So frustrated - WWYD?

[amydidit]

My DD is 10 and in 6th grade this year. She has always been an A student, started school a year early, promoted from 4th to 6th last year, etc. Reading and spelling have always been her strongest classes. She's having a LOT of problems this year though.

The classes she's in this year are MUCH bigger than she's used to. Her math class has 35 students! She doesn't work well when just left on her own... in her other schools the teachers always had time to really work with her. She doesn't learn things the same way other kids do, and past teachers seem to have understood that. The teachers this year don't. She is spending nearly 2 hours a night on homework, and still not getting it all done. It's not that she has tons of it, but she just isn't *getting* it. Especially the math. Math has always been her weakness, but when given the attention she needs and really has things explained to her she does fine. I've tried helping her at home, but we both learn differently, and I can't seem to figure out how to help her understand.

She was failing in the first quarter, but now she's pulled up to mostly C's (one A in technology, and a B in reading). She's still getting almost a D in math, and a D in language arts, which is where her spelling is. They do spelling tests different this year than she's used to and she's struggling with that. She's used to having a word told to her and having to write it out... she does FABULOUS with that... this year they have to pick out misspelled words on a sheet of paper. She's not doing good at that at all.

We've been able to talk to most of her teachers which is why I think most of her grades are getting better. Her math teacher though just doesn't have the time to work with her one on one. And her language arts teacher we can never get in touch with. We had a parent/teacher conference, and she didn't show for it. We've left messages for her, but never got a call back. Because of our work hours we aren't available during the day to go in a speak with the principal, and they won't schedule meetings outside of school hours.

We're at a loss... I feel like she's falling through the cracks and we can't stop it. Homeschooling isn't an option for many reasons (mainly financial, we both HAVE to work), so neither is a private school. There is another school we could transfer her to, but then she'd have to be home alone in the afternoon for about 3 hours... she's too young for that.

I don't know what to do! I'm so sick of this school (other problems too, things like the lunch staff not communicating with us about her account, etc), but I feel trapped.

WWYD?

[dancingmama]

Well, maybe she shouldn't have skipped 5th grade? Can she go back to 5th now?

[Meg Murry.]

Originally Posted by amydidit

The classes she's in this year are MUCH bigger than she's used to. Her math class has 35 students!

Ummm...that's pretty common.

She doesn't work well when just left on her own... in her other schools the teachers always had time to really work with her. She doesn't learn things the same way other kids do, and past teachers seem to have understood that. The teachers this year don't.

It might not be that they don't understand; it might be that they DO, but can't help with one child of thirty-five, thirty-four of whom might need more help than she does.

She is spending nearly 2 hours a night on homework, and still not getting it all done. It's not that she has tons of it, but she just isn't *getting* it. Especially the math. Math has always been her weakness, but when given the attention she needs and really has things explained to her she does fine. I've tried helping her at home, but we both learn differently, and I can't seem to figure out how to help her understand.

Best choice: Hire a tutor.

this year they have to pick out misspelled words on a sheet of paper. She's not doing good at that at all.

Is she given a word list ahead of time? If so, have her memorize the words, and when the test begins, write them out from memory and then compare them with the misspelled words on the test sheet.

We've been able to talk to most of her teachers which is why I think most of her grades are getting better. Her math teacher though just doesn't have the time to work with her one on one. And her language arts teacher we can never get in touch with. We had a parent/teacher conference, and she didn't show for it. We've left messages for her, but never got a call back.

On that one, I'd call the principal. Document / forward/copy the emails you sent and ask the principal how to solve the problem.

[Meg Murry.]

Originally Posted by dancingmama

Well, maybe she shouldn't have skipped 5th grade? Can she go back to 5th now?

I was wondering that myself. She has an A in a non-core class (technology) and a B in reading, but the other grades suggest that she's inappropriately placed. Without further data, it's hard to say for sure. Why was she skipped in the first place?

[amydidit]

She was skipped because last year she completed both 4th and 5th grade classes with A's in all of them. But she wasn't in big classes, it was individual (except art which had about 10 kids). All the schools she's ever been in before the largest class size was 18. Hiring a tutor isn't possible... we're struggling right now to even buy food or pay our gas bill... and the school doesn't offer tutoring anymore.

She is classified as a gifted child, but this school doesn't have any programs for that... she learns differently, and not well when just left in a huge group. Her science/reading teacher (same woman) has told me that when she takes DD aside and shows her one on one how to do something she picks it up immediately and does great, until she's back in the middle of the group, then she just shuts off.

And no, her school won't let her go back to 5th because last years school sent a transcript showing she completed it... they won't let her double a grade.

We've called the principal, several times. We get calls back during the day (while we're working) telling us to call and talk to her during school hours. We can't do that because of work hours. We can talk to her after we get home, which is at 7pm... obviously that's not an option.

This is her first full year in a Colorado public school. Last year she started fourth grade in a public school and it was even worse. She was so bored because they were doing work she did in 2nd grade. We put her into a SMALL online private school and she did her work MUCH better. Last year I was a SAHM, this year I can't be, so I can't put her back in that.

When she did testing she tested as 8th grade for reading and language arts, 7th for science and social studies, and 6th for math... so she's technically placed right.

This school does have a *math help* class, but it would take the place of technology, and we can't even get anyone at the school to give us more info on it anyway... I would hate to take her out of tech since she's doing so great and loving it.

[TinkerBelle]

Do you work at a job that you cannot take a few minutes, like during lunch, to talk to your child's principal? Or you have no days off you can use at all?

I am not being smart alec. I am genuinely asking, because there has got to be some "give" in this.

[mammastar2]

Hm, the school does seem awfully poor in terms of communication! I know I really appreciate being able to speak to dd's teacher in the evenings as needed.

I think I would look further into the school you could transfer her to, and see if it had a better 'feel.' The lack of support for gifted students, the teacher who doesn't return calls, the lack of interest in dramatically slipped grades, all seem like bad signs. If she transferred, perhaps instead of being home alone in the afternoons she could do an after-school program, or you could arrange for her to go home with a friend?

[amydidit]

Unfortunatley I have already used all my PTO this year will illnesses... and my DH doesn't earn PTO at all. We've both tried calling at our lunchtimes, only to be told the prinicipal is at lunch too. My work is very structured, so I can't take lunch at a different time, and DH only gets about 20 minutes to scarf down food as fast as he can, while still working.

I already know I prefer this other school... it's newer and still has extra programs... except afterschool programs, and we're still new to THIS area, so she doesn't have a friend she could go home with. The school she's at now we have to drive her in every morning (because they're out of our area), but she takes the bus to my MIL in the afternoon. We've already discussed it with my MIL and she won't come all the way over here to get DD... we're about 40 minutes away. I've been looking for outside afterschool programs, but they all cost money, and we would have to transport her.

[Twocoolboys]

You know, I hate to be the one to say this, but, I think I would fight to get her placed back in 5th grade. If you can't get help for her any other way and cannot work out the logistics of getting her to the other school, then I think that is your only option.

Is the 6th grade her first introduction to middle school? With all the social pressures that go along with that, not to mention being a new kid at the school, maybe she would do better in a more elementary setting (that is if 5th grade is elementary where you are).

Maybe 5th grade would have smaller classes. And, maybe the curriculum is more challenging than the on-line 5th grade course she took. It sounds like she is not ready for 6 grade yet, regardless of how she tested. I also am curious who tested her?

And, I would for sure find a way to talk to the prinicipal. Or a guidance counselor. Or you need to write a detailed letter and wait for a response. Somehow, you need to communicate with someone at that school.

[amydidit]

5th grade would be back at the same school she started at last year, with huge classes too... that school is even worse than this one. The work isn't too hard from her here, some of it is stuff she did last year and aced... she just blanks on things unless someone sits and explains it to her in a way she *gets*, then she wizzes through it in minutes. No, 5th grade is not an option, especially here. (just to illustrate my point, last year at the elementary school, the principal and teacher told me they didn't believe DD was gifted, said she needed special ed because she would just zone out in class. Completely disregarded my concern that she was bored because "kids this age don't get bored in school".)

[Ellien C]

I would hope the school would have some options for you. I don't want to harp on it, but I'm actually surprised they skipped her in 5th grade. When DH and I were growing up that sort of thing was inadvised - especially around puberty. If the school has said it's not an option for her to return to 5th grade, and she's now failing certain 6th grade subjects, perhaps the school needs to come up with a solution. As a "learning at school" kinda gal, I think the purpose of school goes beyond academics and into socialization (Yes, I realize there are other ways to socialize children). So even if she is academically above her grade level, she may be socially AT (or perhaps even below) grade level so perhaps she belongs in 5th grade. Perhaps this is an argument the school would understand. Who's idea was it for her to skip a grade? The schools? Or yours? Or something mutual. It really seems like 6th grade isn't working out well for her.

[amydidit]

Last years school administrator is the one that suggested it. I agreed because I knew I would have to put her back in public school this year, and the public elementary school is ridiculously behind what she's been doing. It wasn't a decision I jumped at though.

Socially she's doing better than ever... usually she makes one or two friends total in a school year, and gets depressed and cries about it all... this year she has about 10 friends she talks about and hates to miss school, even when she's honestly sick.

I'm going to try calling the principal again tomorrow... I'd call today since I'm home from work, but I'm home because I have no voice, literally... so phone calls won't really work.

[numom499]

amy...can you call rightnow, instead of posting? its still the school day isn't it. not being snarky. just wondering why you aren't calling right this minute. or, could you email the prinicipal?

[Twocoolboys]

I agree with Eillien. Just because she "aces" everything once she has been taught it, doesn't mean that she should skip a grade. My ds aces everything too, but I would never dream of him skipping a grade, the social reasons being part of it. And being a fast learner does not mean that it is ok to miss out on the building blocks of education that happen year to year.

What do you want to happen for your dd at school? If another school, tutoring, 5th grade, homeschooling, and even talking to the principal are not options, then what are you looking for? I'm not asking to be snarky, I swear - lol! Just asking because maybe it will help you come up with your own solution.

Also, please don't get hung up on the word "gifted". It is a loaded word that comes filled with expectations for a child. If you need to set that label aside to get her the help that she needs, then do it. Maybe she does need special ed if she zones in class all the time. Don't assume it is boredom. Maybe it is something as simple as needing eye glasses or a hearing test. But, don't let her founder in school because of that one word.

[amydidit]

I have no voice right now, so I have no way to talk.

She was being bored in school. They were doing simple addition of large numbers, in fourth grade! Every other school has understood and been able to work with her. When she started 4th grade we still lived in AZ and she was in an AWESOME school, then put her in an advanced 6th grade reading class because she was so far ahead of the other students. She did great. They were teaching more advanced subjects, and she did great, no zoning out or anything. It wasn't until we moved to Colorado that she started doing badly, but the teachers in the schools here appear to not pay much attention to the students... just lecture and write on the board, that's it. I know several people who've pulled their children out of these schools because of it.

I don't know what I'm looking for... different views, I suppose... I'm listening and thinking about everything that's been said. I'm going to try and call the principal again tomorrow, provided I don't have laryngitis anymore... we talked to the counselor before who said she'd talk to DD, but then never did... haven't been able to reach her again either.

I guess I'm just really frustrated because I've never know a school to be so difficult before... they don't even show an interest in working with us... don't return calls, will only talk to us during school hours, etc.

The special ed classes at that school (from what I understand from another parent) are VERY slow, reserved for autistic, Down's syndrome, etc kids. They do little work... not what DD needs at all... she learns differently, not slower... she picks things up MUCH faster than most, but only if it's presented to her in a different way, and not in a huge crowd.

I think I'll talk to my MIL again about coming to get DD after school if we switch her... I don't think she'll budge on it though.