It is so hard to be gracious about holiday gifts when trying to banish clutter! - Page 5

[amyamanda]

Ravin, totally totally OT but I wish I could go to Estrella.

We live in the northeast and attend Pennsic every year (with kids of course - it's amazing to me how many people go without their kids, and how many strangers find their way over to me and my brood in the market to say how much they miss their kids.

Have fun!

[amyamanda]

Okay, here is an update on the original post.

The gift was a printed wooden wall plaque with an inspirational saying on it. Not handmade or anything unique, though it is "cute" if you like that sort of thing. I'm not the kind of person who hangs decorative stuff up, though I've made exception for a couple of exceptional things over the years.

The inspirational saying is nice enough, as touching as many that I've seen.

So I think I'm going to give in to my guilt feelings and hang it somewhere long enough to internalize the inspirational saying, and maybe long enough for the giver to see it hanging in my house (or possibly not).

And then it's moving on to bless someone else.

I am telling myself that the inspirational reminder is what she wanted me to have, and the wooden plaque was just the vehicle for the sentiment. Right? Right?? So once I memorize the saying, I can be done with the plaque?

I think sometimes people give the kind of gifts they would like to receive, and I think this is maybe one of those things. Though I couldn't in a million years gift it back to her. She and I already have an ongoing pact that we will not give a gift to each other unless we feel particularly moved to do so (i.e., no obligatory holiday gift-giving), and once in the past when she asked my honest opinion (or so I thought) of something she gave me, and I answered politely but truthfully, she got really offended and I think she still hasn't gotten over it. It feels so dang complicated when it's impossible to receive a gift without the attached emotional strings.

Anyway, thanks for all the support! I didn't expect so many responses, and I'm really grateful to know I'm not a lone disgraceful weirdo for thinking this way.

[momaste]

This thread is where I belong. We arrived on Christmas morning to my parents' house and there were too many presents to fit under the tree. They have two livingrooms and two trees and BOTH were FULL. I feel like such a selfish b____ for being annoyed by the sheer VOLUME of gifts we received - it took four trips to bring it all into the house!!

My mom said she'd give me hand me down toys from my nephew and give us money for DS's college account. Instead, he got a bunch of new, overly packaged, age-inappropriate plastic crap that he doesn't need - and no college money. He's one year old and she got him a RAZOR SCOOTER!! What was she thinking?

She asked what I wanted and I told her we needed a DVD/VCR combo with a CD player to play burned CDs. Just that one gift would be perfect. Our VCR is broken, DVD player skips, and I'd prefer to have one item instead of three pieces on the shelf. She agreed that it was a great idea. We saw one in the day-after-Thanksgiving sales for $50. Instead, she got us a DVD video recorder that doesn't play VHS or burned CDs. I'm certain that it cost more than the one we wanted and adds one more piece of equipment to the shelf.

Even more obnoxious is that I was really clear about trying to eliminate clutter, not wanting a lot of extra stuff, and ONE gift to the family would be perfect. We talked about how hard I've been working at paring down junk. I just wasn't listened to and it bothers me, maybe more than it should. I wanted to cry. Okay, I'm done. I'm going to recommend home made gifts for next year with a $50 limit. I just can't keep this up.

[Wild Flowers]

Oh I am so sorry. Really, I have been there. My parents now just send us money, which really, I don't like, it just says that they really don't know me, but considering they don't know me it is much preferrable. Maybe have a garage sale and put the money into a college fund? And then so they get the idea say, thank you for all the wonderful presents we made$$$ and put it in this college fund for him I probably wouldn't have the guts to do it, but if you have the guts, I would so do soemthing liike that.

[Vixenmama]

Originally Posted by momaste

...too many presents to fit under the tree. They have two livingrooms and two trees and BOTH were FULL. I feel like such a selfish b____ for being annoyed by the sheer VOLUME of gifts we received - it took four trips to bring it all into the house......!!

s

No, we have sort of a similar dynamic and I don't know how to describe it...it feels so gross and overdone--I have almost a physical reaction to the "sheer VOLUME" you describe. And that's with IL's whom I adore, and who I have frequent discussions with about simplifying.

We put our presents (from Santa) under the tree, and our toyroom was filled with gifts from the inlaws. The other odd dynamic is that there is obvious disappointment from SIL and MIL that my kids (2 and 4) simply open a gift and without really processing what's inside rush off to open another. I decluttered 391 items in about 10 days before Christmas and I think it may be a wash after xmas....


I just don't know how to figure this out...we need to have some gifts, especially for the kids, but how do we contain it and still have the magic...


worst gifts (for me):

• bath-set gifts, from 2 different folks
• quirky framed illustrations from MIL
• assorted kitchen utensils as well as navy toile flannel sheets, all from Marshall's from DH . I can totally see where his head was at (oh sh$#, Christmas is here--I gotta get something. Usually he's much more thoughtful)

Best gifts (for me):

• subscription to martha stewart everyday meals from SIL
• Everyday Mexican by Rick Bayless from DH
• The next "french women don't get fat book" from MIL
• Justin Timberlake CD from DH
• Wusthoff Trident bread and paring knife from DH

I'm still on the fence about this magical moon perfume from DH....sort of powdery smelling, I might return

[Imvishta]

Originally Posted by Amys1st

<snip>

Its sort of like that fruit cake that Johnny Carson used to say is circulating the globe for years- Someone takes it to a party and the receiver takes it somewhere else....IF you dont know who Johnny Carson is or dont remember him-- I am REALLY Dating myself!!

Wow! I'm so old (40) I wouldn't have even qualified the comment, just assuming everyone knows JC! Also, we live near Claxton, home of the Famous Claxton Fruitcake which DH sent to all of his family this year. Previously, his uncle has actually asked for one! If they're made well they actually taste pretty good. I still need to make them some homemade divinity. If you've ever had a store-bought version of divinity, well, just forget it. Not even remotely the same...

[TigerTail]

I like Claxton fruitcake too. :

PILES of huge, holiday-themed stuffed animals (for the kid he has been told for years has dust allergies & can't have them. We are in the process of ripping every sq ft of carpet out of our house, so I can see how he'd think it isn't a big deal or anything. )

I got a garish floral mailbox cover, too (we have a brick mailbox). Sigh.

OH, & because fil can't be bothered to send a gift receipt, I got to exchange holiday-themed stuffed animals at the mall for all the store credit they are worth on the day after Xmas. A buck & a quarter apiece. That was worth standing in line for. (I would've just sent 'em to Goodwill, but was at the mall already exchanging the uglyass grandma clothes that don't fit already- but at least those relatives sent a gift receipt!)

OMG, knitted gifts- I want to love anything homemade, but I got this ghastly hot pink furry boa/scarf that looks like the fringe on a lampshade in Barbie's bordello. Good God. I wish dsm would decide if I'm 9 or 79!

[snuggly mama]

The most obnoxious Christmas gift ever has found it's way into my home

My mother bought dd a cheerleader doll that does these 5 completely obnoxious cheers -- and of course, dd has memorized them all now :
Honestly, this thing is ugly, rude and annoying. I already told dd that cheerleader doll has to go to "cheerleading camp" soon, so she'll only be able to play with her for a few days.

Luckily, she bought nice outfits for my other two kids!

[LionTigerBear]

Originally Posted by Vixenmama

. . . we have sort of a similar dynamic and I don't know how to describe it...it feels so gross and overdone--I have almost a physical reaction to the "sheer VOLUME" you describe. And that's with IL's whom I adore, and who I have frequent discussions with about simplifying.

Same here.

We have two large garbage bags FULL of toys/gifts that are still in the packaging waiting to go out to charity, and that's not including the ones I compromised on.

Know what I hate most of all? Stuffed animal toys. They are all so cute and soft and reek of man-made-materials. They are a dime a dozen and we seem to recieve many dimes worth iykwim . . . we got a huge white, glittery, Eeeyore. Huge. I have to keep it because it will be obvious if it's missing. :

And I LOVE my in-laws. But it feels like they belong to a different religion-- the materialism religion.

It seems like the number of presents is the thing to them-- they had a smaller budget this year, so instead of buying one quality toy, they bought a bunch of cheap stuff. I mean, dollar-store type stuff. I just don't know . . .:

[Amys1st]

My SIL just dosnet get it. We dont want to exchange!!! We dont need anymore plastic garbage made in china or a dvd that literally sucks the smarts out of my dd's head.

We try to be tactful, but I think I am just going to have to say
ENOUGH, we dont want it or need it!! I will throw it out when I get home! Which I do with some things because I dont want to donate them because I dont want children having them.

[phoebemommy]

Yeah on volume. I don't get how people think I can deal with such volume when I'm taking care of a 4 month old and a long hours-working dh and a dog and two cats and the apartment they all live in. They call and ask about how we're liking xyz and I still haven't unpacked the suitcase it's in yet. Or if ds fits in such and such an outfit and I haven't even washed it yet.

And this year they went easy on us since we were traveling for Christmas. Seriously.

ETA: Oh yeah, and then they're all, "How's your new novel coming?" Yeah, I'm getting a lot of work done on that these days.

[Luckiestgirl]

Totally with you folks. We did really well with gifts this year (meaning we received a lot less than usual), so I was in good spirits on Xmas. Then I had my annual meltdown the next day when the kids received gifts from one of dh's employees. One was a little people airplane which was fine once it had a "batterotomy" (think lobotomy for batteries; we just take them out). But the other was a plastic battery-operated Thomas the Train set. I actually like the wooden Thomas stuff, which ds has a lot of. Of course, then the engine broke while I was looking at the battery compartment, so I had to have the "sorry your toy broke already" talk with ds. I think the giver meant well but I'm not sure why she feels obligated to buy the kids gifts when dh is her employer -- I mean, a gift for him seems like more than enough.

Dh is a recovering packrat, and I hate to be critical when he's come so far, but he always backslides a little at Xmas time. As in, I say why bother to find a place for something that doesn't bless our lives, while dh thinks we should keep everything for a mandatory period of time (like until the giver visits our house next). Um, no, not if the gift is addressed to me.

[TigerTail]

Ack! We've gotten the plastic Thomas stuff too. Such a punch in your kid's gut, when they wanted the wooden stuff (and no, not just because wooden is 'nicer' or I am opposed to plastic, the plastic one is not open-ended at all, & it breaks, & poof! Sad kids). I will just say 'no Thomas'. What a way to say, "Ooh! You're poor! Here's your crap!"

I felt the same way when I was 13 & I wanted to learn to play guitar like my cousin, & my parents got me a plastic kiddy one, that of course sounded like crap & didn't play music. Yeah, at 13 I so couldn't tell, Dad. Come to think of it, the one year my dd had an Angel Tree gift, it was one of those Dollar Store cheapass Barbies, too. Why do people BUY such crap? I got the kids a few cheap prsents this year too, we are broke, but at least it was stuff like punching balloons & juggling balls & a kalaidoscope- a Dollar Store collapsable- you know the way the heads sink in- 'Barbie' knockoff is just so chav. Get ONE Ritter figurine instead of twelve pieces of sh!t!

[Mom4tot]

We stayed home this Christmas, skipping my second oldest sisters annual present fest. Now, we stayed home because that's what we all wanted to do, but boy....the day after Christmas was so much calmer. We would have come home from my sisters with 2 garbage bags full of plastic, who knows what. We still exchanged with one of my sisters and my niece, but they were simple gifts the kids asked for. It was and is so much nicer to not have bags of stuff that I have to worry about regifting, donating, returning, blech.

[Imvishta]

Despite spending tons of money on me every year I never got the guitar I asked for every single year until I was an adult and hammered home the point. (Still haven't learned to play it, but hope to take some lessons now to at least learn some songs for DS.) Also, never got the chemistry set. Nor the encyclopedias I wanted in college (pre-Internet). Yet, illustrating the point, did get a brand new car when I was 16. Did get Mikimoto pearls, despite having three strands already I never wore, AND the appraisal value was included in the bottom of the box! (Stupidly, I refused to accept them as I was so angry I'd been given such an unthoughtful - for me - gift. Should have sold them and gotten the new transmission I needed for my car!)

So, this year we're asked yet again for our wish lists. After spending hours thinking of gifts DS could really use and we'd really like they bought ONE item from the list. We walked in and saw the big plastic desk they'd bought and the bookshelf/storage unit, and both DH and I just stood there. We couldn't believe they'd taken it upon themselves to choose what furniture we should have in our home. I think that's actually really arrogant and not a "gift" at all. Where are we supposed to put these items? They will know we aren't using them.

Every single one of my siblings hated Christmas this year. We're so sick of it. None of us could give an acceptable wish list, and they actually got angry with us for not being materialistic enough! I finally decided next year I'm going to ask, "So what can I put on my wish list for YOU that will make YOU happy?"

So, what do I do with the furniture? We're supposed to be grateful! :

Oh, we couldn't even fit it all in the car and haven't even gone to pick it all up. Totally do not miss any of it nor are we thinking about wanting any of it. Just a waste!

Then, when I told MIL who sent two Thomas the Tank Engine items that DS really liked the book (I'd been dreading what she was going to send) she said, "Then maybe next year we can add to what he has!" He has one single tank engine. Ugh! I'm going to have to find that wooden under the bed/sofa set I saw and make sure she understands we just don't have the room for all these sets of things! Anyone have that one?

[Imvishta]

How did I kill this thread? :

[MrsTC]

I'll shoot it after it's quit breathing...

Wanted to suggest putting clear packing tape over the noise openings on noisy crap plastic toys. We've done it and make a BIG point of showing the grandparents how we've managed to make these obnoxious toys tolerable (we use the word, "obnoxious" ).

I forget about places like womens' shelters for stuff that someone else could use and might enjoy that's not technically crap but isn't something I would use and have the space for.

The joke around here this year is "are you going to get another pastry blender?" My birthday is in early December and in the hopes of getting things I can use since our families *have* to buy stuff (as opposed to sending money that I could stretch way further) I made a list of things I could use in my kitchen...and I got three pastry blenders! And two hand mixers, 5 whisks...: It's all nice stainless steel stuff, though, so I'm keeping an extra set for the kids to play with so I don't have to share what I'm trying to use when cooking. And the surplus? ???

[CariOfOz]

I'm with ya mama's. We tried to buy ONLY things that we know the kids will play with and get them active (example a slide for their swingset, tether tennis and a sand pit) and a lot of crafty stuff since they are very into that. We had hubbies brother & his wife over... they live VERY on a budget (as do we really but he doesn't have good steady work all the time) so we really just wanted their company for the holiday. Apparently sil picked up bits & pieces all year from the dollar store to make our kids stockings as well as hers : At LEAST a dozen items are already in the rubbish as they broke, didn't work, or were just plain CRAP! She did however, crochet me a WONDERFUL throw cover for the sofa : Best gift EVER! hehe

[Imvishta]

Originally Posted by MrsTC

I'll shoot it after it's quit breathing...

Wanted to suggest putting clear packing tape over the noise openings on noisy crap plastic toys. We've done it and make a BIG point of showing the grandparents how we've managed to make these obnoxious toys tolerable (we use the word, "obnoxious" ).

I forget about places like womens' shelters for stuff that someone else could use and might enjoy that's not technically crap but isn't something I would use and have the space for.

The joke around here this year is "are you going to get another pastry blender?" My birthday is in early December and in the hopes of getting things I can use since our families *have* to buy stuff (as opposed to sending money that I could stretch way further) I made a list of things I could use in my kitchen...and I got three pastry blenders! And two hand mixers, 5 whisks...: It's all nice stainless steel stuff, though, so I'm keeping an extra set for the kids to play with so I don't have to share what I'm trying to use when cooking. And the surplus? ???

Thanks! And great idea to make a show of putting the tape on things. I decided I'll look for the Thomas set I wouldn't mind having and offer to let MIL get it, instead of DH and I (which we wouldn't), for DS for his birthday. That way she can fulfill her need to give more Thomas items, but with an item we could live with. (It's a pull out from under the bed board with track, so we can at least keep it together and under the bed or sofa.) After this holiday I realize I have to think ahead. And, it really is the volume of items we receive. Not even "junk," but just not things we'd use at all. I'm still wondering why they wanted the list when they bought only one item on it. Watching DS playing with our big broom so much today I keep thinking, "Do they just not get that we actually know he would have loved a child sized broom?" Sigh...

Oh, about the women's shelters... When I called to offer our old mattress, which I thought they'd use IN the shelter they told me they would give it to a woman starting a new home. I hadn't thought about it that way, that these items are usually better than nothing for someone starting over with nothing but the clothes on their backs! And, used kitchen items, etc. Never thought of giving those to a shelter before.

[mightymoo]

Well, we did okay I'd say I mean we got lots of presents which I expected my family is just that way, but they were at least not too outrageous or more than i was expecting. Most of what I got was stuff on my list. My dh got me a new keyboard for my laptop (which no longer backspaces since my son spilt milk on it) - It's a nice present, practical but I wouldn't have gotten it for myself (I just make due by selecting and hitting delete) and my brothers and DH combined to get me the new version of my camera (with the understanding from DH that I will sell the old one to make up the cost) which I love, since I use it all the time. I did get one duplicate gift a swivel sweeper, but I think I can return it to bed bath and beyond for store credit and get a battery powered light for our poorly lit and thus impossible to find anything in coat closet.

The kids did okay too - DD got mostly dress up stuff or art supplies, though DS got a lot of trucks (though he had none, so), I think I will rehome a couple of them.

One success was convincing my brother that buying the adjustable basketball hoop I suggested was plenty of gift for both kids, thus avoiding some random glut of other toys he felt he needed to get to make up the price difference. (They don't know its only $30 for both of them, and they are too young to be counting their presents, they aren't even aware of who gave them what)