I love how we can build community, no matter how widespread we are, just by coming here, sharing and reading. It's such a relief to hear other women's stories and about your fabulous kids.
I'm Laurie, and I'm 37. I have a wonderful son who is almost 11, and I'm expecting a baby brother for him in March. I was married to my older son's dad for 8 years and we divorced 4 years ago, now are quite amicable and living in the same small community so that our son has time with both of us. It hasn't been a picnic, but nothing too nasty or dramatic, and we are finding our way, of course with support from friends and family.
My new baby's dad is someone I dated for several months, lives out of state, but is aware of my pregnancy. I posted in the fall in this forum about my dilemma regarding whether to tell him about the pregnancy. I did tell him, and he promptly grew more and more harrassing with phone calls, demands, etc....so I changed my cell number and began communicating with him only through writing. He has not responded to my letters trying to open up communication in this way, which isn't a big surprise. After a little research, I found out that he has quite a history of substance abuse and even domestic violence, so I'm reassured that I was right to stop dating him when I did, but wishing I had checked him out much earlier and not trusted him so much. Now I'm faced with more choices: proceed with my attempt to invite him to participate in our child's life by creating a court order to establish paternity, custody, visitation, and child support with him over a 225 mile distance - which he will possibly decline because he doesn't want to get involved with the court, wasn't accepting that I don't want to be his partner, and basically wants to be the only one to determine how it all goes.....or...do nothing, continue as I have been doing taking care of myself, teaching (I'm a special ed teacher), mothering, and living.
I'd love to hear from other moms who have had similar experiences, or perhaps just have suggestions. I'd also love to be a resource for moms who have questions about joint custody, rural living as a single mom, or just want to connect!
Happy new year!