Judging/diagnosing of other people's kids

[MamaDimstam]

In my neck of the woods, there seems to be a current epidemic of people (and ok, I'll generalize to mothers because as a SAHM these are 90% of the people I am in contact with on a day to day basis) judging, diagnosing, analyzing other people's kids. It bothers me- a lot. To me, it is tantamount to nothing better than gossip. Example: Little Billy at playgroup is running around and not sitting down to participate in the art activity. A mama sitting near me said he has ADHD (because you see her own son has ADHD and therefore she is an expert). The mama who commented this to me actually then went on to go on and on about why hasn't Billy's mother "done anything about it." HELLO? I ripped into her because 1) how presumptuous to make a diagnosis of someone else's kid, and 2) how even more presumptuous to assume that the mother of this kid would want to talk to you about it? She was really taken aback by my reaction and said she was "just concerned". I don't think she got what I was saying.

I can't tell you how often I have witnessed this sort of thing. It drives me nuts. Why can't we just accept children for who they are? Of course there are situations where you just can't sit back and let well enough be- if a child's behaviour is dangerous, for example, but I'm not talking about extreme stuff here. Just day to day, kids being kids and exhibiting their quirky bits, of which we all have enough of.

Sorry. Rant over. I am just still beside myself by that whole little scene.

[mykdsmomy]

good call, mama! I see that too...(especially in my own family : ) I think sometimes people just want to help by offering their "expertise" but many times it's just an easy way to make themselves feel better about themselves or their own children's issues.

I agree that kids are individuals and that we have overanalyze everything they do and say because we want them to fit into some sort of category that we can "treat". It's maddening. Kids should be left to be kids and if they run around and dont want to participate in a craft or activity then so be it.....after all, we wouldnt sit down with other mom's and start knitting if we didnt want to or didnt know how...yk?

[CurlyTop]

Originally Posted by MamaDimstam

In my neck of the woods, there seems to be a current epidemic of people (and ok, I'll generalize to mothers because as a SAHM these are 90% of the people I am in contact with on a day to day basis) judging, diagnosing, analyzing other people's kids. It bothers me- a lot. To me, it is tantamount to nothing better than gossip. Example: Little Billy at playgroup is running around and not sitting down to participate in the art activity. A mama sitting near me said he has ADHD (because you see her own son has ADHD and therefore she is an expert). The mama who commented this to me actually then went on to go on and on about why hasn't Billy's mother "done anything about it." HELLO? I ripped into her because 1) how presumptuous to make a diagnosis of someone else's kid, and 2) how even more presumptuous to assume that the mother of this kid would want to talk to you about it? She was really taken aback by my reaction and said she was "just concerned". I don't think she got what I was saying.

I can't tell you how often I have witnessed this sort of thing. It drives me nuts. Why can't we just accept children for who they are? Of course there are situations where you just can't sit back and let well enough be- if a child's behaviour is dangerous, for example, but I'm not talking about extreme stuff here. Just day to day, kids being kids and exhibiting their quirky bits, of which we all have enough of.

Sorry. Rant over. I am just still beside myself by that whole little scene.

Oh I hear you, and agree 100%. What gets me even more is when people judge/diagnose a kid right in front of the kid. As often as not, it's the kid's own mom saying it. I always feel so bad for the kid, hearing a label and a harsh judgement like that. And like you said, it's usually something totally normal that the kid did to elicit the response. Kid running wildly at park: "there's my little ADD boy!" Boy playing with girls: "He's gay, I just know it." That one made my blood run cold. Jeez.