I've become a yeller...

[mammom]

at bedtime!! I am starting to HATE bedtime! My little guy is not quite three and has been going to bed at TEN O'CLOCK since the time changed LAST SPRING! WTH??!!! Is this NORMAL?? I thought for sure things would change when the time changed this fall - he did start going to bed at 7:30 or 8:00, which was perfect. Now he's back to TEN O'CLOCK!!!

And I am yelling at him, "GO TO SLEEP!! I'M SICK OF BEDTIME!" Even though I know it's not helping the situation. Normally I stay with him, nurse him to sleep. Then about two weeks ago, he said, "Mommy, you can go now." And I thought, "what?? Okay!" thinking we were onto something new. Nope, he went into dh's office and found some Hershey's miniatures left over from Halloween - didn't go to sleep THAT night til after 11:00!

I've tried staying in there with him, I've tried letting him go to sleep on his own. DH always says, "Let him go to sleep on his own!" But he seems to go to sleep a little earlier if I'm up there (say 9:30 instead of 10:00).

We don't feed him sugar, so he's not hyped up on anything before bed. I try to start bedtime at 7:00 so we have about 15 minutes of brushing teeth, going potty, etc., then half-an-hour of reading, then it's "booby night-night." And I am fairly consistant with it.

He does still nap for about an hour around 12:30 or 1:00 in the afternoon. I've tried letting him not nap and he can't make it. Falls apart around 5:00 if he lasts that long...

Any suggestions? He's not an evening bather, and usually loves to play in the bath, so I can't see that as being something that would calm him. I don't know... Any help would be great! TIA!!

Melissa

[Heavenly]

We started having this exact same problem when DD1 was 3. She still needed the nap and would nap for 1-1.5 hours but then she would be up until 9:30-10:00 pm. I hate to tell you this but the only thing that stopped it was taking away the nap. Trust me, I REALLY hated to do it but it was necessary. She was also crashing by 5:00 but we would just keep her up until 7:00 pm. She had a couple of weeks of grouchy but it was worth it. Now both older kids go to bed between 7:00-7:30 pm and we have our evening free. It is so worth it! I recommend cutting out the nap.

I noticed I didn't comment on the yelling but I am not the person to judge on that. I have the same problem, DH and I both do, which is why cutting out the nap was necessary. Bedtime was becoming a fight every night and we just couldn't bear to have every day end with a battle. Good luck!

[Suzetta]

I would definitely get rid of the nap, with the understanding that you'll have to make your night time routine much earlier. It may be hard for a few days, but soon your dc will get used to it.

Also, have you been taking him outside to play? We have noticed a definite correlation with our children...when they play outside for a while (even in the cold weather), they sleep much better at night, often falling asleep right away.

[spsmom]

i have to completely agree with everything mammom said! i could have writtent he exact post. same problem with our ds when he turned 3. my dh is not 100% on board about the no nap because fo the "witching hour" that occurs every night! but i put my foot down since dh works most nights and it's me putting 2 boys to bed by myself! and they are both out before 8 every night and i am get the night off!

my other rec is to create a routine. now that we are into our routine, ds actaully asks to go to bed half the time without me telling him it's bedtime! it usually starts with a bath. (and my kids love the bath, too, so i don't do it to calm them down, i just do it as part of the routine even if they don't need one). older ds picks out 2 books. they get in their jammies then ds gets a little drink. ds turns on my bedside lamp and turns off the big light. we read 2 books while baby ds nurses then older one gets to turn off the side lamp and get back in bed. done. so simple but i can't believe how eager he is to do all the steps! and i can't remember the last time we had a struggle at bedtime.

good luck!

[Flor]

Same story here. From the time ds was around 2.75 yo, he started going to bed at 10. It drove me crazy. If I cut out the nap, he crashed at 5. Sometimes he thought that was the nap and woke up at 8 ready to play! Overall, I knew he was getting enough sleep, even though I didn't know any other toddlers that stayed up that late. He slept 10-8 each night (10 hours) plus a 1to 1.5 hour nap which is over 11 hours a day.

We just stopped yelling. It had to be quiet play time, but I honestly stopped trying to get him into bed at a different time. I also allowed myself to read or watch tv with closed captions while he was nursing or just laying with me. I stopped getting angry and decided it was part of our routine. The good thing is that it didn't last very long. A couple of months later he was ready to drop that nap. He turned 3 in August, by the way, but since August when preschool started he has been going to bed at 7 and sleeps til 6 (still 11 hours). He wasn't ready to drop the nap earlier than that, that is the difficult part. You might need to wait a few more months, but it will happen.

[crayon]

I also say get a good routine down. For us it took us 3.5 years to figure out that was the freaking problem So, now what we do is Bath, Brush, Book, Bed. If anything is not right it seems to turn into a fight. At 6-6:30ish we start a bath, because by now they are both acting up so much from being overly tired they need to let out that energy in a bath. My kids both used to get more energy from the bath until we made it a strong routine. Just a side note So then I get them out and we brush teeth- the most sucky part of the night because as one is getting teeth brushed the other is playing in the sink- it stresses me, but we make it. Then we do a book- most of the time one that takes less than 5 min- most of the time the kids pick it and if I am in a good mood we do 2 books- one for each girl Then I kiss them and put them down- then most nights I leave. I know it sounds weird- but I leave the house. I go get a movie for DH and I or I run and feed my moms cat or get something at the market. Just about 1/2 hours worth of time- and it is nice because it is me time. If I stay home nine times out of ten it is a full on fight to get them to calm down and sleep- at least an hour worth most of the time it is 1.5 hours worth. If I leave for some reason that calms them down and DH says "stay in bed" and they freaking do : Why they dont do it for me- who knows. I am a push over

But that is our routine- I hope you can find one that works for you! I 100% understand the anger that goes with bed time and you are not the first person who has yelling matches- we got them here too... sigh... I think it is just part of parenting and life.

My oldest has never been a big napper- so she hardly ever takes naps and if she does she is emotional to no end until bed time.... it sucks..... My youngest is down to 1 nap a day- today she took none- but I know that means she will be really tired tomorrow. If my oldest takes a nap she goes to bed later than normal and it is a fight most of the times.

[mommyofshmoo]

My older dd stopped needing a nap shortly after turning 2. By 2.5 we stopped naps and she fell asleep WAY earlier at night.

I agree with pp's that the goal is to get them to stay up till 7 or 7:30. If they stay up that late, they'll slepp through the night.

The trick is getting past the 5:00 hump. It's a toughie- but I promise, your life will be easier after just a few days of it.

Oh- also my dd would take 1 nap every 3-4 days, then once a week, then once a month, and now prety much never. It's not an all or nothing thing at first. Dd would get more and more tired for several days, then nap for quite a while- but still the overall nighttme sleep was better when we stopped naps.

Also- I found dd couldn't nurse to sleep after she turned 2.75. It was too stimulating. We started telling stories in the dark. Worked way better.

[mightymoo]

My daughter also dropped the nap earlier than your sons age. Yeah, even now at 3 3/4 she still sometimes gets sleepy at 6pm, but I just engage her in an interesting activity and she's awake again.

One thing we've been doing lately is actually running them around before bed. I know the old addage of don't 'rile them up' but honestly for us it helps because it wears them out. We play family games of tag and hide and seek and run them around the house for a half hour, then move to calming down and reading books, they go to sleep much faster.

[Qestia]

I've been a yeller too, and I'll tell you what's helped me stop. As a PP said, LEAVING the house at bedtime is remarkably helpful. DH has always been in charge of getting dS to sleep, I do the bath then hand him over, but if he has trouble, I will often find myself getting drawn in, and none of us like it! So once a week I go to yoga and miss the bath and the bedtime. It is just once a week, but for whatever reason, this really really helps me keep it together the rest of the time. At the same time I've also started going to a playgroup weekly and, well, therapy! But I have noticed it is the taking care of myself stuff--the playgroup, the yoga, going on a date with DH, etc., if all those are in place I find it so much easier to keep myself calm at bedtime.

[newmommy]

Well, DS is 3.5 and goes to bed late...last night 12:30am. But that's because he takes evening naps from 4-6pm.

We are stuck with the evening naps because DS stays home with DH (WAHD) and DH needs the naptime to deal with clients.

It's really hard on me because I am the nighttime parent and I also WOH full time and I have to be up at 6am.

We would be doing good for DS to be in bed by 10pm.

[Marcella-FL]

I have had the same problem with all of my older children. Once I paid attention to the signs of sleepiness (eye rubbing, crankiness, rambunctiousness) I discovered they WERE tired earlier than I thought! I had about a 10 -15 minute window to get them in bed and asleep or they'd get their second wind! Try noting these kind of behaviours ... they may be subtle.