Help! ds2 means ds1 can't go to his tea- WWYD???

[FancyPants]

Sorry for the saga that follows, I am not thinking this through very clearly right now.

My son is in kindergarten. Half days. He loves his teacher and gets on very well in the school. I have not been able to help as much as I would like because ds2 is not a child I can take to school and get anything done. He is much easier lately but at the start of school he was in the throes of the terrible twos.

At the beginning of the school year, it was unclear whether younger siblings would be welcome in the classroom. Apparently they could come with parents who were helping if the younger siblings were not distruptive. Given ds2's age, I opted not to help this way, instead I bring and buy bottled water for the class to drink (old school, crummy water delivery system).

ds1 brought home an invitation to a "tea" in his class. DH cannot go that day and besides he addressed it to me. I planned to bring ds2 for this one occasion.

ds1's teacher called me and asked if I was bringing ds2. I told her yes. Apparently siblings are not invited. The "tea" is not some 30min thing, it is 1.25hr long. I'm guessing she figured out this was going to be a problem from other parents plans?? (I'm not the only one with younger siblings at home). So she said she would try to have a grownup for ds1 (I'm guessing an extra helper)

Anyway, as I talk this over with DH, he thinks that we should keep ds1 home tomorrow. That it is better to not go than to go and be the only one without a parent. As tomorrow is the last day before the 2 week break, ds1 will have forgotten about it by the time school starts (it is possible he will forget and not even notice if we do something fun at home).

I'm new to this area. I don't have ANY family here. The usual people I know who could watch ds2 on the spot are other mothers from this class!!! i.e. they will probably all be going.

I'm thinking that I will call the other parents with young siblings and ask what they are doing but most likely they have grandparents going as the special grownup.


WWYD??

[sharksmum]

Would you feel comfortable asking another mama if their child care provider could look after your ds too? Maybe you could just go for a half an hour or forty five minutes? You certainly didn't get very much time to figure this out, did you!

[muckemom]

I would call the other parents... maybe on of them has a sitter that you guys could both use? Or they may have a suggestion for another sitter...

I hope DS1 gets to go to this thing though, it sounds like fun! And I hope you can go to!!!!

[rabrog]

Since he addressed the invitation to you, this is obviously important to your older DS. I agree with calling other parents to see if you can piggyback on their child care.

Also, if one of the moms has a grandparent going as the "special friend," perhaps you can drop DS2 off with that mom and her babe for an hour of it or something.

I guess I'd stretch to make it happen as it seems important to your son.

Jenn

[GearGirl]

Before not sending him, I would ask him what he wants - to stay home, or have a helper. He is old enough to help with that decision, just tell him you wish you had more help, it isn't ds2's fault, but just the situation with not having any hep yet. Good luck, I hope it works out.

[FancyPants]

Originally Posted by Mom2JandG

Before not sending him, I would ask him what he wants - to stay home, or have a helper. He is old enough to help with that decision, just tell him you wish you had more help, it isn't ds2's fault, but just the situation with not having any hep yet. Good luck, I hope it works out.

He doesn't get to choose if he wants a helper. The teacher has made it very clear - no younger siblings.

I have been calling those parents I know that have younger kids. I only know of 3 (many kids in his class are only or youngest). So far I am not getting anywhere. Truthfully it is a bit hard for me to imagine dumping ds2 off in such an ad hoc situation where I have not met the person already.

[FancyPants]

sorry, the last post is only negative. I did want to thank you all for your replies.

[bobandjess99]

Fancy pants:
I don;t think Jennifer was saying to bring ds2..i think she was saying ask him if he would mind being the only one there wiothout a parent, and haveing the "classroom helper" be there with him instead. In your OP, you said the teacher offerred this as a possible solution.
I happen to agree with this. Ask him if he would rather go to the tea party without you, or stay at home with you.
Unless, I am misunderatanding your OP, and him going without you is simply not an option?

[FancyPants]

Update

One mother is coming here with her 2 yo tomorrow! (I live uber close to the school). So we will see how well behaved ds2 is.

[mammastar2]

Sounds like a good solution!

Schools can be idiotic sometimes about these classroom events, not factoring in things like other siblings and parents' jobs....it does rather set children up to be disappointed, and/or parents to feel inadequate.

[Momma Aimee]

it is a looong shot but do you have any freidn that could go to the tea?

I know you don't have anyone to stay with Dc2 --

but like for us -- there are at least 2 men in DH's office that I think WOULD go and would like to go and the DS would like to have come to a school event -- that i would not ask to baby sit a 2nd child unless it was a medical emergency (not that I don't turst them, I do, but they'd be happier with an older child to inteact with) -- but who I would be fine with inviting to a school thing.

Maybe something like that?????

Otherwise I'd have him stay home.

Or just be bally and go adn take Dc2 -- but only if you think it would not upset DC1. (who cares what ehe teacher says, family is family) unless it would be toooo hard on you.

The teacher has made it very clear - no younger siblings.

IMO -- YOUR choice, not HER'S.......If I was int eh situation and felt that dc2 could handle it, and i chould -- then I'd take dc 2 no matter what a teacher said.

teachers work for US -- we do not work for the teachers.

Aimee

[taz925]

just throwing this out there but why can't DH stay with dc#2?

I feel your pain with the situation. I have missed many things like this because I have two kids and do not do baby sitters and family lives to far to help in this type of situation. Seems set up so you can only help and participate for the last child in school. We have a Holiday party coming up and I wanted to help but as usual the whole sibling thing came up. Teacher does not want younger children (1st grade party and my little one is 4). While I understand the reasoning, it really seems to put us in a tough spot when we do not have someone we can trust handy during the middle of the day. Now that DS#2 is in preschool, I can help when he is there but some things just do not fit into that schedule like the Holiday Party. I asked my DH to stay home that day so I could go to the party. Some things it is not appropriate to bring the younger sib and giving the older sib 1-1 is great when possible. I just do not see how DC#2 would be a problem at the Holiday Party. Now the Tea, I can kind of see it.

[GearGirl]

Is it my post you thought was negative? There was nothing negative in it. I was just saying that because you can't do the best possible thing, which would be go and bring ds2, that maybe you could let your 5 yo choose between a day at home, or the tea without you, and getting help where needed from another parent there. What is negative about that? I'm not asking this to be confrontational, I'm just really curious because I thought I was offering a little help, that maybe involving your son would make the decision easier when you were in a difficult place! I don't think of myself as socially stupid, but I can not imagine what was negative in my post at all. Is it because I suggested asking your 5 year olds opinion? I didn't mean that to be negative, it was just an idea because sometimes when I can't figure out the best thing to do I ask my 6 year old and he helps. I guess I won't offer any more advice.

Oh, and thanks to bobandjess99, I appreciate what you wrote - that is what I was saying!)

[GearGirl]

Originally Posted by FancyPants

He doesn't get to choose if he wants a helper. The teacher has made it very clear - no younger siblings.

I have been calling those parents I know that have younger kids. I only know of 3 (many kids in his class are only or youngest). So far I am not getting anywhere. Truthfully it is a bit hard for me to imagine dumping ds2 off in such an ad hoc situation where I have not met the person already.

Oh, and to further clarify - didn't you post that the teacher said she would find a parent helper? That is what I meant by helper, I wouldn't refer to you as a helper, you are the MOM. I was using the word you used in your post. Please enlighten me, as I feel like you just called me out for absolutely no reason except trying to help, and you asked for help in your post.

[fostermomcchr]

I just wanted to let you know that there may also be other kids there w/out a parent, so keeping him home so he won't be the only one w/out a parent isn't necessary. I go to the kids events whenever possible, and I always have my son partner up with a child that doesn't have a parent w/them so I can be parent to both kids-that way, both kids have fun and the one who's parent had to work, couldn't attend due to sibs, etc wouldn't feel left out. I wouldn't suggest bringing your son if the teacher specifically asked you not to, there are many reasons teachers ask for no siblings, saftey, space-since each child will be bringing a parent, the space issue is a fire safey issue as well, each classroom is limited to a specific number of occupants based on square footage. I have gone to events for a friend's child when she had to work and just couldn't get off work, the child enjoyed it and I had fun too, so ask a friend if they would go for you.

[Flor]

Originally Posted by Mom2JandG

Oh, and to further clarify - didn't you post that the teacher said she would find a parent helper? That is what I meant by helper, I wouldn't refer to you as a helper, you are the MOM. I was using the word you used in your post. Please enlighten me, as I feel like you just called me out for absolutely no reason except trying to help, and you asked for help in your post.

I thought she meant her own previous post was negative (like she was shooting down all the suggestions) and she was apologizing for that!

I would 1. talk to the principal (no childcare offered and no children allowed??? What?) 2. Show up with the child or 3. find another person or mom to play outside with your child while you are inside (if a mom, switch off). I wouldn't leave my ds with a babysitter I hadn't met, but I would bring someone along to play outside.

As a teacher, I have never asked for no sibs. You just plan for it. Like, maybe having the tea in the library or cafeteria rather than the classroom.

[taz925]

Jennifer - I also took that negative comment to be her saying that about herself.

Flor - Good for you for being sensitive to the younger sibling issue. Wish all teachers were more aware and willing to work around the issue. How did you come to be so understanding? I want to say something to my childs teacher at the Holiday Party (in a non-confrontational way) to get her to understand how her rule about no sibs makes it hard to participate in the parties in the classroom.

[FancyPants]

Originally Posted by Mom2JandG

Is it my post you thought was negative? There was nothing negative in it. I was just saying that because you can't do the best possible thing, which would be go and bring ds2, that maybe you could let your 5 yo choose between a day at home, or the tea without you, and getting help where needed from another parent there. What is negative about that? I'm not asking this to be confrontational, I'm just really curious because I thought I was offering a little help, that maybe involving your son would make the decision easier when you were in a difficult place! I don't think of myself as socially stupid, but I can not imagine what was negative in my post at all. Is it because I suggested asking your 5 year olds opinion? I didn't mean that to be negative, it was just an idea because sometimes when I can't figure out the best thing to do I ask my 6 year old and he helps. I guess I won't offer any more advice.

Oh, and thanks to bobandjess99, I appreciate what you wrote - that is what I was saying!)

No no. I meant that I was being negative - shooting down all suggestions. In the first post I did not thank you for your advice. I probably should have just edited it instead of reposting.
I misunderstood and thought by "helper" you meant bringing my 3year old.

To clarify:
THANK YOU THANK YOU for your advice and effort in posting.

[FancyPants]

Originally Posted by Flor

As a teacher, I have never asked for no sibs. You just plan for it. Like, maybe having the tea in the library or cafeteria rather than the classroom.

Flor. Can you come teach in my son's school?

[FancyPants]

Originally Posted by fostermomcchr

I just wanted to let you know that there may also be other kids there w/out a parent, so keeping him home so he won't be the only one w/out a parent isn't necessary. I go to the kids events whenever possible, and I always have my son partner up with a child that doesn't have a parent w/them so I can be parent to both kids-that way, both kids have fun and the one who's parent had to work, couldn't attend due to sibs, etc wouldn't feel left out. I wouldn't suggest bringing your son if the teacher specifically asked you not to, there are many reasons teachers ask for no siblings, saftey, space-since each child will be bringing a parent, the space issue is a fire safey issue as well, each classroom is limited to a specific number of occupants based on square footage. I have gone to events for a friend's child when she had to work and just couldn't get off work, the child enjoyed it and I had fun too, so ask a friend if they would go for you.

You are so awesome to do that!
Most of the kindergartens offered here are full day. This is the only half day kindergarten and so all of the parents choosing it have one parent at home during that time or working from home or part-time so usually all parents do show up for these type of days.

I get the idea of making the child feel special by having the attention on him/her only. And also maybe making parents make the effort to be there for their kid.
However, her rule truly inconvenienced a lot of other parents. One woman was wearing her 1.5 yo on her back the whole time (so she could be there) and this woman was much more petite than me.