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Conversations with family over the holidays - Page 3

post #41 of 51
We're in our 5th year of hsing now, so we really don't get much from family. Like a few others have posted, my family seems totally disinterested in hsing, now that we've proven that ds is flourishing in nearly every single way (so, natch, they usually bug him on his weight, sigh)

The only comment or question I got from family this season was my 18 yo niece, who was competely fascinated by how close ds and I are, even though he's 13. She and her mom (my sister) are not getting along well right now, I think she's either wishing she were closer to her parents, or baffled by the whole idea of liking your mom.

Friends, otoh, are constantly asking questions about hsing, and telling me about positive articles, or good experiences with hsing families. I've met very few people who are totally against the idea of hsing.

Noordinaryspider, just wanted to say how sorry I am that you and your son have had to put up with this kind of stuff from your father. My dad moved to another continent when I was a teenager, and we've never gotten on better, lol. I left home at an early age too, had a lot of conflict with my father. I've always found hsing to be a healing and rebuilding experience for me, especially now that ds is a teen, since I'm getting to go through a normal and sane childhood through my son. I'm also a single, working mom, I know how hard it can be to keep on top of what's going on in ds's life when I'm not at home all the time, but we've weathered every storm so far, and hsing has been incredibly helpful to us in maintaining that strong relationship. Teens are pretty good at seeing through selfish behavior, how has your ds reacted to this stuff?


Ali
post #42 of 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by kangaroo_mom View Post
My MIL turned to her and said, "M---- tell G---- what you think of homeschooled kids." To which SIL didn't skip a beat "Oh they're social retards! And prattled on and on about how they couldn't relate to anybody and it was so awful for their soicalization, etc.
Well, thank God you got an expert opinion... I'm sure you'll change your whole approach now. : : Then, maybe your children can grow up and call free-thinking individuals "social retards"!! Wow... she pretty much broke down my whole socialization comeback in that one comment!! Thanks, but I'd rather my children didn't behave like "well socialized" children in our society.

As a side note, I'd rather be in Portland too!!

Noordinaryspider - to you and your son!! Bless your hearts. If Grampa's comments weren't so sad/scary, it would have been almost amusing. Public schools are now preparing kids for the job market? Gee, guess we'd all better ship off our kids after New Years, or they'll be unemployable! Shake it off, sounds like you're doing great job!!


lizzie
post #43 of 51
I am just waiting for the inquisition tomorrow when my entire family is together. They all know that I march to the beat of my own drummer but this is the first time that we'll all be together IRL since we pulled dd from school last month.
I am nervous b/c we are still deschooling (and loving it!) but haven't really gotten into it IFKWIM...
post #44 of 51
We didn't do any visiting with family. Dd1 spoke with the in-laws on the phone though. I heard her side of the conversation with grandpa:

"School?...What do you mean, school?...Oh. No, mama hasn't been doing that with me lately."
post #45 of 51
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by kecmom View Post
I am just waiting for the inquisition tomorrow when my entire family is together. They all know that I march to the beat of my own drummer but this is the first time that we'll all be together IRL since we pulled dd from school last month.
I am nervous b/c we are still deschooling (and loving it!) but haven't really gotten into it IFKWIM...
I know how you feel about the deschooling thing. As if it's not hard enough sometimes to explain to people why you chose to take your child out of public school, then you have to explain deschooling...everybody in my family, even the ones who are really supportive, keep asking my daughter "So how is homeschooling going? What kind of stuff are you doing? What have you learned?" We're deschooling the month of December, so I have to keep saying over and over again "We're not doing any actual lessons until January."

If my daughter answers then she says "Oh you know, I've been watching tv, playing on the computer, playing outside, doing some crafts..." I feel the need to tell the person then that our lessons start in January, because the way my daughter describes it homeschooling is just lazing around, and I don't want people to think that that's all I have planned! It's kind of hard to explain deschooling though, especially to people whose kids are still in public school. It's difficult to say "I want to give her a chance to de-stress from her school experience, and to have her natural curiosity be reborn" without soundind like you're bashing public school.

I really don't think anybody in my family understands why we're deschooling, although I've explained it many times. I'm looking forward to the future when my daughter can actually tell them what books she's read and whatnot. I know I shouldn't care what people think, but it will still be nice.
post #46 of 51
I had an interesting discussion at brunch this morning with my mother (who doesn't get and doesn't want to get homeschooling) and my aunt (who is very supportive and curious)

My 8 y/o ds was looking up something on the net and wanted to know how to spell school. I told him and off he went. My aunt asked me if I test my kids for things like spelling and math and I said that we weren't required to by the province and I didn't find the need. I know how he's doing by talking with him. I know which areas he could use more practise in (spelling being the big one ) . My mother jumped in with her comment that in her opinion testing should be manditory because in teaches kids fear.....

So I asked her how fear of taking tests helped her education. Did she learn more in preparation for the test and did she retain it? Nope - she couldn't come up with anything postive. I asked her how that 'skill' benefitted her in life. She couldn't come up with anything here either. I pointed out that she refuses to take a class of any sort - even on something she is interested in like wine tasting because she hates learning in that sort of environment yet she knows that she learns best by having someone show her something directly. IMO school and the self image she formed there - that she wasn't intelligent and needed just to get married to some man who will take care of her - has dramatically affected her entire life's path, but I didn't go there. I just told her and my aunt that imo tests are a skill kids need to learn for higher education - but that taking them as an 8 y/o isn't necessary for him to learn a skill he will need in 8 - 10 years for college or university.

We went on to talk a bit about learning content vs skills and how arbitrary the content part of education really is. It was a very interesting conversation despite my mother's rather silly pro testing argument.
post #47 of 51
Noone approaches me anymore about homeschooling...since I can speak intelligently on the topic...now they've resorted to quizzing the kids and then letting me know where they are "deficient"

And thanks Folky Poet....we're adapting the "letter to friends and family" and sending it out....in fact, considering getting the WHOLE family a subscription this year!!!

Sus
post #48 of 51
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by SRHS View Post
Noone approaches me anymore about homeschooling...since I can speak intelligently on the topic...now they've resorted to quizzing the kids and then letting me know where they are "deficient"
OMG, if anyone ever did that to my daughter I would not be able to refrain from making some snarky remark. The gall of some people is just incredible.
post #49 of 51
Yes, and that would be my MIL!!!! :

Luckily my DH and I totally agree on our lifestyle (AP, GREEN, ETC...) and he doens't have a problem with saying something to her...we're just waiting until he gets home from his deployment...because of course this happened at HIS family reunion and he was in KABUL!!!

Sus
post #50 of 51
Thank you, Lizzie; I really don't feel like I'm doing a very good job right now and your support means the world to me.
post #51 of 51
After my Dad saw my (just turned 7 years old) ds writing, he asked me if I was "teaching him a penmanship class?"

I had to argue the fact that, he's 7, first grade aged, and a boy, who, to be honest, it's rare to find a boy with beautiful penmanship. Ugh, he's 7! Penmanship?! He can write all the letters and numbers, and you can read it. For now, that's good enough.

Oh, and I tried to explain that we don't "do school" and the regular sense of what people think when you say "school" and mentioned that when my Mom stayed with us and I was laid up in bed (dental surgeries, major drugs, lots of time in bed), she had ds sitting at the table doing his "schoolwork" literally for hours. After I found out about that, I had a serious conversation with her about NEVER doing that again, that she was no longer allowed to make him do anything, she was here to strictly play with the kids.

My Dad (they're divorced, many years divorced) said he thought it was good she had him at the table. I said it was insane.

Ah, we always find something to argue about. I'm stubborn, and I say what I think to him.
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