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Sonja's Birth

post #1 of 9
Thread Starter 
I had planned to pop her out at work and finish my shift! Well that is what people were joking about anyway because I was working so much & so hard durring my pregnancy!

I had actually planned an unasisted homebirth. I had the number of supposedly the best midwife in town just incase I felt I needed one. There was a fire department less than a block away just incase anything went wrong. And the hospital was pretty close to my apartment. I had all my bases covered!
I went into labor at work, finished my shift (I was bartending at the time) and sat at the bar with everyone until the contractions were strong enough to make me want to drive home and create a sacred space. Well my friend who worked with me ended up coming over so I called my mom and one of my brothers to come over also. I had a great painless labor. I really enjoyed the whole thing. I walked laps around my apartment and towards the end I got in the tub. It was getting really strong then and I knew I was close.

The only thing that turned my perfect magical homebirth into a disaster ending in an emergency c-section was the fact that my friend was there and she was freaking out the whole time because she had all her kids in the hospital all drugged up. She didn't understand my choice at all. So once the contractions got stronger she went behind my back and got my mom to call the fire department. I found out and FREAKED. How dare they do that to me. I ran out of my apartment down the stairs and told them I would go find a ditch to have my baby in somewhere safe. They promised to call them off after they saw I was serious. So durring that 1/2 hour my labor stopped completely. Nature is so smart like that. After I settled back down and came back inside, my labor seemed to pick up right where it left off. This was very close to the time I decided to get in the tub. I didn't stay in it long because it was too uncomportable to sit still. I felt like squatting anyway. While I was in the tub they talked me into calling the midwife and I could tell by the fear that the fire station or worse would have been called again at this point so I agreed. I figured it would be less stress for me if my friend and now scared family would have the midwife present so they could relax and let me get on with it. In my head I thought she would stay in the other room unless I called for help. How wrong I was.. The midwife was there in minutes and proceeded to poke and prod inside me, which I am totally against. She took away all my power. She believed she knew what I needed to do instead of listening to my own body and natures wisdom. She announced that I was dialated to 9 centimeters and that I had to start pushing so I would fully dialate. Between her and everyone else not leaving me the hell alone I felt powerless to resist even though I did NOT feel ready to push. I don't believe pushing is even nessasary at all unless you feel the urge to. Many babies are born without pushing. Pushing can cause tearing. I knew and she confirmed that my baby was breech and was coming out butt first. She made me push and push for awhile and finally she informed me that the heartrate was dropping and she called for an ambulance. Well DUH you can't force something out thats not ready. She wasn't done positioning herself. Stupid midwife. So I ended up on a doctors table with bright lights shinning in my face as they injected whatever poison into my spine to numb me. They sliced me open and I got to see a glimpse of my baby as they rushed her past me to the nursery as I passed out from the drugs. As I woke over 6 hours later all I remembered was them saying it's a girl. I tried my best to remember what she even looked like. For all I knew they could bring me back the wrong baby and I would never know. I kept demanding that she be brought to me and it took hours for them to respond. I was furious. I found out she had been given artificial cows milk formula and a vaccine- both are deeply against my beliefs, all without my permission. I was devestated. Thank goodness she took right to my breast after I was finally allowed to see her. I quickly took off the stupid blanket they had 'swaddled' her with (read: confined) then I took all the stupid little clothes and mittens off her so she could have human touch against her skin. Durring my recovery, which was the most pain i'd ever been in my entire life BTW, they kept trying to take her away from me and leave her in the nursery. I kept resisting but they forced her away to do all sorts of testing and then I had to fight for hours to get her back again. A really rough nasty nurse changed her infront of me 'to show me how' and it was all I could do not to knock her out. That woman should not have a job around children, she was so rough I almost cried. They tried to take her away so I could sleep but how the hell could I sleep without her against me?! So needless to say I slept in 15 minute incraments whenever they left my room. Soon as they came in and tried to take her away my eyes shot open and I resisted. I didn't sleep for the whole 3 days we were there. They also tried to keep us there until I named her, which I wouldn't. I was not about to pick any name off the top of my head just so I could get out of there. These people were insane. They threatened me for hours before finally letting me go. I ended up naming her on New Years after that, when I woke up the name was just stuck in my head.
post #2 of 9
post #3 of 9
I was going to call that a whirlwind, but I think it sounds more like a tornado of events

It sounds like things really went out of control fast

Sonja is going on 4 now? (btw--Happy almost-Birthday Sonja!)
Did you have many follow-up issues after her birth?

Thank you for sharing your story
post #4 of 9
I'm so sorry you and your little one went through all of that, and it was so needless. Thank you for sharing your story mama.
post #5 of 9
I'm so sorry that happend to you mama...What a nightmare!
post #6 of 9
Thread Starter 
Thanks for understanding.. most people just tend to say well you have a healthy baby & that's what matters! The PPD was pretty intense and I KNOW I wouldn't have had that if I were not interFEARed with. I am still having problems now 4 years later in accepting what happened. With her birthday coming up I want to celebrate and remember what was supposed to be a very special day for not just her birth but also for me as a woman. I feel really ripped off and angry and I can't seem to get past these feelings. I am very angry about what the hospital just routeinly does with babies without even asking!!! That should not be legal!

Unreal thanks for the birthday wishes! What to you mean by follow up issues? The only issue I noticed with her is that she would not be in any confined place without freaking out like I was killing her. I think because I was forcing her to get stuck being born she is now very affected by small spaces. Forget the carseat- I couldn't drive more then 5 minutes for the first year or she would start screaming & coughing & choking from the fear. It was a nightmare.
post #7 of 9
So sorry for the loss of your ideal birth! Having had an emergency cesarean, my heart goes out to you.

Congratulations, however, on your new daughter!
post #8 of 9
I'm sorry for the loss of your birth. Sounds like such a nightmare. It's not at all surprising you had ppd afterwards. Thank you for sharing. Aren't 4 yr olds great?!
post #9 of 9
I mostly meant ppd and separation issues...sounds like you had both pretty bad

I hear ya on the anger I wish I could knock so many OBs heads together. How can they not get how much damage they are doing???

I hope you both had a great day yesterday. It is amazing how fast the years go by.

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