furious

[Justice2]

I am so very furious. My cousin, who is 26, has always been a very flighty individual. She married when she was 20 (that lasted under a year) and managed in her year of marriage to produce two beautiful little boys. She was pregnant when she got married and then immediately after the first ds was born, she became preggo with the second. The first ds is 5, and the second is 4. Two nights ago, she drove to her mother's house, dropped off the boys and their birth certificates and said, "I can't do this anymore, you do it". AND LEFT. She was always a very unattached parent. Always screaming at the boys, swatting them. She had taught her first ds to say things like "I hate my daddy". It wasn't a very loving home. Still, I cannot understand how any parent can abandon their children. You would have to pry my babies from my cold, dead hands before I would give them up. I could understand if she couldn't afford life and needed to move back in with her mom for a while until she got on her feet, but she is an NA, training to be an RN. I am so very upset by this. Those little boys are not old enough to understand anything but mama isn't here anymore. I am told that her oldest boy ran up the driveway after her car screaming "please mama dont' leave". I am in tears for these children. They are just babies. I know that I am not the perfect mother, but I am the most perfect mother that I know how to be. I don't understand how a mother could do this. I also know that it isn't my place to judge anyone, but I can't help but to do that either.

Thanks for letting me vent. I really needed it

[Piglet68]

Wow. My heart really ached when I read this, especially the part about the child running after his mother...that poor kid will have major scars for life, and it will affect his future relationships and everything. That is so very sad, and I'm so sorry that you have had to cope with this in your family.

[gurumama]

how awful! is their grandmother in a position to care for them? is there extended family who can help? my heart is aching for those boys...

then again, will they be better off in terms of ongoing care? will your aunt be a better mother figure to them than their own mother?

hugs,

mel

[Quirky]

Holy (expletive deleted) that is just terrible. Those poor babies. I can't even imagine the pain they're in; all babies love their mamas even when their mamas aren't worth a hill of beans. I hope your aunt can provide a loving and stable home for them.

[chapulina]

absolutely heart-wrenching to think of a child desperately wanting someone who doesn't want him. I will keep these little ones in my prayer.

[mamawanabe]

Yes, sad she is unable to be the mother they need. But it looks like she recognizes this. I could never leave my babies, but some people are not good parents, and kids should be with the people who both love them AND can best parent them. We don't recoil in horror when a father gives full custody to a mother, perhaps we shouldn't when a mother gives full custody to a father or a grandparent. (Though of course, the manner of her giving this custody was indeed possibly scarring to the boys.) It is sad and not ideal, but perhaps they will be better off with weekend parenting from thier mom and full-time parenting from their grandparents.

[Elphaba]

your aunt needs to go to court and finalize guardianship. just having their birth certificates doesn't do anything for them. this arrangement is totally unstable and your cousin could come back at any time and take them again, and then leave them again, etc.

i'm really sorry your family is going through this. it's a very sad story.

[Justice2]

Thank you.

Thank you all so much for your words. There isn't much comfort to be found in this situation. I know that my aunt and uncle will care for these boys and love them as if they were their own kids, not grandkids. My aunt is going to both the mother and the father and getting full custody. She also told my cousin that if she left the boys with her that they would STAY with her. She is not going to let them go back only for their mother to abuse them (and in my opinion, abuse is a definite word for what she has put those boys through in the past week) anymore. I know that it will all work out, I just don't know how I am going to react if I see her (the cousin) anytime soon. I **sigh** probably give her a piece of my mind in hope to make up for her loosing hers. I am like that, always speaking before I think better of it!

[Charles Baudelaire]

Best thing she ever did

Leaving them with a stable married couple who might actually treat them like loved and wanted children might be the best thing this waste of a uterus ever did as a mother.

I am sooooo sorry for those poor children. I think the best thing in the world would be for your aunt to adopt them and tell them constantly, "You are wanted...we had a choice to adopt you and we did because we love you..." and so on.

They're better off.

[The Lucky One]

Maybe she did the right thing?

I haven't read any of the other replies in this thread, so perhaps this has already been said.

You are right when you say that you couldn't imagine giving your children away. Most mothers can't. Even very detached ones. That's why what your cousin did is so shocking. Maybe she was thinking of seriously harming or killing them. Or maybe she was thinking of killing herself. I know it is hard not to judge and think horrible things about her, but maybe she did the very best thing for those two kids.

I feel very sorry for them. They have a rough road ahead of them, even if they are going to be very loved by a family member. They will always feel abandoned and assume guilt for it, even if perhaps their lives were spared by the abandonment. I certainly hope they are put into counseling right away.

Gentle thoughts to you and your family...

lisa