another santa or is it mil vent !?!

[HannahsMomma]

So I just got off the phone with mil. I sent her a funny email questionaire that I had received about Christmas memories ie: favorite holiday food, favorite present, and when did you find out about santa not being real,etc. Well I wrote that I found out about santa when I was in grade 1. My friend who was in grade 2 told me he wasn't real and I was very upset for days. Mil asked why I was so upset and I told her because my mom and dad lied to me. She said "well, you found out in a bad way. My kids found out naturally" (I don't know what that means ?!?!?) Then she said " yeah, but it's fun when they believe. You have to let them" Dh already told her that we're not lying to dd. We will tell her that santa is make believe. I can already see mil and sil sitting there stewing about this now. : I bet when we go there for Christmas all the gifts will be labelled from santa. I know this seems petty, I just needed to vent. I have had major issues in the past with overbearing sil and mil.

[embers]

(((((((((((support)))))))))))

Our son is almost 4, and we have been up front that Santa is pretend... and that people have fun pretending that Santa is coming! He is totally cool with this - no stress (and no lying).

[HannahsMomma]

Thanks embers. I have never had to deal with the santa issue before and even this year it's not that big of a deal because dd is 17 months. I guess I am just trying to put my foot down with mil. With her it's give an inch and she'll take a mile. I often feel like telling her to mind her own because she already raised her four kids. She lives about three hours away and we don't see her often so usually I just let things go or dh will talk to her .

I also wanted to add that I hope I didn't offend anyone by saying I won't lie to my dd about santa . I don't want to sound judgemental to those who choose to celebrate that way.

~B

[wife&mommy]

We aren't doing Santa either Becky because I felt the same way when I found out. It caused a huge issue last year with my SIL (and if I could never speak to her again I would but I do it for my DH) saying really rude things, but my MIL did say anything. I'm sure I will hear about it. Gifts labeled from "Santa" will not be accepted here because they know how I feel about it.

[Sagesgirl]

My ILs seem to be the same way. It's annoying. Even though we tell them how we do things, they want to do it their way, which I suppose is natural. Eventually, perhaps they'll make a few connections about why they see the kids so seldom even now that we're living in the same city.

[embers]

We would totally accept gifts from 'Santa'... because we are taking on the attitude of pretending Santa is fun (mostly because there is so much Santa all over... Dora, stores, signs seen from car window, etc). Trying to explain WHY people pretend there is Santa, lie and manipulate their children, etc just takes away from the fun of the season... and the potental inerfamily powerstruggles are non of my kid's business as much as possible - so saying that pretending is fun works out well (because pretending, in general, IS fun). The we leave it up to our son... "do you want to pretend Santa is coming tonight?" etc. Since we homeschool, this is just that much easier...

[Jane's4]

I hear you on the overbearing inlaws...

My oldest is 7, and when he was a baby I made a half-hearted pitch to DH about maybe skipping the Santa deal. I also really foolishly let my IL's know we were thinking about it. Of course they think it's just one of my many schemes to deprive their grandchildren, right up there with making the poor things eat natural peanut butter.
I wish we had not done santa. But I am learning more and more about sticking to my guns and going with my gut. You should feel good about the lessons you are giving your daughter in having the courage to do what you believe is best for your family and in the importance of honesty.

[DevaMajka]

Originally Posted by embers

We would totally accept gifts from 'Santa'... because we are taking on the attitude of pretending Santa is fun

Same here.
If I were in your position, I'd definitely accept the gift, but say something to ds like "Grandma got you this, and even pretended it was from Santa!"

[Marcella-FL]

Have any of you ladies seen the movie Spartacus? the bad guys come to get Spartacus and all his supporters stand one at a time and say "I AM SPARTACUS!" IMO Santa is like that ...

I AM SANTA!

[Lizafava]

Originally Posted by Marcella-FL

Have any of you ladies seen the movie Spartacus? the bad guys come to get Spartacus and all his supporters stand one at a time and say "I AM SPARTACUS!" IMO Santa is like that ...

I AM SANTA!

[Sonya77]

I know this is an old topic....but I'm pretty new here!!!

We are not going to do the Santa either. Of course, it won't be that big of a deal this year and probably next...she'll be too young.

But....I have 8 nieces and nephews. They are all older than Aislinn (ages 11 down to one born just a week before Aislinn). I'm sure it won't be a big deal for the older ones, because they will probably stop believing before Aislinn gets big enough to burst the bubble, but if she's anything like me and her dad, she's gonna be upfront and "tell people like it is." I'm scared that's going to be tough on the other little ones in the family.

I guess that's just a bridge we'll cross later!!!

[elmh23]

I know my mom had issues with us not doing Santa, but thankfully she mostly kept them to herself and just goes with the flow. We do St. Nicholas day though (we're Catholic) so she gets them a small present for that day so she can participate

If the packages are marked from Santa just teach your child it's a silly thing grandma does. Seriously my dh grew up without Santa (three older siblings wouldn't let him, yk?) but packages from his folks still say Santa on them.

[KJoslyn78]

Last year is when my oldest found out that Santa wasn't real.... she had just turned 8.

For us, "Santa" is not so much a being - but a way of thinking... and acting towards others. Being kind and generous, etc. and explained that to her. As the holiday season gets closer, she is excitied to know that this year she gets to help more in the preprations for Christmas Day at home.

But that's just us

[mumto2]

We do santa here with ds9 and dd6.

I've been firm with the inlaws that santa visits the kids at their own home. They are welcome to give the gifts they want to, but they are from the grandparents, not santa. We started this when ds was a baby so even if they had to incur my wrath on his first Christmas, ds wouldn't have known and there would have been NO repeat. I have worked extremely hard over the years to have clear boundaries and I'm never afraid to go over my expectations with them.

I'm not sure exactly how things will go when the kids find out we are santa. Each year for the last 3, I've been thinking it will be the last. Santa has always brought gifts that we as parents had refused or would never really get for them ourselves. Usually it's because they are too expensive like BabyBorn, or frivolous and flimsy.

[marybethorama]

You have a right to vent. It's your decision to make. Your MIL had her chance to be a parent and anyway it's not her child.

You can have a little laugh telling your kids that MIL likes to pretend to be Santa or even that she's delusional

[MommaCrystal]

never mind

OP! Best of luck to you. This is your babe, you do what works best for you.

[MommytoTwo]

Well we do Santa. I never felt like I was traumatized by believing. Quite the opposite. Nontheless, I think your problem is with your ILs. It doesnt matter if they agree with you or not, they should respect your choices as parents. So if they labelled the gifts as from Santa, I would immediately say "Oh how cute. Grandma and Grandpa labelled their gifts as from Santa."

[tsume]

Originally Posted by Sonya77

I know this is an old topic....but I'm pretty new here!!!

We are not going to do the Santa either. Of course, it won't be that big of a deal this year and probably next...she'll be too young.

But....I have 8 nieces and nephews. They are all older than Aislinn (ages 11 down to one born just a week before Aislinn). I'm sure it won't be a big deal for the older ones, because they will probably stop believing before Aislinn gets big enough to burst the bubble, but if she's anything like me and her dad, she's gonna be upfront and "tell people like it is." I'm scared that's going to be tough on the other little ones in the family.

I guess that's just a bridge we'll cross later!!!

We don't do Santa. They know Santa is imaginary and they also know that other people may think Santa is real and we aren't going to tell them that Santa is pretend.

I was really concerned about this because the older cousins did believe in Santa and my kidlets aren't shy about sharing info. But they are very respectful about not breaking the Santa news. phew!

[MaryTheres]

subscribing

[alaskaberry]

I don't want to do Santa. DP does. My parents didn't do Santa, but I still believed until grade 1-ish, when my bf saw his dad putting prezzies under the tree and told me about it. Speaking of Santa, dp's sisters believed in Santa til they were 10--10!! IMHO, that is kind of bizarre. How do you stay sheltered for that long? Jeez. Or maybe their parents just didn't want to believe they were growing up...: