separation anxiety/abandonment??

[blairinargentina]

we are going to visit our families for a few weeks over the holidays. and we (dh and i) NEED some time together, here and there, without the little one. for our sanity and our relationship! but i am worried about leaving dd alone... its the whole babysitter anxiety issue i guess. i totally trust my folks, who have raised lots of kids! but i am worried about dd... do babies feel that they have been abandoned when mom and dad are not around? is it separation anxiety? or am i projecting all of this on her because i am worried that she won't forgive me?

i just have this picture of her screaming the whole time (a few hrs really) and thinking we have abandoned her it tears me up thinking about it!

how do you deal with this? any suggestions or insight is greatly appreciated!!

[SummerTwilight]

I have NO insight on this although I would like to hear what others have to say because I feel the EXACT same way and that includes when I leave her with Dh. I am SOOOO stressed the whole time I am away (never been more than 4 hours when I am at work but typically no more than 2 hours a week), think only of her and worry that she cries the whole time and is distrustful of me for not being there when she cries.:

[JenMidwife]

I've read that most babies get "stranger anxiety" where they're fearful of strangers even if they're familiar w/ them (child care, etc) around 8 months.

Right now, Erin goes readily to anyone, but always has giant grins for me, her dad & my mom when we come to her (I know she recognizes us). She cries just as much for any of us... no favorites here!

Dh is SO GREAT w/ her, I never worry about leaving her w/ him.

I must say that I'd be very fearful of leaving her in childcare or w/ a teenage baby sitter. When Erin cries unconsollably, I can totally understand how some babies get shaken too hard & fear it might happen to her

[fostermomcchr]

I wouldn't worry about the baby, go out and enjoy some couple time-you really need to make sure your family is about you two as a couple as well as parents, so you need to be just the two of you some times. The baby will be just fine, and you can always call and check on her if you need to, but I really think it is important that you take time from being parents and be a couple even if it is just a quiet dinner alone-it is soooooo important for the intimacy that a marriage needs-otherwise, if you are only parents, not a couple-imagine where you will be 18 yrs from now when she goes to college! Go out and have fun!

[taradt]

I tried when my DD was a baby and it was so stressful I didn't enjoy myself (DD was fine though). So DH and I worked on other ways to be a couple without having to leave. We make an effort to have just us time every evening and that has been working for us. When DD was about 3 we would leave after she went to bed (my FIL was here) and have dates then.

With DS I haven't left him, we are a package deal for the next little while

Can you try a short walk with your DH to see how both you and your DD do apart before the big date

tara

[veganf]

Originally Posted by taradt

With DS I haven't left him, we are a package deal for the next little while

That's how I think of it too. Until he's eating food, I just have an extra appendage!
I've left to go shopping right after he's nursed and sleeping, but never more than 2 hours maximum and that's only when leaving him with his dada who he loves to be with luckily.