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Everyone Respond: Intro Thread! - Page 2

post #21 of 94
I'm Cheyenne (30), mom to Chandler (3) and Julianna (5). I've been separated since December 05 and it'll be final next month.

I'm a temp for now but hopefully I'll find something permanent. It's been a hard transition from SAHM back into the workforce. The kids are in daycare and kindergarten this year.

I'm in grad school too, part-time. Studying Industrial/Organizational Psychology. Kind of disconnected with that recently and considering a switch to Guidance Counseling.

I have no relatives nearby so that's hard, but friends are helpful.
post #22 of 94
My name is Serena, single mama to Carson (3.5). His bio dad was an alcoholic and is still a pathological liar, we were together through the pregnancy until he was ten months old and I moved away and in with my aunt. When ds was 2 I married my stbx and we were married for a year. He was controlling and manipulative but never really abusive to us (if that makes any sense). I left him in September / October of 2005 and am finalizing the divorce now. I am currently living with my aunt (again) and working full time while writing my novel in my off time. And I just want to say how much I respect all you single stay at home mamas (and working mamas too). I would love to homeschool ds (the public schools around here are terrible) and hope to make it happen before he gets much older.
post #23 of 94
Hi everyone! I'm Marissa, and I'm 33. I have three kids - 13, 8 and 3. We live near Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I was married for ten years and never saw myself with anyone else, but he left when the little one was four months old. I eventually found out that he had been having an affair since before she was conceived. Needless to say my heart was broken. It's been 3 1/2 years now though, and although I'm still lonely at times, I'm also proud of myself for holding everything together for myself and my kids. He visits sporadically and sends support regularly. Although I'd love to have a break every once in a while (he hasn't taken the kids anywhere since October 2005, and he's never taken the baby anywhere) - I'm glad I don't have to deal with packing them up and sending them off with him like some of you do. I think that would just break my heart. Because of that we aren't divorced or even legally seperated. I'm afraid that would just open up a whole new can of worms, and unless there is a reason, I'm happy to just let sleeping dogs lie. I'm lucky that I can still stay at home. It is a definite struggle, but with no degree I don't see a way that my working and putting my daughter in daycare would be much of a help. My son (8) has PDD-NOS (an Autism-Spectrum disorder). That's pretty much us in a nutshell!
post #24 of 94
I have a 5-yr-old son, now in Kindergarten, and we're in NY. I have enjoyed being "single" (though I have not been dating), I love life with my son! His father moved out over 4 years ago to my vast relief, because he had been drinking and was abusive sometimes (never was before I was pregnant). Like the previous poster mentioned, I too did not make the divorce official because I did not want to be forced to send my child off with someone like that! However, he has been "involved" all along (he's done zero child care and I never ask him for help - he's just played with our son when he wants to - and he has given me money regularly, at least) and sure enough, when I finally filed for divorce a few months ago (long story), now he wants it in writing that he gets all kinds of visitation, so it's been stressful. We are drafting the documents pretty much as we speak...I'm suggesting a gradual schedule so at least my son won't be thrown into it. Anyway, our divorce should finally be done soon. It will be weird to have closure after so long.

I do freelance writing for a local school district (newsletters, etc). I've been very lucky to be able to stay home with my son, as I previously did some babysitting for a local spa that offered that service (I was able to take my son with me) and I also worked for our town office while my son was in pre-school. But I do need to get myself out of debt, and now that my son's in Kindergarten, hope to do even more editorial work and have signed up for a copyediting course online so that I can expand my options...I used to write for trade magazines before I had my son. So hopefully career-wise and economically, will start getting my life back on track.

As for other things...I don't have family nearby, but we are blessed to live in a great town with wonderful friends. Nearly everyone here appears to have the whole marriage and "white picket fence" thing going on, but yet have been so totally supportive of me. And there are lots of kids my son's age. So in that regard, we are so fortunate.

That's the situation in a nutshell!
post #25 of 94

Hello all!

I've been lurking around these boards for awhile but decided to post an intro when I noticed there was a new thread up.

I'm Kate, I'm a 23 year old single mama to my son, Owen, who is 2. I left his father when Owen was 14 months old and he has been in and out of Owen's life ever since. The man let his life fall apart when I left (lost his job, lost the apartment, etc.) and hasn't done so well picking up the pieces and so Owen's time with him has suffered.

I am in school full-time, in health science at the Univeristy of Western Ontario, trying to get the credits I need to pursue either nursing or midwifery. Owen and I live in a 1 bedroom apartment which leads people to ask me questions about how I can possibly date...aparently all dating and all sex happens only in the bedroom, huh?

Can't think of much else to say!

Kate
post #26 of 94
Hi mamas,

I love how we can build community, no matter how widespread we are, just by coming here, sharing and reading. It's such a relief to hear other women's stories and about your fabulous kids.

I'm Laurie, and I'm 37. I have a wonderful son who is almost 11, and I'm expecting a baby brother for him in March. I was married to my older son's dad for 8 years and we divorced 4 years ago, now are quite amicable and living in the same small community so that our son has time with both of us. It hasn't been a picnic, but nothing too nasty or dramatic, and we are finding our way, of course with support from friends and family.

My new baby's dad is someone I dated for several months, lives out of state, but is aware of my pregnancy. I posted in the fall in this forum about my dilemma regarding whether to tell him about the pregnancy. I did tell him, and he promptly grew more and more harrassing with phone calls, demands, etc....so I changed my cell number and began communicating with him only through writing. He has not responded to my letters trying to open up communication in this way, which isn't a big surprise. After a little research, I found out that he has quite a history of substance abuse and even domestic violence, so I'm reassured that I was right to stop dating him when I did, but wishing I had checked him out much earlier and not trusted him so much. Now I'm faced with more choices: proceed with my attempt to invite him to participate in our child's life by creating a court order to establish paternity, custody, visitation, and child support with him over a 225 mile distance - which he will possibly decline because he doesn't want to get involved with the court, wasn't accepting that I don't want to be his partner, and basically wants to be the only one to determine how it all goes.....or...do nothing, continue as I have been doing taking care of myself, teaching (I'm a special ed teacher), mothering, and living.

I'd love to hear from other moms who have had similar experiences, or perhaps just have suggestions. I'd also love to be a resource for moms who have questions about joint custody, rural living as a single mom, or just want to connect!

Happy new year!
post #27 of 94
Hey mamas...I'm Gwen & my dd is Hannah, 4.5 yo.

I've been living in limbo for the past year with stbx. He's has stayed in the house while I was finishing my MLS (I am now officially a librarian!) I have to say I wouldn't recommend living together after deciding to split to anyone!

I go back to work fulltime next Wednesday & am nervous & excited and also a bit leery that dd will be away from me so much. It's been a gradual transition so I do think it will all go smoothly.

I never thought I'd get divorced. Stbx isn't horrible, mostly irresponsible and an incredible liar. Unfortunately, it was destroying our marriage and he choose a divorce over trying to improve those things. He will be out of the house by January 31 & while I'm thrilled that he will be out of here, I'm a bit scared of taking on the mortgage & such alone. He will be involved with dd (mostly because that's what his parents expect him to do) & he is good at playing with her, but sadly falls short in most other aspects of being a parent.

Although not officially single (I never knew there could be such a gray area), MDC has been a godsend for me to sort out my feelings, get some persepective from experienced single mamas and just plain, old vent!
post #28 of 94
I'm Mandy. I'm 23 and I have a son, Taylor, who will be 2 next week. STBX and I have been married for 4 1/2 years. He's always been lazy and irresponsible, and in the past year those two traits have increased immensely. I couldn't even have friends over because I was too embarrassed of how disgustingly dirty the house was, and I couldn't clean it because I both worked and went to school full-time and barely even had time to sleep much less clean. He only worked part-time (not even in school until recently) and still couldn't manage to get off his butt and do anything.

After treating me like absolute dirt, doing nothing but sleep all day, and refusing to sleep in the same room as me, much less have sex with me, he finally cheated on me with some random chick he met on a swingers site. I told him a couple of days later that I wanted a divorce. A month later, I finally got him out of the house. He's been out about a month now. It's nice not having him around, but I'm still trying to clean up the mess he left. It's completely overwhelming. I try to get him to come over and help, but he really doesn't do much when I do manage to get him over to the house. I am an optimist and I keep hoping that if I ask him to do one simple thing, maybe, just maybe, he'll do it. He rarely does.

We're filing for dissolution of marriage as soon as we get the paperwork done and have enough money. It costs $325. Dissolution is much quicker and easier, but if he fights me on anything, he knows I'll file for divorce and cite adultery and he'll lose what little I've allowed him. So he's giving me my way in everything, including complete custody of DS.

One thing scares me about being single. I'm in school right now, working on a BA in Women's Studies. I want to enter a graduate-entry nurse-midwifery program for my Master's, but you can't work the first year and a half of the program. I don't know how I'll survive. The only income I'll have is child support and the Montgomery GI Bill money. If I can get through school, I'll be fine. I'll be making good money, I can buy a house, I can homeschool DS, all that good stuff. Dating scares me, but not as much. I've been on a couple of dates since we've split, but neither went exceptionally well. I don't know how I'm going to be able to date working full-time and going to school five days a week, but I guess I'll work it out somehow.

Sorry for the novel!
post #29 of 94
Mandy, student loans rock.
post #30 of 94
I know, I just hate to get out of school with so much debt! I'm hoping to get a job in my hometown (both hospitals use CNMs) and buy a house. I want to work for a few years in a hospital, saving money, then open my own birth center. I don't want to have to put off my plans for five or ten years while I pay off my loans. It probably sounds silly, but I don't want to be in my 40s or 50s before I can open my birth center. I'm 23 now and my goal is to have the birth center open by the time I'm 35. But if that's what I have to do, that's what I have to do. Anything is worth it to be a midwife!
post #31 of 94
Chey (21 years old) here, mother of David Louis (6 mos) Just wanted to let you all know I am a reader more than a poster only because I often have ds in lap while on the computer, plus I am shy .

I am more less a single mom in that I am not married or living with ds's father. Though technically we are still together . . . I guess . . . sort of . . . except he lives in TX and I live with my mom in WA . . . . Don't Ask. Anyway as far as parenting and such I do it all single handily, although ds's father helps out with money.

Anyway I am not quite sure of the rules so I won't say the name but I recently made a website of resources for moms. I am working on a section for single moms.

Most of my time is spent working on my website and with my son. I am a little confused these day since I thought I was starting a family and now I am think that it may end up just me and the little guy .

My main goal right now is to move to Spokane, WA (my mom lives hour and half away from) and live closer to my sister and BIL who are having their second child in April.

Sorry to cut this short but ds no longer is entertained by mommy posting.

Chey mother of David Louis : and all about : : :
post #32 of 94
Hey all I am Megan I am 26 have 2 wonderful dd's 5 &2. I am a Doula and work from my home. I have a very new relationship that is going great.... But I am still a single mamma....... Ummmmmmm brain freeze:
post #33 of 94



if people want to know me, PM me.

(i can't share info about myself as my creepy stalker ex- lurks here, sorry all.)
post #34 of 94
I'm Candy (37), step-mama to Amanda (14) and mama to Benjamin (20 mos). H and I have been separated for a little over a year (not legally) and likely will divorce, though reasonably amicably. I work full time out of the home, though I'd rather work only part time and have more time with Ben. H has Ben 2 days week right now, no overnights until he's weaned (I'm hoping to nurse him until at least 2 years). H's daughter, my stepdaughter, spends alternate weekends with us, sleeping at my place with me and her 1/2 bro, and spending part of the days w/H. H and I get along really well and spend quite a bit of time together with the kids, so on that front all is well.

Basically, I feel like our marriage is a casualty of a deep-seated, personal crisis H is having. I won't go into the details here. It's been heartbreaking for me, but I'm coming to terms with the fact that he isn't capable of sustaining a marriage and being an involved husband right now, and that I may need to move on on my own, and that I may be happier if he and I are friends and successful co-parents, but if I no longer am expecting/hoping him to meet my needs in a spouse.

Whew! that was longer than I intended. I used to post here more when the separation was fresher and more painful, but I've mostly lurked lately so haven't updated about myself in awhile.

I'm always so grateful for the wise, strong mamas here!
post #35 of 94
I am a newbie single mother, 2 boys 8 & 11. I live here in Sonoma County and am currently trying to relocate to Oregon. I left the childrens father when my 8yo was 2 mo. The X hasn't seen the boys since the beginning of November. He violated his court order by drinking around the boys....he has been doing that for a long time. His girlfriend is bulimic and weights 97 lbs and drinks like a fish with him. Hum! SAD!

I just graduated Massage School, but am employed for a computer company. I was with a man I loved like no other,
for the last couple years but he is a haroin addict and relapsed so I had to let him go. (healing takes time) Beautiful man with a big problem! I only get lonely when I ovulate! LOL!

I have struggled with parenting throughout the last few years because I don't remember having a normal childhood, but that phase is passing and it is becoming easier since the tainted father is out of the picture for a while.

I have a relationship with music, dancing, reading and writing! I also am very spiritual and keep my eyes to my guides at least 90% of the day. Great way to survive! That is how I was lead here! Look me up on Myspace! http://www.myspace.com/haras
post #36 of 94
I'm 30 yrs old and have been a single mom for 6 yrs this past September. I'm self-employed as a housecleaner. I'm never gonna be rich cleaning houses, but I do get to pick what hrs I work, and what houses I actually want to do. If everything goes right in the spring, I would like to start a plantscaping business. I love working with my plants at the house.

I have 2 kids. Two kids is enough for me! LOL My daughter is kind of high-strung. I love her dearly, but sometimes she does this drama queen stuff that drives me crazy. She loves music, animals and drawing/coloring.

My son is a momma's boy. I admit to it! LOL He's a good kid. I will say that he did end up with my bad temper, so sometimes I have to get that in check. He likes playing on the computer, jumping on the trampoline, and listening to music.

We've always homeschooled. It's not always easy to be a single parent, working and schooling your children. I always feel like we're trying to play catch-up on stuff. I just have always wished we could find some nice homeschooling families around. We met 1 set this past summer, but I felt the judgement coming from them since I'm not really religious and I'm not married.
I wish people wouldn't judge single parent families so harshly like they do.

My children's father doesn't hardly have anything to do with them. I wish that was different. Actually, about a week or so ago, I called him and tried yet again, to explain to him that he needs to spend time with his children. That they NEED him in their life. Of course, I heard a lot of excuses and so forth. I've never been able to understand how anyone can walk away from their babies.

I've never dated or anything like that. I would like to someday be remarried. Part of me does and part me doesn't. I'm such a stubborn mule sometimes and I know I'm set in my ways. So I know that is hard for a man to deal with. Plus, I'm so protective of my kids. I would snap if someone hurt them. Both of my kids have said they would like it if I got remarried. I explained to them that a stepdad is not a cure all for things. I feel like in my heart that I should put my focus on getting the other business off the ground, THEN maybe find a man. I can only do 1 thing at a time.

I know that my kids don't live in chaos like I did growing up. Life is pretty good. We all have our moments though...........
post #37 of 94
I'm Jill. Ive got two great kiddos that are 5 and almost 3 (in feb) Both my kids have diffrent dads, but im married to my oldest son's dad. Make sense? ive made it one of my new years resolutions to finnaly divorce him seeing as how its been almost 5 years sinse we split up, and he only sees his son very, very occasionally. My youngest has never met his dad, he flaked the min. i told him i was pregnant.
Right now we live on our own, but my parents help pay the bills. In may my hope is to move from where we are to Maine, and start working or going to school. Its not what my life's dream is but it will give me the freedom i need esp. sinse the price i pay to stay home with my kids is tough, and my bff will be watching my kids so i know they will be well cared for and for cheap!

Im sure theres more but im fighting off a nasty cold so im pooped~ feel free to ask me anything though, im pretty much an open book
post #38 of 94
Hello, everybody.
I'm Teri, almost 32 and SAHM of 3 with one of the way in August. I was married to exh for 6 years and we separated when dd(now 9)was 2. We concieved ds#2 while separated, not as a "we're getting back together thing" but a hormonally familiar thing. Sorry if that was too much info but I thought that if somebody did the math on the separation and the kid's bdays, there may be questions. Anyway, what it came down to mainly was that he felt he was missing out on something exciting being with his family. We divorced 4 years ago now. I did not date at all, too caught in life with kiddos, I guess, untill 6 months ago. Anyway, dated a fellow for 2 months, hormones took over (I see a pattern here) and I am pregnant. I'm having financial woes at the moment but I am happy. I always wanted 4 and since I will probably be single for a very long time now I am glad this little soul is coming.
This might sound funny, but I enjoy being single. When I wasn't briefly, I really missed it!
I have a home soap and body care business I am working on, it is still really small but I have direction now.
We homeschool and try to do 50 thousand activities(OK, maybe it just feels like it) and seem to be home rarely. The kids are in a lot of sports, the boys would have been diagnosed ADD in school and MAJOR exercise helps them be happy. Pets include a 6m old black lab puppy, 2 siamese cross cats(one was a stray), 3 rabbits, 1 goldfish and an albino ferrett. I'm running out of room so I'll stop. I'm glad I found all you wonderful mama's! Teri
post #39 of 94
hi,

i live in montana, and i have a little boy that is going to turn 5 in february. My Ex and i decided late last Jan/early feb to split up after a long series of things that made me realize he was not committed to the relationship pretty much ever since our son was born and we had to be responsible and act like grown ups. He loves our ds very much of course and is a fun dad, but like so many of these dads, he doesnt seem to have ds as the primary focus. to his credit, i think lately he is starting to see the light? i am not sure. i would have stayed married to him, but last feb i "caught " him contacting and lygin to his ex girlfriend about the state of our life, about things going on... basically flirting with her and stuff via email. this crushed me immeasurably , simply because efven though after 7 years yes one entertains such ideas, i never would have carried that out behind his back. etc etc. it was the final straw for me. he is involved, is a nice dad to ds, but very bad with money, therefore child support isnt really his thing, and he views it as me leaching off him, and trying to freeload. he thinks he should only have to pay for child CARE. who CARES if i end up homeless.

Since May when he moved out, i have been slowly clambering back up my dark and dusty road. this board has been monumental to my recovery process. . i dated last summer, and had desparate crushes and heartache, but now i am finally settling into a really positive, nice place with being single.

i am a student , getting my BFA in creative writing. I run a small press non profit, i am looking for freelance work from home writing jobs now. I will be GRADUATING in the spring! WOO HOOO!!!!!!!!!!! I love positive hip hop also, i love indy college music like elliott smith and cat power and camera obscura. i like to make books. My son is a budding poet and artist, active, bright, a little too full of questions and independance lately for my stamina, but man, you gotta love it!
post #40 of 94
Hi,

I'm 35yo single mama to a DS who is 14, adn DD who turned 1 in October. I was married to DS's father- divorce was final when he was 2yo. He was/is a self-involved drug addict, liar and thief. But I guess that's true for all addicts He hasn't seen DS in 12 years and does not pay CS on any regular basis. The only time I see support money is when he gets arrested. Fine by me. I strongly believe that it is best for DS to have no contact or influence by his father until he is past these trying teen years.

DD's father is a regular part of her life. He pays support and takes her for visits when his schedule can fit her. I seem to be holding alot of anger towards him in my heart since he left me when I was only 4mos preg and I had just gone on complete bedrest for a high risk pregnancy. He began dating shortly after he split- he was already 'talking' to her before we split- and they moved in together the day my dd was born, I think. They got married in February and X now has 2 SKs that live with them full time. DD has some medical issues- some are associated with her birth circumstances and some are independant of it. I have been the sole caretaker, decision maker concerning these issues since X feels he can't be bothered to come to any of her doctor's visits. That's a whole other story so I'll stop with that for now.

I try not to let my feelings about X and his actions cloud my judgement concerning what is best for our daughter and I have no issues with her SM at all so far. She seems to be a nice woman who loves my baby girl. But who wouldn't love my little beauty? I tend to bounce over to the Blended Family forum to try and deal with dd's "other" family issues.
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