Does this make me a bad mother?

[Heavenly]

I don't like to play. I rarely, if ever, "play" with my children. I read with them, I watch movies with them, I play computer games with them, I play board games with them, I do workbooks with them and I colour with them. But I don't get down of the floor and play. I don't play pretend or barbies or cars or blocks or anything. I never played, not even as a child. I preferred to read and be alone. So does this make me a bad mother? I homeschool my kids so they do get plenty of time with me but it is more likely to be putting away the laundry after I folded it or hanging out in the kitchen colouring while I make lunch. And when I get the baby down I dont use that time to play with the older two, I use it to read or go on the computer or do something for myself. It is the only way I stay sane, I am really more of a loner than a people person. I do take each of the older kids out on a "Mom date" every week. This week Olivia went shopping with me at Value Village (thrift store she loves to go to) and Elijah and I went to the library. So they do get time with me. Do you consider it wrong that I don't play with my children? To be perfectly honest I really don't have any desire to change it, I'm just not a playing person. We live with my inlaws so they do have Daddy, Nanny, and Papou to play with in the evenings and all 3 of them love to play. Thanks for any input.

[BellinghamCrunchie]

In my opinion, not only is it okay not to play with your kids by joining in their game as a pseudo-peer, it is a good thing, because that is not really your role as parent. As long as they get other kinds of interaction with you, to me it is somewhat dishonest to pretend you are enjoying play when you are not, and kids will learn to adapt their play so that all who are playing are enjoying it. But if one person is "faking" it they can't learn to adapt their play.

We have an only so I do spend a lot of time playing games with her that she enjoys and that I don't really. I don't enjoy the game but I enjoy her reactions and watching her, if that makes sense. But I don't believe this is the best sort of play for her but since she is an only its the best I can do a lot of the time.

[DevaMajka]

Seems like what you are doing is very much along the lines of The Continuum Concept.
I'm pretty much the same, except that I will help ds put his train tracks together (that really is kinda fun ). As far as he's concerned, that's playing with him.

[WendyC]

I think you would enjoy reading the Continuum Concept. I am not a big player either - but I am great at nurturing, loving, caring, supporting, listening... and I think that is perfectly ok.

[*LoveBugMama*]

Originally Posted by BellinghamCrunchie

In my opinion, not only is it okay not to play with your kids by joining in their game as a pseudo-peer, it is a good thing, because that is not really your role as parent. As long as they get other kinds of interaction with you, to me it is somewhat dishonest to pretend you are enjoying play when you are not, and kids will learn to adapt their play so that all who are playing are enjoying it. But if one person is "faking" it they can't learn to adapt their play.

We have an only so I do spend a lot of time playing games with her that she enjoys and that I don't really. I don't enjoy the game but I enjoy her reactions and watching her, if that makes sense. But I don't believe this is the best sort of play for her but since she is an only its the best I can do a lot of the time.

What she said. Except my only is a HE..

[Demeter9]

I think it is fine. Children need time to do things on their own without us, and together amoungst themselves. Free play is very important.

[rmzbm]

Sometimes I like to, other times not. Depends. I ALWAYS love board games so we do that alot! No, you're not a bad mom cuz of that!

[hellyaellen]

i'm not much of a pretend player either. (i do play with blocks with them and some of their other things that i enjoy though) i think you are doing fine.

[sophiesgrandma]

I think when you spend time with your children you are a great mom.
You do things you enjoy doing with them and they feel this and feel your love and attention. You don't have to "play fantasy games" with them to be a good mom.
You feed them, clothe them, bathe them, read to them, spend time individually with them-You seem to be an involved and caring mom.
I used to draw, play with clay, make collages and other things that I really enjoyed, with my 3. When you like what you are doing with them, they know and they know you are enjoying them and enjoying yourself and that makes them feel good.
I say-keep doing what you're doing!

[Sagesgirl]

If you're a bad mom, then so am I, because I'm the same way. My kids are perfectly happy little girls, though, so I seriously doubt either of us is a bad mama. In the end, it's how our children perceive us that matters, not how we measure up against some abstract standard.

[witchbaby]

my husband and i have talked about this a lot. neither of us are big on playing. we'll read to the kids until the cows come home, but more than 5 minutes of building with blocks, and i'm bored senseless (a can make it about 10 more minutes, but he's more mechanical than i). i enjoy talking with them (well, k, m more grunts than anything) and spending time with them, but, really: i had that second kid so i could be absolved of a little "mama doesn't play" guilt. i really do think i'm doing something more good than bad by not being "the playmate"-- they have to rely on their imaginations and motovations rather than expect me to entertain them.
honestly, i don't remember my parents "playing" with me. i'm an only child and grew up playing with the kids next door, reading everything i could get my hands on and playing all sorts of imaginary games. i've always been able to entertain myself and i attribute a lot of that to not being played to death by my parents. i know many people (adults and kids) who expect to be entertained at every turn and do nothing themselves because someone else has always done it for them. bah!

[2tadpoles]

I've never been much of a pretend-player, either.

And I hate playing with matchbox cars. UGH!

My kids are fine. Yours will be, too.

[Roo_Online]

You sound like a great mom! I'm a homeschooling mom, too, and I spend a lot of time with my kids. But I don't play with them and I don't want to.

Roo_Online

[newmommy]

I really really don't like kid play either. In fact, I am getting a timer for DS.

When that timer goes off, that's the end of playtime for Mama.

I love reading to him and cuddling but when it comes to rolling Hotwheels cars all over the house, I am just no good.

DH on the other hand loves to play with DS so that's a godsend for me. I am more the nurturer and comforter.

[mama_b]

I don't like pretend play either. I'll color with dd, read to her, and watch a video with her. The only actual game that I enjoy playing is hiding around a corner, then jumping out and chasing her. (This isn't a mean thing where I jump out and scare her. She begs to play this game. She knows it's coming.)

[becoming]

I do not think you're a bad mother. I'm not much of a "playing" mama either. I think that, as long as you're spending lots of quality time with them in other ways, you're doing fine.

[shimmerMom]

LOL of course not. That's what other kids and siblings are for. I DO NOT crawl around on the floor and pretend to be a kitten and I don;t play dolls, I will on occasion build with lego but otherwise we do other things together not play with toys.

[siobhang]

I am kind of the opposite. I'd rather crawl on the ground and play with the kids than do boring stuff like make them a formal dinner (vs cheese, apple slices, etc), get them changed into "real clothes", make 'em take baths when they don't want to. I do it 'cuz I have to (and if they don't eat healthy food, I really pay for it) but periodically I'll let the boys wear pjs all day, have an indoor picnic, or skip baths for several days - or alternatively, take three baths in one day because they want to.

Maybe this makes me a bad mom. I doubt it, though. I've never been very good at fixed schedules or "routines" that most people seem to swear by for kids.

I figure as long as my kids are getting their basic needs met, are healthy and happy, and they know they are loved and appreciated, the rest is just individual quirks of each family.

[mimid]

I play with them sometimes, but I'm kind of lucky that my girls will always have someone to play with.

[MommytoTwo]

I dont play with my kids. I set them up to play and then leave. Or I give them a project to do. But I am not their entertainment committee. Of the mothers I know that do play with their kids a lot, most of them seem really frantic.