Help me explain GD to everyone

[Strong Mama]

Easily. I do not discipline my son in the conventional way. heck, do i even discipline him? i dont know I tell him not to do certain things and he listens. He pretty much listens to me, and really doesnt do much to ME that is a problem. Maybe I am too laid back. I try to explain to people that I dont spank, dont use time outs, etc..and when they ask what DO i use, i try really, i do, to explain GD but it comes out weird. Any ideas?

[hubris]

Well, for starters, it might help to realize (or explain to others) that "discipline" isn't an act you do to a child, it's a way of living. It's not just something you whip out when undesirable behavior happens, it's a set of habits that help you to move through your daily life, in easy times and harder ones.

Now, with regards to GD, my general feeling is that GD is about realizing that my child is a person with valid thoughts, feelings, desires, etc. My goal (not that I always achieve it) is to live in a way that is beneficial and agreeable to everybody in our family, to include all the members in decision-making. In general, it's about being respectful of each other. People who respect each other don't speak or act in a way that belittles, threatens, hurts, etc.

[DevaMajka]

Tell them that at best, punishment makes kids behave for self centered reasons, and you'd really prefer to raise a child who cares about how his actions affect others, and isn't just concerned with the consequences to himself.
Oh, that and that GD is just the right thing to do

[mamaduck]

This doesn't answer the question, but you may want to avoid over-explaining, defending or justifying your decisions to anyone! You don't owe anyone a rational.

[DevaMajka]

I was just thinking, perhaps you could find a short article online, and get a good idea from that? Something that would encompass how you feel about gd, and that would convey that in a short easy to remember phrase. I personally love www.naturalchild.com

Parents wanting to help their children grow to be loving and responsible adults can do no better than to remember the Parenting Golden Rule: "Treat your child as you would like to be treated if you were in the same position."

from http://www.naturalchild.com/jan_hunt/goldenrule.html

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by Deva33mommy

Tell them that at best, punishment makes kids behave for self centered reasons, and you'd really prefer to raise a child who cares about how his actions affect others, and isn't just concerned with the consequences to himself.
Oh, that and that GD is just the right thing to do

I think that really says it in a nutshell, and I also agree with mamaduck that it's a good idea to avoid over-explaining. It's (often, but not always) kind of like casting your pearls before swine. Unless the person asking is genuinely interested and open to considering a whole new way of looking at things, they're not likely to even listen: they're more likely to just label you as totally permissive, regardless of what you say. Don't want to be pessimistic, that's just my experience.