Christmas and a sensitive kid

[zeldamomma]

Now that the holiday season is coming, we're having more and more family gatherings, and my 6 y.o. dd with sensory issues seems to react to the excitement with even more sensory issues. Unfortunately I only seem to see dh's family all at once, at our house, when I am providing a meal, and so it's not a great opportunity for me to be running interference for dd as she gets too wild and touchy.

In our day to day life, dd's sensory stuff is pretty mild. But since my ILs only see her for these big events, I'm worried what they think of her-- one couple has started treating her unkindly (they are young and don't have kids yet, and I can see them thinking "my children won't act like that"). I would like to be proactive and help her do better next time. What can I do?

Another question-- does the Out of Sync Child have advice for what to do to help a sensitive child, or is just descriptive?

TIA!

ZM

[PumpkinSeeds]

"The Out of Sync CHild Has Fun" is the title that is more activity oriented.

I don't have any great ideas about the other though. It sucks that family members are less than kind to her.

[WuWei]

Does she need physical sensory input when stressed to self-soothe, or is she sensory aversive and needs quiet and connecting with you when overwhelmed? There are ways to proactively meet the sensory issues in most all situations, we have found.

Pat

[straighthaircurly]

If you haven't read "The Out-of-Sync Child" I would read that so you know which activities in "The Out-of-Sync Child Has Fun" you should focus on. For example, my son is hypersensitive to noise and hyposensitive to touch and vestibular stuff. The result is he starts shutting down in noisy situations (goes catatonic almost) but in other situations he starts slamming into people, walls, the floor, etc. Reading both books has really helped us understand what he is going through and given us some strategies to help him through it. I understand how difficult it is to not be able to give your child your full attention when she is dealing with these issues. I had to stop coaching my son's soccer team so that I could help him work on his sensory challenges. I would do whatever you need to make it easier for her...can you make the meal be potluck (that's what my family does) or have a preordered meal where most of the prep is done or enlist extra help cooking from family?

[zeldamomma]

Originally Posted by WuWei

Does she need physical sensory input when stressed to self-soothe, or is she sensory aversive and needs quiet and connecting with you when overwhelmed? There are ways to proactively meet the sensory issues in most all situations, we have found.

Pat

She seems to need physical sensory input. Thanks!

[LynnS6]

There's a new book called "Sensational Kids" that has some nice guidelines for how to come up with a plan to get children with sensory issues what they need.

Things that might help (off the top of my head):
-A mini trampoline in another room (like her room) where you can take her to go jump off some energy. Or even a blow up air mattress on the floor will work well (that's what we've currently got).
-"Heavy work" -- have her place the chairs around the table. If you have a fire place, have her bring in the big logs to put beside the fire. Anything heavy that she can carry or deliver would be great. (Some occupational therapy outlets actually sell weighted vests that are also calming - for the same reason).
-Sensory foods -- give her raw carrot sticks or melba toast to munch on, or something very chewy that really makes her jaws work. Avoid sugars, food coloring and dairy.
-Provide her with a 'safe spot' where she can go and be quiet. Make a fort or get a little tent. Enclosed spaces can be very calming for sensory kids.
-Take her for a walk outside when things get too loud/uncomfortable --

And really, since you know she can get out of control, one of you is going to have to keep an eye out for her while the other plays host/hostess. Is there a relative who you can trust that you can ask to run interference for her and keep an eye on her (if dh can't)? I can ask my teenage nieces or my SIL to do this for my sensory avoider. So on the 4th of July, SIL took the kids inside so I could stay outside with the fireworks.

And I agree with the pp -- arrange the celebration so that the majority of food needs to be prepared ahead of time. NO COOKING on the day - just reheating. Set the table before everyone comes. Enlist the help of those who are coming to your house. Got a childless couple -- "Joe, can you pour the drinks please?" "Amanda, can you put the napkins on?" This is a FAMILY celebration, and at least in my family, it's OK to ask others for help.

Finally, how about educating the family about the sensory issues? That's what I'm doing with our family, and it's really helping. It's helping us avoid labels like "shy" "scared" "too sensitive" for our son. Instead of letting people draw their own conclusions, let them know that too much sensory overload causes your daughter problems. Ask for their help in getting her sensory needs met. (And can you go see your ILs at another time of year, just your immediate family? That will help them build a relationship with her and will let her see them under less stressful circumstances.)

[WuWei]

Our son is sensory seeking also. It helps if I connect with him first thing in the morning and create some type of body compression. We have a few sensory games that we have created:

"choo-choo train" is when he lies on the bed and I "row" his feet like a bicycle and we chuga-chuga-choo-choo (he does the train whistle sound) and we repeat that over and over for about 5 minutes. The engagement, physical motion and my participatory resistance/driving of his legs back and forth provides a lot of sensory input in a non-impact way.

Another is "pillow mash"-again he lies on the bed and I place a pillow on top of his chest and firmly "aggitate" the pillow in a jiggling motion and say "pillow mash, pillow mash", repeatedly. This provides input to his chest.

And another one is "salt shaker", again he lies on the bed, and I hold both legs up and "shake salt" out of him. He is sorta upside down (legs up in the air, body on the bed), which gives input of vibrating his head and back on the firm mattress.

Another is "burrito"-where he is wrapped tightly in a blanket and rolled side to side repeatedly.

Another is "sack of potatoes" when he climbs in a pillow case and I lift him up and down from the floor.

We also do "row-row-row-your boat" where we both lie on the trampoline with full body contact and roll across the surface back and forth, singing row-row-row-your boat. The total body compression is very calming for him.

We have his bed mattress and box springs on the floor. So, he'll go up to his room and bounce and jump for sensory input too.

Oh, also he loves to stand in place and jump up to reach my hands above his head. This is helpful when waiting in line, where he is restless, but needs contained activity. It creates jumping, reaching and a goal/game aspect.

Another is where I hold my hands together palm to palm and move them up and down and he tries to clap them with his hands. Again, this is great for when out and about and he has too much energy for the space limitations. A variant of this is where he tries to "give five" while I pull my hands back quickly. These can be used to constructively engage other people in the "game" also, which might free you up for short periods.

He also loves to play in the sink with LOTS of soap, that seems to be very soothing to him (but messy). Some kids really seek multiple baths a day and having that planned before and/or mid-visit may allow a connecting time with you; and a recentering activity, enough to make it a longer night.

So, if we are going to have a lot of sensory stimuli like a cacophony of sounds from a crowded party, we proactively do these games for 15 minutes several times throughout the day. It helps if we are very careful to avoid dairy, HFCS and artificial colors which decrease his ability to hear and consider other's needs. We try to plan activities for earlier in the day, plan some outside play time, especially swinging. Big tight, long hugs help in the midst of chaos to recenter. We also freely use Rescue Remedy (and/or Cherry Plum) Bach flower remedies before (and during) high stress situations.

Ds has no obligation to visit with company; and he freely removes himself to go watch tv in his room. It helps if ds doesn't need to meet and greet everyone, especially when they all want to be hugging him and expecting him to chat. He'd rather warm up to people like a cat...on his own terms. So, it helps if ds is quietly engaged with a familiar video when we have company arrive and then he can come down when he is ready and everyone is sitting and he is out of arm's reach. Then he is apt to go sit with someone and visit. He is an introvert.

I agree with creating as many ways as possible to decrease the entertainment demands on yourself. If you can prepare everything in advance and spend the day with dd, that would help tons, I imagine. My frenetic rushing about amps ds up and his sensory needs increase due to the decreased connection with me, as much as anything.

I ran across this comprehensive list of ideas for sensory activities:http://www.coping.org/intervention/s...nsintegact.htm

It probably helps to practice some of these games so that they are fun, known and can be anticipated. Perhaps, make a list, or place a name of each game on a piece of paper and have her choose one from a jar to play with you or others.

HTH, Pat

[WuWei]

Sensory Activities
Here is a another list of various sensory activities that child(ren) may enjoy and benefit from. I am copying this from ShineWithUnschooling. I find that proactively offering and engaging our son with some of these sensory inputs really helps when we have/had a busy day. If we have too much unfamiliar stimuli, he needs a break to recenter with some of these soothing activities. Or else......meltdown!

==========
CALMING ACTIVITIES:
Experiences that may help to relax the nervous system

* Stretches
* Deep pressure massage
* Slow rocking or swinging
* Fidget toys
* Progressive muscle relaxation
* Quite music with a steady beat
* Bear hugs
* Reduced noise and light levels
* Lavender, vanilla or other soothing smells
* Snuggling in a sleeping bag, large pillows or bean bag chair


>>>


ORGANIZING ACTIVITIES:
Experiences that can help an individual become focused and attentive

*Sucking or chewing on hard candy or gum
* Adding rhythm to the activity
* Vibration-toy massager, vibrating pillow, wiggle pen
* 'Heavy work' tasks to include hanging, pushing, pulling or carrying heavy objects

Similarly:

To organize
*Swinging on a swing or climbing
* Rhythmical sustained movement: marching, washing a table, or bouncing
* Rocking in a rocking chair
* "Squeezie" toys (koosh balls, balloons or rubber gloves filled with flour or cream, soft balls, gak, silly putty)
* Hanging by the arms on the monkey bars (20-30 seconds)
* Pushing/carrying heavy objects
* Carrying back packs weighted with books or bags of dried beans (this should only be worn for 15-20 minutes with an hour or two between)
*A reading corner with a bean bag chair makes a wonderful place for escape when there is too much stimulation. Some children may like the bean bag on top of them.
* Play dough
* Tactile Bins (cornmeal, oatmeal, water, sand, rice, beans)
** A bin full of bird seed (brought outside) is merrily cleaned up by the birdies -- no mess! :')
* Kitchen time (mixing, tasting, smelling, washing up)
* Finger painting


Some children also need extra sensory input in their mouths and hands in order to organize their behavior:

* Drinking from a water bottle
* Chewing (you can use a straw, rubber tubing or coffee stir stick)


>>>


* Being brushed with a corn de-silking brush (in one direction approximately 10 times with pressure brush their arms, back (but not over the spine), legs (on the top, outer parts and underneath, avoid the inner thigh area), top of the feet and the hands)
* Sucking on hard candy, frozen fruit bar, or spoonful of peanut butter or marshmallow fluff
* Licorice tug-of-war, blow pin wheels or various types of blow toys, bubbles and whistles
* Pushing against walls with the hands, shoulders, back, buttocks and head
* Cuddling or back rubbing
* Taking a bath
* Being rolled tightly like a hot dog in a blanket
* Being squished under a therapy ball, mat or couch cushion
* Tug-of-war
* Wheelbarrow walking, jumping games like hop scotch
* Crashing games-run and dive into boxes, bean bags and couch cushions
* Pulling a wagon, carrying a heavy book bag, digging in the yard or carrying groceries
* Sports such as wrestling and football
* Deep pressure (giving a massage) and joint compressions (holding above one joint and under one joint then doing a quick 10 repetitions of compressions, pushing and pulling)
* A mini trampoline
* A sockem bopper or whatever they call those weighted kid-sized things that spring back up after you knock them down

Oh, and going outside to blow bubbles is my cure-all. I always have bubbles in the car for "emergencies" too.

Pat

[4Marmalade]

My ds is 4 and is very sensitive to large crowds, loud noises, etc... I am very thankful that this Christmas we are spending it alone. When we go places or have a lot of people over we discuss it with ds beforehand. Ds is now starting to recognize the feeling he gets when he is starting to reach that "crazy" overstimulated stage. We talk about recognizing that feeling and asking dh and myself for help to remove him from the situation. If we are someplace other than home when we first get there we look around and find the "quiet, safe" spot that we will be able to retreat to should things get hairy. We have even spent time in our car when we are out in order to just get away. At home ds's bedroom is his safe spot. At his own birthday party (with 2 other children) he removed himself and played upstairs by himself for 20 minutes before he was able to return.

If we have a lot of people over I find it helpful to have at least one person concentrating on ds. He does very well with one-on-one interaction so we can usually get someone (either myself, dh, grandma, aunt, uncle, etc...) who doesn't mind missing out on some of the conversation to spend some time with ds in a quiet location. Reading books in bed always works in order to get ds to relax. Getting outside for a walk with one other person also works well. I would also probably forget about getting ds to sit at the dinner table with a large group of people.

Good luck helping your dd through the holidays.

[WuWei]

Bumping.

Pat