Sibling Competition

[JayGee]

My 5 yo and my 2 yo are in constant competition over EVERYTHING! And it's driving me nuts! Some examples:

My pile of laundry is higher than yours! :
I have more ornaments on my Christmas tree drawing!
I got to the car first!
I'm going to beat you at ______!

It's perpetual. And I can't stand it. How can I make it stop????

[Sisyphus]

I dunno... my 6 and 3 yo still do it. Ugh. I just ignore it for the most part now, assume it's a phase, and as long as it's not hurting anyone, I let it slide... bigger fish to fry, choose my battles and all that stuff.

[newmainer]

My kids are only 3.5 and 7m, but things are heating up (well, mostly for the older one) already. I just finished _Siblings w/o Rivalry_ and it's *great*. Definitely a keeper. While the things she puts forth are fairly straightforward, i can see how it would take constant vigilance to keep them in practice. Some of the things don't apply to my situation yet bc of their ages, but the things i have done have made an improvement. For example, i always acknowlege what i think is going on with my older one. If she is freaking out over ds coming for her blocks, i'll say, " wow, dd, looks like you really dont' want ds touching your blocks." and she'll say something like, "yeah, they're mine!" and maybe a bit more. and then depending on the situation, i'll either just scoop ds up and take him away for a bit, or i'll ask her how she thinks we can solve the problem. ususally she comes up with another toy, or i try and suggest giving him 1 or 2 blocks. its different each time, but it addresses her frustration.

i am sure it is much more difficult w/ older children, but the book does a great job of giving examples. its an easy read- illustrations and stuff. written by the same folks who wrote, _learning to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk_

sorry if you've already read this and its redundant!

[P-chan]

Another tip from Siblings Without Rivalry (if I recall correctly) is for kids to race against the clock. So instead of "who is ready to go first," it's "can both of you get ready to leave in 2 minutes?" There's still a race aspect, if that's what motivates your kids, but it also invites cooperation.

[LauraLoo]

Yet another tip from Siblings Without Rivalry......
The book talks about the harm you can do with labels -- "She's the smart one." "He's the athletic one." "She's the baby." All of these labels can keep the others from really trying in certain areas -- For example, the self-talk that goes into "If I'm not the smart one, maybe it's better that I don't even try to get good grades since I'll never be as smart as my sister." Sometimes parents think by spreading out the types of labels makes everyone feel like they have a place in the family, but it can cause a lot of self-doubt for the children. Lots of examples on this. I didn't even realize that calling my dd "the baby" was a not so great thing for my ds or my dd for that matter.

Parents words and actions can be very powerful for a child's self-esteem. Of all the parenting books that I've read, this by far is the best one.

[Liz]

I have an only child and found "Siblings without Rivalry" fascinating for the insights into my relationship with my brother. This is as much of a self help book as it is a parenting book. Really good.

[PumpkinSeeds]

I'm starting to think competition is a 5yo thing. All the five year olds I've known (or know) are like this. I have a 5yo now and all he talks about is who finished breakfast first, who runs faster, etc.

Mostly I just ignore it.