother's intuition...you know. Just talk to the teachers, get their ideas, find out if they are uncomfortable, or just approach things differently.

Good luck,
moms222

[amberbella]

Originally Posted by moms222

I couldn't disagree more about parents not being able to teach reading and math to their children. Hsing parents are doing this every day, all year long. Who better than parents to know the "workings of their little brains"? I have an Early Childhood degree, and I don't feel that gives me so much more knowledge than just working with my child. Right now, he's only 3, so we're not really "homeschooling", just living and learning.

You're right...this was not a homeschooling thread....and I never mentioned homeschooling in the post that offended you. I was not talking about homeschooling at all....a homeschooler makes it their business to know how to educate their child, but the average parent does not and should not have to if they are paying to send their child to a private school. That is the school's job.

[lisac77]

Originally Posted by amberbella

You're right...this was not a homeschooling thread....and I never mentioned homeschooling in the post that offended you. I was not talking about homeschooling at all....a homeschooler makes it their business to know how to educate their child, but the average parent does not and should not have to if they are paying to send their child to a private school. That is the school's job.

Education of children is primarily the parents' job. The parents lay the foundation for learning from the time the child is born. The home environment is the most important environment for learning, even if the child is in full time school.

My son will be attending school but DH and I both agree that our primary responsibility to him is to help him learn. Education is not a punch clock - it doesn't start when the school bell rings and end when they leave for the day. It is an ongoing process that never stops!