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My daughter stole my savings and was taking out my wages for a year!! - Page 2

post #21 of 99
[QUOTE=Thorey;6771975] Get some balls- QUOTE] That was uncalled for :
post #22 of 99
It sounds to me like she is either on drugs or bi-polar. Have you talked to her yet? What does she have to say? How long has it been? How old is she?
post #23 of 99
Please do not allow one wayward girl to ruin your future! Maybe dfacs could take her off your hands. Not quite the police, but it might be her last chance to show some redeeming qualities.
post #24 of 99
sorry but i too think you need to get the authorities involved. she dose not sound like she'd make any sort of amends.
post #25 of 99
The way I see it you have 2 choices get the police involved or just forget about it. You are out your savings and your daughter has gotten away with it. Is that really what you want to happen? To send her the message that no matter what she does she will get away with it? I am truly sorry you are going thru this but you have to do what is right for your daughter she needs help. Or the rest of your and her life is going to be like this.
post #26 of 99
Quote:
Originally Posted by brenlo3 View Post
My daughter took out a second ATM card for my account (without me knowing) and wiped out my life savings, took out my salary , leaving just enough to cover my cheques , racked up my credit card to capacity, and took out a major creditcard and racked it up, crashed her grandfathers new car and stole items from my sister and nephew and sold them including a video camara. I'm a single mother and have given my life to her, never went out , worked and lived for her, taught her to be a good person and I just can't beleive this has happened.

I'm numb, I can't feel, I'm destroyed and violated and torn!!She left to live on her own (now I know I was paying for that), and fought with her friend and needed to come back home (this is after I found all of this out)., now she's here and if I ask her any questions she says "I feel like I'm being interrogated." She is not sorry , isn't paying me back and doesn't feel remorseful. I feel like I can't trust her and don't ask her anything because I know she will tell me a lie.

She is cutting herself and I think it's her way of scaring me and controlling me. (if I punish her for her actions she'll hurt herself.)

I don't know what to do to make her take responsibility for what she has done to me. I have nothing, I saved for 15 years and now I have nothing!!
I feel heart broken someone I love so much could do this to me.

Please tell me what I need to do ? I can't see the forest through the trees and I'm scared she'll hurt herself!!

Sincerely, brenlo3's sister

brenlo3 told me about you mamas and suggested I post here.:
I am so sorry you are going through this. I used to work on an adolescents psychiatric unit as a Registered Nurse. There were many kids who did these kinds of things. Maybe you can get her a psych eval and some therapy? It makes be think of borderline personality disorder. (of course, as a nurse I can not diagnose, and a diagnosis can't be made from that little bit of info, but others I have cared for did similar things and had that diagnosis.)

If/when she cuts herself again, you can have her admitted easily if she is under 18. It would be harder if she is over 18, but still possible. Sometimes being in a psych unit gives teens/young adults a good scare and they straighten up. They get a mandatory drug screen on admission, so you would know if drugs were to play or not. That probably isn't something too popular to say here, so if you would like to talk about it, feel free to pm me.

Gooey
post #27 of 99
I so understand.... your daughter is crying for help and you don't want to throw her to the wolves ... and you are so hurt you don't have the strength to think clearly or even go on. Can you go see a counselor? To help you get through your pain and disappointment? And they could also help you to strategize a plan on how best to handle your dd.
post #28 of 99
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post #29 of 99
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cherie2 View Post
I so understand.... your daughter is crying for help and you don't want to throw her to the wolves ... and you are so hurt you don't have the strength to think clearly or even go on. Can you go see a counselor? To help you get through your pain and disappointment? And they could also help you to strategize a plan on how best to handle your dd.
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post #30 of 99
Quote:
Originally Posted by lotusdebi View Post
Do they actually have enough room in the remaining psych hospitals for teens who cut themselves? I know where I live, it has become increasingly difficult to get anyone admitted without a judge's orders, except for the few with tons of money and/or incredibly good insurance. I'm not opposed to putting people in psych hospitals when they absolutely need it (which I'm not sure is the case here, though I agree it sounds like borderline personality disorder), but I rarely bother suggesting it since it can be hard to accomplish, and even more difficult to get them to keep the individual for as long as needed (72 hours - 2 weeks is rarely enough time for effective help.)
I have an acquaintance who was hospitalized for SI (big stuff, though -- taking a Dremel tool to her leg, passing out from blood loss, etc)
post #31 of 99
Nobody behaves like this just randomly. If I were the parent in this case, I'd really want to know WHY she's doing this stuff. Drugs? Evil boyfriend influencing her thinking? Major mental illness? If I had some idea of why she was behaving so terribly I'd have a better idea of what to do about it.
post #32 of 99
I couldn't not read this and not say anything...I agree with the general feeling here....Someone else needs to step in and help out..whether it's police, djfs or a psych evaluation.

I had a friend in high school (too many years ago) who did the same thing to her father (single dad) and it wasn't until she did it to another family memeber that he did what really needed to be done...

I am sooo sorry you have to go through this....

On a side note about the mail...for $1, sometimes free depending on the town, you can go to your local post office and apply for a mailbox. Yeah, it can be a pain to go to the post office to get your mail but it sounds like it would be worth it here. You can have just your bills and statements sent there for banks and credit cards....that way they are somewhere safe and have the rest continued to be sent to the house such as phone, cable and such...

HUGS...and prayers
post #33 of 99
okay I have to use myself as an example. I was molested by my step dad for 7 yrs. I tried to kill my baby brother when I was 12 Bad I know. I hated my mom and use to think of ways to kill her too I beat my dog, hated that dog When I was 15 and got kicked out I went and lived with my dads cousins, I started smoking, smoking pot, drinking. I stole from them, lied to them, stole from my friends, got my ass kicked several times for that. Lied about having an abortion. When they finally kicked me out I went to foster care, I was talking about suicide with my foster brother and he thought I was joking, till I asked him to come and stab me in my sleep, that night i wrote a suicide note and taped it on my bed, I really thought he would come and stab me(glad he didn't) He went and told our foster parents and I was hauled up to the psycho ward, spent 2 weeks in there, then it finally came out what happened to me, that's when everything started to get better. Not saying this is what is happening to her, but the more I read these posts the more I realize maybe the police is not the best idea and a counselor would be better.
post #34 of 99
I would call the police even if not to press charges about the theft but because calling the police will help her chances of getting into a psych hospital for a bit. Call because she is hurting herself and you can not stop her from causing self harm and you are worried she will do something drastic. This should get the police to take her for at leats a 24 hour hold and then she could be transferred to a longer term facility.

Good luck.
post #35 of 99
I'm really sorry you are going thru this...but if you don't do ANYTHING about the situation (whether you decide to call the police or seek psych. eval), then in a way you are sending the signal to your DD that what she is doing i OK. Treating a member of the family with anything than upmost respect is absolutely not tolerated.
post #36 of 99
Quote:
Originally Posted by lotusdebi View Post
Do they actually have enough room in the remaining psych hospitals for teens who cut themselves? I know where I live, it has become increasingly difficult to get anyone admitted without a judge's orders, except for the few with tons of money and/or incredibly good insurance. I'm not opposed to putting people in psych hospitals when they absolutely need it (which I'm not sure is the case here, though I agree it sounds like borderline personality disorder), but I rarely bother suggesting it since it can be hard to accomplish, and even more difficult to get them to keep the individual for as long as needed (72 hours - 2 weeks is rarely enough time for effective help.)
In NEPA there are two hospitals that admit teens. About 95% of the kids are on medical assistance. Hardly anyone has insurance through their parents employment. Anyone who can not contract for safety (tell someone they are having thoughts of harming themselves or others or suicidal ideation) is easily admitted. Parents can have children admitted for cutting if there are fresh wounds, the kids don't have to agree to the admission. Kids can be admitted for hurting others/animals. Some are admitted for really bogus reasons (parents need a break from child and have no one else to turn to), too.

The facility that I worked in, the average admit time was 10 days for teens, and about 14 days for children. But some were in as few as 3 days, while we had others in for over 3 months. (the ones that were in for a long time were b/c we had trouble placing them, parents didn't want them, already kicked out of group homes, foster families refusing them, etc.) There are also two places in NEPA for the long term/more permanent child/adolescent psych patients.

I guess it really depends on the area in which you live if you can get inpatient services. I guess I shouldn't have assumed that. Sorry!
post #37 of 99
Thread Starter 
Well, I'm brenlo3 and my sister read the first 11 posts and didn't seemed very convinced there was a solution that she could do. So, I'm just going to fill in some blanks.

My niece is 21 yrs. old, her "friend" who moved in turned out to be her girlfriend, so now my sister is dealing with learning that her daughter was lying about that too.

So, they moved out together and the girlfriend was apparently abusive and would hit her etc.. Well, my niece did all this stealing during the time her girlfriend livid in the house.

My sister is overwhelmed and definately in distress and denial, I beleive this is a double edged sword for my sister because her daughter is all she has.

She was a devoted mother and her daughter was a great kid. I just came back home myself so I'm living in the house too. They didn't tell me all this until 1 week ago and I have my own feelings which are exactly like the rest of yours.

My dad , whos house we live in, says; your all your daughter has , and what would she do or where would she go if she couldn't come here. So, I think my sister is so confused. My niece is in College and works part time. My sister said , sheis paying the creditcard back but thats all.
post #38 of 99
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post #39 of 99
OK, she's 21? That's a whole 'nother ball game as far as I'm concerned, and a lot of this may have something to do with her being gay--she hates herself for being gay, so that's why she cuts, or maybe she stole because she was being abused, etc. Either way, she needs some serious therapy. And she just won herself no keys to anything. If she wants to rob Grandpa blind, that's his choice. But as her mom, I'd be locking everything up.
post #40 of 99
I'm not the best mom on earth, I struggle with gentle discipline, but I have to say, no child of mine would be living under my roof after doing all that and showing no remorse, no payback, no caring. It just wouldn't happen. If my child did those things and wanted to fix things, then sure, by all means, I'd do whatever I could to help, but lying, stealing, cutting herself, driving recklessly? She's a danger to herself and everyone around her. She's a bad influence on other kids and she's going to end up killing someone or herself. You are DOING HER A FAVOR by getting the authorities involved. If no one will take her, then call the police and press charges and tell them she's mentally unbalanced. While she's in jail, she can get the help she needs.
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