"Child Led Parenting" on Surviving Motherhood tomorrow

[MissSJ]

I generally don't watch a lot of daytime TV and I definately don't like to watch the show Surviving Motherhood but on Monday I turned on the TV and the show was on. It caught my eye when I saw one of the moms bf her toddler, mostly because this is a mainstream show focusing on mainstream mothers (just my opinion). Well I decided I'd try to watch the show this week to catch it when the focus was on the EBF mama. Tomorrow she is going to be the focus and the previews said it was going to be about "child led parenting" which I am wondering if this is the show's label or the mama's label. I thought maybe you mamas might be interested. I am hoping what the show called "child led parenting" is really GD and am interested to see what the "expert" has to say as well as the other moms.

SJ

[NotTheOnlyOne]

thanks for the tip... I'll be watching it.

[kindergirl77]

Originally Posted by momtosimon

thanks for the tip... I'll be watching it.

I will be watching, too. In general that show REALLY upsets me. Last week, one lady said that not circumsizing is dirty and can contribute to cervical cancer in women.

[maya44]

Just a warning that every women's story is presented as a problem. I highly doubt they are going to have good things to say about "child led parenting."

Maybe I'm wrong though. Guess we'll see!

[nova22]

After what I heard about the Dr. Phil spot featuring unschooling, I don't have high hopes for this.

We don't have TV, so I hope someone will watch it and summarize for me. I'm interested to hear what they say.

[AngelBee]

:

[Rico'sAlice]

If I am connecting things right, then the one you're talking about is an MDC mama!
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=458023

[kindergirl77]

Originally Posted by nova22

After what I heard about the Dr. Phil spot featuring unschooling, I don't have high hopes for this.

We don't have TV, so I hope someone will watch it and summarize for me. I'm interested to hear what they say.

Is there a Dr. Phil discussion link?

[an_aurora]

Originally Posted by Rico'sAlice

If I am connecting things right, then the one you're talking about is an MDC mama!
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=458023

Yes, she is!

[maya44]

wow. Saw it. Really the advice given was not so terrible. I mean who can argue with the fact that this mama should not be allowing her child to run into the street or stomp all over food in the grocery.

I wish the expert though had been clear that 1) punishment is not necessary and 2) you don't need to stop AP just because your child is no longer an infant

[PrincessCass]

Originally Posted by maya44

wow. Saw it. Really the advice given was not so terrible. I mean who can argue with the fact that this mama should not be allowing her child to run into the street or stomp all over food in the grocery.

I wish the expert though had been clear that 1) punishment is not necessary and 2) you don't need to stop AP just because your child is no longer an infant

I agree I loved the one finger rule I am totally gonna use that. Also I think they could have given a bit of direction on how to introduce rules and limits without punishment. The use of redirection works well with my daughter but not for my son. For him I have to resort to removing him from the activity or wherever he is misbehaving. I think it really depends on the child and part of Attachment parenting is following the individual childs needs.
That includes the need for discipline.

[an_aurora]

Originally Posted by maya44

wow. Saw it. Really the advice given was not so terrible. I mean who can argue with the fact that this mama should not be allowing her child to run into the street or stomp all over food in the grocery.

Well, see, that's the problem with TV. Check out the link that was posted before, and you'll see that the producers totally set up that scene. Normally the mama would wear her kiddo in the store, but they instead had her let Julia run around the store.

[mommy2julia]

Haha, i TOTALLY just saw this post.. I really didn't know it existed till now, anyway..thats me on the tv..

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by an_aurora

Well, see, that's the problem with TV. Check out the link that was posted before, and you'll see that the producers totally set up that scene. Normally the mama would wear her kiddo in the store, but they instead had her let Julia run around the store.

mommy2julia -- they seriously insisted you let her run around the store, when you normally wear her in the store? That so sucks! It's like they were setting things up to make AP look bad. I wear my toddler in the store, too.

[mommy2julia]

Originally Posted by mammal_mama

mommy2julia -- they seriously insisted you let her run around the store, when you normally wear her in the store? That so sucks! It's like they were setting things up to make AP look bad. I wear my toddler in the store, too.

yes, well ACTUALLY.. she was being good in the cart, she NEVER ever is good in the cart............SO.. they were like let her out, and there were people at every eisle so she could run freely.. it was set up and she thought it was a game.. whatev Oh and i kept trying to tell them that it wasnt the AP that was the problem.. it was how to remain an AP mama, what are the right limits --whatever..they made me look bad. But at least I nursed a 2 yr old on tv!

[mammal_mama]

Wow! So they were letting you know she could run freely, they had it covered ... then they presented it like, "This is how AP kids act in public." How dishonest!

[swampangel]

I saw this episode as well. I thought the grocery store scene seemed a bit unreal.

But what about the street situation? It did seem as though letting a toddler "lead" with no limits or boundaries seems like a safety issue. Personally, I thought the "expert" made some good points. I'm AP but I think it really changes as a child moves from infancy into toddlerhood and into childhood.

I also really liked that the expert really recognized the value of AP parenting for babies - nursing on demand, holding a lot, cosleeping, etc.

[mammal_mama]

Well, if mommy2julia normally carries her toddler in a sling while out -- the street scene wouldn't be any indication of what normally happens with them, would it?

My 2yo runs around freely in our fenced-in yard -- but when we're outside the yard, walking somewhere, I usually still just wear her in the sling. So, if someone told me, "Let her down and lets see what she does -- we've got it covered ... what they'd see would be how she behaves in a totally new and unfamiliar situation, it wouldn't be at all representative of "how attachment parenting works with toddlers."

I'd say AP DOES work with children of all ages. Attachment parents are simply more likely to wear their toddlers out in public until they're better able to understand the WHY of various limits. We prefer to minimize the need for limit-setting during the toddler years, by childproofing and baby-wearing as much as possible.

My oldest is just now turning 7, so I can definitely say attachment-parented children eventually DO listen and understand the need for boundaries. And we have a bond of trust that's lacking in many mainstream families.

[swampangel]

I think of AP as a philosophy, not a list of rules that a parent needs to follow. Some AP mamas can't sling their toddlers (back problems, for examples)...doesn't make them any less of an attached parent.

And more than that, I have met very few toddlers who will tolerate being carried...most of them want to toddle! I think responding to that need and desire is healthy. And that can mean toddlers wanting to run in the street...one doesn't need to say "no" but can easily redirect and distract at this age. I think the expert talked about this, but I can't remember.

Anyway, the street scene (while I understand editing) was an example of where mama and papa didn't agree on where the limits should be. The mother actually talked about it pretty frankly in the discussion, so I don't write everything off to bad editing.

I thought the mother was expressing her desire to know what limits were appropriate for her daughter. She also expressed some exasperation around how things were going.

I guess it didn't seem to me that the show was so bad...she seemed like she needed a little guidance and some suggestions. Just like we all do when we come here!

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by swampangel

I think of AP as a philosophy, not a list of rules that a parent needs to follow. Some AP mamas can't sling their toddlers (back problems, for examples)...doesn't make them any less of an attached parent.

And more than that, I have met very few toddlers who will tolerate being carried...most of them want to toddle! I think responding to that need and desire is healthy.

I totally agree with both these statements. My post was about mommy2julia and her daughter -- who is used to being in the sling while Mommy shops. I just think it's dishonest to try a child out in a totally unfamiliar situation (being loose in the store or on the street when she's used to being carried), and then present her behavior as indicative of how AP works.