Is it rude to ask family to cook with butter for holiday dinner?

[gina2328]

We were invited by my MIL for Christmas day dinner. Last year I remember my MIL for Christmas Day dinner told us she put a salad dressing made with canola oil/olive oil blend on our salad. My husband and I just ate it, but I felt uncomfortable. I don't know what other oils she used to cook dinner.

I know its rude to say something, but my husband sent my MIL an e-mail asking her to cook with olive oil, coconut oil, butter etc., and to avoid vegetable oils just for that one day for us. My MIL's sister (DH's Aunt) is always with us for the holidays, and my MIL accommodates her restrictions (she can't have butter). Our other choice would be to decline dinner with them.

What do you do for dinner with family for the holidays?

[stik]

I think it's hard to be an accomodating hostess to people whose dietary needs are mutually exclusive. I would ask if you can help with dinner by bringing along a dish or two that you have prepared. That way you know for certain you will have something on the table you feel comfortable eating, and you can make choices about other foods after asking how and with what they were prepared.

Unless you don't really enjoy Christmas dinner with your MIL and are looking for an excuse to skip it.

[newcastlemama]

I would offer to bring things if I was in your situation. Or you could look at it as it is only 1 or 2 days a year that you are eating that stuff. Is there any way that your MIL is open to tradtional foods? Now that I have had such an amazing healing experience it seems like more people in my family are asking me about it!

I think the email may confuse her because most people have been taught to avoid butter ect. Unless you know why they are okay to eat then she might think that you just don't like the taste of her food. May you could send her a WAPF "Know Your Fats" link?

Jen

[quietserena]

There are a few things that I am religiously forbidden from eating (alcohol and pork) so those are the only ones that I ask not be made or cooked with. (So many marinades are based on wine..)

Because I've had to go back and forth on this with family, I wouldn't even think of asking for more. But really, you gotta pick what's most important for you.

best of luck

[tamagotchi]

I only mention religious prohibitions (pork, etc) when we are guests. I personally don't think that eating vegetable oil for one meal is such a big deal. We eat at restaurants every once in a while too, and I don't think it is worth stressing out too much about that, either. We eat very well at home, and that is the vast majority of our diet.

[Leilalu]

I agree with tamagotchi.
I say, if you are close to the people, then sure, ask. But otherwise just eat what they eat. Or offer to bring something-such as a side dish prepared NT style.
Every now and then we eat out too(trying to save some money lately so not as much) But I really don't think it's a problem.
then again, my MIL eats very healthy, and we often help out, and she is very accomodating.

[funkygranolamama]

Do you know WHY your aunt can't eat butter? Does she have high cholestorol and think that butter contributes to that? If so, maybe you can print some info online about the myth of butter vs those-crappy-hydrogenated-fake-butters everyone thinks is great to eat when you have heart problems. If it's an allergy I would try my hardest to switch her to coconut oil. I agree with pp's about making your own dishes to bring just in case. My parents prepare all kinds of stuff I typically don't eat at xmas (crisco, shedd spread, bluck!). I usually just eat around these and take what I want. I don't like to overstuff myself anyway, and they know that so they aren't offended that I don't eat a ton of stuff.

[zoebird]

personally, i don't worry about it over the holidays. a lot of my clients give me cookies as gifts, and i just serve them and eat them myself. i rarely have meals that i don't make--even at the holidays--but when i do, i don't worry about it.

it's just easier.

[sparkprincess]

I wouldn't personally. But that's just me. If your aunt *can't* have butter, then your dietary choices are really going to make things hard for your mom and that doesn't seem far to her! I agree with others who said offer to take a dish or two prepared the way you want and focus more on those dishes.

[NettleSongMama]

I agree with Zoe- I have totally come to peace with the fact that if I know I am providing a wholesome, fresh base at home, I don't sweat much when we eat outside the home, which isn't that often.
But then I DO NOT want to be rigid about food again- I was that way when I was vegan and it was alienating and made me feel "holier than thou", created feelings of seperate-ness etc. Those feelings, and dynamics are much unhealthier than any one meal eaten at someone else's house IMO.
I also learned a lot about food rigidity with my kids. I want and love to eat traditional- I've been at it for four years now and really feel deep down it is the way to go, but I have zero desire to be militant about food again or to be so rigid I can't see nourishment when its offered because of my food beliefs. I highly believe in the energetics of eating. If you eat a salad with olive and canola oil on it and feel you are eating poison, thats what you get. I prefer to focus on the love of the offering, the intention of sharing abundance and think thats what I get.....ykwim? Not saying that you are doing that but offering up my own personal truth.

[TzippityDoulah]

personally I think it's better to make the hostests feel special and loved and appreciated than it is to worry about things like NT foods for one day. sure if it's an allergiy or religious thing then no biggie. but if you think about it when you ask smeone to cook differently for you and it's not the case of an allergy or something it just comes off as hurtful. to them you're saying they don't cook well enough. or they don't cook tasy enough or healthy enough for your style. honestly i just wouldn't invite someone to my house that made me feel that way. it feels crappy to know someone doens' approve of you. and truth is people just don't know better. (I have this issue a lot as we ate with my parents often and they are everything but NT an I don't digest carbs well at all so I end up sick if i'm not careful)

I'm sure your intentions are good! you're concerned about your health and that of your family... but put yourself in their shoes. it's only one day.

as a christian I have a huge issue with Santa (for example) but when someone gives me a gift and it's wrapped up in santa claus paper I say "thank you". I don't hand it back and ask them to rewrap it and lecture them about why I don't approve of "santa". why? b/c it's hurtful. but if at another time is comes up I will without problem mention how I feel about Santa.