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I have HAD IT!!! - Page 3

post #41 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by dharmamama View Post
The practical issue that I run into is that I have three kids, and if each got to have what they happened to want at that day and time, I would often be making three different meals for them (not counting the meal I made for dh and myself). I think that a lot of times, what people want at a certain time is kind-of a whim, and our grocery budget and my sanity can't take that. I have tried to teach my kids that having enough food to eat is a blessing and that being fickle is not a good thing. (And by fickle I mean, "Yes, I like this meal, but it's not what I want RIGHT NOW, not "Oh, I hate this meal, why did you make it?")
exactly dharmamama!

but i also see thismama's point of view. i think for me it is that i took time to fix something and set out his drink when i could. i might actually not be able to grab something according to his whim later. b/c that usually occurs when baby is having a meltdown, i'm thirsty and have to pee, exhausted and still havent eaten the meal I MADE.
post #42 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by nichole View Post
but i also see thismama's point of view. i think for me it is that i took time to fix something and set out his drink when i could. i might actually not be able to grab something according to his whim later. b/c that usually occurs when baby is having a meltdown, i'm thirsty and have to pee, exhausted and still havent eaten the meal I MADE.
Oh yeah! I hear you on that! What I do usually is ask her what she wants to eat when I have some time to make it. If she wants the main meal, or says, "nothing," I go with that.

If, when I sit down with my nice hot supper, she decides she wants something else, well she is welcome to get it from the fridge. *I* am sitting until my meal is done and I've had a few minutes to relax. So if she needs a spoon, etc, she is outta luck.
post #43 of 102
My 8 year old stepson lives with us off and on, and everytime we got him back from his mom and stepdad, we struggled with pickyness. They have a fairly limited, consistent repitoire of meals, and, well, DH is a chef so we eat a lot stuff that is "outside the mainstream" if you will.

It was ruining dinner and making mealtimes generally unpleasant, so we made rules and posted them on the fridge. They were ironclad, and we ALL had to abide by them. It took three days, and after saying "Check the rules" a million times, we have had zero issues, and dinner is pleasant again.

Our Rules

1. Eat as much as you want. You decide when you're full.

2. Absolutly no criticizing of dinner by anyone, including the cook. (No saying "This tastes weird" or similar, either. This is considered criticism, and will be treated as misbehavior.)

3. Anyone who wants dessert must eat all of his/her vegetables, and at least taste everything on his/her plate. Dad decides how many veggies we get. (This way, even if all Dane ate was peas, he'd end up eating a cup and a half of peas to get that smoothie pop.)

4. Dinner is the last meal of the night. If you do not eat dinner, you can have leafy green vegetables (raw, no dressing) as a snack, but other than that, no food until breakfast.

Dane went without dessert ONCE. He ate baby spinach after dinner ONCE. He knows not to screw around at dinner now.
post #44 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by thismama View Post
So, but do you allow him to get something else?

\
Yes. But most of the time he seems not very hungry. So he hates everything and has a poor appetite. He always has though. Except for days like today, with all the snow, he has been outside "snow boarding", so he is quite hungry. In fact, he ate an entire whopper from Burger King!

While i refuse to be a short order cook, I would never let him be hungry.

What he does eat when he refuses what I make: PB & J, bagel, Brown Cow strawberry yogurt, strawberries/apples.

I try and make at least one thing he likes. Like sweet potatoes. Or corn on the cob. What he also has issues with is texture. So he might love the way the rice is flavored, but he will gag and spit it out. Same with mashed potatoes, he practically throws up.
post #45 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leta View Post

Our Rules

1. Eat as much as you want. You decide when you're full.

2. Absolutly no criticizing of dinner by anyone, including the cook. (No saying "This tastes weird" or similar, either. This is considered criticism, and will be treated as misbehavior.)

3. Anyone who wants dessert must eat all of his/her vegetables, and at least taste everything on his/her plate. Dad decides how many veggies we get. (This way, even if all Dane ate was peas, he'd end up eating a cup and a half of peas to get that smoothie pop.)

4. Dinner is the last meal of the night. If you do not eat dinner, you can have leafy green vegetables (raw, no dressing) as a snack, but other than that, no food until breakfast.

Dane went without dessert ONCE. He ate baby spinach after dinner ONCE. He knows not to screw around at dinner now.
Yowzahs. That is way, way too hardcore for my tastes. Some of it makes no sense to me at all! Like, why leafy green veggies without dressing as the only snack? Why not a bit of dressing at least? Or some other food they might actually like?

ETA - And saying "this tastes weird" will be "treated as misbehaviour?" How exactly is misbehaviour treated? What if it *does* taste weird? Your family could get food poisoning or something becoz the kiddos are not allowed to comment.
post #46 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leta View Post
Our Rules

1. Eat as much as you want. You decide when you're full...........

3. Anyone who wants dessert must eat all of his/her vegetables, and at least taste everything on his/her plate. Dad decides how many veggies we get. (This way, even if all Dane ate was peas, he'd end up eating a cup and a half of peas to get that smoothie pop.)

.
Nitpicking, but doesn't Dad dishing the portions, and requiring all to be eaten, contradict rule #1?

We pretty much don't even pay attention to what dd eats at a meal. I put out the food, and she is free to take and eat what she wants. She is also allowed free access of all the other healthy food in the house. We don't (usually) keep "junk" food in the house, so healthy food is really the only option. When she was smaller, she would often try to persuade me to get her something else--and I would do so, but only after I'd eaten my fill of the food on the table. She was always free to go in the fridge on her own.

So, pretty much, I control what food enters the home....and dd controls what and how much and when she will eat. We sit for meals together, but she doesn't have to eat then if not hungry. I will sometimes announce "the kitchen is closed!" if she is trying to get snacks (read: make more dishes/mess) when I am struggling to make a meal, or clean up a meal. But that has more to do with my threshold for chaos than her eating habits, lol.

For the most part, dd eats the meals I make because everyone else is--it is just the custom of the home. She looks forward to our meals together. We all do!
post #47 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leta View Post
My 8 year old stepson lives with us off and on, and everytime we got him back from his mom and stepdad, we struggled with pickyness. They have a fairly limited, consistent repitoire of meals, and, well, DH is a chef so we eat a lot stuff that is "outside the mainstream" if you will.

It was ruining dinner and making mealtimes generally unpleasant, so we made rules and posted them on the fridge. They were ironclad, and we ALL had to abide by them. It took three days, and after saying "Check the rules" a million times, we have had zero issues, and dinner is pleasant again.

Our Rules

1. Eat as much as you want. You decide when you're full.

2. Absolutly no criticizing of dinner by anyone, including the cook. (No saying "This tastes weird" or similar, either. This is considered criticism, and will be treated as misbehavior.)

3. Anyone who wants dessert must eat all of his/her vegetables, and at least taste everything on his/her plate. Dad decides how many veggies we get. (This way, even if all Dane ate was peas, he'd end up eating a cup and a half of peas to get that smoothie pop.)

4. Dinner is the last meal of the night. If you do not eat dinner, you can have leafy green vegetables (raw, no dressing) as a snack, but other than that, no food until breakfast.

Dane went without dessert ONCE. He ate baby spinach after dinner ONCE. He knows not to screw around at dinner now.
:

I have four children with their own tastes and knowledge of what they like to eat.

My middle two eat just about anything and have a good variety.

My youngest is moderately picky and we make sure to fix something he likes if we are having a meal he dislikes.

My oldest is a self-declared vegetarian. He has never eaten meat ever. He also doesn't eat vegetables, again his choice. We make him something he will like at dinner time as nine times out of ten he won't eat what the rest of us are eating.

I see no reason to tell my children they can't have an opinion on what is being offered for dinner. They are not allowed to be rude, but they are certainly welcome to say if something tastes off to them.
post #48 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by Houdini View Post
I see no reason to tell my children they can't have an opinion on what is being offered for dinner. They are not allowed to be rude, but they are certainly welcome to say if something tastes off to them.
My kids aren't allowed to criticize dinner either. They are certainly allowed to say, "I don't like this," or "This tastes too spicy," or whatever, but after enduring several months of my newly adopted child telling me that the food I made was "gross," "disgusting," "yucky," etc., and my younger kids becoming imitators, my husband told the kids that they are not allowed to be critical of dinner. It was too demoralizing for me. I had to explain to my oldest (the recently adopted one) that just because SHE doesn't like it doesn't mean it's "disgusting" and that it's extremely rude to make a huge production about how "gross" someone else's food is.

So, I see the point of the poster who said that her kids can't criticize dinner. I didn't see her say that her kids can't express preferences, and to me, a kid saying, "This tastes weird" to mean, "Something about this meal is not right" is very different than a kid saying, "This tastes WEEEEEEIIIIIRRRRRRDDDDDD!" to mean, "YUCK!"

Namaste!
post #49 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leta View Post

Our Rules

1. Eat as much as you want. You decide when you're full.

2. Absolutly no criticizing of dinner by anyone, including the cook. (No saying "This tastes weird" or similar, either. This is considered criticism, and will be treated as misbehavior.)

3. Anyone who wants dessert must eat all of his/her vegetables, and at least taste everything on his/her plate. Dad decides how many veggies we get. (This way, even if all Dane ate was peas, he'd end up eating a cup and a half of peas to get that smoothie pop.)

4. Dinner is the last meal of the night. If you do not eat dinner, you can have leafy green vegetables (raw, no dressing) as a snack, but other than that, no food until breakfast.

Dane went without dessert ONCE. He ate baby spinach after dinner ONCE. He knows not to screw around at dinner now.
I totally agree... and in no way are you being too harsh.
post #50 of 102
My son is 2 and if he doesnt want what we are having, I ask him to leave the table. He almost ALWAYS comes back climbs up on his seat and starts eating. He does have an obsession with fruit though. I mean it could be a bad thing right?
ps What does frosted mean?
post #51 of 102
Dessert, guys, it's all about dessert.

You decide when you're full. But as any kid will tell you, "full of peas" and "full of ice cream" are two different kinds of full. (I had to learn about this in my major, actually, the difference between appetite and hunger.)

If Dane wants to pick at his dinner, not eat his vegetables and sit quietly, that's cool. He just can't have dessert afterward.

(Dessert is also withheld if there is critcism. Dinner should be pleasant.)

If you are hungry enough for treats, you are hungry enough for veggies.

(You remember that Pink Floyd song where you hear the Dad yelling "How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat!?!" We never have that situation, primarily because I'm a vegetarian. )

As for snacks of green leafy vegetables...the kitchen is closed because I hate waking up to dirty dishes. (No, we don't have a dishwasher.) Dane can handle plain salad prep and clean up on his own. And if he's hungry, I certainly do not want him to have trouble sleeping because of an empty tummy. But I'm also not going to let him just eat whatever he wants after dinner, because that negates the entire point of cooking a well balanced meal for our family. And like I said, Dane ate spinach after dinner ONE TIME.

This summer, Dane started eating eggplant, peppers, cucumbers, mushrooms, fish that was NOT battered and deep fried, bok soba noodles, cole slaw, lentils, and hummus- all stuff he had never tried before and now likes. His mom has also told us that he's way more open to new foods. So he was ready, clearly, to branch out. I feel completely assured that we did our best to expand his horizons in the direction of healthy food, rather than, say, Lucky Charms and Diet Coke, which is what he may have come to on his own, given the influences of his peers and the media.
post #52 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by boobybunny View Post
I totally agree... and in no way are you being too harsh.
Thanks!
post #53 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by thismama View Post
So, but do you allow him to get something else?

When I was a child, I hated the suppers my parents made a lot of the time. They consisted of meat (like hunks of meat, steak, etc) which squicked (still squicks!) me out, and steamed or boiled veggies, no spices. Didn't taste edible at all to my child's palette.

I went to bed hungry more often than not, and I think that led to a lot of compulsive and hoarding behaviour around food for me.

I really think it's important that children get to eat when they want, and what they want, within reason. Can you imagine going to bed hungry every night because the only food you were allowed to have tasted horrible to you?

(I'm kind of cracking myself up here becoz I'm debating against the CLers in the GD forum, but here I am sounding all CL )
I think your situation as a child was more understandable. You consistently didn't like something. My DS who is 9 will love something one day, and hate it the next. Drives me Bonkers: . For dishes that I know are going to be a problem for him for (what I've deemed good reason), I have an alternative option in mind and offer it after he doesn't eat. But for other stuff, he has to eat it. It is a problem for him to not eat vegetables, so they are certainly required.
post #54 of 102
My dd had been picky but as she is nearing 5, I am pleasently surprised at what she will try. Yesterday she proclaimed, "Mom, I love brocolli." She ate lots of it and wanted more. From age 3 until now she has been fairly picky but she also knows she has to at least sit with us and try something on her plate before going off to play.

She also knows that she can get milk, fruit/veggie, cheese or yogurt or pb.

My dd2 has rarely been picky with food. She generally wants to eat a late dinner and dh wants an early dinner, so I keep her plate available if she wnats to eat more later.
post #55 of 102
thismama- i'll try that suggestion thanks.

about dessert- i would be afraid they would stuff themselves to get dessert. or we would have this "how many more bites?" nonsense. what we do is rarely have dessert and then have it like an hour after dinner. honestly i would rather him have a cookie for lunch than deal w/ making him eat b/c we dont eat a lot of dessert anyway. not criticizing but i read that making them eat their veggies to get desserts teaches them dessert is better than veggies. but your way is better than punishment. dont think i'm judging b/c it comes out of dh's mouth some times and i just give him a look.
post #56 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by aywilkes View Post
My DS who is 9 will love something one day, and hate it the next. Drives me Bonkers: . For dishes that I know are going to be a problem for him for (what I've deemed good reason), I have an alternative option in mind and offer it after he doesn't eat. But for other stuff, he has to eat it.
Oh, I see. This is a little different, more like my kiddo. It is so frustrating when they insist they want something, so you buy it, or open it, and then they reject it. Under those circumstances I do my little lecture about "expensive" and "wasting." Usually she will eat it, sometimes not. For my kiddo if I've just opened a yogourt at her request and she rejects it, I might say, "Well right now it's yogourt. In a little while you can have something else, or you can eat the yogourt and then have something else." I don't put it back in the fridge with saran wrap, because more often than not, once rejected she won't eat it the next day. :

Quote:
It is a problem for him to not eat vegetables, so they are certainly required.
Okay, the vegetables thing. I have this theory, based on nothing but experience and intuition and my knowledge of food, that maybe they're not supposed to eat vegetables, or not in large quantities like adults do. So many kids reject them. Not all, but enough that it is something kids are known for. My kiddo maybe eats a vegetable once or twice/week, seriously. Mostly she is looking for protein, heavy carbs in the form of sprouted grain bread or kamut pasta etc, and fruits. I'm thinking the protein and carbs support growth, and pack a big calorie punch for her little belly. And the fruits - sugar for her little brain? My theory is she doesn't want to fill up on veggies regularly because then she wouldn't have room for the high density foods she requires at this time in her growth.

I may be completely off on that, but I wonder why would *so* many kids hate veggies if their bodies needed them? Yk?
post #57 of 102
We have always had the rule that I am not a short order cook. Everyone (my mom lives with us, too) gets a say about what's for dinner and everyone eats what's for dinner. Dd has been an adventurous eater her 5 years of life, mostly because we have a rule that you have to try something once or twice if it's new but also because we don't cater to her whims. There are times I would just like to have pizza for dinner, myself, but healthy chicken is the dinner that is on the table. We all have to eat things we don't like sometimes.

That being said, we are now visiting family in İstanbul, Turkey and spent a few days in Zürich prior to that. We're all eating a few things we don't like but as my SIL is cooking her little heart out for us, we eat what we are given. Dd has shown some dislike for things, but for the most part, she's been eating what she's given. She has tried some pretty adventurous stuff that her aunt is making for us. I really think that without the rules of our house, she would not be eating here. Having some guidelines help your kids to expand their culinary horizons when the time comes that they need an adventurous attitude about food.

Oh, and we don't eat any processed or fast food in the US or abroad. That's the other rule.
post #58 of 102
Holy freaking cow! I would puke my guts out all over the kitchen if I was forced to eat "the dinner" or raw green leafy things without dressing!

I just will never get this. "You like what I like or your staving!"

I can see not bending over backwards to make a new meal (although sometimes I do), but that's a little off to me
post #59 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by 425lisamarie View Post
Holy freaking cow! I would puke my guts out all over the kitchen if I was forced to eat "the dinner" or raw green leafy things without dressing!

I just will never get this. "You like what I like or your staving!"

I can see not bending over backwards to make a new meal (although sometimes I do), but that's a little off to me
:

Most of my food issues as an adult stem from the whole eat it or go hungry line of thought.

I refused to try anything out of the ordinary once I gained control over what I could eat. It took me years to have any interest in exploring new foods or different foods.

I see no point in forcing a child to eat something they don't like just so I feel better about myself. The whole idea that a child can't have an opinion b/c I would be offended is just insane.
post #60 of 102
I haven't read the responses because I wanted to give you my opinion untainted by those of others, but IMHO, I believe that the choice to indulge your son in these very limited (and unhealthy) eating choices is ultimately damaging.

For one, as you're seeing now, it's become an issue of control in which you get to be a short-order cook -- and I don't know of many moms who have the time to be doing double duty on meals.

For another, as I'm sure you already know, those choices aren't healthy ones in the medium- or long-term.

I know this isn't exactly gentle discipline, but I'll offer this suggestion because we're not in that forum:

Feed him what you're feeding the family.
No special orders.
None.

If he wants to have extra side dishes (if they're already part of the meal), great.

If he doesn't want to eat any of the meal, great. Normal, healthy people -- particularly children -- will never starve if there is good food placed in front of them. Ultimately, he will eat.

Stop buying the chicken nuggets, pizza, and hamburgers. He has to get them from somewhere, and so far, he can't buy them for himself.

I wish you well -- but I think you'll all be much happier for it.
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