Help educating a friend...

[Mamma Christi]

I didn't know exactly where to post this but...

I am a moderator on another messageboard. Another member, who is 15, recently posted that she is pregnant and asked for some information. Another member told her how the most important thing she needs right now is prenatal care (ugh...I only went to 3 appointments, I'm not big on prenatal care unless it's a high risk pregnancy...and then I'm not sure how I feel about it). I told her that it's not as big of a deal as the other girl has made it sound (though I don't think she meant it as "omg have prenatal care or your baby will die") and I sent her a long private message. I suggested The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth by Henci Goer to her and gave her some information, I also directed her to the forums here. My question is, how do you educate someone who more than likely comes from a more mainstream-thinking family about attachment parenting, natural birth, etc.? I've never really talked to anyone about it other than when talking about my own experiences and I have no idea where to start. I also don't know if it would even matter because she is 15 and her parents may just come back and tell her how wrong I am and that if she listens to my information it can harm her or the baby.

Any idea how to continue discussing things with her and also, if she likes the ideas, how I can tell her to approach her parents with the idea?

[PumpkinSeeds]

I have no idea.

So just a random thought I had: Maybe you can tell her that by being young and pregnant there will be a lot of people who feel that it's their business to tell her what to do. But she should always question whether any piece of advice empowers her as a woman and a mother. Do fear tactics empower? No. Does the mentality of "doctor as god" empower? No. I think you could guide her along those lines, encourage her to question and to research...

Good luck!

[ThreeBeans]

I think a 15 year old pregnant child IS by definition a high-risk pregnancy. So many concerns, social, medical, psychological make this VERY different from a grown adult being pregnant. I would definitely NOT discourage her from seeking appropriate prenatal care...I think that's inappropriate. (I am a huge homebirth advocate.)

(FTR, pretty much every poster I've run across on a message board who claims to be a pregnant teen is a troll )

[Lisa85]

(FTR, pretty much every poster I've run across on a message board who claims to be a pregnant teen is a troll )

Exactly what I was thinking. Anyway.....

I wouldn't tell her much info, but rather let her know where she can find it herself for 2 reasons:

1. If she is a troll, then it'd be rather boring getting a pm/post with a bunch of links/book recs. And if she isn't a troll, she'll be more than grateful for the information

2. She can't just say "Well, Pyratek told me this was best" when people start to question her ways. Instead she can say the AAP, Dr. Sears, etc and have direct sources rather than some random poster on message board.

[Mamma Christi]

The site is specifically geared towards teens (myself and another moderator and a few members are over 18 or so years of age). The girl has been a member of the site for a while, so I don't deem her to be a troll just due to the fact that she's a pretty active member and we have no reason to believe her to be a liar at all.

I do, however, love the advice of giving her the information to look at herself!

As for the prenatal care, I didn't tell her NOT to go...I more of just told her that if she goes and isn't at risk it isn't necessary for her to go to every visit. I believe that she needs to go to have prenatal care right now, I was more of referring to in the future of the pregnancy.

[amitymama]

Well, to be honest, you can't 'educate' her on your way because it's just the way you chose to do things. She may not want to go that route. You can certainly tell her what worked for you but don't pressure her into anything right now, I'm sure she's under enough already.

And I think a 15 year-old most likely needs prenatal care. She's still a child herself, not even done growing yet, which could have implications for her baby.

Just mention a book or two and if she checks them out and ends up becoming an AP parent then great. But don't make her feel like she's doing something wrong or bad if she doesn't (not that you would do that but you might unintentionally).

[Mamma Christi]

Originally Posted by amitymama

Well, to be honest, you can't 'educate' her on your way because it's just the way you chose to do things. She may not want to go that route. You can certainly tell her what worked for you but don't pressure her into anything right now, I'm sure she's under enough already. And I wouldn't try to change her mind about going, only wanted to let her know that you don't HAVE to go unless you want all the testing done (I only had my GD test done - and wish I hadn't done that either) and you WANT to go...but you don't HAVE to like a lot of doctors/people want to lead you to believe.

And I think a 15 year-old most likely needs prenatal care. She's still a child herself, not even done growing yet, which could have implications for her baby.

Just mention a book or two and if she checks them out and ends up becoming an AP parent then great. But don't make her feel like she's doing something wrong or bad if she doesn't (not that you would do that but you might unintentionally).

I'd like to mention again that I only am somewhat anti-prenatal if it is NOT a high risk pregnancy and I would never deter her from her first appointment because that is the one where they would be able to let her know if that is the case with her or not.

And I don't plan to pressure her, I just want to give her information that isn't completely mainstream so that she can decide for herself what she wants to do, just like someone did for me. When I found out I was pregnant all I knew was formula feeding, circumcising, and disposable diapers...I soon met some AP mama's and thank god that I met them because they really brought me into the light and showed me the kind of parent that I want to be. That's what I want to do for her...at least show her that there is an alternative to the mainstream. Not pressure her, not tell her that it's the RIGHT way and that it's the only way she SHOULD do it...I just want her to know that there are other options and let her look into it and figure out what she thinks is best for her and her family (the boyfriend will be in the picture).

I directed her towards these forums and told her that I have been reading the posts here for a while before joining and that I really think there is some good information if she wants to come and check it out, and she mentioned joining. So maybe we'll see her soon!

[amitymama]

Originally Posted by Pyratekk

I'd like to mention again that I only am somewhat anti-prenatal if it is NOT a high risk pregnancy and I would never deter her from her first appointment because that is the one where they would be able to let her know if that is the case with her or not.

And I don't plan to pressure her, I just want to give her information that isn't completely mainstream so that she can decide for herself what she wants to do, just like someone did for me. When I found out I was pregnant all I knew was formula feeding, circumcising, and disposable diapers...I soon met some AP mama's and thank god that I met them because they really brought me into the light and showed me the kind of parent that I want to be. That's what I want to do for her...at least show her that there is an alternative to the mainstream. Not pressure her, not tell her that it's the RIGHT way and that it's the only way she SHOULD do it...I just want her to know that there are other options and let her look into it and figure out what she thinks is best for her and her family (the boyfriend will be in the picture).

I directed her towards these forums and told her that I have been reading the posts here for a while before joining and that I really think there is some good information if she wants to come and check it out, and she mentioned joining. So maybe we'll see her soon!

Well that's a fantastic attitude to have and I hope you are able to help guide her. I was just making sure you weren't jumping the gun in your excitement to get her involved with AP because I know she must have a lot of info being thrown at her right now and she needs to make the decision be a conscious one so that it sticks.

Sounds like you're doing her a great service by being supportive and open.