Originally Posted by KangaTwo
Whether we approach our kids about sex or they approach us is a bridge that we have not come to yet, and hopefully will not have to for some time. When the time comes, the decision whether to approach them will be partially dependent on our observations. What are their friends like? Are they giving a sense that does not sit well with my husband and I? Do our kids give a sense that something is not as it appears? If it appears to us to be a necessary topic to bring up, it will be brought up. Not every teenager is going to be going around having sex by the time they're 15. My parents didn't have any need to go in-depth with me about sex or it's consequences. It was, however, stressed very strongly that it was important to never let ourselves be in a situation where we could be tempted, e.g. alone and secluded with the opposite sex. A lot better philosophy, IMO, than "well, you shouldn't have sex because these things could happen, but since you probably can't control yourself, try these."
Well, since you admit you were a rare breed as a teen, let me fill you in a little on what I was like, and what my friends were like. I'm fairly certain we had a variety of different forms of sex ed other than school. The only person I knew that even came close to sticking to har parents' morals was LDS, and even she went "further" than they would have probably liked before she got married. Her brother, raised by the same faily, just 3 years older, broke with the faith and was the "black sheep" and had a baby without being married to the mother.
My mom was a CNM, my dad a doctor. They informed me really really well. I still was in no way comfortable talking to them aboux sex (or drugs for that matter) when I was a teen, even though our relationship was pretty good. I had a 3.5 GPA, no signs (to them) that anything was out of the ordinary. I lied. I snuck out of my house. I slept with guys fully 10 years older than I was. I did protect myself though. Most of my friends were doing the same kind of thing. The one who had a boyfriend that her mom didn't like, she was told that she couldn't see him anymore. She ran away from home, drove across the country, and nearly married him in a state with a lower age of consent. She was in the gifted program with me.
I wouldn't count on being able to tell whether your child's friends are "ok" to hang out with. I actually, sadly, think you might not even be able to believe what your child says. I hope to have a good relationship with my kids, and maybe they will talk to me about it. But honestly, when the hormones plus the embarrassment, plus the peers being so much more important than parents kicks in, I really hope they are well prepared(by me) with a good solid background in self-respect, the ability to say no (if they want to) and the means to protect themselves if they don't.