What can I DO??

[Trac]

Every day we struggle with this, several times a day lately! I've reached the end of my rope! DS (5 y.o.) keeps doing such annoying things to me, such as spitting on me, licking my arms, putting his hands (that I'm reasonably sure haven't been washed recently) over my mouth, etc. I talk to him until I'm blue in the face about what it is to respect someone's request to "stop," and he knows the deal...treat others how you would like to be treated. I always try to model respect for him and his requests. No matter how many times I repeat myself that "I don't like what you're doing to me...I need you to stop, please." He just keeps laughing about it and doing it again and again. So I think to myself...OK, he just needs me to play with him and if I could play into it a bit, maybe we could let it go and do something else less aggravating. So I say, what a nice puppy you are, or some such thing, and that just causes immediate escalation and things get right out of hand! So much so that someone usually ends up with their eye poked out or something(me)! Now I might be a little extra sensitive about being attacked due to the treatment I received as a kid at the hands of my older sisters, but there must be something I can do! I have to confess that as it escalates, I have a tendancy to blow and there's some yelling, especially when there's PMS involved. If he would just stop after one of the 10 or 12 nice requests, I'm sure we would make out fine (not that he's responsible for my issues). I need some suggestions for other tactics! DS is a very extraverted child and I know that he needs to "play with" alot, and as he is still so far an only, I do my best to accommodate, but I do have chores I need to take care of sometimes. I have never found him to be easily re-directed. DH works away from home for 3 weeks at a time, so most of the time there's no one to...um...mediate? Help?

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

If he is doing something to you physically and you don't like it, how is it he can reach you a second time? Seriously, if some adult were hitting you and you didn't want to hit back, what would you do? If somene were hitting your child, what would you want him to do? MOVE AWAY!!!! No one can make you sit and endure something you don't like, especially not a 5 YO someone. Say stop, yes. But then move out of range. From there, you can explain that you don't like something, and then find a different activity he can do. If possible, make that activity something that can honor his needs at the time.

Do you know why he is doing these things? Ask him. If he can't tell you, try some different alternatives. Best guess is that it gets your attention and a reaction. So give him some undivided attention some time when he isn't doing this. And if he seems to need the sensory imput, plan some highly tactile play activities.

But model the way you want him to respond to annoying peers and move away before you do anything else.

[Trac]

Obviously, I do move away. My son has legs and can also move. I have at times locked myself in the bathroom in order to move away, at which time he nearly bashes the door in. I cannot drive away, I don't have a room with an indestructible door...where would you suggest I go? If the "attack" stopped when I moved out of range, then we wouldn't have an issue.

I have considered that he needs my undivided attention, which he receives when he asks. He doesn't need to swing from the chandeliers in order to receive my attention. We spend our day playing together, doing projects together, helping each other with different things. I have tried to keep track of the times when he starts this to see if there's any correlation with how busy with other things I've been. Sometimes it's quite clear that yes, I have spent a lot of my time today with "my" stuff, but sometimes, like today it seems like we played all day!

It just occurred to me that maybe it's a "power" thing? In "Unconditional Parenting" reference was made to power games that kids need to play. I have to admit, I don't play good/bad guys very well...I don't really know how. Does that make any sense? Off to find my book...

[DevaMajka]

When he licks you, perhaps you could say something like "I don't like to be licked. But I DO like when you rub my head." Yk, let him know that you prefer for him to not do x, AND give him a good fun alternative, that would be less annoying for you. Get into the *spirit* of his game in a way that is agreeable to you to.