Help! My dd won't stop playing w/ my ds bits and pieces!

[tuansprincess]

(nak) ok, this may sound funny, but it isn't and I'm really at my wits end as to how respond and teach my dd in this situation. We do EC w/ my 2mos son (and did w/ my dd as well) so my ds is almost always nakey bum. If I set him down and look away for just a few sec even, my 22mos dd will start grabbing and pulling on his bits and pieces. I find myself wanting to hit her most when she does this! : How can I let her know that this is unacceptable to do. Telling her seriously and calmly (ok, and sometimes yelling hysterically) that it hurts him, that it isn't her's etc just isn't working. I'm doing my best to keep this from happening in the first place, but how do I handle it once it's been done? Thanks so much!

[mamatoady]

honestly, if your dd is having a problem keeping her hands to herself, then either separation or a cloth diaper is warranted. It;s not fair tp allow your 2mo ds to be pulled, poked, and prodded while she learns. this is HIS BODY and it's not funny...it needs to be taken care of.

sarah

[chfriend]

Your dd might be feeling like it isn't much fun having her home invaded by some tweak who stole her parents. She may not be expressed her dissatisfaction with directly, but rather by "bugging" the baby. Can you figure out some time for regular one on one time with her? Can you keep the baby in a sling out of the way? Can you put underpants on the baby? Can you sling her around a bit so she gets to be a baby too?

[tuansprincess]

Originally Posted by mamatoady

honestly, if your dd is having a problem keeping her hands to herself, then either separation or a cloth diaper is warranted. It;s not fair tp allow your 2mo ds to be pulled, poked, and prodded while she learns. this is HIS BODY and it's not funny...it needs to be taken care of.

sarah

Perhaps I am reading more into your post than is there. I have a history of sexual abuse and what it sounds like to me is that you feel that I am allowing my dd to sexually abuse my ds. Or perhaps that I am aproaching this laxidasically and am not that concerned. I AM concerned else I wouldn't have posted asking for advise. I did NOT say that I thought it was funny. I cannot sling my ds 24/7 nor can I forcefully keep my dd from him. I am doing what I can to pre-empt the problem and specifically asked for suggestions following the problem. Thank you for the time that you put into your reply, but no thank you to the guilt and accusation within it.

[littlemizflava]

Some PEOPLE dont have this problem have not seen how boys and girls are curious about the oppiset sex because they are DIFFERENT then them nothing more!!! dont worry you are not alone HUG

ok my dd is older 4 and when i had my ds the same thing happened after asking her why she is just soo intrested in them because they are different the EC'ing dont help none cause i do it to and they are there in the open to be seen more the diapers help it dont hamper ecing if it is cloth my ds is 2 months and is in diapers with no problems but since ur dd is younger try telling her that it is his body and when she pulls it it hurts him ... have u dont the girls have virgina's and boys have penises?? (i dont teach cute names all things are just another part of the body) she should be old enough to grasp this

[famousmockngbrd]

Is she actually hurting him? Or just curious? The only reason I ask is because if she isn't pulling hard enough to cause pain, I wouldn't say she's hurting him. I'd explain to her about how the baby is a person and he has a right to his own body. I'd also tell her about private areas of the body, etc. Then I'd show her how to gently stroke the baby's arm, etc. Underpants are probably a good idea too.

My DD is 18 mos. and she likes to pull on DS's penis sometimes, for her it's more of an exploratory thing. (He's 4.) We tell her that is not for her to touch, and we tell DS the same thing. If she can't be dissuaded, DS puts on some pants.

[georgia]

I did NOT say that I thought it was funny

I think the miscommunication may have occurred when you prefaced your question by saying it may sound funny and then with the use of the word hysterically and the smilie. I read it as if you meant hysterically like, AAAAAAH!!! rather than hahaha.

IME, the older child of a different gender is really interested in what's going on with the baby, body part-wise. Something that worked as a distraction w/my middle ds and my youngest was to give him a particular body part he *could* touch. Pulling penises hurts you can touch ears. Soft ears---so tiny! Or fingers---since babies love to do that reflexive grasp thing, maybe she might enjoy holding his hand?

My two yr. old likes to pull her 4 yr. old brothers penis when he runs around without pants on. Which is a lot. It's amazing how many times she's done this, and he gets upset, yet he still runs around like a target. Sigh. They do eventually get it.

Have you asked in the EC subforum? I wonder if moms haven't had to deal with this before and have garment suggestions or otherwise....

[mamatoady]

sorry you interpreted my post as an accusation of guilt. I was also sexually abused, which is probably why I take something like this (baby prodding/poking)seriously. What it sounded like to me from your post is that ECing your ds diaperless was more important thanputting a diaper on him to keep dd's hands off for the time being. It sounds like it's a serious enough issue for you to post.

frankly, with a dd that young, if they are THAT persistant in doing something (whatever the behavior is), then telling them over and over to NOT do it clearly isn't going to work. So, like I said, either separating them (which to me wouldn't be an option) or putting a diaper on him for a while (dd will probably forget about that behavior and in a couple weeks you could undiaper him and be fine.


so...sorry you were offended. this was my advice. Even rereading my original post, it is rediculous to me that you would insinuate that I said your dd was abusing your son. Innocent as she is though, it's obviously not something that should be allowed to happen over and over (and again, not blaming you, just making an obvious statement....if there's something that can be done, it should be done--you seemed out of options, mine was to put a diaper on the baby.

ps...good luck ECing, it's a lot of work and I commend you for taking on the task.

peace,
sarah

[Lynnseedoil]

I am EC'ing as well. An easy alternative to nakey that we've used because our house is coooold is training pants--the waffle fabric padded underwear used for toddlers. They're thin enough that you know right away when there's been a pee, but they'll keep all his bits and pieces contained. I also find them very easy to pull on and off. I find them easier to use than CD and they're cheaper too!

[Max'sMama]

We don't EC, but we cloth and spend lots of nakey time in our house (even though it IS chilly :brrrr) When dd was born and ds was very interested in her 'stuff' I would just tell him and that that area was her private area and we do not touch it. Then I would send him off on an 'errand'. I really never needed anything, but I would find something for him to get to bring to the baby to distract him.

This allowed him to still have something to do with the baby, but didn't involve touching her privates.

I think it's helpful to remember that they are seeing/touching these areas with totally different mentality than adults. Just very basic curiousity.

Another thing we did was clarify who has what parts, that seemed to satisfy his curiousity too.

[zeldamomma]

My oldest 2 have about the same difference in ages as your 2-- I found the first 6 months or so very very difficult. ((Hugs))

Anyhow, my advice would be to keep his "stuff" covered till your dd moves on. I would guess that if you could 100% prevent it from happening for a week, (especially if you celebrate Christmas or Hanukah and she'll be getting new toys during that week) she'll forget her fascination.

But until she moves on, your choices are either immediate, calm punishment (a 30 second timeout in the same room you're in) or physically preventing her from doing it (if she pulls a blanket off him, perhaps you could only put him down in the bottom of a pack'n'play where she can't reach?) I expect to get slammed for suggesting punishment, but I think this is serious enough to warrant some kind of exceptional response. I know 22 month olds aren't sexual, and therefore this isn't sexual abuse, but it is abusive, and it has to stop.

ZM

[Isamama]

Originally Posted by zeldamomma

I know 22 month olds aren't sexual, and therefore this isn't sexual abuse, but it is abusive, and it has to stop.

ZM

22 month-olds are not abusive. Abuse has intent (for what ever reason) behind it. I don't believe a 22 m/o has the intent to abuse. As this is normal behavior for a 22 m/o (it may be undesirable behavior, one may not like it, one may not be comfortable with it, but it is normal), it seems that it should be handled "normally."

I don't have any new suggestions for the OP. I like the putting on training pants/underwear for a time and the distract advice already given. It seems as though distraction after being told the desirable behavior is an appropriate response for this age. My daughter is 22 months. I can tell her something is dangerous, for example, until I am blue in the face and she will continue with said behavior (even though she has shown the capability to "obey" in the past) until I finally get it that I need to change the situation (ie, distract her with something else or remove her from the situation). It is not to say that I don't get extremely frustrated with her or even angry at times (more than I want, for sure)--I just find that constructive distraction really works when I remember to use it. By the way I am not implying that the OP dosen't "get it"--just sharing my own experience.

Wishing you peace and conveying my understanding that this is a difficult situation for you. Please let us know what works for you as I am sure many are in your situation or will be in it soon.