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Are mainstream SAHM more into cleaning? - Page 6

post #101 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2tadpoles View Post
Our house is very middle-of-the-road. While there is no filth, there are dustbunnies. There are dishes in the sink from this morning; we left the house immediately after breakfast, got home late and nobody felt like doing them. So they'll stay there until the morning. No biggy. I'll do them while I'm waiting for coffee to brew.

We have a fair amount of clutter. Lots of books, magazines, crafts, etc. I have two bins of Xmas decorations that I've been meaning to take down to the basement since Saturday.

Does this mean that I'm unable to care for my belongings and my home? I don't think so. Everything in my house is in working order and reasonably clean.

Honestly, I would prefer an immaculate house, too. I'm just not willing to give up other activities in order to achieve that. And although my kids are messy people, they don't abuse their things or destroy the house. They may not care for their belongings according to your standards, but our relaxed standards are met just fine.
Hmmm... I really wasn't trying to offend you with that statement you know? If your home is the right amount of clean for you & you're OK with how your kids help out/treat stuff why in the world would anyone else care? I didn't have some pre-determined level of neatness in mind when I made that statement.

PERSONALLY I am a very neat person. That does not mean that I feel everyone else needs to measure up to my level of cleanliness. Because I am very neat and organized I naturally tend to model/teach that to my daughter.

What I suppose I was really getting at with that statement is I believe it's important to teach our kids how to care for their stuff. And it's important to teach them to (reasonably) pick up after themselves. And give them the basic skills to care for their homes once they're grown. I do not expect my children to clean, clean, clean, and truthfully I don't care how they keep their homes once they're grown. As long as they're not living in squalor & paying their own bills it's not really any of my business is it?

I do think it's my job to teach them how to do laundry, run a vacuum, cook, etc because if we don't do it who will? I've known several people IRL who were literally *helpless* once they left home because nobody ever bothered to show them basic things like that.

Oh, and FWIW, I also don't give up activities to care for my home. We have playdates, visit family, go on outings, and all the usual things. I just work cleaning my home in around everything else. Yes, some days there are dishes sitting in the sink all day. Some days there are 3 loads of laundry waiting to be folded. But on average my home is very clean because on the days we don't have as much going on we get caught up on the few things we've fallen behind on. And I learned the hard way a long time ago to banish clutter as much as possible (thank you Flylady! ) Again, that's not a statement about anyone else's home or cleaning habits. Simply what works for us, which is what the original question I was answering was asking.

Blessings,
Holly
post #102 of 157
It's interesting that several people have mentioned that they keep their homes the opposite of how their home was kept when they were children. I have major issues with housework, stemming from my childhood, and my mom's need to keep an immaculate home. I had a wonderful childhood, and this is the only real "wound" that I can think of.

There were often times when I felt that cleaning the house was more important than me. And the fact that we were chronically late as a family because mom wouldn't get ready to go until the house was totally spotless. She hated coming home to a "dirty" house. I hated being late and having absolutely no control over it.

So, I struggle with feeling the need to live up to her standard of cleanliness, while knowing that I simply cannot. It's weird, like I really want my house to be perfectly clean, but at the same time I don't because then I feel like she is in control instead of me.

Anway, I agree with those who think it is more of a personality issue. Mom is a perfectionist; I'm not.
post #103 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by Parker'smommy View Post
Like some others have said, there is a difference in a DIRTY home and an untidy home. Ours is definitely untidy a lot of the time...but it's not dirty. The bathrooms are clean and the floors are too, and I don't like to cook in a dirty kitchen either. . Those are the main parts I try to keep clean, and that's for me...I get grossed out over a dirty bathroom, floors, or an unclean kitchen...it just seems unhygenic to me.

But I do have to say, I've learned from my crunchier friends whose homes are less than desirable in cleanliness, that having the house spottless is not the be all, end all. Tending to my children's needs comes first! And that may be the difference of ap vs. mainstream. I would never let my child cry so I continue mopping a floor. I would never put off my toddler's asking to nurse to vaccum. And I would play with my kids or read them a book if they asked me to in the middle of me cleaning the bathroom. My kids come first...always. But I do try and fit in cleaning when I can, because personally I like a clean house.
Sorry, I just have to respond to the statement about mainstream parents. Two of my closest friends are what would be considered mainstream, they breastfed, didn't co-sleep, didn't sling etc etc. However, neither one of them would have allowed their children to scream while they were cleaning. Both would leave what they were doing, and attend to the child/children and return to the cleaning at a later time. In fact, one of them had a daughter that from the age of 2 weeks my friend had to take everywhere in the house with her, because she screamed her little lungs out if my friend didn't

It's unfair to assume how a mainstream parent would/should act in regards to certain situations, because I have found that the majority of mainstream parents that I know, may not practice things that we believe are better for the children, but they do infact love their children deeply and I have also found that a few, had they been informed, would have done things differently.

Blessings
post #104 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by Imogen View Post
Sorry, I just have to respond to the statement about mainstream parents. Two of my closest friends are what would be considered mainstream, they breastfed, didn't co-sleep, didn't sling etc etc. However, neither one of them would have allowed their children to scream while they were cleaning. Both would leave what they were doing, and attend to the child/children and return to the cleaning at a later time. In fact, one of them had a daughter that from the age of 2 weeks my friend had to take everywhere in the house with her, because she screamed her little lungs out if my friend didn't

It's unfair to assume how a mainstream parent would/should act in regards to certain situations, because I have found that the majority of mainstream parents that I know, may not practice things that we believe are better for the children, but they do infact love their children deeply and I have also found that a few, had they been informed, would have done things differently.

Blessings


Thank you for that. I have friends who are more mainstream. My one friend BF exclusively for over a year with each of her two boys, but didn't co-sleep, used timeouts but didn't spank. Her house is nice and clean, and I will guarantee she did NOT let her children cry while she cleaned it. In fact, her husband comes home and does something if needed. (she is a SAHM) He says it is HIS house too.

A clean house doesn't = abusive, neglectful parent.
post #105 of 157
I know some very crunchy attached moms who are very clean. I am not one of them. They seem tired.
post #106 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by janerose View Post
I do think it's my job to teach them how to do laundry, run a vacuum, cook, etc because if we don't do it who will? I've known several people IRL who were literally *helpless* once they left home because nobody ever bothered to show them basic things like that.
Oh, I think kids should be taught those things, too. Are you under the impression that not-as-frequent cleaners don't teach their kids how to clean? That because I might vacuum once a week rather than every day, my kids won't ever learn how to use a vacuum?

Anyway, I'm not a SAHM, so I guess my opinion doesn't really matter. I wasn't really paying attention to the fact that this is a SAHM thread.

I was a SAHM for one year of my kids' lives, and although my house was a bit cleaner/tidier, it still wasn't perfect.
post #107 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by TinkerBelle View Post
A clean house doesn't = abusive, neglectful parent.
Agreed. Just as mainstream doesn't = abusive, neglectful parent.
post #108 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2tadpoles View Post
Oh, I think kids should be taught those things, too. Are you under the impression that not-as-frequent cleaners don't teach their kids how to clean? That because I might vacuum once a week rather than every day, my kids won't ever learn how to use a vacuum?

Anyway, I'm not a SAHM, so I guess my opinion doesn't really matter. I wasn't really paying attention to the fact that this is a SAHM thread.

I was a SAHM for one year of my kids' lives, and although my house was a bit cleaner/tidier, it still wasn't perfect.
Honestly, I'm not sure why you seem so determined to be offended by my posts. Did I *say* you have to vacuum daily to teach your kids those things? No. I didn't. In fact, I do not vacuum my home daily. Maybe 2-3 times a week. But we have 8 cats as well, so any less than that and things get pretty gross.

I wasn't implying ANYTHING about less frequent cleaners by my original statement. I was simply saying that I feel very strongly about teaching your kids (REGARDLESS of your personal cleaning style) how to care for their home & their stuff. You certainly don't have to have a spotless home to accomplish that goal! But I do believe you need to involve your kids in the cleaning process in order for them to understand how it works. You sound like that's something you already do anyway. Please remember that my original statement was in a post responding to a question about how to incorporate your kids into your housework.

Again, I PERSONALLY happen to model a very organized/clean home because that's just the way I am naturally. DH is not an organized/ultra clean person by nature, but we work around it. It's all about balance. He has his places to be messy & I accept the responsibility of doing 99% of the cleaning because I'm the one it bothers. It works for us.

I have no idea why you'd feel your opinion doesn't count just because this post is in the SAHM forum. From what I can see very little of this conversation has been specific to SAHM anyway. Much more a general discussion of cleaning practices &
personality types.

Blessings,
Holly
post #109 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by janerose View Post
Honestly, I'm not sure why you seem so determined to be offended by my posts.


I'm not sure why you seem so determined to believe that I'm offended.

Just because I question your statements doesn't mean I'm offended.

:

Quote:
I have no idea why you'd feel your opinion doesn't count just because this post is in the SAHM forum.
For one, because the title of the thread refers specifically to SAHMs.

I guess us WOTH moms all have maids or something. :
post #110 of 157
i think it has to do with more mainstream moms simply having more TIME to clean.....
An AP mom who is holding or interacting with her kid 24/7 doesn't have the same kind of "free time" as the mom of the kid who is spending his mandatory Ferber hour screaming in his crib. At least, that's how it is with the people i know IRL.
post #111 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by bobandjess99 View Post
i think it has to do with more mainstream moms simply having more TIME to clean.....
An AP mom who is holding or interacting with her kid 24/7 doesn't have the same kind of "free time" as the mom of the kid who is spending his mandatory Ferber hour screaming in his crib. At least, that's how it is with the people i know IRL.

Not all of the more "mainstream" people use Ferber, or some other CIO method.

I don't know anyone who lets their child scream while they do housework. No one. And I have friends ranging from fairly mainstream to fairly crunchy.

You don't have to have your baby attached and breastfeeding every waking hour in a sling, or have your toddler on your hip or whatever, to be attached to your children. 24 hour interaction is not always what the child wants anyway. My kids liked to have what I call their "me" time. On their tummies, playing on the floor on a blanket or in a seat for a short while.
post #112 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by TinkerBelle View Post
Not all of the more "mainstream" people use Ferber, or some other CIO method.

I don't know anyone who lets their child scream while they do housework. No one. And I have friends ranging from fairly mainstream to fairly crunchy.

You don't have to have your baby attached and breastfeeding every waking hour in a sling, or have your toddler on your hip or whatever, to be attached to your children. 24 hour interaction is not always what the child wants anyway. My kids liked to have what I call their "me" time. On their tummies, playing on the floor on a blanket or in a seat for a short while.

Wow, you have a real talent for twisting what peple say.

As to your first assertion: I NEVER said they did. Period.

as to your second assertion: GREAT!! That's wonderful! However, EVERY single mom i know IRL DOES let their kid scream while they clean. EVERY single one.

As to your 3rd assertion: I NEVER said that either. Period.
post #113 of 157
Jess wrote--EVERY single mom i know IRL DOES let their kid scream while they clean. EVERY single one.--

That is so sad. Are you wanting to meet some kinder women? It might help to know nice people as your child gets older-- yk, just so you can have a little playgroup of friends...if you want that, of course.

I don't know if you have a LLL group near you, or an AP group, but most of the women I met through such organizations have helped save my sanity. (I am not a groupy- group person, but it's nice to not be totally alone irl).
post #114 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by bobandjess99 View Post
Wow, you have a real talent for twisting what peple say.

As to your first assertion: I NEVER said they did. Period.

as to your second assertion: GREAT!! That's wonderful! However, EVERY single mom i know IRL DOES let their kid scream while they clean. EVERY single one.

As to your 3rd assertion: I NEVER said that either. Period.

Jess, I was actually meaning to address everyone. Not you specifically. Sorry about that.

However, I still stand by what I say. Why some people put it to one extreme or another, I will never ever know.

I am sorry everyone you know lets their child scream while they clean. That must be terrible.
post #115 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by bobandjess99 View Post
However, EVERY single mom i know IRL DOES let their kid scream while they clean. EVERY single one. .
Holy crap. That's terrible, if it's true.

I just want to argue that your experience is not in any way the norm for "mainstream" Americans. I'm the ONLY so-called "crunchy" mom I know. I don't know a single mom (and I know quite a few) that would ever let their kid scream while they clean.

I know moms that let their kids watch TV or play video games while they do housework, but nobody I know would ever just blithely scrub away at the toilet while their child cried his head off. Nobody.
post #116 of 157
I read once that the reason some families have issues illness is our homes are too clean now. I guess that is why my kids are healthy because we do not have an immaculate home! But we keep it tidy and clean to a point.

I know some people who can clean their homes and keep them clean. Their children always look clean and when she loans me stuff it looks like its brand new even though I know its not. She is just that type of person!
She gave me a table high chair. It looked perfect and she used it for both kids. Well my Maggie had it for 2 days and its completely trashed. Just my kids I guess?:
post #117 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by bobandjess99 View Post
as to your second assertion: GREAT!! That's wonderful! However, EVERY single mom i know IRL DOES let their kid scream while they clean. EVERY single one.
I presume they do this in front of you, since you know about it. Apart from the weirdness of cleaning while the kid screams, it's pretty weird to get stuck into the housecleaning while someone is visiting...

I can honestly say I've NEVER seen anyone IRL clean while their baby screams, but then, my friends don't do the housecleaning when I'm there, so who knows...
post #118 of 157
dd "helps" me so much (17 months) with cleaning, my house is getting worse day by day.... yep, cleaning is fun, but who cares?
post #119 of 157
These threads always crack me up. I'm a tandem nursing mama with an immaculate house. I clean a lot during the night and do maintenance during the day. I don't really have "mainstream" or "AP" friends - I just have good friends who may or may not do things similar to myself. They all have clean houses too. It IS tiring being a parent but all of us seem to consider raising our children in clean conditions to be pretty integral to the job.
post #120 of 157
I;ve been thinking about this and considering all points of view. I've decided that some of us might have more energy than others and nothing more?

I know I can tidy a kitchen in 10 mintues flat with kids 'helping' or at least while chatting with them. I can also vaccuum a room in 5 fast minutes, whille holding a happy 35 lb toddler in my arms. I just bounce around the room. I figure it's as good as aerobics, which probably makes it more tolerable to me.

It's probably no more than that, yk?
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