or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Single Parenting › Update on my life~
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Update on my life~ - Page 2

post #21 of 85
Oh, and btw, if you have to go to court to get a PO, then it's probably like my state. The DV shelter will help you draw up the paperwork. You don't get a case simply b/c you called the cops. The cops will file their report, tho, and you can get a copy of that report sent to the judge (or they'll tell you to come pick it up and you take it to the judge yourself).

Here, if you want a PO, you sign some papers, they get you in the next mass PO hearing (every Monday here), and the judge signs a temp. PO for you and your kids. Then, he sets up another hearing for you and ex to come together, so ex can contest anything and speak up for himself. The judge decides what to do, then. My judge kept the PO for me and the kids and made it for 2 years (the normal timeframe in my state). Then, that same judge handled all our divorce proceedings.
post #22 of 85
You need the restraining order.
post #23 of 85
I hope right now you are somewhere safe with your kids.
post #24 of 85
thinking about you mama.
post #25 of 85
it is time to stop talking to your husband.

do not confront him. do not confide in him. do not tell him of your plans.

push all the issues of how he has hurt you and pissed you off aside for a moment. you can deal with how you feel about all of that later. you are just getting bogged down in it and it is pulling you under.

get out.

while he is gone, pack what is most important to you. take the kids and go to a shelter. do not go back home.

he has crossed the line of really trying to hurt you. it does not get better from here.

tell me again, why is it that you are not at your fil's house yet?
post #26 of 85
you can get a restraining order after going to the shelter.
post #27 of 85
Please document everything and do not speak with him at all. Sit down and, as painful as it may be, write as much down as you can about your relationship with him, including dates and all abusive episodes. Take pictures of bruises ASAP! Also, I would try to record every conversation and/or message he leaves on your answering machine. It may not be admissable to a judge but it might be useful in some way.
I am so so sorry I don't know your whole story but I am pulling for you and your kids.
post #28 of 85
Hey momma....stay strong...even w/ my own bs going on I am still thinking about you alot...I wish I were in socal so I could come over and help you get the eff out of there...please check the link below for resources if you haven't found anything helpful yet. Please get out...xoxo

http://www.safenetwork.net/directory.cfm
post #29 of 85
It is so hard to know what you can and can't believe. You've loved and trusted this man and even though you want to, you must know that he is not the same person. It's like your H is gone.

Get the restraining order. Go to his dad's if you feel safe there or wherever else you feel safe. I really feel for you.

Remember- do not trust him! Do whatever you must to keep you and the kids safe!
post #30 of 85
Thread Starter 
So i have my kids back,huge sigh of relief.His girlfriend was waiting there with him and i just grabbed the kids and did not talk to her.She said 'it is so good to see you' to me. : Please,you got involved with my husband while i was pregnant and we have 5 children together.My son ran up to me and in front of girlfriend and husband says 'we had so much fun and it was so nice that dad and girlfriend never argued like you and dad do' .Gee,thanks kiddo.That was something i really needed to hear.The kids were bought an enormous amount of toys(before xmas even) BUT the three kids with me that didn't go with husband didn't get anything.They were dirty and hungry but i'm not holding that against anyone because my kids are back!Then husband tells me how he started the relationship with his girlfriend in the first place so that our son and her son could play together.If i wouldn't have been so jealous of her that he never would have hooked up with her.Mind games.Whatever.Then he just acts like nothing is different between the two of us and tries to hug me and i pull away.I just can not play that way.So i am now making phone calls and figuring out which route to go.
post #31 of 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by Avani View Post
So i have my kids back,huge sigh of relief.His girlfriend was waiting there with him and i just grabbed the kids and did not talk to her.She said 'it is so good to see you' to me. : Please,you got involved with my husband while i was pregnant and we have 5 children together.My son ran up to me and in front of girlfriend and husband says 'we had so much fun and it was so nice that dad and girlfriend never argued like you and dad do' .Gee,thanks kiddo.That was something i really needed to hear.The kids were bought an enormous amount of toys(before xmas even) BUT the three kids with me that didn't go with husband didn't get anything.They were dirty and hungry but i'm not holding that against anyone because my kids are back!Then husband tells me how he started the relationship with his girlfriend in the first place so that our son and her son could play together.If i wouldn't have been so jealous of her that he never would have hooked up with her.Mind games.Whatever.Then he just acts like nothing is different between the two of us and tries to hug me and i pull away.I just can not play that way.So i am now making phone calls and figuring out which route to go.
Ugh. I'm so sorry - keep making phone calls and plan and act on them as soon as you can.
What a UA violation!
post #32 of 85
I'm glad you got your children back.

I really would not be holding my breath to come to an agreement with your husband. He will not agree, even if he says he will. He will use every instance to control you, and use everything you say against you. I hope you are going to a shelter, and I hope you are finding out about filing a restraining order. I understand that it's intimidating if the police told you that you can't, but they're not always right. And of course your husband told you not to!!! But DO IT ANYWAY. Why would you not do it because he asked you not to?

I can'ts stress enough that you need to consult with a lawyer.
post #33 of 85
Avani, I'm so glad you have your kids back. Please, please do as others are urging you and file for a restraining order. In my experience, as another poster mentioned, you do not have to "prove" anything to file for one (don't listen to the cops; a judge decides, not the police, their job is to enforce a RO once there is one) -- you go to the courthouse, file for one, it is granted on an emergency, temporary basis (and it can include h not having any contact w/the kids during this time), your h will be served with it, and there will be a court date at which the 2 of you must appear, you to state WHY the restraining order should be permanent, he to try to persuade the judge that it shouldn't. I would recommend trying to get an attorney if at all possible (would your fil pay for an attorney, if he's so willing to help you in all those other ways?) for that hearing so that you have the best shot at getting the RO made permanent.

I think the RO is necessary, both for your immediate, short-term safety and to protect against h taking your kids again, AND as importantly, to start to lay the groundwork for a divorce settlement in which YOU get custody of the kids.

Other pps are right; do NOT try to negotiate/reason with this man any longer, and do NOT listen to anything he says. Do what you need to do to keep safe and make sure that your kids are safe and WITH YOU.
post #34 of 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by Avani View Post
So i have my kids back,huge sigh of relief.
Thank goodness! I was so worried!

Quote:
My son ran up to me and in front of girlfriend and husband says 'we had so much fun and it was so nice that dad and girlfriend never argued like you and dad do.
You know darn well that is why they showered them with gifts and acted all sweet with them. They are trying to make you look like the bad guy, trying to take you down another notch. After all, why didn't they purchase gifts for the others if they are so caring? They are sick and screwed up for using your kids like that.

Quote:
Then husband tells me how he started the relationship with his girlfriend in the first place so that our son and her son could play together.If i wouldn't have been so jealous of her that he never would have hooked up with her.Mind games.Whatever.Then he just acts like nothing is different between the two of us and tries to hug me and i pull away.I just can not play that way.
:

Does that stupid really have the nerve to think that he could have his cake and eat it too?! And then blame you?! What a UA violation! It must of taken all of your strength and willpower not to slap the living out of him.

Quote:
So i am now making phone calls and figuring out which route to go.
I am so proud of you!
post #35 of 85
Thread Starter 
The man had the nerve to take my kids to his mom's for the weekend and have his girlfriend and her son there all weekend.This is sick and wrong on too many levels.We have a 6 week old baby,we are married and we have 5 other kids.I asked him for her not to be there.The kids are trying to deal with their parents being seperated why bring a new woman into the mix.I am so furious and it keeps building.Plus he lied,his mom lied and they had my son lie.

Just needed to get that out.I have a plan and it will go into motion soon.I don't want to post anymore details and i will be in touch after i go.Thanks ladies.
post #36 of 85
If I were you I would pack up what you can and move asap. When you get there, get established and they will not make you come back. BUT GO NOW!

I am currently in a visitation/custody/request to move away and know all about it. Leave and go out of state; when you get there file a restraining order ASAP.

There comes a time when you have to ask yourself...if I had the chance to leave my material stuff and live happy, would I have done it? I have been there and it is so worth the sanity that comes with it.

If you end up going to court they will ask things like...is there a case of Domestic Violence...and you say "absolutely" that is why you fled. I also have had to flee...you can get to a town and go to welfare and tell them that you are in fear for your life and they will hide you. Then you file your paperwork ASAP. I am telling you that your MAN PERSON has instilled in you a traditional fear tactic handed down from long past generations of men. It is like a seed or fungus spreading in your mind until you get so tired you freeze. Don't freeze...leave and protect your children from becoming just like you and him.
post #37 of 85
Do you have 5 or 6 kids?
post #38 of 85
PS!

I pray you will listen to you friends here and change your childrens fate.....Hind sight will show you how beneficial it is.
post #39 of 85
Thread Starter 
Yes i am listening.I have been frozen for years.That is over with.I will be going next week when someone is available to ride with me.The cops told me if i leave the state that i am kidnapping if i don't have the permission of the other parent.Is that true?I am starting to pack now and have my plans together.

Lucy i have 5 kids and 1 is not his.
post #40 of 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by Avani View Post
Yes i am listening.I have been frozen for years.That is over with.I will be going next week when someone is available to ride with me.The cops told me if i leave the state that i am kidnapping if i don't have the permission of the other parent.Is that true?I am starting to pack now and have my plans together.
Thanks for answering my question. I was getting confused.

Whether or not it's kidnapping depends on your state. There are some states (very few, I think) that may consider it wrong for you to take the kids out of state, altho no papers have been filed. I know of a few women who lost their kids (at least temporarily) b/c they left the state and the ex file emergency paperwork, the mother didn't hear abt it in time or couldn't get to the courthouse in time, and there was drama. Be careful.

In many states, it's a matter of possession. At least, initially. If you have the kids in your possession, the father knows where they are, you're fine. This only becomes an issue if the father makes it one with the courts.

That's why I think you should get the PO before leaving the state. Your husband doesn't sound like the sort who'll just sit and watch you take his kids.

Good luck, no matter what you decide.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Single Parenting
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Single Parenting › Update on my life~