Dh wants to put dd on formula

[mum2be]

I need some advice here. Please understand that the only reason we are thinking about formula is because of health issues.

Dd is intolerant to almost everything. I can only eat 8 foods, 4 of which are vegetables, the others being rice, potatoes, organic chicken and quinoa. She is 3 months old and is super sensitive.

I have been on this restricted diet for over 2 months (although it seems like years) and am losing weight very quickly, feel incredibly unhealthy, can't take vitamins or supplements (she reacts to them), am extremely sleep deprived and constantly starving. I dream at night of food! I've been on a wheat/soy/gluten/dairy/yeast-free diet for 6 months now because when I was pregnant with her I was tested for food sensitivities and a TON of stuff came back, with no prior problems before. We assumed it was my dd that was making me intolerant, and we were right.

I have many health issues now and can't take anything for them. I came down with a horrible flu/cold/ear infection a few weeks ago (I still have the cold...) and couldn't take a thing because dd might react. I thought I was going to die, literally. My immune system is shot because I can't eat anything, etc.

Whenever I eat something that is not in my "okay diet" dd reacts by screaming in pain for hours on end. I feel so incredibly HORRIBLE because I did it! It then takes her a few days to recover as well, which means an EXTREMELY high needs baby, clinging to me every second, can't put her down, won't sleep, is super fussy, etc. I've given up trying to introduce new foods, because I can't deal with the reaction.

I'm barely getting 1,000 calories a day. There is just no way I can. I am starting to get so sick of the food I eat daily, that I take a bite and gag. I was starving yesterday and went to fix a snack, but it sat on the counter all afternoon because I just couldn't stand to eat it. That scares me.

However, I LOVE nursing dd. I just feel this bond with her because of it. We are super close...probably a little too much, but that's another story. We tried to introduce a bottle of EBM, but she wouldn't take it. She screamed and screamed until I came over and latched her on. Poor girl

I feel like giving her formula is somehow damaging her mentally and physically. There's no doubt that she would be on one of those super expensive, Rx only formulas. How awful they must taste! I don't want her to feel like I'm abandoning her somehow.

So as you can tell, I'm so hesitant about the formula thing and feel just horrible about it. Dh is having such a hard time. He is super depressed and says he can't stand watching me deteriorate and keep losing weight. Plus, our daughter is still experiencing something that's making her uncomfortable and it's really taking a toll on everyone. I feel like I can't win.

I know breast is best. I know that it sets her up with immunities that will last a life time. But why is it that my breast milk seems to be poison to her?

What would you do in my situation? (Just so you know, we are seeing an osteopath, a naturopath, a kinesiologist, an NAET specialist, and a special GI doctor to try to figure this whole thing out...nothing seems to be working.)

[Ravin]

How creative have you gotten in thinking up new combinations of those foods? Have you tried things you don't eat regularly (like, say starfruit, sheep's butter, tapioca, or venison, as random examples) to see if those might be tolerated? What about seasonings?

Your DD's issues aren't going to go away with formula. Even if she tried it, there's a good chance she wouldn't like it. There are a billion people in the world who have less variety available to eat than you do on a daily basis. It sounds like there's enough there that IF you eat, you and your DD would be fine. I can understand getting sick of the same fare day in, day out. But you're giving your DD the best, and it's likely she'll grow out of many of her intolerances. Keep working with your doctors, maybe come up with a rotating diet? Go to the Good Eating board and ask for recipe brainstorming using your food list. Make sure you're getting all the nutrients you can out of what you're eating, esp. fat (eat the chicken skins, make chicken bone broths, etc.)

And hang in there, mama.

[RiverSky]

If YOU can't even eat dairy, how will your baby digest formula? And if your baby can handle soy, then you should be able to, now, too, and might be able to add it to your diet (though I won't even eat soy...you might not come to the same conclusion with research).

Could you add a nutritionist to your repertoire, to try to find more foods that you could eat? Perhaps you just haven't thought of some foods, because they aren't normally what you would eat?

What a tough situation. I feel for you. But I think that starting your baby on formula will be even worse. I'm guessing it's not even an option, because your baby will take one bottle (if she will...) and vomit and poop it right out.

Good luck on finding the best solution possible!

[Mama Dragon]

The ingredients in formula will likely cause a reaction if she is that sensitive, even special formulas. I'm going to go out on a limb and wonder if she's deficient in something, or has a problem with her intestines that? Is she vaxed?

[Momtwice]

I agree that even specialty formulas have ingredients she may not be able to tolerate.

And I feel your frustration, I have multiple allergies of my own.

You mention the NAET acupuncture treatment which is helpful to many people with food sensitivities. It is a commitment to several treatments. NAET takes time. Does your gut tell you it's not right, or are you frustrated with the long process of it? Two different situations.

Have you considered talking to a nutritionist or allergist for help with your diet?

[Momtwice]

PS have you considered a La Leche League meeting or calling a leader? My group had some allergic moms/babies and was a great source of support.

[twinsarefun]

Have you read the book "The Happiest Baby on the Block" by Dr. Harp? It is wonderful. It talks about the first three months being the second trimester. Babies go through this fussy time after being in the womb. Usually by the fourth month, things get better. Is your babies fussisness really a food sensitivity? Is there something else that could be going on here? Does the baby have a rash on her face, diaper area, etc... That is usually a sign of food allergy. If this is not going on, there could be something else that is going on. Breastmilk is the best thing you could do for your child. Formula usually causes food sensitivities more than anything. Diary and soy are the most common allergens. I would eat LOTS of what you CAN eat. Do you have an infant swing? Does that help to comfort your baby? How about swaddling your baby? I know it is terrible going through these times. I friend of mine went through it for a whole year with her first baby. She breastfed her baby. Her other children never went through it. She has five children. The only thing she did different with her first is that she vaccinated her daughter. Are you vaccinating yours? Could that be an issue here? I hope that you get to the bottom of what the issue here. I really don't think that breastfeeding is what is the problem. Let us know how you are doing. I wish you well with all of this. I send a prayer for a happy healthy baby and mom too!

P.S. I am also supposedly allergic to a lot of things. I was tested by a Dr. who knows a lot of alternative medicine. I am allergic to wheat, dairy, lettuce, sugar, corn, chocolate, etc... I had to do a four months cleansing diet and then I could reintroduce the foods as long as I didn't have a reaction such as fatique, etc... I had my kids tested and they were the same. I did the diet, felt great, and lost weight, but now am back to all of the same things. I eat the milk, wheat, etc... Sometimes my nose runs when I eat too much of a thing I am supposed to be allergic to. With my kids, I never put them directly on cow's milk when they started drinking milk. I gave them goat's milk. Can you drink goat's milk, goat cheese, etc... The health food has some great alternative foods. My kids never had any reactions, but I just wanted to take precautionary measures with them. I looked at your baby's picture. She is adorable. She looks very healthy to me. Another friend of mine's baby had a lot of allergy issues. His face was all covered with a rash. I don't see that on your baby at all? How did the doctor determine the sensitivity? Sometimes ND doctor's are down on dairy and some of the foods you mentioned regardless of sensitivities. Your baby is gaining good right? Is baby's stools okay? Hopefully you will find the right person who will know what is going on. In studies, it has been shown that formula fed babies have a higher incident of SIDS, ADHD (due to high magnanese levels), and respitory illnesses. You are really doing good with your little one. I know the stress is hard though. Just keep telling yourself that this time will pass. These little ones are so tiny for only a short time.

[SleepyMamaBear]

i agree with PP, any specialty RX formula is going to have stuff in it she wont be able to tolerate.
also i have to agree with PP, are you sure its an allergy/intolerance? if so you should see rashes on her face, sometimes trunk, and often diaper area, if not, then she could just be a fussy baby.
we swaddled DD till she was 4 months old. she needed it. she needed the closeness, the womblike tight swaddle, and she needed to be in a sling while swaddled.
the first three months are HARD. but even more so with a fussy baby.
i agree with pp, have you gone outside the realm of what you would normally eat, try exotic foods maybe? see if there is a reaction to those.
i dont suggest it at such a young age normally, but have you teken her to an allergist?
also, are you doing Chiropractic work for both you and her? it could help ALOT. i know quite a few babies that have gone from REALLY clingy fussy babies to sweet calm "normal" babies after some cranial sacral therapy.

aside from the advice (and its not much, just a bunch of "yeah that"s) i can offer you a big fat e-hug its hard having a fussy high needs baby.
YOU need to be eating more for your own health. i know its hard to stomache.
can you do some fruit smoothies?
anything to get extra calories into your body rght now. 1000 cals is NOT healthy for any grown woman, especially not a nursing mother.

[mum2be]

Originally Posted by Ravin

How creative have you gotten in thinking up new combinations of those foods? Have you tried things you don't eat regularly (like, say starfruit, sheep's butter, tapioca, or venison, as random examples) to see if those might be tolerated? What about seasonings?

yup, the only combination is chicken soup made from boiling a chicken, with rice and carrots.

I've tried all sorts of things I have never eaten, including sheeps yogurt and cheese.

Seasongings are out except for one spice.

Thanks for the suggestions!

[mum2be]

Originally Posted by RiverSky

If YOU can't even eat dairy, how will your baby digest formula? And if your baby can handle soy, then you should be able to, now, too, and might be able to add it to your diet (though I won't even eat soy...you might not come to the same conclusion with research).

Could you add a nutritionist to your repertoire, to try to find more foods that you could eat? Perhaps you just haven't thought of some foods, because they aren't normally what you would eat?

Thanks for the input. I can eat dairy and soy fine. It's dd who's sensitive. I haven't tried dairy since she's been born. I was a vegan before, so I didn't do dairy anyway. I've tried 1 tsp. of soy butter and the next day dd had a bad bum rash. It was even oozing...Also, there are formulas out there that don't include dairy or soy.

We work with the kinesiologist to find new foods. She's literally gone to the health food store and "tested" ever food there and there wasn't much

[p1gg1e]

Have you tried coconut stuff? you can add the milk into things and that will add fat to your diet? How about avocado's? Salmon? olive oil?

its such a trail and error thing allergies. I hope you find something that works. I agree though with PP to help her not be so allergic in the long run formula isnt going to fix anything. I would try to find some sort of fat you can add.

[mum2be]

Originally Posted by twinsarefun

Have you read the book "The Happiest Baby on the Block" by Dr. Harp? It is wonderful. It talks about the first three months being the second trimester. Babies go through this fussy time after being in the womb. Usually by the fourth month, things get better. Is your babies fussisness really a food sensitivity? Is there something else that could be going on here? Does the baby have a rash on her face, diaper area, etc... That is usually a sign of food allergy. If this is not going on, there could be something else that is going on. Breastmilk is the best thing you could do for your child. Formula usually causes food sensitivities more than anything. Diary and soy are the most common allergens. I would eat LOTS of what you CAN eat. Do you have an infant swing? Does that help to comfort your baby? How about swaddling your baby? I know it is terrible going through these times. I friend of mine went through it for a whole year with her first baby. She breastfed her baby. Her other children never went through it. She has five children. The only thing she did different with her first is that she vaccinated her daughter. Are you vaccinating yours? Could that be an issue here? I hope that you get to the bottom of what the issue here. I really don't think that breastfeeding is what is the problem. Let us know how you are doing. I wish you well with all of this. I send a prayer for a happy healthy baby and mom too!

P.S. I am also supposedly allergic to a lot of things. I was tested by a Dr. who knows a lot of alternative medicine. I am allergic to wheat, dairy, lettuce, sugar, corn, chocolate, etc... I had to do a four months cleansing diet and then I could reintroduce the foods as long as I didn't have a reaction such as fatique, etc... I had my kids tested and they were the same. I did the diet, felt great, and lost weight, but now am back to all of the same things. I eat the milk, wheat, etc... Sometimes my nose runs when I eat too much of a thing I am supposed to be allergic to. With my kids, I never put them directly on cow's milk when they started drinking milk. I gave them goat's milk. Can you drink goat's milk, goat cheese, etc... The health food has some great alternative foods. My kids never had any reactions, but I just wanted to take precautionary measures with them. I looked at your baby's picture. She is adorable. She looks very healthy to me. Another friend of mine's baby had a lot of allergy issues. His face was all covered with a rash. I don't see that on your baby at all? How did the doctor determine the sensitivity? Sometimes ND doctor's are down on dairy and some of the foods you mentioned regardless of sensitivities. Your baby is gaining good right? Is baby's stools okay? Hopefully you will find the right person who will know what is going on. In studies, it has been shown that formula fed babies have a higher incident of SIDS, ADHD (due to high magnanese levels), and respitory illnesses. You are really doing good with your little one. I know the stress is hard though. Just keep telling yourself that this time will pass. These little ones are so tiny for only a short time.

Thanks for your reply.

I've read the book and watched the DVD. Dd HATES being swaddled...we've tried it so many times from day 1 and she just screams and screams. She actually doesn't like the sling because of the same reason...she can't move around. She is so incredibly alert and needs to be moving all the time. She likes to be facing out to see everything, so I might try a Bjorn to see if she will tolerate that.

As far as reactions, she screams in pain for hours and hours after I eat something I "shouldn't." I mean screams. And nothing helps her. She won't nurse either. It's horrible. It also seems like it takes a couple days for her to get it out of her system too because she is still SUPER fussy and crys like she's uncomfortable
She has bad cradle cap, mucousy poops (unless I stay on the diet), and when I actually ate 1 tsp. of soy butter, she got a rash on her bum that was all oozy. It cleared up within 2 days though because I didn't eat anymore of the offending food.

She's reacted to fruits (apples, oranges, etc.), vegetables, legumes, even TURKEY! I'm serious. I'm not making this up and I introduce a new food every once in a while just to see if I could add it to my diet...it's always a fruit or veggie, or something like rice milk (she has a hard time with processed foods for some reason), but keep the rest of my diet the same so I will know exactly WHAT it is that bothers her. She always ends up screaming in pain. I don't get it.

Does that make any sense?

[mum2be]

Just to clarify...she is NOT vaxed. Her doctor wouldn't even think of it because of her sensitivities.

[Sneezykids]

Hi, I was on a very restricted diet with my ds. Actually my dd too but not as restricted as ds. I feel your pain. I know exactly how it feels, like you are going crazy. I lost a ton of weight too, was a size 4!

Have you tried lamb? It's very gentle. I know you said you were vegan but for health's sake you are going to have to eat meat. When I was on this diet I ate alot of lamb chops fried in olive oil. Yum. If you can eat carrots you can stir fry them up too.

Can you eat rice cakes?

I bf ds until he was 2.5 years old. In hindsight, it was probably the most challenging thing I've ever done. But, he's five now and has outgrown many of his allergies. He still has alot, but I think he's still better for having bf than going the RX formula road.

I was a member of POFAK at that time, lots of moms like you on there. It's a yahoo support group (parents of food allergic kids)

The Parents Guide to Food Allergies is a good book too, has alot of recipes w/o the common top 8 allergic foods.

Hang in there mum

[gr160]

Originally Posted by mum2be

Thanks for the input. I can eat dairy and soy fine. It's dd who's sensitive. I haven't tried dairy since she's been born. I was a vegan before, so I didn't do dairy anyway. I've tried 1 tsp. of soy butter and the next day dd had a bad bum rash. It was even oozing...Also, there are formulas out there that don't include dairy or soy.

We work with the kinesiologist to find new foods. She's literally gone to the health food store and "tested" ever food there and there wasn't much

I think what she means is if your daughter reacts so strongly when *you* eat dairy or soy, how will she handle dairy or soy formula? She can't tolerate the small amount that comes through in the breastmilk so how will she react if she's getting it directly from a bottle?

I can understand that your husband is concerned about your health and it must be wearing on you. But just remind yourself about why you're doing it and in the long run it is a short time. I nursed my oldest daughter 3+ years and now that she's been weaned almost a year it seems like it was such a short time!

My only advice is try to get your dh to think about it logically. How on earth will she be able to tolerate formula? Maybe your doctor can reason with him? Maybe you can show your husband that you appreciate his concern for you (it is sweet, really ) but keep his attention on the fact that this is neccessary FOR THE TIME BEING, and it's not such a long time after all.

Hang in there!

[gr160]

Originally Posted by mum2be

Just to clarify...she is NOT vaxed. Her doctor wouldn't even think of it because of her sensitivities.

Gotta congratulate you on that doctor! It sounds like he's putting your daughter's needs as an individual first.

[jbmill2]

I am a vegetarian going through an elimination diet for my 4 mo old. We have been doing it for a month, prior to which he was super colicky (hours and hours of screaming) and developed terrible eczema. He too is incredibly high needs. I have only a slightly wider array than you. You are totally not alone in this. Formula really won't help, even expensive ones. It is quite a sacrifice for you, just know that your baby will be more likely to outgrow food allergies if breastfed. You will feel worse later if there are food allergies (sorry I'm nak), and you didn't do everything in your power that has been shown to reduce them (breastfeed). You can do it, this is a short time in your life that will impact your child forever. How are you getting fats? Are you able to have coconut or olive oils? They will greatly expand your cooking possibilities and will make things taste a vit better. coconut and olive tend to be lower allrgy. Overall you need to force yourself to eat a lot. quite frankly 1000 calories is not enough, and you will damage your supply. Also- my son is doing much bettersince our naturopath and pedi both suggested he be on probiotics. It really has made a world of difference. Recent studies (don't have them onhand) have shown probiotics to lessen eczema and later allergies in kids going down the allergic march. you can do this.

[HannahsMomma]

Everyone here has really good advice. I just wanted to send you a

[sedalbj]

Did you try posting in the allergies forum? Or even the Nutrition and Good Eating or NT? Is it possible it is more of a digestive problem w/ DD than allergies (or both)? Have you tried probiotics (for yourself), a non-dairy kefir, kombucha, etc? It may help your DD thru your milk? I don't think I can imagine what you are going thru right now, and your DH must feel so helpless to watch you loose weight and your DD scream when you eat the wrong food. Hang in there.

[wednesday]

Originally Posted by jbmill2

Formula really won't help, even expensive ones. It is quite a sacrifice for you, just know that your baby will be more likely to outgrow food allergies if breastfed. You will feel worse later if there are food allergies (sorry I'm nak), and you didn't do everything in your power that has been shown to reduce them (breastfeed). You can do it, this is a short time in your life that will impact your child forever.

I have to agree with this. I know a woman who went through something very similar with her son, and gave up on BF-ing. They went through every formula on the market, meanwhile her son became FTT, developed severe asthma and allergies, and screamed practically 24 hours a day for his entire first year. At age 8 he's about the size of a 5-year-old, and still suffers from severe asthma. He will suffer all his life from the damage done (and still being done) to his gut. Formula is not the answer here. It certainly didn't make life any easier for his parents during his infancy.