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Solo parenting

post #1 of 7
Thread Starter 
My ex husband moved several states away shortly after our divorce was final last year. Honestly he could move to another country and I wouldn't care, but it hurts the children that he's basically left them behind. he never writes, never calls, he sent our oldest a card and some balloons on his last birthday but nothing for the other 2. And he is currently not paying child support. he's crafty there, only sending a small amount here and there, just enough to make it so that I do not qualify for state aide but not enough to actually afford anything.

Is anyone else doing all of the parenting? How do you cope? I feel like I am going crazy trying to meet the constant needs of my children.
post #2 of 7
I'm here to learn the same things. :
post #3 of 7
Quote:
Originally Posted by smalltownmom3 View Post
Is anyone else doing all of the parenting? How do you cope? I feel like I am going crazy trying to meet the constant needs of my children.
That must be so hard. Is the CS in the divorce decree? Is it possible to have the CS order direct desposited so he has no say in "how much" he gives you? I'm so sorry you're dealing with this
post #4 of 7
Thread Starter 
It is, but the system is set up so that his employer has 30 days to file then an additional 45 days to begin deducting funds. By then he's already at a new job and the process begins again.

Its hard being everything to everyone, and doing it on a limited income.
post #5 of 7
Quote:
Originally Posted by smalltownmom3 View Post
Its hard being everything to everyone, and doing it on a limited income.

s


i definitely know how that is, mama.

i'm sorry i have no advice, but i wanted to give you some support and just say .... yeah, it sucks.
post #6 of 7
I do get CS from my oldest sons dad ($94 a week) but not my youngest, and i live in one of the highest cost of living states. So while i do get some income ,and usually on a regular basis, it is by no means enough in terms of support. My oldest son's dad comes around on occasion, we see him on average once every 2 or 3 months, for like 2 days then nothing for another few months. My youngest has never met his dad. So ya im pretty much all they ever see and want.

As far as getting state aid, unless you have a CS order, you don't need to tell about any money you may or may not get. And if you do have a CS order you need to take him to court and make him pay on a regular basis (your state should actually be able to do this for you, do a search on your state governments site for CS) at the very least it may make things more stable financially for you.

single parenting isn't always the funnest job in the world.
post #7 of 7
I was a solo parent for many years and my best advice is to establish a good support system. I was lucky and had a large family that helped me a lot (still does, actually, even though DP and I live together). Teaming up with other moms who can support you and be someone to lean on is a huge help.

As for the CS, I'd get an order for payroll deductions, if you don't already have one. If you do and he keeps switching jobs, then there's not much you can do. Check with the agency you're applying for aid from and see what "CS" you have to claim, though. If the order is for $200/mo, for example, and you only receive a fraction of that on a semi-regular basis, then you might not have to claim it. Also, if the amounts he's paying are sporadic and for specific items, say you tell the ex "DS needs $20 for some new shoes" and he gives you only $20, then you could say that's not CS, but he bought your son shoes, etc.
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