Another Kindergarten and age thread! - Page 2

[bdavis337]

This has been a great thread! I want to add one more thought, if I may. My son, a spring birthday in a Sept 1 cutoff district, is still physically the smallest child in his class, boy or girl. He's also the only child in a pullout advanced reading group, and the only child who can tell time and do basic math. So he's different on many levels. I was quite concerned about his overall social experience in kindergarten, and put him on the bus the first day with much reservation. I knew he was academically ready, but I feared he'd have social problems. I was so very wrong.

I soon learned that kids gravitate toward what they are comfortable with. And that as parents, we (or at least *I), have a tendency to consider our child(ren) as truly unique, sometimes to a fault. I assumed he would be the ONLY short boy, the ONLY boy reading well, the ONLY gentle spirit, the ONLY boy who doesn't watch lots of television, the ONLY boy with an early bedtime, etc. I was so very wrong. By the end of the first week of school he befriended every other like-minded boy in his class. He plays with the other gentle, kind, respectful boys and girls. He was a leader in his preschool class, and he's a leader in his K class.

I'm not bragging here, but trying rather randomly to make a small point. As parents we consider our children to be "onlies", when in reality there are more kids out there like ours than we realize. More likely than not, when our kids enter school there will be other kids with enough similar personality and academic traits that they won't be alone. Your daughter probably won't be the only gentle, sweet girl, and she'll be able to seek out the other girls/boys who she can socially, and eventually academically (as she gets older and farther into the school experience) with whom she can identify and befriend.

[girlsmamma2]

OMG, I totally agree! What a great point! In fact, we just got back from a family friendly type new years with other parents and kids. There was a VERY outgoing, and basically pushy, 2nd grade girl there. My dd totally was uninterested until she started to warm up. In her preschool class she does like you said, she has befriended the gentler kids and pretty much stays away from the more assertive and pushier ones. And I totally agree about the "onlies thing". Being my first born and such a special one to me personally, it did take me (us) a while to realize that she does also have "regular kid" issues, common to all kids. And that although she is exceptional in our eyes, she is still a kid.

But I wish I could say as you said, that my dd too was a leader. While she is excelling in preschool, she is still the follower. Although she can hold her own and is confident in most situations, sometimes when we talk about her day I can tell there are some power issues with other more "powerful" kids in the class that decide to size her up and use her gentleness against her.

But I totally agree. and i don't think it's just kid to kid too that they gravitate towards like personalities. I see it even in her uncles and cousins. the ones that are over the top and "in her space" she tries to get space from, the ones who approach more respectfully and just do things with her, she loves and adores. She does not like pushy kids or adults.

It's just so hard to know where you fall, especially if you are an AP type parent, with the mainstream culture. Like the gathering we just attended, it's obvious we parent just totally different, like you said, early bedtime, gentle kids, respectful and thankful, not lots of tv etc. The older kids were plugged into a pretty violent video game as I'm sitting across the room nursing my 7 mo. ok...tangent. sorry!

It's just so hard to know what to do.

[bdavis337]

Don't stress too much!!! It's still early on, and be sure you bookmark this thread so you can read it again when it's closer to enrollment time. I bet you'll find that she's grown/changed a good deal, and you might feel more comfortable. It's so hard to be objective about our kids in these areas, especially the oldest kids, since it's all "first time" stuff. I'm already stressing about public school grade 1 - we're thinking about moving schools if we can get in across town, and that's a whole different barrel of monkeys!

[Justmee]

Originally Posted by Eman'smom

We now live in a state that has a hard and fast cutoff of Sept 1st, period no exceptions. DD is Sept 15th and I've been worring about that since she was born. She is already asking about school and why she can't go now. She takes after my physically and is already on the bigger side for her age, I worry about her getting into trouble at school because she is not being challenged and possibly picked on for her size.

My dh is Brittish and apparently they had a hard and fast no exceptions Sept. 1 cutoff. MILs doctor offered to induce / c-section her so he could go to school early . She declined and he came on Sept. 6 and missed the date.


I actually like hard and fast cutoffs, I know nothing will work for every single kid, but it has kids closest in age. No matter what the date and what the exceptions, you will always have a youngest & an oldest. I think it's easier as a whole when the class is close to teh same age. I taught kindy and I had kids who were only 4.5 (b/c the powerful parents pushed them in even though they were spring b-days) and kids who were 6 (turned 6 the June before but parents held them back). There is a HUGE difference between a 4.5 year old & a 6 year old. I wish they would just pick a date and stick to it. I like Sept. 1 when school starts in Sept. b/c at least all the kids start teh same age (and yes soem will turn 6 within weeks, but by the end of the year all but the summer b-days will be 6 too).

[yogamama]

I think whatever you do will be fine. I struggled with this decision, too. I have a son born in late August, and we live in an area with a Sept 1 cut-off. For most of first grade I wished I had held him back, but now he is doing well.

He did 2 years of preschool, then half day kindergarten (which was sort of a tough year), then full day first grade (a very hard year for him) and now he is doing fine in second grade. He is very tall and high energy and a bit immature for his age. I really struggle with the expectations that school has for such a young boy - write, sit still, learn to read... It was all really challenging for him. He still needs alot of help with fine motor skills needed to write neatly and sitting still. His teachers have been great about letting him stand next to his desk, get up and wiggle, etc.

I was a very young kid for my school year (a mid Nov birthday with a Dec 1 cut-off) and I really struggled in school until about 6th grade. I was tall and physically matured early, so it would have been hard for me to be in the class behind too.

I think the important thing to remember is that it will work out fine.

Kathleen

[CarrieMF]

See, I love hearing that! I told my dh today that I don't WANT to have to be thinking like this. I would love to just send her on to kindy and not think twice about it but I have to make sure that any emotional things on her part will not get in the way of her succeeding. I can't believe some kids were 2 years older in your dd's class! I forgot all about the gym thing too.

I should add that Tirza is in a 3/4 split this year(she's in 3). Some of the kids in the grade 4 part are the same kids who were in the grade 2 part when she was in the 1/2 split. She is not intimidated by them at all even though she is the smallest girl still and at least 1 of the kids is 2 years older than her.

The school here does alot of mixed grade interaction. Except for K there is always a split grade for each grade. In K the Grade 6 kids come down at lunch to help them with their lunches, they also have Grade 6 buddies where they will have gym or art together and each kid in K has a buddie in Grade 6 to help them. In Grade 1 it's the Grade 5 who are the buddies. I don't think 2-4 have them but they might. They do alot of house team activities too and on the playground there is supposed to be 1 section for the K's & 1's and another for the 2's -6's but they do mix alot and it's not a big deal.

dh thinks that she'd be "dumbing down" so to speak because she'd already know everything they are doing. My argument to that is that might give her even more confidence in knowing what they are doing.

or she may become bored because she's done it before(especially if the school she's in now does academics)

I think it would be far more upsetting to have to redo kindy for social reasons and repeat the exact same things she was doing academically the year prior if this is an issue.

there are a couple kids who have repeated kindergarten in my 5yo's class. 1 was held back because he wasn't catching onto anything in K the first year until after christmas. The 2 kids that I know were held back(I think there was a 3rd) have alot of behaviour issues, they are holy little terrors. Their social issues would be opposite of what you fear your dd may have. From what you've said of your dd they wouldn't hold her back for that. These kids can't sit at a table or carpet for any length of time. They are often shoving their faces into the other kids faces, have no respect for personal space. At the Christmas concert the 1 was yelling at the other that they hand to hold hands, the teacher got that under control. then at the end when they were supposed to be going off stage the 1 went to the edge to ask him mom where his sisters were. Then suddenly ran across the stage on the opposite side and jumped off the stage into the audience.

Now I need to mention my 5yo who is in K. She will be 6 in March. Had I known prior to last February I would have had her tested to K readiness and had her enrolled in K at 4. She was in Kindergarten for 16 days and had passed everything she needs to know to move onto Grade 1. She is now in K just for something to do. There is another girl in her class who is exactly the same way. She's bored because she knows everything that the teacher is trying to teach them.

she already knew what the teachers are teaching when she went in even though she hasn't been in a school setting before. She is one of like 3 kids that can fully write their name etc. I am trying to tell him that the growth I would want from another year at preschool would be emotionally, not "academically". My worry is that if by sending her to kindy being shorter and delicate if she gets intimidated by the bigger kids, then something emotional may stall her to get more out of it.

She might not be the smallest and there will most likely be another 1-2 kids around her size. What are the requirements for K? Here they don't require the kids know anything before entering K. So the teacher is teaching them how to spell their name, how to count to 10, the alphabet, etc. Being ahead academically it can help their social issues as they can help the other kids in the class.

the ones that are over the top and "in her space" she tries to get space from, the ones who approach more respectfully and just do things with her, she loves and adores. She does not like pushy kids or adults.

This is exactly like my oldest(the one who has the Nov birthday). A friend has a friend with very agressive children. When we're around them Tirza still won't play with Rachel unless Sierra(my friend's dd) is not there. Then Tirza will play with her because there is nobody else. Tirza does not like it, she does not like this girl. She is very rough, it is nothing for her to run across the room and tackle someone. When they were younger Tirza would go and play in Sierra's room instead of playing with Rachel & Sierra. It has not affected her social skills at school at all(Rachel goes to school in a different town).

[girlsmamma2]

Boy, I tell you all, thanks for much for sharing your experiences! And although I'm still a little mixed up, I'm feeling much more confident today for some reason. We just got back from her friends house who has the same b'day as she, was an earlier preemie than she, and whom they are holding back another year. She is almost surpassing him in height. She just suddenly looked so much bigger than he. It was like I felt a little relief!

I don't know, I think I'm leaning towards sending her now. So much of what everyone, on either side of the issue, has said has helped me think things through. I asked her today if she was excited to go back to school tomorrow (the first day after the break) and she said confidently "YES!". And hearing the other reasons some children wait a year helps me because I'm beginning to think she may well be bored if she did another year at preschool. Academically, I think she would thrive. And socially also I'm starting to think.

I'm looking into ways or things we can do to build her self esteem, like tae kwon do or gymnastics.

still thinking.....

THANKS THANKS THANKS!!!!

[bethy]

My DD turned five this last August 29. The cut off in our state is a hard and fast Aug 31. She was born on her due date and had I given birth just 3 days later there would have been no question whether to send her to K or not.

I agonized for 3+ years over what to do. In the end I decided I'd rather err on the side of her being older and more mature. If it ever becomes a huge problem she can skip a grade. I have talked to probably 20 teachers about this over the years and I think only one recommended that I send her "on time". The rest recommended waiting and giving her that extra year.

I didn't so much look at social maturity right now. DD happens to be a real social butterfly who gets along with most kids really well. She is also tall for her age. I held her back for the middle school years. I didn't want her to be the youngest kid in her group of peers when they starting facing a bunch of scary decisions. I decided to give her the gift of another year of preschool where there are 11 kids and two teachers in her class. And also to give her the gift of having another year where I am her primary daily influence.

If we ever decide to have another child I will do my darndest to make sure we avoid a late summer/fall birthday. Ugh!!!

[DebHibb]

Our oldest makes the cutoff by 5 days (Sept 1st here - no exceptions). We decided to send him, and I could not be happier with the decision. I know that if I need to, I can hold him back at some point, but will not consider doing so until around 2nd or 3rd grade - and only if he is behind academically (his main issue really).

[momtophr]

DH and I have already been discussing this issue although it is a year off for us. My DS1 will turn 5 in June and then start school a few months later. The cutoff here is Sept 1st so he will be one of the babies in his class.
He is in Mothers Day out now and is one ofthe babies because they go by the same cutoffs but many of the kids have already turned four in the fall where as DS1 will not be 4 until summer.

I was a teacher before i became a SAHM actually a pre-K teacher lol
The way DH and I think about it is DS1 is very ahead of his age group in pretty much everything. If he keeps going on this path we will start him the first year he can. He will also be probably one of hte smallest kids in his class because he takes after his mommy lol

Now when DS3 is in the same positiion(July birthday) it will be a whole new ballgame depending on if i think he is ready.

IMO judge by the individual and as a previous poster stated they can redo kindergarten. Just be sure before you send her to 1st grade she is ready would be my biggest advice. I have always said they have plenty of time to be grownups dont rush the childhood - just take their lead.

Sorry for the novel

[dancingmama]

I have been agonizing over this decision, too, for soooo long now. Dd will turn 5 on 9/2. Our cut-off is really late -- 12/1. But many parents of Nov or Dec kids don't send them. Some do though. Anyway, I look at my child, and she looks ready, based on all those readiness scales. She's very bright, social, etc. But I have spoken to approximately 15-20 teachers and guidance counselors, all the way up through high school, to ask what they think. Every single one of them said that they never see a problem with a kid (I mostly asked about girls) being one of the older ones in their class. Never. They often often often see problems with the young ones. And they also agreed that just cuz your kid looks ready for kindergarten doesn't mean anything about what s/he will be like at age 8, 10, 16.... it's not linear. They said there are developmental milestones at those ages too, and they hate seeing kids who would be bright and thriving and happy, if only in the grade below, and who are struggling in their current grade.

Anyway, clearly I've made our decision. Dd will do a "transitional year" in a Waldorf kindergarten, and then we'll move into public school kindergarten the following year (can't afford a whole waldorf education! and that way she isn't repeating the same stuff).

Hope that helps!

[mommy68]

I think she'd do best being held back too. She really fits the age requirements for another year of preschool. I'd be more afraid that she would start kindergarten in the fall, make friends and then fail and be behind those friends. That, IMO, could hurt her worse in the long run to see those children always a year ahead of her if she were to fail.

My oldest DS has a birthday in late November and we held him back and he has always been right at the same level as all the other children in his class. Sure, his birthday is always first each year but that's okay.

The best thing to do is have her assessed by the school that you plan to have her attend. They can tell you where she stands as far as being able to start K in the fall.

[Milkymommy]

The cut off here is September 1st. My DD was born August 13th so she made the cut off for Kinder by two weeks. We sent her to Kindergarten "on schedule." She was only 4 at the time since school started a week before her birthday. She is in First grade now and I have regretted the decision to send her to Kinder at 4 every day. I wish that we had held her in preschool for another year. She has struggled so much in school. Socially she is fine. Academically she is falling further behind her class every day.

Our school is considered to be one of the most academically challanging elementary schools in our district. The standardized test score are always the "best" in the area.

Many other parents in our school have told me that they feel pressured by the school to have their "summer birthday" children repeat the early grades. It is very likely that my daughter will repeat first grade.

You may want to find out a bit more at what the trends are at the school your DD will be going to. Had I realized that so many of the other kids that were in Kindergarten when my DD started were either repeating or had bee "red-shirted" I would have held her in preschool too. She was barely 5 in Kinder and there were kids in her class who were turning 7. Crazy! The "norm" in first grade here is to be reading on a second grade level. Those that are not are "behind."

Every child is different, every school is different. This is just my story.

[Logan's mommy]

The cut off here is in June or July, my ds has his birthday in Feb. I sent him to school in Aug. as a young-ish 5. Now at the half way point I'm wishing we had waited another year to send him. I don't think he's mature enough yet, as we have had many behavoir problems due mostly to his following what the other kids are doing. I think another year of preschool would have been best for him, however he is learning a lot which is very good. I guess I'm kind of on the fence. I think it really would be up to how your child behaves as to wether or not you would want to send him/her.