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post #61 of 70
I'm starting to feel like I am the most tactful person on Earth, reading this thread. I love twins, there are several sets in my extended family and I am just drawn to them. Rather than just standing there and staring, I usually try to say something.

Most recently, I saw a mama with year old twin boys at the PO. I said, "My, they are very cute. Are they identical?" And she said that she thought so, but they were getting tested. She was very nice.

I also saw a mama with twin girls who looked very identical at the grocery store. They were about the same age as my DD and had the most absolutely gorgeous fire engine red hair. I said "Wow, they're beautiful. How lucky are you?" and the mama said "Very, just tired, too." And we talked about our littles.

So I hope that some comments are okay. I try to be nice.
post #62 of 70
My MZ girls are almost 3 1/2 and we still get comments everywhere we go. It's not everyday you see two little girls who look so similar. When they were babies it was tough because it was hard to get through the store without getting stopped in nearly every aisle. I was tired and one or more babies often needed to nurse, so it was difficult to stop and be pleasant to everyone that commented on them. I developed tunnel vision and I could just ignore people who didn't speak to me directly. I do seem to recall complaining about comments on this very forum about 3 years ago.

Now that they're weaned and able to go out in public without needing their every need immediately met, I have more time to chat with folks who talk to us. I've come to realize that most people mean well when they make comments about my twins. Even the most ridiculous comments (and believe me, I think I've heard them all!) are often meant well. In fact, now I sort of like it when we get stopped. I meet a lot of interesting people--people that are twins themselves (I have yet to meet an adult triplet), parents of multiples, grandparents of multiples, siblings/cousins/former babysitters of multiples. Everyone has their own story and it's fun to listen to them. I especially like to talk to adult twins and ask them about their relationships with their twin.

Last summer we were on the train downtown and a pair of identical twin meth addicts (there are many in PDX) sat across from us. It was the oddest exchange. They were soooooo messed up--one couldn't stop his arm from moving & he had to sit on it to keep it still, yet they were so nice and interested in the girls because they were twins too.

I don't know. I know it's irritating to hear all the silly comments. I used to complain about them too. I think my tune changed when I started getting the brush off by fellow parents of multiples when I've been out & about in places without my girls. It's really weird to get the brush off from other parents of multiples when I have mine with me! My girls are at the stage right now where they're very interested in other twins. The other day we were at some store and they commented about some other twins, about a year old, and the mom completely ignored them. It was kind of sad. She heard my girls commenting about them, but she didn't say anything. I'm sure she was tired & run down like I was when my girls were that age, but it would have been nice for her to acknowledge three year olds talking about her babies, yk?

It's an amazing thing having two or more babies at once. The celebrity status that goes with it is both a blessing & a curse, but this stage of having little ones goes by so fast that a few minutes out of my day to stop and chat with someone who is fascinated by my children isn't any skin off of my nose.
post #63 of 70
You're totally right-- *most* people are just making an attempt to show appreciation, sympathy, etc. It just gets tough when every conversation turns into a science lesson, especially if you're a little shy to begin with. At least it gives us something fun to talk about. When dh gets home from work we laugh over all the silly things people said that day.

Multiple mamas should always stick together, IMHO. I would never give the brush off to another MOM and was very hurt when it happened to me once.
post #64 of 70
Yeah, I'm shy too and I totally empathize. Lindsey, your twins are exactly 3 years younger than mine, to the day.
post #65 of 70
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2+twins View Post
To determine zygosity.
Sorry, I should've been more clear. Sure, of course to determine zygosity, but why? Why is it important to know if they're mono- or dizygotic?
post #66 of 70
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leta View Post
I'm starting to feel like I am the most tactful person on Earth, reading this thread. I love twins, there are several sets in my extended family and I am just drawn to them. Rather than just standing there and staring, I usually try to say something.

Most recently, I saw a mama with year old twin boys at the PO. I said, "My, they are very cute. Are they identical?" And she said that she thought so, but they were getting tested. She was very nice.

I also saw a mama with twin girls who looked very identical at the grocery store. They were about the same age as my DD and had the most absolutely gorgeous fire engine red hair. I said "Wow, they're beautiful. How lucky are you?" and the mama said "Very, just tired, too." And we talked about our littles.

So I hope that some comments are okay. I try to be nice.
I think these comments are totally appropriate and very sweet. If my twins were MZ or if they were even the same sex and looked remotely alike i would be okay with the identical question. I get offended when people ask ME that question because I think that if you are going to make comments or ask questions, that you should actually look at the children you're talking about. I feel like they are just lumping my kids into some kind of morph baby with two heads.

Quote:
Multiple mamas should always stick together, IMHO. I would never give the brush off to another MOM and was very hurt when it happened to me once.
I always end up talking to people, especially the MOMs. And if i saw 2 little MZ girls talking about my twins I'd stop and talk to them too One thing I've learned is to just keep my mouth shut when talking to MOMs. I was talking to one mamma whos little girls were seriously mirror twins. She was even telling me they had matching birthmarks on opposite legs. Then she says, "oh, but they're not MZ." I asked if they had been DNA tested, or if they had learned that from the placentas. SHe said thats just hat the nurses/Dr. whoever told her. that the placentas were too far apart to be MZ. I REALLY had to bite my tongue not to sit there and argue with her, but its really not my place to tell her she had been given misinformation. I'm not going to sit there and tell her that she didn't know her kids. I figure I could never tell the Olsen twins apart, and they're supposed to be DZ.
post #67 of 70
Quote:
Originally Posted by kangamom View Post
I got this one once-

Them: "How old are the babies?"

Me: "X months old"

Them- "Both of them??"
I get this comment. All. The. Time. Honestly, every time I say my b/g twins's age, I hear this.

None of the comments about twins really upsets me, however. I'm sure I've said my share of boneheaded, thoughtless, clunky comments to overtired, overworked moms as well. People are interested, and people are weird, so there ya go!

The only comments that bother me involve people perceptions of boys versus girls. I've heard many times how baby boys are "trouble" or "a handful" or "rascals" while my infant girl is always always always called an angel (and she is, as is her brother). I don't appreciate anyone slapping a negative label on my son. But I know these comments don't come with a whole lot of thought ahead of time and really no malice, so I just say, "Oh, they both are little angels" or "No rascals here" or some other pleasant drivel and move on.
post #68 of 70
Megmurray - I think most people who ask me the paternal/maternal question are confusing it with identical/frat - often it goes "are they identical or paternal/maternal" so...

As far as why people have the genetic testing done... I am sure everyone has their own reason. We have not done it, but sometimes I think it would be nice just for the certainty. Other than that, my main reason would be for medical reasons (if one were to need a donor for some reason).
post #69 of 70
Quote:
Originally Posted by fivi2 View Post
Megmurray - I think most people who ask me the paternal/maternal question are confusing it with identical/frat - often it goes "are they identical or paternal/maternal" so...

As far as why people have the genetic testing done... I am sure everyone has their own reason. We have not done it, but sometimes I think it would be nice just for the certainty. Other than that, my main reason would be for medical reasons (if one were to need a donor for some reason).
Thanks -- I was wondering if it was for medical reasons (e.g., if one twin had genetically-based disease X, then obviously one would want to know if his or her sibling also had that disease), or just curiosity in the case of twins who look very similar but who might still be dizygotic. Thanks for clearing up the mystery.
post #70 of 70
Quote:
Originally Posted by DoubleLove View Post
I have 4 month old b/g twins and I'm really getting tired of people saying... 'oh how perfect...you got your boy and girl in one bang...now you can be done'.
You just reminded me of something funny. Back when they were still in their infant seats, I would just use the double snap'n'go for short errands. Well, Lilly had a borrowed Snugride in a grey/black plaid, and Kate got the pretty pink girlie seat we had to buy (We decided that since Lilly got to come home first, Kate to have the cuter seat). So, people would just look at the car seats and say "Oh! A boy and a girl - how perfect!" And I would have to smile at them and say "Actually they're both girls..." and in my mind I would sarcastically add "How horribly imperfect, I know."

Quote:
Originally Posted by Meg Murry. View Post
Sorry, I should've been more clear. Sure, of course to determine zygosity, but why? Why is it important to know if they're mono- or dizygotic?
As the PP said, mostly it's about curiosity. I used to get asked if they were identical at least 5 times on every outing. I guess I still do, but at least now I can say "YES" with confidence! Plus it's good to know their zygosity if medical issues do arise.
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