Anyone else having to wait to adopt?

[Heavenly]

Right now we are living with my inlaws while DH goes back to school full time. We will be living here until January 2010. After we buy our own home again and DH gets a job (which should be really easy with the program he's taking) we will be adopting a boy from Ethiopia - hopefully in the 10-18 month range. Even though I know we have to wait and my baby is only almost 11 months I still feel sad that it will be so long. Is anyone else in the positon of having to wait awhile before you can adopt? Everyone in our families (except my mom) thinks we are done having children. Actually you'd be surprised how vocal (and rude!) they have been about us being done. Just wait until the find out we're adopting! They couldn't even understand why we wanted a third (of course now they love her to death). Anyways I am rambling!

[vermonttaylors]

We have been fortunate in not having to wait, but everyone does think we're nuts.: We get the nervous "Really? A third? Wow!" comments. Wait until they find out we would like twins or barring that a fourth down the road. I don't know why they are surprised, I have wanted lots of kids since I was a kid myself.

You will get rude comments, even from those that love you (they won't realize they are being rude) but just remember, this is YOUR family and YOUR life to create and if a baby boy from Ethiopia is in you dreams then that is something you should try to make happen.

I support you if that makes you feel better.

[annethcz]

Get used to it

Adoption is one long wait after another. Waiting for them to send you paperwork, waiting for the SW to complete the homestudy, waiting for immigration clearance, waiting for a referral, waiting for the adoption to be finalized so you can bring your child home, wait wait wait.

I've seen you mention in other posts that Ethiopia is a 'quick' process. I wouldn't count on that though : The only sure thing in international adoption is that things change. Although traditionally Ethiopia has been relatively quick doesn't mean that it will stay that way. Because Ethiopia is becoming more popular (increased demand) and because there is additional paperwork that is being required by the Ethiopian governement, the process is taking longer now than it did a year ago. Most US adoption agencies working in Ethiopia are now advising that the process will take 12-18 months (the longest waits tend to be for parents requesting a baby girl or twins).

I'm really not trying to be snarky. : But even once you start the process to adopt, it's still, "hurry up and wait."

To answer your original question, though, I/we did wait for a couple of years before we adopted. To begin with, I was more interested in adoption than DH was. By the time DH decided that he was prepared to add another child to our family by way of adoption, I had been thinking, reading and researching about adoption for a couple of years. In the meantime, I had been busy being pregnant with and caring for our bio children, so I was able to be somewhat patient.

[bri276]

we need to wait another 5 years or so at least. I'm considering a domestic special needs adoption (not all kids in that category have disabilities- some are just labelled as such because they're older or have siblings to be adopted with). I have a special needs dd anyways so I'm open to a lot (especially children with cleft palates since I've been through that). Otherwise, I've researched Colombia and Russia. We'll see.

I am happy with, and only wanted, one biological child. But there are many times that I wish we could do it sooner, because she loves other kids sooooo much and would be THRILLED to have a sibling (especially one that was a bit older). But we're trying to get out of debt, living in a 2-bed townhouse style apt, it would literally be irresponsible to have another child through any means right now, and I know DH needs a few more years to really get on track with the idea of another child.

As far as family, I mention the idea once in a while when someone asks if we'll have more, and get a blank stare. My mother actually offered to help us pay for IVF but not adoption, and has made negative comments (like you don't know what you'll get in terms of mental health). I really don't want to bring a child into this family until everyone is on board at least minimally- I won't have them treating dd differently than an adopted child.

[dharmamama]

Yeah, I waited 20 years. I decided I wanted to adopt when I was nine.

I was an impatient waiter. I started bugging dh about adoption before we were even married (btw, one of the questions dh had to get the "right" answer on for me to even go on a third date with him was whether we ever wanted to adopt kids) and I used to send him pictures of kids I wanted to adopt when I was pregnant with our daughter. I started really putting on the pressure when dd was six months old and finally, when she was 18 months old, we started the process.

Btw, I agree wholeheartedly with what annethcz had to say about timelines and Ethiopia. Don't count on it being a "quick process" in five years. We did two adoptions in two years and things changed even from one adoption to the next. It's only going to get more stringent and time-consuming. The Ethio government is formulating new guidelines and will be stricter on a lot of things. As Ethiopia gains popularity, the timeframes will only lengthen.

Namaste!

[elmh23]

We're waiting. For one, I'm only 23 and most agencies like you to be 25. And for two, we need to save some money up. I feel drawn to China, Guatemala and Ethiopia, while dh feels drawn to China and Guatemala. We'll have to see what the climate is when we decide to move forward to make our desicion on country (though China's new requirements are making me think we won't end up going there )

As far as family goes, my mom would be thrilled with more grandchildren to love on. Dh's mom on the other hand is a wild card. I've heard her talk about adoption a couple times and she seems to think all adopted kids are screwed up. She gets this generalization from her oldest son whom she gave at birth adn then found again. I'm happy she found him, but maybe she shouldn't have started critizing him leaving the Catholic Church right away, ya know? I don't blame him for keeping his distance (she's a bit, um, nutty.) She'll have to deal with us adopting when the time comes. Dh has no problem cutting her off if she's hostel about it and standing up for our family.

[fibre_artist]

Yup. For some reason they want you to have an income and a second bedroom . Our lives have gone through some major upheavals in the last couple of years, so we're having to start over, and I have a sneaking suspicion that we're already hitting upper age limits for a lot of places... In the mean time I'm trying to scrabble together the limited info there seems to be on the Canadian systems! We'd like to stay local if we can.

With any luck we can actually start the process the end of next year, but recent trends suggest it might be a year or two after that : .

[lauriebeth]

yeah, waiting here. i have wanted to adopt for almost 5 years now. Just trying to get DH on board! I come from a family of adoptees (grandparents, several cousins) so I think it was always in the back of my mind, but I started researching 5 yrs ago...

[MidwifeErika]

Yep, I am at least a few years away from an adoption. We need to work out some $$$$$ things first. We need to pay off our debt, get into a house that is workable for more kids, and then start putting aside money to cover the costs.

[mamarhu]

Waiting for the time to be right here, as well. I am caring for my elderly mom, and her needs are gradually increasing. I have cut my work hours to part-time so I can be with her more, and homeschool the Dumplings (ages 11 and 10). I am trying to establish a home business in the meantime, so that when the time comes that Mom shouldn't be home alone at all, I will be able to stay home full time. I see that as an ideal time to begin fostering medical needs infants. I am not interested in adopting babies, as I am nearly 50, but I would be very interested in adopting special needs older kids. But I would want to be home full-time for them too. So I am seeing establishing this home business as a step in growing my family, which is fantastic motivation! Please remind me of this when I get impatient waiting!!

By the way, I have been waiting all my life to foster and/or adopt. My Mom was a foster parent when I was a teen, and I have 5 wonderful sisters through adoption. I have always known that I would adopt sometime along the way.

[blessed]

We chose to wait until dd was about 3. We felt she needed more individual attention. We've started our second adoption proceedings, but are timing it so that we'll gotcha after I finish my current position, which involves working long hours.

[rredhead]

Waiting for the Second

Hi,
We need to wait as well. We just spent far more than we thought we were going to (gotta love those hidden fees. *&#@&! agency) adopting DS. Of course, I love him far more than any dollar amount. I just hate being taken advantage of.
We have a 3 bedroom house that pretty much eats our income, so we need to wait until we recuperate financially. Also, because DH works at home, we need to have one more bedroom before we can adopt again. That means moving or adding on, both of which cost money. We're mostly in CA for health reasons, mine and my mom's. Mom has COPD and is on oxygen 24/7. I have CRPS, which is basically nerve damage in my knee. The cold weather back east was terrible for it, and I didn't have as many resources for treatment as I do here. Sometimes I desperately want to move back, but it would be difficult to leave my parents and grandmother. So, we're waiting to "hurry up and wait."
I really want DS to have a little sister by the time he's 5 (he's 11 months now). We'll see how that goes...

Peace!

[Niamh]

Originally Posted by dharmamama

Yeah, I waited 20 years. I decided I wanted to adopt when I was nine.

Yeah that!

DH has always said "Sure, in the future". But I've finally gotten him to agree to the next child (if we can afford it) being adopted. I am so, so, so excited.

So now off to save money...

[krisnic]

I've wanted to adopt from China since second grade when I learned in social studies about all the little girls without homes and the one-child rule. Now I am going to school to hopefully run an international adoption agency.

Now, seeing that I'm still only 22, I have about 8 years before I can even think about adopting from there. But in reality I have to finish school first, get married, get a good job, etc. It'll definitely be a while.