Experience in transitioning toddler from constant supervision to playing by herself?

[laohaire]

My DD is 15 months and has gross motor delays. She has been in physical therapy for 3 months, and will hopefully learn to walk within a month or two. I'm pretty sure that there's nothing really wrong with her, but she's just on her own schedule (though she really is behind).

Since she's been somewhat mobile (around 11 months to start with) we've been very careful about watching and "spotting" her. For example, she started crawling combat-style (due to low muscle tone I believe) and it took a while before she could adopt a more hands-and-knees style. And when she was learning that, sometimes she would lose control of her body and smash her face into the hardwood floor. That's just one example. She hurt herself quite often, and we, being the type of parents who don't like seeing their kids get hurt, quickly got into the habit of spotting her. Now she is cruising but even so, she doesn't seem to have good protective abilities, and if she tipped over she would just land very hard on her head (rather than the graceful topple of most babies, who seem to actually even laugh most of the time when they fall - usually on their butts instead of their heads).

Anyway, you could point the finger at us and say we created that monster by overprotecting her, but I know that we didn't create it. Maybe we didn't do whatever magical great wonderful thing that we could have done to minimize it, but we didn't create it. I'm a very laid back parent in all other respects, and even at first I didn't respond the way I do now - but only when it was apparent that my child wasn't like everyone else's child, and that she needed something different.

I'm comfortable continuing to protect my DD as she gains strength - but I envision the day when she can walk on her own, and want very much to change the way we interact with her when that day comes. That is, I want her to be able to play on her own (not 100% of the time, but most of the time). She's an only child, and I was an only child, and I remember that I played very happily alone, and did not look to my parents to entertain me. I am afraid that since I am not really able right now to just let her do her thing while I do mine, that we will have problems when I let her "fly the nest" so to speak.

She's a very laid-back and happy girl, and not very demanding. However, she's obviously at this point used to her mommy or daddy being right there at all times.

Anyone had experiences of being 100% involved with their baby/toddler (or even child), then letting them go on their own? How did the transition go? Any suggestions?

[Roar]

My child is also and only and also had that combination of gross motor delays (clumsiness, low tone, etc.). So, I know what you are talking about that you were put in a protective role that you didn't intend and wouldn't adopt for another child.

I hate to say it...because I hate the reality of it...but I will say it. She may continue to get hurt. It may be she's just delayed and she'll catch up and walk fine. For our son that turned out to not be the case. Yes, he learned to walk and climb stairs and all that good stuff, but even in double digit ages he's still very clumsy and still gets hurt a lot. It isn't easy for anyone involved and probably especially hard for the parents because when you are supposed to protect your kid it is terrible when they get hurt so much.

So, I guess I say knowing that, I probably would have spotted a bit less when he was really young and tried to work to a point of accepting that injuries are just going to be a lot more common. That doesn't mean turn her lose on the stairs, but that you may just have to realize she's going to fall a lot more than most kids and no amount of being in the room will stop that.

As far as transitioning what we found helpful was to start with really short periods with a specific task while I quick went to "check the laundry" or "get something from the kitchen". As the child gets older moving to starting the play together and then excusing yourself and coming back later may work too.

Oh and totally random thing I'm tacking on the end...The one thing we found really helpful for muscle tone and coordination was fish oil supplements and if you haven't already given that a try I had to put the plug in there.

[mommyofshmoo]

All babies that age are pretty 24/7. Dh and I call it "the dreaded 8-18 months." It's especially hard with firsts/onlies because they don't have other kids to follow or play with.

That said, you really can't expect to see toddlers playing along for more than 15 minutes at a time till at least 18 months, and in the case where there are delays I'd say closer to 2. A 3-4 year old is much more involved in pretend play and can start to play for longer stretches.


With first kids it's easy to think that we are "creating" personalities and expectations, and it's easy to project very complex thinking on babies and toddlers. Babies are babies- needy, short attention span, etc. is normal. It does pass.


It's great to address actual slow development as you are doing, and yes eventually you will need to let her fall a few times. However wanting constant attention is not something abnormal or unusual or anything that needs to be addressed. Both my daughters were totaly like that at 15 months.

Hope this helps.

[hhurd]

Originally Posted by mommyofshmoo

.A 3-4 year old is much more involved in pretend play and can start to play for longer stretches.

Oh, I wish that were so in my house. My 4.5yo ds refuses (and I mean *refuses*) to play alone for more than a few minutes. But that's his personality, and a topic for another thread...

[Hoopin' Mama]

Mama,
First off, be gentle with yourself. Of course you didn't create any problems. Head injuries are a serious matter, and any Mom here would do the same if their baby could be harmed due to a delay in motor skills.

Secondly, I have a 26 month old who still rarely plays independently. He is about average as far as development goes. He pretty much wants to be involved in anything we are doing.

I don't have one, but I would suggest a Learning Tower, when she gets to the age that she wants to be at table or counter top level. We let ds use a chair for this stuff, but if he were less sure-footed we would make the investment.

[laohaire]

That's interesting to know. I have really no experience with children whatsoever. It was my assumption that children at this age could play by themselves for a little while.

It's hard for me because I feel like - with proper childproofing - I could do some chore for 15 minutes (such as dishes) and keep an eye on her if she had the usual physical development. But in fact, I might put her on the floor and give her something to play with, and the best-case scenario is that she'll play with it for 2 minutes before she crawls to something and pulls to stand - which is great, except I then I have to stop what I'm doing and go over and spot her.

I don't know, maybe all parents spot their kids at that point in physical development.

My DD may be delayed, but she REALLY wants to walk - ALL the time. When she was younger than 11 months, she was perfectly content sitting or lying with a toy, but after that, she wanted to WALK (and not crawl or anything that usually comes before walking).

And to add another twist, I'm legally blind, so it's even more difficult to keep an eye on her from a distance (or even just a couple steps away). I pretty much have to watch her (or touch her) all the time.

Anyway, it's also an interesting thought that she may have physical issues all her life (excessive clumsiness, etc.). Yeah, maybe. I did indeed assume she would eventually just catch up, but I'm also fairly (but not excessively) clumsy.

I just can't wait until she can stay on her two feet 99% of the time... and can fall without risking serious injury!

[hhurd]

Originally Posted by laohaire

It was my assumption that children at this age could play by themselves for a little while.

Some can, and some can't/won't. I think a lot has to do with personality and temperment. You'll have to wait and see as that develops. 15 months seems young to me, but as I've said, my ds is not the best example...