am I going to regret

[mammom]

having an only???

Anyone out there

1) have an only but now that too much time as gone by (as in the kids would be too far apart in age to enjoy each other), regretted not having another?

or

2) loved having an only, but decided to try for number two and regretted it?

We're at that point... Until now I've been 99% sure of having an only, but all of a sudden I am afraid that in years to come I'm going to regret not having another. I just ordered Maybe One by Bill McKibben, so maybe that will help calm my fears (haven't had a chance to read it yet...).

[melissel]

Mama, I was an only and am happy, and reasonably well-adjusted I could have used more socialization, but it was the 70s, and my parents were not the type. We know more about that kind of thing these days.

We debated having only one, and I would have been very happy with only one. That's not to say I don't adore my second sweetheart--I do, and can't imagine life without her. But I would have been OK with just one. There are benefits to every family structure, of course. You just need to decide what's most important to you. Honestly, I don't think you'd ever truly regret having another. Only you can decide.

[Jilian]

I am not in your shoes but I did have several "only child" friends in high school. Most of them would have liked to have a sibling. Most of them were lonely growing up and felt left out because they did not have a sibling.

I have just recently gotten preg with baby #2 and my son is older than yours (he'll be 4 in 6 weeks) and I don't feel like too mcuh time has gone by for him to enjoy a sibling. It's never too late! My own sister is 5 years younger than me, and while we were not very close as young children we are best friends now. I couldn't imagine not having her.

[ASusan]

Originally Posted by mammom

having an only???

Anyone out there

1) have an only but now that too much time as gone by (as in the kids would be too far apart in age to enjoy each other), regretted not having another?
...

My sister and I are 9.5 years apart. We very much enjoyed each other as children, and we do now as adults, too.

[Guava~Lush]

I'm an only and I really wish I had siblings. Not just for the company but also I would have liked a sibling to help out my parents as they get older. It all lays on me and can be a bit overwhelming.

I have an only and he is 6. I desperately want another but dh is dead set against. I feel bad for ds since he always talks about wanting brothers and sisters. I dont say anything though.

I feel like no matter how old ds got, if I ever managed to have another, it would be such a blessing.

[onlyzombiecat]

I think it depends on you and your attitude. If you focus the positives of your family you probably won't feel regret with either decision. If you constantly think and worry about how another choice might be better or what isn't there then there likely will be some regrets.

Have another child if you feel you have more to give another child. Have another child because you want another child.
Don't have another child so your first dc won't be "alone". Don't feel pressured to rush to have another child because of your dc's age. Your children do not have to have a certain age gap to love and enjoy each other other.

My only dd will be 7 in March and we are more sure of our decision every year.

[kwren23]

how far apart in age do you consider to be too far apart to enjoy each other?

my two are almost 11 years apart and he loves the baby to bits (and she adores him) he got the benefit of being an only for 10 years and didnt have any of the adjustment issues kids who are closer together can have, and is old enough to be a huge help with the baby (he will play with her while i take a shower and thats HUGE for me lol)

do you want more babies? will you regret not having more than one? because honestly i think its never to late for a kid to enjoy having a sibling (and in my case our huge age gap really made things a lot easier)

[newmommy]

, DS is our Only By choice but I can honestly I don't have any regrets at all.

Speaking from both experiences of being an Only and having Siblings

As an Only Child- Loved it!

At the Age of 9 I inherited 6 brothers and 1 Sister (my mother married a man with 7 kids- I hated it

Plus, DS enjoys being the only child and getting all of the attention. He is very territorial with me and DH. I noticed this when I kept my nieces over night.

[Twocoolboys]

Originally Posted by mammom

1) have an only but now that too much time as gone by (as in the kids would be too far apart in age to enjoy each other), regretted not having another?

.

I think it is such a personal decision, but I wanted to say that my boys are five years apart and they enjoy each other very much! I am only 18 months younger than my sis and we drove each other crazy growing up, so I wanted a little more distance between my kids. I didn't plan on 5 years, but that is the way it worked out and I love it.

[lisac77]

I have a 3.5 year old only child. There is a slight possiblity that we may eventually try for another baby but it wouldn't be for a good couple of years, and due to my fertility issues -- let's just consider it a very, very long shot.

So although I have 4 brothers and sisters that I adore, I'm having to adjust to the idea that my sweet DS won't have that.

However, I don't think that I could regret having such a beautiful child. He really is enough for me, even if he is my one and only !

[lisac77]

Also, I choose to focus on the positives. I have much more time for him, we can afford more for him, childcare is cheaper, our lives are less complicated, traveling is easier... there many positives to an only child for both the child and the parents.

[BelgianSheepDog]

I don't think three is too old to appreciate a younger sibling. I have to admit the idea kind of made me laugh as many of the siblings I have known who appreciated each other were AT LEAST that far apart. My brother and I have always been close and he was born when I was in the middle of first grade.

And by the same token I have known many eldests who resented their younger sibling because they were too close together and the older one felt like they didn't get to properly be a baby.

I'm considering whether or not to have an only also. I feel in a weird way like if I had another kid it would be selfish, something done because I love playing with babies and that would be possibly detrimental to my daughter. As much as I love my brother, it is very true that in many cases the standard of living declines for the oldest with each new sibling. So it's hard to decide.

[Mere]

There is a great article on this very topic in this month's 'Brain, Child' magazine. Check it out!

[darlindeliasmom]

Regrets? Hmmm...
DD and I were talking just this morning about what age I felt comfortable as a kid being "home alone"...like coming home for lunch (yes, I'm old, and yes, lots of kids walked home for lunch in the '60s) when my mom was still out shopping for a few minutes. DD is 9 and she says that would have been really scary for her.
I thought for a minute and said, "well, I was actually HAPPY to be alone because there were 9 people living in my house, and you know how I need to be by myself sometimes..." DD laughed and said, "and then there's ME. I hate to be alone. Good thing I have you and dad...you guys keep me from being alone."
Sometimes I think that it was a mean twist of fate on my extrovert kid that she didn't get a sib. Then I think, hey, instead she got an introvert mom who is willing to meet her halfway...and she's learning every day how we do that. 1 kid or 10 kids, that's our job.

It's a tough place to be, and I think that talking about it and sharing with other people can help you find out what you feel. I wish you peace whatever choice you make. I beat myself up for some time, and then accepted what was (I was 39 when dd was born, and no more miracles came my way!!). We are happy this way, but it IS a journey of acceptance for some.

[mammom]

Thank you all for your input. My feelings seem to change on the subject daily, but today I am feeling comfortable again with having an only. I think my biggest sadness is imagining ds alone in life after dh and I are gone (hopefully many, many years from now!). But you never know what life will bring. I can't focus on what ifs that are hopefully so far in the future - I know it could happen that we die much sooner (in that case we'd better figure out a guardian for him!).

Anyway, I think the thing that is making me feel comfortable with those crazy thoughts is that dh moved across the country and stayed away from his family for almost 20 years after college (we only moved closer to family after ds was born). His friends were his family - he is the youngest of four and is not really very close to any of his siblings. And now he is married (to me!) and has a family of his own. (All of our parents are still living, so even without siblings we still don't know if we would feel alone in the world, but I think having your own family would make things better).

I hope I am making sense - I need to get to bed, but wanted to thank everyone for their input. I am going to check out the Brain, Child article and I also agree with lisac77 - that life is very easy with one - I hope to homeschool, we love to travel, dh is the money-maker so I do almost everything related to raising ds and I don't know if I have the capacity to give any more to another child (I'm sure I would find it if I *had* to). It's a very complicated thing, but I should enjoy the family I have and not worry about the what ifs... DS is such a wonderful little guy and brings joy to my life every single day.

[fostermomcchr]

I am one of seven and married an only child-I don't think all only children are destined to be the typical spoiled rotten, uncompromising kids that is commonly thought-I think it comes down to the way you parent them. I will say that it had been hard being married to an only that was your typical spoiled only child that always got his way and never learned the fine art of comprimising. Also, b/c his parents divorced, when I married my hubby, he was all his mom had, so most of the time it came down to her having to spend holidays w/us or alone, and when she got sick I had nobody to share the load with when it came to helping her, and there was only us when it would eventually come time that she couldn't live alone any longer. I didn't want an only child, but hubby did. I actually wanted 4 children and we compromised on 2 of our own and becoming fosterparents for newborns.