In-laws always talking up school

[wallacesmum]

I am new to this forum; I suspect this has been discussed. I would love some threads on it if they are around - I have trouble with the MDC search engine. Somehow I can't ever find what I am looking for.

Anyway, ds is 9 months, so this shouldn't be an issue. We plan to un/homeschool. I cannot imagine a situation before high school where I would put him in a regular classroom - this is a very deep conviction from years of research so it would really take a lot for me to give up (I am qualifying all of this because he is just a baby so things COULD change, I know). My parents, and most of my family, know we plan to keep him home.

My in-laws, and that whole side, do not. They are big fans of school in general, and probably public school in particular. Dh and bros were all sporty, FIL was a teacher and is now regional manager for a big standardized testing company (not my bag, I assure you). They love us and support us, through our non-vaxing, AP ways. I am very grateful for that. We haven't mentioned the school thing yet because we don't feel like discussing it every visit for the next five years, and I never thought it would be an issue at this point. However, there are all these teasers already. "I hope I get to see him before he starts school!" - Great Grandma "Is he ready for school yet?" - MIL "You'r big enough to start school!" - FIL "Well, it's not like he'll still be in diapers in Kindergarten (in response to my jokes about how EC is an uphill struggle)" - MIL.

How do I respond to this? Do we just bust it out? He isn't going. It's not a choice he gets to make as a child, just like I am restricting his choices on food, toys, tv, etc. I really would rather not have him thinking it's this great thng, and then having to tell him he can't go.

Wow, that's long. I would love some thoughts on this.

[hahamommy]

I'd handle it like I handled all those other questions (like vax) -- haven't decided yet... gonna do whatever works best for us... I'm still doing my research... I'm so glad that worked for you...
When push comes to shove, sometime when he's 7 and still not in school and they begin to realize you might be serious, you can use "your concern is appreciated, your approval is unneccesary"
The last time family got into the "School was just wonderful for so-n-so" conversation (and they had several kids on that list) I breezily (as I could muster) walked through and said, "Gee, it's really sad there are so many parents that kids need to escape from" and kept walking :LOL

No sense fighting the battle yet... study the opposition
~diana

[hahamommy]

Originally Posted by wallacesmum

He isn't going. It's not a choice he gets to make as a child, just like I am restricting his choices on food, toys, tv, etc. I really would rather not have him thinking it's this great thing, and then having to tell him he can't go.

If it seems you're keeping him home to make his world smaller, you won't get many fans from the family, either. If you can switch your perspective to how homeschooling (and this is what unschooling is for me) makes is world larger and more real/tangible, you'll find an ally. I think vocabulary really does have a lot to do with winning them over and that's, well, kinda scary language, imho. I understand the principle behind what you want... anyhoo...
School can be good, it can serve a purpose. You don't want him afraid of it either, should circumstances arise that make school a viable option. Your home and Life should be fun and engaging and not lacking for whatever it is they think only school can provide.
The proof's in the puddin. They'll like your kid, they'll come to accept what you do.
~diana

[BennyPai]

It seems that your in-laws have been accepting of other parenting decisions you and your dh have made. Hopefully this will be no different.

In my case, all our parenting decisions are met with "concern." I have defended them all to the point of exhaustion.
My (step)MIL has brought this up as well, with "concern." We still have two years before our older toddler is 5. I get a lot of, "I am familiar with all the positive homeschooling research," and, "so-and-so had a wonderful experience with public school," comments from sMIL. I finally had an email confrontation with her, and was still unable to drive the point home.
We decided it was no use explaining ourselves to her, and really unnecessary as it adds to her illusion that she has some sort of say in our parenting decisions. We will wait until it comes up again (probably when Z turns 5) and will simply state our decision and make it clear that it isn't up for discussion.

[Lillian J]

I'd just ignore it - let it be just be an insignificant part of their friendly conversation until such time as you really have to deal with it at age 5 or so. It sounds as they're just speaking in pretty common language people use for these things. There's no need to make it into an issue - it may never become one. When the time draws near, keep your eye out for good books to give them on the subject. Right now, Family Matters: Why Homeschooling Makes Sense, but David Guterson, is a very eloquent one - it's his reaction to having to explain himself over and over as a high school teacher as to why his own family was choosing to homeschool instead. Lillian

[wallacesmum]

This is all such good advice. Thank you. You are all right, why make an issue of it? Wallace is around us way more than anyone else, so it's not as if he is going to be constantly thinking about school! By the time it gets close, they may realize anyway, considering our choices about so many other things.