when grandparents label

[sally Z]

My dd is a strong willed child and likes to be in control so often she tries to organise proceding telling people where to sit and what to do. My mom calls her bossy boots and i was horrified to walk in to her teaching dd to say 'Hi Bumpa ( grandpa) my nam is Bossy boots" my dad was returning from and overseas trip and this is what my mom was teaching ehr to say when he got back! I was so upset, she was only just 2 at that point and does not totally understand but she will soon enough. I remember being labeled in my childhood and i hated it.

I did tell her to stop and that i did not like it but it was with our people there and they were all laughing and i could not make too much of a scene but my heart was breaking for dd. ( i overheard dd saying to herself later in week 'i Bossy Boots- my heart tore in 2)

when my mom said it again later in the week i had a real go at her and look bewildered like what am i making such a fuss about she is only teasing her!

i want to protect her from labels, i had a long talk to my dad when we went for a walk together but my mom is a harder nut to crack

[peacelovingmama]

Aw, that made me sad. Your daughter sounds like a leader personality and, so far as I know, ALL (ok, maybe most) 2-y-o's are bossy! I'm with you in that I don't like labels -- especially ones with negativity underlying them. I would definitely press the issue with your mom. Maybe you could help your mom see DD's behavior in a positive light -- she is a born leader, she takes charge, she is outgoing, she forms definite ideas and preferences, etc.

Edited to add: Not assuming your mom is guilty of this, but I do hate to see assertive girls labeled "bossy" whereas boys with that quality are "leaders" or "strong."

[nova22]

My ILs are infamous labelers. When my son gets something he wants, he's instantly "spoiled." DS is a bad eater. DD is a good eater. DS is a spaz. DD is a whiner. *sigh*

When I'm actually there to hear the label, I instantly divert it. "No, she's not Bossy Boots, she's a good leader."

With my kids:
DS is a bad eater --> DS knows what he likes and what he doesn't like.
DD is a good eater --> DD enjoys trying new things.
DS is a spaz --> DS has a lot of energy and likes to be active.
DD is a whiner --> DD is having a hard time telling us what she needs, and needs help.

ILs are getting it, slowly. My son especially seems to be really disturbed by conflict, so I try not to bring up my issues with my ILs while the kids are around, hence the redirection technique.