Another Kindergarten and age thread!

[girlsmamma2]

Ok, I've done the search on this but for some reason when I search it never comes back with what I need. anyways...

my dd has a November birthday and just turned 4. She will be 4 next year if she were to start Kindy, then turn 5 in November. The cutoff date here is Dec. 1, so she just barely makes it. She is thriving and happy in preschool 4's, her first school experience. She is gaining confidence and happily listens, sits when needed, transitions from tasks fine, follows directions (thrives on them), does crafts well and has made friends and is talkative.

However there are two things I'm concerned about and the whole Kindy thing is scaring me a lot. First, while she has made friends I'm worried about her ability to handle herself and stick up for herself in negative situations. She is very delicate, loving and polite and not the kind of kid to get in others space and some of the other older kids "sense" this and at times have used it to their advantage but she has still held her head high. Her preschool teacher, whom I've met with 3 times since the beginning of the year to make sure she is doing alright, says I should stick with my first instinct and send her. My dh thinks we should send her because she loves to be challenged by learning and has LOVED learning in preschool. And I feel "academcially" I'd be holding her back. But her emotional well being is almost more important to me than anything academic. I want her to have the confidence to flourish but I also don't want her to dumb herself down if she feels she's not being challenged. I know at this age that is a stupid statement but i think it still applies a little.

The other issue is the potty. She refuses to go on the big girl potty's at school, afraid to fall in, but preschool is only 2 1/2 hours and I make sure she pees twice in the morning before school and right when she gets home. But for 1/2 day kindy she can't do this. I'm trying to work with her on going on the big potty but i don't want to push.

On one hand I don't want to hold her back, on the other I'm worried about her emotional well being. Will being in a kindy environment with more kids build her up, or be harder for her? She is the shortest in her class, was a borderline preemie at 36 weeks, but is very emotionally mature. I worry so much about what to do. I know this subject is far worn out on here but how do I know I'm making the right choice?

thanks in advance everyone!

[srain]

I think that most "borderline" kids do better being held back. They'll be more likely to have greater emotional maturity than their peers, which will only benefit them throughout school, and I think there's something good to be said for prolonging childhood, too.

That said- my daughter, too, has a November birthday, but I'll probably start her "on time." My oldest is four years older than her, and I think spacing them out FIVE years grade-wise will only exacerbate the age gap. There's a private Montessori school down the road from us that has kids ages 3 through 6, and we'll probably have her there both as a four-year-old and as a kindergartener. That'll give her a little more time in a more home-like environment before entering public school for first grade.

[girlsmamma2]

see the age gap thing is interesting too, her younger sis is 2, but if I hold oldest dd off, and send middle dd on time (which I think she will be ready for at least i think this now ), then they will only be one year apart in schooling.

I do agree about benefitting from the closer knit preschool environment and providing more stability for them. Her preschool classroom and teacher are AWESOME and it has only provided strength to her. Although maturity isn't what I'm worried about. It's confidence. ug.

thanks for the help!

[Amydoula]

My DS just turned 5 on Thanksgiving. Cut off here is Dec.1st as well. We waited and did a second year of pre-school and we are very happy with our decision.

[girlsmamma2]

so how is preschool second time around?

[siobhang]

interesting thread.

Around here, the cut off is Sept 30 with very few exceptions given. My oldest's birthday is October 31, so he will be nearly 6 when he starts kindergarten. The school system also allows for kids to repeat kindergarten if the school or parents feel the child isn't ready yet for 1st grade and about 40 -50% of the kids do actually repeat.

We could put him in montessori for a few years to get around the cut off, but I am not sure that would be right for him (as well as a very expensive proposition).

My biggest concern would be a disconnect between social maturity and academic readiness. I suspect he will be more academically advanced than socially mature - he already knows all his letters and numbers and is starting to read. We are not really into the idea of homeschooling (we both work full time) though I do embrace the idea of doing extra work at home to complement his academics.

Luckily, we are a few years off. Just wondering about other people's experiences.

Siobhan

[leeann82]

My dd just turned 5 on dec 22, the cut off was dec 31st. I held her back. She is much like your DD, very sweet, sensative and kind. She is easily influenced and will do what other kids tell her too. She also has pronounciation problems and issues with fine motor and gross motor skills. I wanted her to be a bit better at these things before she started. Where i live, kids do not get held back at school, they just keep on going. They won't fail any kids, no matter how much they need to repeat a grade. I know she is behind in several areas and will struggle, no question about it. I figured keeping her home and working on these things will be better for her in the long run, and i don't regret it at all. I hummed and hawed over this for a couple years, i am so happy i decided to hold her back. this was teh right choice for the both of us.

[Eman'smom]

I have a slightly different perspective, I'm "the kid" you all are talking about : My birthday is Dec 14, cut off was Dec 31, at the time my parents decided to send me, "heck she's big for her age and we think she's ready" so off I went.

There hasn't been a time once in the last 3 decades that I've regretted there choice. I excelled in school, I didn't have a ton of friends, but that is way more personality than age. I was the biggest kid in class until 6th grade and that was being the youngest in class can you imagine if they had held me back? I was already self conscious of my height and boobs, I would have died being even bigger.


We now live in a state that has a hard and fast cutoff of Sept 1st, period no exceptions. DD is Sept 15th and I've been worring about that since she was born. She is already asking about school and why she can't go now. She takes after my physically and is already on the bigger side for her age, I worry about her getting into trouble at school because she is not being challenged and possibly picked on for her size.

[bdavis337]

My oldest is a spring birthday, so there's never been any debate on this subject for us. He's phsycially one of the smallest kids in his class, but his social and academic development are right on par for kindy entrance, so he started this fall and is doing quite well.

However, I think that since you're talking about next year's schooling options and you most likely have at least 5-7 months to start the enrollment process (which you can ALWAYS back out of!), my advice would be to wait and see if your child seems more ready closer to enrollment time. Even if you change your mind at the very end, it's your parental right to do so. You can enroll her and then pull our before school starts if you decided it's not the appropriate timing. Another 7 months will probably bring about great changes in her pottying, social interaction and play skills, and you may find yourself more confident about enrollment at that time. But if you're still ambivalent and uncomfortable about it, then by all means exercise your right to wait!

[Kirsten]

So interesting. I am always saying "send them if they make the cutoff; keep them home if they don't". In general, I don't believe in holding them back OR testing them in. Go by the cutoffs unless there are extenuating circumstances.

HOWEVER, the cutoff in Washington is August 31st. All kids here are five before the first day of school. And I really believe they should change the cutoff to June 1st anyway! So the youngest kids in kindergarten would be five years plus a few months.

Your situation is a December 1st cutoff, with a November birthday. AND you said she was born at 36 weeks. So if born relatively close to on time, she wouldn't have made the cutoff where you live.

Plus she has had only one year of preschool. Where I live, two years (three years old and four years old) is the norm, and some kids (with kids who have birthdays close to the cutoff) do three years of preschool.

I think if you are hesitant, listen to that voice. I think it is easier to push them up a grade (easier for them emotionally) than to repeat a grade.

I hope you can come to a decision that feels right for you.

[girlsmamma2]

Yeah, I forgot about the 36 week thing. Her original due date was Dec 21. then I guess we wouldn't even be talking about it. But most of her things are caught up with the others and I'd even venture to say that intellectually, she surpases some of her classmates.

I agree with everything EVERYONE has said! : that is why I'm so confused. The thing is, I thought I had already made my decision when I talked to a couple other moms whose kids my dd's plays with at school because of their similar personalities (although these kids are still extremely different than dd) and they are both doing another year of preschool. My dh seems to think that especially since we've already talked about kindy that telling her we are waiting, along with watching most of her classmates in preschool move on would decrease her confidence since she is so bright.

I just don't know. thanks everyone so much for your help. you have all brought up so many great points!

[CarrieMF]

My oldest has a Nov birthday, cutoff is Dec 31. She went into K right before she turned 5. She is also the smallest girl. The only time her size has been an issue was when she was in Grade 1 in a 1/2 split, some of the kids had been held back and were over 2 years older than her and she felt intimidation when these kids so much bigger than here would come at her in gym it would be understandable at any age. She is in Grade 3 now and is excelling.

Honestly I would enroll her now(whenever it comes up in your area). There is alot of time before when school starts. The potty learning thing can change long before she starts. If you think there are still issues you can always pull her out before or after school starts in the fall.

You mentioned emotionally she's mature and it sounds like she'll do fine from what you've said. You mentioned she holds to her own in any negative situations that have come up.

[girlsmamma2]

See, I love hearing that! I told my dh today that I don't WANT to have to be thinking like this. I would love to just send her on to kindy and not think twice about it but I have to make sure that any emotional things on her part will not get in the way of her succeeding. I can't believe some kids were 2 years older in your dd's class! I forgot all about the gym thing too.

And I guess I can just gather as much info as I can right now, and enroll her during roundup which is early Feb. Then if things aren't going right she can do the afternoon version of her preschool class now, which tends to be older kids. The problem is I take a chance on not having a spot if the class fills up and that is the other thing, her preschool teacher has brought so much confidence to her in the way she manages the class and interacts with the kids. In some ways I almost want her to get more of that but my dh thinks that she'd be "dumbing down" so to speak because she'd already know everything they are doing. My argument to that is that might give her even more confidence in knowing what they are doing. I think it would be far more upsetting to have to redo kindy for social reasons and repeat the exact same things she was doing academically the year prior if this is an issue. I guess if kindy presents problems I'd just pull her and put her in the older preschool group, but like i said i take a chance on losing that chance.

oh my this is so confusing. but it sure is good to hear a positive outcome for another girl in the same situation. ug! my head is still spinning!

[meemee]

you know what i am really scared of is not K but 1st grade. what i am thinking of doing is putting my dd in a preK class instead of K and then sendingher to 1st grade if i feel seh is ready. otherwise do prek, k and hten 1st grade.

all this is up in teh air as she is 4 now and i am trying to sort out where i will live in the next few months and what job i will have. a lot of my friends though have told me to hold out till dd is 4 1/2 to see how she is doing (apparently at that age they have a 'growth' spurt or 'maturity' spurt and are ready emotionally).

but truly i want to hs and iam hoping by next year i will have the option to do that. : next year is day after tomorrow.

[philomom]

I have no idea what the trend here is in Portland, because I'm new here. However, in my old Decatur, Ga neighborhood there was a strong tendency to "red shirt" kids close to the cutoff dates; especially boys. So, my kids had in their classes many kids who were almost a year older and in some cases, quite a lot larger than the other kids. They made my middle of winter born kids seem small. The cutoff there was Sept 1.
Get cozy with your school secretary and tell her your concerns. She may have the answer for you. If you child is smaller than average, I would keep her back.

[BusyMommy]

Tough decision to make but here, you'd have to fill out volumes of extra paperwork to enroll her a year early.
As a K teacher, I usually recommend against early entry. Please give weight to emotional and social issues as well as academic.

Good luck w/your decision

[mimiharshe]

Originally Posted by srain

I think that most "borderline" kids do better being held back. They'll be more likely to have greater emotional maturity than their peers, which will only benefit them throughout school, and I think there's something good to be said for prolonging childhood, too.

I agree here! To the OP...I am in the same situation. My dd is 3 now and her b-day is Sept. 5th. Most cut-offs I know of are Sept. 1st. Dh and I just talked about this, b/c I was concerned about her being the oldest and wasn't sure I wanted her to be turning 6 starting K (this is all if we don't h'school BTW). He feels very stronly about the child being older, especially w/our dd. She is a hands on learner and also has a similar personality to your dd in that she is sweet and easily influenced. She would probably do well being the oldest. So, that's what we are doing. If I start ds on time (he is in May so no issues there, so he'll be 5 and a few months and w/his personality so far do just fine I think) my dc will be 1 year apart and I think that's cool!

[bobandjess99]

I think with kids, 9 months is a VERY LONG TIME. The potty issue will likely be moot by the time school starts next fall...and your dd will have changed so very much she will be almost like a different person.
As far as maturity....in general, I'd say send her.....every other parent whose child make sthe cutoff is going to send them, and if you keep her out, she will be absolutely the oldest kid by over a month the following year.

Here, the cutoff is JUNE 1st..the earliest in the nation. And the local states who have Dec deadlines are slowly inching them back or talking about it.....in general, i think its a bad idea for a 4.5 year old to be going to kindy...but since all the other kids in your state wil be, then she probably should too.

[Nathan1097]

It depends on the kid. All 3 of mine are late-september/early-October birthdays and they've started when they were 4 and then turned 5. The BIGGEST factor, I think, wasn't that but that my youngest was the only one to go to preschool. THAT helped! My eldest had no issues with socializing, except that he's shorter than most of his friends, but that's a genetic thing, not an age thing. He's mentally "right up there". However, his teachers said he's sometimes emotionally immature and that's just an age and a "boy" thing. Once we started him in Kindergarten- because he seemed really ready- we couldn't fathom holding him back. That would crush him and be more detrimental overall to his schooling. His first-grade teacher actually suggested having him repeat the year, adding something about how he's short...! UGH! That is NOT the issue. He is developmentally his own age, short or not. That said, he's had to do some end-of-the-year catch-up in K, 1st, and 2nd... Third grade was no problem, though, and I hope 4th isn't either. Fourth is a BIG year- lots more expected.

Oh! The other thing is that compared to when WE were kids, its like first is what 2nd used to be and kindergarten is like first used to be.... so they really ALL are starting "a year early"! Add that on top of mine being at the younger side of the grade, and I feel like I have genius children- 2 years ahead!

As I said, I think the biggest factor was preschool for my youngest because he is having no problems with kindergarten, while his older sister had to really catch up on her letters when she started kindergarten.

[girlsmamma2]

wow,,,,really good points. And you're right Nathan1097, size is a genetic thing, not an age thing. She will always be the shortest, no matter what. Her sister is 2 years behind her and they are literaly 3 inches apart in height.
And I do feel the same about holding them back, even she can understand that now and I would worry it would hurt her emotionally since they have a little graduation ceremony for all the preshoolers going on to kindy.

I also didn't think about the point of her then being the very oldest if we did wait a year.

And also good point about Dec 1st being the cutoff in our state so it's not like this will be unusual here. It's just that in other states they are changing things.

Man, you guys are great! Thanks for everyone's input. Hearing everyone's differing opinions and experiences is really helping me sort out what my own feelings are. I will say my dh is still in the "send her" camp. He sees it as allowing her to blossom like she has in preschool (she is the ONLY one in her class that wasn't in some type of preshool 3's or daycare type program) and she is up to speed just fine. And he thinks that we will be stalling that growth if we hold off. That she won't be reaping 100% of that benefit if we wait, she'll get a little boost but will be somewhat repeating what she already knows...she already knew what the teachers are teaching when she went in even though she hasn't been in a school setting before. She is one of like 3 kids that can fully write their name etc. I am trying to tell him that the growth I would want from another year at preschool would be emotionally, not "academically". My worry is that if by sending her to kindy being shorter and delicate if she gets intimidated by the bigger kids, then something emotional may stall her to get more out of it.

: my head is still spinning!