I am SOOOO sad about this. I was at a LLL (!!!) meeting tonight, talking with a mom who I thought I had kind of "clicked" with, and I mentioned that I had joined an AP group in a town an hour away because I was desperate to talk with others about things like discipline. . . and she said "Oh, would you be interested in a copy of . . ." and my ds started yelling for me so I went and took care of him and came back and asked her to repeat herself. She said "Child Training (or something) by so and so Pearl." Now I try not to be an abrasive person and I try to be accepting, but I was so shocked, and kind of angry too, and I very seriously said "Absolutely not". She looked kind of surprised and I said "Aren't those the people who advocate using PVC piping to spank your children?" and she said "Well, I know they say to use a switch". And I said "Children have been killed because people follow their advice" and she said "Yeah, I guess if you take it too far, but I don't think it's okay to spank when you're angry". I tried to explain what I do instead of punishing (figure out the need, address the need, teach so ds will know what to do the next time the situation arises) and she aggreed and said that her parents did that but spanked them first (obviously missing the part that I said about not needing to punish). She said spanking is Biblical, I brought up the whole "God doesn't punish us anymore because Jesus paid for all of our sins and that applies to children too" and she said something about how we need to live in fear and reverence of God and should have those same feelings towards our parents, and I said that love and fear are opposite feelings and you have to decide how you want your children to feel towards you, and then another mom came in and said she wants her ds to fear her sometimes like when they're in the parking lot and he's trying to run away and she has to get his attention so she spanks him. . . and then ds started yelling for me again and I just couldn't go back. Granted, it doesn't look good for my method of discipline when ds is yelling for me and running around kinda crazy with the other kids -but the meeting is at 6:30, normal bedtime is 7, and there were lots of cookies tonight, things we rarely have at home, so add together a tired kid, plus sugar, high fructose corn syrup, some red dye- actually I think he managed himself quite well!
Thankfully the mom who suggested the book only has a 5 month old, so maybe there is a chance to change her mind somewhat. I had been talking with the leader about doing a meeting where we talk about discipline and she put it on the schedule for an upcoming month, but now I'm really worried about how it will go. I know the leader used to spank her now teenagers, and I already feel like I'm the only person in this town that doesn't spank (which is why I joined the AP group). I have been talking a lot with a parent educator in town and she thankfully is against spanking and more along the lines of gentle discipline, although I think she does teach to use timeouts and rewards and the like. I wonder if she could be a guest speaker at that meeting. . . I just don't feel like I know enough, like I'm secure enough in my own gentle parenting (I still yell WAY too much and will move ds roughly at times, although I AM getting much better at that) to be an example and argue the gd way.
I guess it also upsets me that I had no idea this mom could feel that way, I kinda thought she might be a kindred spirit but I was so wrong. I left the meeting feeling that my heart hurt, I actually understand that phrase now
Thanks for listening. I thought out of anyone, you guys would understand.
) and it sounds like maybe you gave her something to think about.
: -- such a huge disconnect that I am usually too befuddled to even respond. So I think you did a great job.
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Great responses though - you should be very proud of yourself!
). After he saw that he kept asking why she did it and I told him because her dd wasn't listening and some grownups just don't know how to help their children listen better so they hit them instead. He kept obsessing over it, got a bad cough that just *happened* to start the next time we saw them- it finally occurred to me that he was afraid his teacher was going to spank him when he didn't listen (which happens frequently in class 
