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Are mainstream SAHM more into cleaning? - Page 3

post #41 of 157
My step mom (who is NOT crunchy at all) has a low tolerance for disorder. For her, a mess is like static and it bugs her. She cannot get comfortable in a house where anything is out of place. Living with my dad has really tested her patience, but they get around it by him keeping his mess to his own office/room.

Me, I have a much higher tolerance for disorder. I differentiate between clean and tidy. Clean, to me, is about dirt and includes dirty counters in the kitchen, dirty bathrooms, food and garbage on the floor or tables (and not in the sink or garbage can). Tidy is about stuff being in the right place - shoes in the closet, toys in their bins, etc.

We are clean people, but not tidy people.

I do not tolerate a dirty kitchen - I cannot prepare food in a dirty kitchen at all. I don't mind dirty dishes in the sink for ONE DAY - and as soon as they spill over onto the counter, we have passed my threshold. This is a bit of a sore point for me because dh (in my opinion) doesn't do his fair share of cleaning of the kitchen and I get irritated by cleaning up his mess all the time.

I only tolerate a certain level of untidyness before it gets to me and I will sort out the house. We also have cleaners come 2x a month, which kicks my rear into gear - I have to tidy up the misc stuff so that they can find the floors or tables to clean them.

I also will deliberately plan parties or playdates just so I have a justification to tidy the house - for me, social judgement is a great motivator... ; )

My friend once told me that while I don't have the tidiest house, I have a very comfortable and welcoming one. That pleased me a lot. My step mom's house is not very welcoming; I always felt like we were messing up her house just by being there.
post #42 of 157
My mom was a 'mainstream sahm'. The house was cleaned daily between the hours of x and x. My mom also practiced CIO and didn't attachment parent... Could that be the difference? (Not in any way bashing CIO/non-APing!)

My house isn't messy, per se but like you, I'm looking at stuffed animals, blocks, toys and diapers (clean ones) on my living room floor). My sink has dishes in it and so does my dishwasher.

Ah, As long as we're not living in filth, whatever 'cluter' I have aroun dis perfectly fine... I'm more along the lines of living in my house, if you know what I mean.

To each their own... I've never been a neat freak or a clean freak, it's just not me, lol!
post #43 of 157
I don't really think it has to do with being crunchy or not. I've been in mainstream homes that are totally messy, and in crunchy homes that are spotless.

I enjoy my house, my day, my son -- everything more with a clean home. I like things in their place, and I can't really function well or think when things are messy (like right now). :

That said, I don't clean once ds goes to bed b/c I need to rest and get some down time. In the morning I do the dished from the night before .. in between our daily activities, I try and clean. But ds is still pretty high needs, so I don't get much done.

I actually have a mother's helper come to play with ds two days a week so I CAN clean.

Anyway, I don't think they are related.
post #44 of 157
for me its not about appearances, really, its not. Its about functionality. My choldhood home was also VERY messy/cluttered.... My mother could hardly part with her toilet paper. SHe doesnt throw anything away (still!) and doesnt have an organization system. I think this contributed to me being a complete neat freak. After my parents divrcorced (at age 9) I started compulsively cleaning... so much that my mom took me to a counselor... some of that compulsiveness is still a part of me.. I think I have been groomed to be this way... I could care less what other people think about my house. If its not clean, I cant think straight. Mess is distracting.
post #45 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by kbridi View Post
I actually have a mother's helper come to play with ds two days a week so I CAN clean. =.
I ;ve done that!!
post #46 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by riverscout View Post
OMG! How do you find the time to do all that? I have a soon to be 14 month old, and I just can't see being able to get all that done everyday. I would actually love to as I am a bit of a neat freak myself. However, since having my dd, I have had to relax my standards so as not to go completely insane. What do you do with your dd while you clean? Do you involve her? Does she take super long naps (mine sure doesn't)? Does she just play nearby? Seriously...I need to know your secret...I want my clean house back.

ETS - ok now I just noticed on your sig that you pump and cloth diaper too...holy cow...I feel really lazy

Yep, That's how I do my house too. I was a sahm for 3 years and still am able to keep up w/ house stuff now that I'm working full-time too. It's waaaay more peaceful to live in a clean. I have WAAAAAAAAAY less time now that I'm working full-time... but where there's a will there's a way, right?
post #47 of 157
I don't get the "never been lived in look", and sometimes my bed doesn't get made until the afternoon, but, I am honestly not comfortable and cannot relax if my house is a mess.

Especially lately, the floors have been bothering me. I just can't stand the grit that they build up if I don't clean them frequently. And I do find it hard to sleep if I know there are piles of dirty dishes in the sink downstairs. It's just how I am.

However, I don't neglect my kids to get the cleaning done. If they need me, it doesn't get done. I generally use their nap time to do my cleaning, and split up the cleaning so that I'm doing a different project every day. I've also figured out a few things that I can do without being away from them, like wiping down bathroom fixtures while I'm in there on other business, or letting them play trains in the kitchen while I wash the dishes.
post #48 of 157
Well, I am pretty mainstream, but my house is definitely not clean. Looking around here, I see coloring books thrown in the floor, toys, shoes, and dishes where the kids left them from breakfast. I do try to clean before my dh gets home, though. He likes it much cleaner than I do. I don't stress over keeping the house clean. I enjoy spending time with my kids more than cleaning!LOL

J
Mom to three
post #49 of 157
I fall somewhere in between both spectrums. I have to keep our house pretty clean b/c we live in a 200 yr old house and dust is a real problem (lead) with the little ones. So I have to vac every day, we keep clutter to a minimum, and wet dust everything. I do have someone on the weekend to help b/c I cannot do it all with two kids.

That said, as I look around our great room now, there is a blanket and pillow on the couch from Ethan's fort this morning, mail piled up on the table, a basket of laundry needing folding, and Lincoln logs all over the floor, while Ethan is drumming to some music and Jack is dumping out his toy box.

I don't *park* my kids anywhere when I clean - I do it while they are playing. I fold laundry with them, and sometimes Ethan helps sort the socks. I don't like to go to bed with dishes in the sink but on tough nights, who cares. It seems like everyone is more relaxed when the house is tidy.

That said, I have crunchy friends with neat houses, and conventional friends who live in sloppy houses. I think it is more personality/style than anything else.
post #50 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by LisainCalifornia View Post
For me the cleaning aspect helps us to have a peaceful, comfortable home. It is not about being mainstream or you being more crunchy than me because I like a clean house. I do work hard to clean my home, but my priority is always my kids. I don't go to sleep with dirty dishes in the sink, because I would rather clean the kitchen before bed (which only takes about 10-15 minutes with a well-maintained kitchen) so I don't have to wake up to a gross kitchen with old, food filled dished in the morning. It is more a feng shui way of living--everything in it's place and clean, simple living.

I am the last person to throw a fit over something spilled on the carpet or floor--I let my kids eat in livingroom, and am very easy going. But I always clean up after, and am a very hard worker. Even if I am sick I still get up to maintain the house, because it makes the whole family run more smoothly and comfortably.

There is nothing more cozy than a happy, well loved family in a clean house. I can go into my bathroom and take a bath in our clean tub, walk into my kitchen in the morning, walking around in my slippers and drinking my tea and enjoying it without tripping over yesterday's toys or looking a disgusting old dirty dishes. This is a nice way to live--not something "mainstream". Being a SAHM I am able to do both--have my home comfortably clean and have enough time with my children.
ditto, ditto, ditto.

I really hate the implications of this. If you have a clean house you must be ignoring your kiddos, or keeping up with appearances, or both. For a house that is decluttered= as I have been doing for years around here it doesn't take all that much time to maintain. actually, when I maintain the cleanliness it takes far less time than letting things go. It doesn't take but a second to put something away after you use it, to wipe off the table after we eat and put the dishes away. I do not spend hours a day cleaning. I am not a control freak that doesn't let me son play freely, however, I do work with him on cleaning up messes that we make to his ability level as I think that is an important life skill. There is never any yelling at anybody about any messes, spills, or accidents= heck I make as much as Luke so I have little room to talk there. Also, I have him help me as well, which he loves.
post #51 of 157
For me, keeping things straight is more about being able to find things when I need them and not wasting time digging through piles of clutter to find the one thing that I need. Due to my health problems, We've been to both extremes around here, and right now we're tidy even though I'm sick. I'm making an extra effort to keep it that way because the limited time that I do have to clean would be wasted in searching for needed items if I allowed clutter to pile up.

So, to that end, my two kids know that in order for a meal to be served, their toys have to be picked up. So their toys get picked up 4-5 times a day (because we include snacks) so it's not much work each time, and typically takes less than 5 minutes. Also, because we have dark carpet, two messy kids and a white cat, I try very hard to vacuum once a day. We do, however, eat on the furniture and in the living room, because small messes are easily cleaned and I typically need to sit and rest while I eat. My two kids also have daily chores that they assist with to reinforce that they are partly responsible for keeping the house presentable and the family cared for. So my 2 year old helps me unload the dishwasher and 'helps' me vacuum with his toy vacuum every time I vacuum. He also puts his laundry in the hamper and his diapers in the pail/garbage and 'helps' me make beds and change sheets. My daughter pushes the laundry into the dryer for me (I pull it out and drop it on the dryer door for her), she helps me hang out laundry on the drying rack, helps me cook in the kitchen, and helps me sweep. They also both get a swiffer duster or a spray bottle of water and a rag when I'm cleaning and they need to be occupied or they want to help. I try hard not to put them in front of the TV when I'm cleaning, and instead teach them how to clean and let them spend time with me in the process.
post #52 of 157
For me, the crunchier I become, the cleaner my house becomes.

Part of that is being home all day (I'm a new SAHM), so things bother me, and so I clean more.
post #53 of 157
Thread Starter 
Darn it. I'm starting to feel that I can't pass off my messy house as simply part of my overall crunchy-ness...
post #54 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by USAmma View Post
I think it has to do with keeping up appearances.
:

I think there might be two types of people who like a clean home (I'm totally
generalizing here). One keeps a clean home cause that is how they enjoy it,
they aren't killing them self over it, it's just how they like their home to be.
Two are keeping up with what they believe other's might think about them if
they saw their home a mess, so they have to keep up the appearance.

I see myself as the first. I try my best to keep things clean around the house
cause it does wonders for my depression especially in the winter. But if I don't
get everything done that I want to in one day I'm fine with that. Dirty dishes
often wait until the next day, shoes are on my kitchen floor daily, and my office
is a organized mess constantly.
I like to clean, but I'm not killing myself, stressing myself out to get my home clean.
post #55 of 157
I'm happier when my house is clean. In a big way. I'm happier getting up in the morning knowing that I can make breakfast and eat it on a clean dining room table, knowing that ds' homeschooling stuff is organized and where I can find it. I prefer to change ds2 on a changing table with nice stacks of folded clean cloth diapers underneath.

I'm pretty crunchy... and I cannot wait for my 2007 Flylady calender to come. I want order and organization. I love little stickers on the calender that tell me when to clean and when to pay bills. Love it.

Still, my office is a pit. Dh is renovating our second floor, putting up drywall and whatnot. Since that's where the closets are, all the clean laundry is piling up in the office. I don't like it.
post #56 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommy2abigail View Post
Well, we co-sleep, ebf, cd, gd, and eat/use all organic/natural products. I am a neat freak. I think it's just personality type. I am one of those who can't sleep with a messy house. It just makes me crazy. That being said, I dont mind dd using paint or playdoh or helping me 'cook' in the kitchen. The house does get messy (after all I live with a toddler and have a home daycare) but I make sure to clean it right away. But it doesn't take priority over dd. In fact she helps me clean all the time. I am not the type to use tv to babysit in order to clean. I also dont use her nap time for that. I either lay down, read, or jump online. I just dont let the house get overwhelming. I do little clean ups all day long, so that at the end of the day, I only have a few things to do. Hope that makes sense!
Teach me how to do this! Seriously. I can't seem to stay on top of things anymore. I was able to when I only had one child, but since I had my daughter? No way! Plus my son was content to play by himself but my daughter wants me every waking minute. I don't mind, but sometimes it bothers me. If only the floors would mop themselves...
post #57 of 157
I dont think mainstream mommas clean more. I am not mainstream or quite at crunchy status...one momma says shes crispy I think I will adopt that. Anyhow my friend is always complaining that his dw never cleans, cooks seldom or well at all, sits on her butt all day and plops their kid infront of the tv all day too...(8mo!!) He is in the military with a cake job but still he is payed to be at work for a full day 5 days a week, she stays home and does nothing, dosent even have a license nor the desire to get one anytime soon. She also gives him a curfew and tells him what he can and cannot do in his free time. Then he comes over to our house where the situation is more like the Clever house (minus the heels and pearls). I clean constentlly, I am AR/OCD about my clean house, maybe more to a bad point than a good. Cleaning is my excape, my crutch, my job and my high. I am a weirdo I know this but I love a clean house. I have a system though, even if it gets tripped by the men in this house who seem to live here and not know there is anything around them. Its not inconsideration just sheer lack of conscience though about their daily activities. I am trying to break DH's bad habits and I feel that I nag our room mate too much, I feel like his mom more often than not and its annoying, but he dosent seem to notice or care. anyways....I am a clean freak and I know I spen way to much time cleaning but it makes me happy....sometimes.
post #58 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by rikiamber View Post
I dont think mainstream mommas clean more. I am not mainstream or quite at crunchy status...one momma says shes crispy I think I will adopt that. Anyhow my friend is always complaining that his dw never cleans, cooks seldom or well at all, sits on her butt all day and plops their kid infront of the tv all day too...(8mo!!) He is in the military with a cake job but still he is payed to be at work for a full day 5 days a week, she stays home and does nothing, dosent even have a license nor the desire to get one anytime soon. She also gives him a curfew and tells him what he can and cannot do in his free time. Then he comes over to our house where the situation is more like the Clever house (minus the heels and pearls). I clean constentlly, I am AR/OCD about my clean house, maybe more to a bad point than a good. Cleaning is my excape, my crutch, my job and my high. I am a weirdo I know this but I love a clean house. I have a system though, even if it gets tripped by the men in this house who seem to live here and not know there is anything around them. Its not inconsideration just sheer lack of conscience though about their daily activities. I am trying to break DH's bad habits and I feel that I nag our room mate too much, I feel like his mom more often than not and its annoying, but he dosent seem to notice or care. anyways....I am a clean freak and I know I spen way to much time cleaning but it makes me happy....sometimes.

If his job is such a "cake" job, then perhaps he ought to wash a dish, fold some laundry and try to work on his marriage by helping his wife, instead of complaining to you.

Like I said on the other thread, maybe she has some problem with depression or is simply overwhelmed. I am also sure that knowing her hubby is comparing her with someone so "perfect" and knowing he complains about her is not a good thing either.
post #59 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by phathui5 View Post
I'm pretty crunchy... and I cannot wait for my 2007 Flylady calender to come. I want order and organization. I love little stickers on the calender that tell me when to clean and when to pay bills. Love it.

Still, my office is a pit. Dh is renovating our second floor, putting up drywall and whatnot. Since that's where the closets are, all the clean laundry is piling up in the office. I don't like it.
Those "More Time Moms" calendars rock don't they? DH actually gets mine for me each year from a kiosk in our mall. Only problem is it doesn't come with all those neat Flylady stickers like the zones & stuff. Luckily I don't actually DO her zones anymore (morphed into my own routine) so I'm OK with just the holiday/special occasion stickers that come in the back of the calendar itself.

About the pit thing. Our garage is this way. My house is great. I've even got our back porch under control. But the garage is a total mess & I've just learned to live with it. We have an 800 sq ft house with no basement. 3/4 of the stuff in the garage is slated for our attic, but it just keeps not happening so there is sits.... Slowly driving me insane, but at least it's NOT all in my house!

Holly
post #60 of 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by choli View Post
Not for me. I find a messy house disorienting. I have the power to make my surroundings a pleasant place to be, and I use it.

I don't have time to wade through clutter every day, and I would find it disgusting to wake up to dirty dishes in the sink.

However, my DDs and my DH are with the program, we all work together to Keep our home like this. Not letting it get into a mess in the first place is the key.
Ita!
Clutter and mess paralyzes me. Once it gets too much I can't even get started cleaning it up. Not to say I don't have clutter and mess, but I try to keep up with it. And waking up to a sink full of dirty dishes is so depressing to me, it's worth it to do them before bed!
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