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Emotional eaters wanting to stop the diet mentality and be at peace with food? - Page 10

post #181 of 1694
Good Morning Holly. Man... I'm so sorry your night was so awful, and... I can TOTALLY relate. I, too, had a horrible day and night yesterday, and everything fed into eating when I wasn't hungry, feeling even worse, and eating even more... I keep telling myself I had good reasons, though (as if there are good reasons...) I'm in a lot of pain right now. The whole left side of my head and face are throbbing and my left eye is bloodshot and glazed over. I have a painful bump at the base of my skull on the left side and nothing I take or do is taking the pain away. Later this morning, after I drop my DD at preschool I'm going to head over to the hospital where DH works to have one of his surgeon colleagues take a look. It may mean having a minor surgical procedure... And...it's my birthday... Nice way to spend a birthday, huh?

My kids also wake me up almost every single night. I wonder if anyone ever really takes into serious consideration the cumulative impact of being sleep deprived for so many years.

So, yeah... Yesterday was a bad day for me too. A friend of mine who I haven't seen in over a year came and interviewed at the college where I work and afterwords we went to have a bite... only I'd already had a pretty decent lunch and up to that point my day had been going pretty well. But I ordered food and ate anyway. This particular friend is someone, BTW, who is about as "normal" about food and eating as can be possible. She grew up in Russia during Communist times, meaning in a place that was devoid of the commercialism that surrounds food here in the free world. She grew up on potatoes, sour cream, pickled and canned veggies and fruits, kasha, eggs, and whatever was in season. She still eats this way and has never once uttered a disparaging or negative word on her own appearance.

I, during my crazy youth, have also spent considerable time traveling in less developed countries and I swear I was so much healthier during those times. I actually have experienced "eating intuitively" and not being focused on physical appearance, body shape, weight. Then, as soon as I'd come back home, I'd plunge right back into the wacky food patterns, diets, etc... So, I have to believe that those conditions that enabled me to be healthier in mind and body can somehow be arrived at again.

Holly, I'm really grateful for everything that you are sharing and I want you to know that you are both a comfort and an inspiration to me. When I'm in the midst of a crazy eating episode I often think to myself, "It's OK. Don't punish yourself. Holly would understand." I only hope that I can offer you the same comfort and understanding on days when you're struggling.

Be well, friend. If you don't hear from me again today it's probably because I've had my procedure and dealing with post-surgical stuff.

You will be in my thoughts.

Maggy
post #182 of 1694
Holly Maggy

I'm so sorry things are hard.

Holly, oh what a difficult night . I know you said you're feeling better now, but I still wanted to respond. I wanted to respond as your friend about your comment about being so angry at yourself for eating emotionally on the couch (this is for myself and anyone else having a diificult time). You have said you want to try to respond to yourself as you would a friend, so I hope it's OK. I'm just speaking from my gut and my heart-not from any theory, so feel free to take it or leave it . I believe when you are so overwhelmed that you do end up emotionally eating, even when we "know better" this means things are too difficult and we don't have any other tool readily available (that we've mastered yet), and we need to protect and soothe ourselves. I know we are working hard to find another way, but it's a process. So, when we find ourselves once again emotionally eating, I believe at this time (and right after) we need more than ever to be really kind to ourselves.

In the last couple of days when this has happened to me I've been trying very hard to be aware and kind. I've been trying to put aside any judgement and just notice what is/has happened, and then respond with sympathy, "what am I feeling? This must be so difficult because I'm having a hard time accessing my emotions and I want to keep eating when I'm not hungry. Can I take a moment to feel things and find and alternative soothing method?" If I can't and the drive to eat remains strong, I go ahead and try to eat in awareness and hope to gain something from the experience. Am I always able to accomplish this? No. I am making some progress though. In the last couple of days where I have most definately eaten emotionally twice. I think I was able to learn a lot about myself through observation as they were both times that other ways to soothe were not working. I ate, but also asked questions...it was actually fairly mindful, and I was kind to myself as I would be a friend. It was quite powerful. I hope I am able to do this again. I think it is important to not let the inner critic come in when we "do bad" at emotionally eating. That not what it's about, right?

Holly, again, . I hope it's ok for me to comment further. I've gotten the vibe that you're open to feedback, but it's hard to gage this just from reading. If I go too far, please tell me. It seems to me that confrontation in your life with you and your DH causes you stress (I can relate). I'm thinking back to the stress involved with the possibility of your DH having to turn down the accepted job if he got the better one. Confronting your friend about bounderies. Now you are trying to pick a realitor, but in order to pick one...you have to confront and reject several...sounds very difficult to me and I would bre stressing out. So, maybe you could do some journaling about what it means to confont and reject people. If I'm off on this, just disregard my Sometimes it helps me to get another perspective. HTH, in a nutshell...be kind to yourself!

In fact everyone (me too ), be kind...we are on a difficult journey and we're trying to do this work on top of very stressful lives. We should get medals!!!

Maggy, : I hope there can be some joy for you today. I am so sorry about your health. It sounds really painful, and how hard that you can't meet your own serious health needs first (having to drop your DC at preschool first). I hope everything gets resolved and your pain is eased.
Is there someone to call today? I hope you can get the help you deserve.

Thank you all again for being here. This is so hard to go through and I can't believe how much support I'm getting through cyberspace

Have a mindful days my strong women.

Christina
post #183 of 1694
Thread Starter 
WOW thanks guys--you are SO awesome--I'm in tears yet again...

Even though I said I was feeling better (which I am) - it is still SUPER helpful to read what both of you wrote--I should print that part off and put it in my journal for future reference!! I WELCOME the help and comments from you very wise ladies--I guess I assumed that it was okay and that was why we were here, but you both asked if it was okay (something that I don't think I ever did) so I hope that it was okay when I commented on things that you (or anyone else) has said... I'm sorry if it wasn't but please do let me know either way as well as now I'll be all paranoid otherwise!!

I love hearing other perspectives and am very open to that--I find that often someone makes a suggestion to me and they are so BANG on--I'm better at seeing other people's 'stuff' clearly than I am with me own... I'm working on figuring out my own too but it definitely helps me to have some helping hands along the way!

Femme_rouge - you are dead on about confrontation--both my dh and I are the same way about that... I should definitely journal about that although at the moment I'm feeling like there won't be much to figure out because I just want to avoid confrontation altogether--gee there's some all or nothing thinking huh?? Okay--mental note, journal on that when I get back home today!! Ugh just thinking about confrontation gives me horrible feelings in my belly... hmmm that feeling could be confused with hunger I'm thinking if I'm not paying close attention like I am right now... Interesting...

You are both absolutely right in that it IS a hard journey--I guess I keep wanting it to be easy (like everything in life, right?) and being reminded of that is really helpful... I know in my heart that you are right about me really needing to comfort myself with food at that moment... I'm just glad that I was able to get some of it out of my system in the middle of the night with writing to you guys and my counsellor and reading her blog... I cried and it really helped... The all or nothing list really helped put things in perspective too--just writing down my all or nothing thinking made me realize how ridiculous a lot of what I've been telling myself is...

Happy Birthday GouGou and I hope that whatever is happening health wise with you can be resolved asap--how scary!

You don't understand how good it made me feel to read the part where you would tell yourself that "holly would understand"! WOW - that really helps my self-esteem so much more than you could ever know...

Anyway, unfortunately I am late posting and so I have to run so I can finish getting my kiddos ready to drop off my son at school...



Holly
post #184 of 1694
Hi... I'm back. It turns out the thing on my neck is a swollen lymph gland, but the fact that it is painful is a good thing... i.e. it's nothing dangerous... just extremely painful and it will pass in a few days. As for my eye, it's viral and has nothing to do with my neck. Basically, it's conjunctivitis and the doc told me that it's really going around in this area. My kids don't have it, thankfully. At least, not yet.

So, yes, today is my B'day. I went and bought myself a cake from my favorite bakery so that we can have a little family celebration later today. It's a basic, down-home, old fashioned birthday cake with the thickest richest icing. I plan to have myself a nice big piece and practice resisting the urge to 1) criticize myself for eating any of it and 2) going full throttle and inhaling the whole thing.

This brings up ideas about "all or nothing" that a couple of you have brought up. I'm going to think about this "all or nothing" thing and how it is that my life's path has set me up for this.

I'm thinking that food is really a metaphor for relationships. For the most part, relationships, particularly intimate ones, have left me "hungry". I've had to work really hard to get "crumbs" from my significant others. In exchange for "nothing" I've often given my "all". Even in my marriage, I have to really resist creating a situation in which my DH, then, begins to take things for granted. I believe that in relationships I tend to co-create a situation in which I eventually end up deprived.

Perhaps this also has to do with the fact that, as I was growing up, my parents gave me "all" in some senses and "nothing" in others.

I'll have to think more about this.

Peace...
Maggy
post #185 of 1694
Thread Starter 
Oh my word, my friend has just told me that she is going to the mortgage broker and that she wants to buy my house (for $25000 less than we are listing it for but if we don't pay the realtor fees, it almost is the same amount with a LOT less hassle!)

Man I'm feeling half excited but have worried that she won't follow through (she's one of those kinds of people) so I'm not wanting to get too excited yet but MAN--to NOT have to put it on the market and deal with showings and open houses with 3 kids, 2 dogs and 2 cats would be SOOO awesome!

Anyway, I also talked to my friend/business partner Jen and I feel a lot better now (I told her what happened last night etc.) and my other partner is taking me out to see a movie tonight (as I have NO money to pay to go) and so I'm really excited--I haven't been out to see a movie in a LONG time and I could really use the break...

Okay I must get back to getting the house packed up--my mom had a good point in that my friends parents are likely going to want to come and see the house so we still need to get it back in ship shape... (They are paying her down payment for her--lucky girl!!)

Oh and I was thinking about something that happened with my mom the other day when I was telling her about how stressed I was etc.... She basically started telling me that it could be SO much worse and so essentially I shouldn't be worrying so much etc... GEE I wonder why I have a problem with stuffing down my emotions?!?!? AAAAARGH!!!

I was sure to tell her that was NOT what I needed right now and that I needed to experience my emotions (*and no I wasn't overreacting*) and work through them.... She didn't like that too much as that makes her uncomfortable of course as she wants me to be okay and doesn't want to see me upset but pretending that I'm not is not good for me either...

Okay back to packing--just wanted to let you know where I'm at--I feel excited and worried that it will fall through all at the same time--I REALLY hope it works out!!!

Holly
post #186 of 1694
[QUOTE=GouGou;7064029]
So, yes, today is my B'day. I went and bought myself a cake from my favorite bakery so that we can have a little family celebration later today. It's a basic, down-home, old fashioned birthday cake with the thickest richest icing. I plan to have myself a nice big piece and practice resisting the urge to 1) criticize myself for eating any of it and 2) going full throttle and inhaling the whole thing.



Good for you for ordering yourself a beautiful yummy b-day cake, just the way you want it. You deserve it. You deserve to enjoy and taste it. Maybe you could say to yourself that you're going to have a nice big slice, and if you don't feel fullfilled, you can always have another...then no set up KWIM? Just a suggestion.

I'm so relieved to hear your medical condition isn't too serious. May you heal quickly. Your food and relationship metaphor gives me a lot to think about...

Holly, I also appreciate feedback, so no worries here. What a big day! Good luck with everything. That's a pretty good realization about your mom.

Today I was triggered by something. I started "getting busy" because i didn't have time to be upset. I caught myself doing this (normally it's pretty unconscience). I asked myself what I needed. I needed to feel safe. I stopped what I was doing, found dp and asked him to sit with me. I explained what was up. We held hands, I cried a little, then I felt better. So far today, food has not been an issue. I had to remind myself to eat breakfast and lunch, and I was hungry. I feel hopeful today

Be kind to yourselves...Christina
post #187 of 1694
Thread Starter 
Hey ladies,

Ugh wide awake in the middle of the night again... this time because my son went on his first sleepover and had an accident and couldn't get past that and wanted me.... Now of course I can't sleep....

I went to a movie last night (something Diamond-can't remember the name) and oh my god I can't get it out of my head--I have to say that I don't usually watch the news as - guess what - I can't handle hearing about all the horrible things happening in the world so I was OBLIVIOUS to what was happening regarding diamonds... Ugh--I went to the movie having no idea what it was about--and Hilary who I went with didn't either--she just knew that it was about diamonds... It was VERY violent and that was bad enough but then part way through she told me that it was based on a real story and I've been feeling really ill ever since. :

Anyway, of course I ate when I got home--I DEFINITELY needed some kind of comfort--my stomach was all in knots and of course (looking back is 20/20) I used food to try to make that horrible feeling go away....

Now of course the feeling is back and I can't sleep at all...

It certainly put things in perspective for me... I will NEVER buy a diamond again--I would be terrified as to how it was obtained and would NEVER want to contribute to such horrible stuff.

Hmmm not sure what else to say... I wish I knew what I needed to work through here so I could get back to sleep--I again wanted to go running in the am... no chance of that now although perhaps I could go at another point in the day when my dh is home--it's the weekend so really, I could go whenever (well around all the stuff we have to do that is!) so I'll try to remember that instead of not doing it at all because I couldn't do it first thing in the morning like I wanted to....

Had a realtor come tonight (well it's a pair that work together) and once I asked some more questions, I felt like they weren't ready to do what we are wanting them to do so I think that has answered our question about whether to use them... So now we're down to 2... I'll hopefully be able to see the other contender on the weekend so we can decide (but of course we'll hold off to see if one of my friends wants to buy the house for sure or not...) Anyway, I hate uncertainty so I can't wait to find out whether it's going to happen or not.... I HOPE it does--it would make my life SOOO much easier to not have to deal with all the open houses and trying to keep the house immaculate and getting out with the kids every time someone wants a viewing and worrying about what price we'll get and whether to accept an offer-I so DON'T want to deal with those things!!!

Anyway.... hopefully we'll know by Monday whether they can swing the amount they need for the mortgage so at least we'll know... and then hopefully my other friend will be back from her vacation soon so I can find out how serious she was about wanting our house....

I think I better email the last realtor as I forgot to answer her email yesterday about setting up a time.... I'll talk to you ladies in the morning!

Oh yah--that's SOO awesome that you were able to see what was happening with yourself and ask for what you needed femme_rouge!! YAY you!!!!: : That's so great that food hasn't been an issue after you gave yourself what you needed... funny how that works huh??

Take care,

Holly
post #188 of 1694
Hi Holly, Femme Rouge, Eldadeedlit, Mothertoall, and everyone else who's around.

It's the weekend again, and that's always a challenge.

Ugh! I just made frech toast for the kids and both of them refuse to eat it. It will now be a challenge for me not to go ahead and eat it all (even though it's not what I want) for the sake of not throwing it away. I think this is a trap that many moms get stuck in. They end up eating their kids' scraps in order not to throw food away, but then "scraps" are not satisfying, physically or emotionally.

I really, truly, have to believe that it will be different and better when the kids are a little older. But for now, some of this mothering stuff feels like a prison sentence.

I have to also ask for help today. There's still a rather substantial piece of B'day cake left over and it's going to be a challenge for me not to sneak a little piece here and a little piece there thoughout the day, and then end up feeling gross and guilty at the end of the day. What do I do? Do I just give myself free reign? I've never done that.

I wish I could be like a "normal" person and be OK with the fact that there's cake in the house. I'm sure my husband isn't all freaking out because of this. But for me, it will take up a great deal of mental and emotional space today, and I'm dreading it. If today were Monday I'd send the whole thing to work with my DH to put in the docs' lounge, and I'd be done with it. But that's no different from throwing it in the trash, or taking it in the woods and leaving it there for the critters (I've done both these things).

Later this morning I will see my therapist. I wonder how much more of this I will open up.

OK. I wish you all a peaceful, comfortable day.

I'm sure I'll check in again later.


Maggy
post #189 of 1694
Thread Starter 
Oooh yes--eating food rather than have it go in the garbage--a common thing for sure... However I personally don't do it often (but know many people who do) as food that has been eaten from really kind of grosses me out.... It's really hard for me to get past that--now what's THAT about???! So that's not a huge issue for me... most of the time anyway... But I could see how it could easily happen...

Re the bday cake--yup--you said it--give yourself free reign--just let yourself know that it's there and if you want to have some, you can -- and maybe even ask your dh to not take the last piece (it is your bday cake afterall!) so that you will know that it will always be there... Then you can work on allowing yourself to believe that it is there and you can have it whenever you want and then allow whatever will happen to happen... Because you have restricted so much for so long, you might very well eat it but it's what you say to yourself if you do indeed eat it--if you tell yourself that you can have it if you want and then really feel that and then eat it--and work to tell yourself that it is okay and that you were allowed to have it... that would be a much better experience right now (I think) that telling yourself you can't have it and then ending up eating eat and beating yourself up for it or throwing it away or giving it to the critters and then wishing that you could have had it and being obsessive over it....

I too wish I could be a normal person around food--that is probably my exact words when I first looked for help for my food issues... I wanted my kids to have a normal relationship with food as well... You deserve that as well and I encourage you to open up to your therapist as I think that would be SOOO freeing to you since you have hardly told anyone--just doing that will be so helpful I think... I wish you the strength to do that soon... It seems scary in the moment but it is SOOO worth it....

I just realized that you must have posted at the same time as me the other day GouGou so I didn't see your post--I'm SOOO glad that everything is okay with your neck and eye and that you didn't need surgery--wow that's a relief!!

I also wanted to say that I think your all or nothing theory is really interesting and seems to relate to my life as well.... I'll definitely be thinking about that in my own life....

I've been feeling very all or nothing about getting our house ready for selling--and then I seem to get stuck as I have NO idea where to start to get the 'all' done so I do nothing..... I used to do that with housework too--oh and laundry too -- heck I still do sometimes--but I am getting better with the housework as I try to do little bits here and there, even if I can't do everything...

My mom DEFINITELY had this behaviour too--She has yet to find a housecleaner that can clean the way she expects them to... Do you think that's all or nothing and perfectionist behaviour or what?!?! She is actually discusted when they don't do certain things which really, in the big picture, are NOT a big deal!

I remember when we would have to help clean as kids, she would want us to lick our fingers and run it along the carpet edges (by the baseboards) to get all the pet hair.... EWWW!!! Luckily I don't have carpet now--I'm sure there must be a better way!! Anyway, she doesn't have carpet now either but I'm SURE that she would do that after the cleaning lady came as one of her tests to see if the cleaning lady was good enough!!!

Alrighty--only my daughter is awake... I'm struggling with what to do right now--journal, read one of my books on this issue, get more packing/cleaning/sorted/decluttering done, go for a run... I don't know what the heck to do with myself....

Have a mindful day ladies,
Holly
post #190 of 1694
Hi. So... I had a big piece of cake for breakfast and right now it's sitting here in its box and I have no urge to eat any more of it. I'm going to try to go the route of "free reign" as you encouraged me to do, Holly, and le'ts see what it brings up.

I also want you all to know that I did, finally, open this up with my therapist. It wasn't easy. But it was such a relief. She couldn't have been more empathic. In a way, I'm kinda glad I waited to open this up because she understands a lot better the matrix in which this food/body/eating stuff is happening. For me, anyhow, this is really a good time to be opening this up.

Here's something that I remembered while I was talking with my therapist: My whole life, and all through college, I think I was wearing shoes that were too small for me. I'm not exactly sure why this is except that I had a paternal aunt who was obese and had huge feet. All through my childhood I was told that I resembled her and that if I weren't careful I'd end up like her. On the other hand, I had a maternal aunt who was slim and pretty and had dainty, slim, small feet. My maternal aunt wore a size seven, and so my shoes were also a size seven.

Then, one day after graduating from college I went to buy a pair of shoes and the salesperson insisted that I try on a pair in size 8. At first I was taken aback because size seven feet were definitely part of my identity. But I tried on the 8's and they felt heavenly... imagine, wearing shoes that fit for the first time in my life!!! At the age of like 24!!! So, ever since then I've been a size 8, and ever since my pregnancies I refuse to wear anything other than clogs and UGG boots.

I wish I could do the same for the rest of my body as I have done for my feet.

Oh-oh... My son is emptying out the closet!!! Gotta go. More later.

Maggy
post #191 of 1694
Good morning all! Just a quick post to let you know I'm still here and am reading ALL the posts - just haven't had the time/inclination/ordered thoughts/inspiration to post.

GouGou - I'm so happy that your health issues aren't as serious as initially thought! I thought of you so often after the post about going to the dr., wondering how you were...take care of yourself, you hear? Now here's a thought out of left field - do you suppose any of the physical health issues could be related to what's happening psychologically? Just curious what your take is on the physical/psychological connection is...

Holly! Goodness, you have so much going on! I sure hope it works out that your friend can buy your house - not only because it would make the process easier, but it's also nice to know that someone you care about will be living in space that you care about! KWIM?

Also, GouGou, I can TOTALLY relate to the eating after the kids stuff - I am FAMOUS for that. I've noticed myself recently not even preparing a plate for me, knowing that one or both of the kids is not going to eat whatever I prepared, so rather than eating both my serving and their serving, I'll just wait until they're done and eat their serving. That way I feel like I'm not overeating...:

Ok, gotta run. DH's band is playing tonight, and I'm officially the soundperson now. Gotta get my notes in order, pack clothes for the kids to have a sleepover, figure out what I'm going to wear, etc. etc.

I hope you're all doing well (all=EVERYBODY, not just Holly & Maggy), and I'll check in again soon.

Oh, almost forgot. I did the first two lessons in the Geneen Roth book! I'll fill you in when I have time. I feel good about having done that much! :



MaryBeth
post #192 of 1694
hey all.

Sickness has struck our house again, so I am not completely up-to-date again. My son has ANOTHER stomach bug (at least I think that is what it is.) He was throwing up all night last night, and all day today he was lethargic and sleeping with a fever. Poor kid. We had all of these plans for this weekend too, and everything had to be cancelled because of his illness. *sigh*

So, I will try to get back to this tomorrow. I have to admit that I am feeling overwhelmed by all of the posts I haven't read.
post #193 of 1694
MaryBeth, thanks for your kind thoughts. I have to say I'm feeling much better now.

Today has been interesting on many levels. Opening up about my issues with my therapist has been so...well...therapeutic.

It's pretty late by me so I'll write more tomorrow.

Just wanted to check in and see how everybody's doing.



Maggy
post #194 of 1694
Good Morning All. So, much to my chagrin, I have been digging into the cake a little more than I had hoped. I'm especially distressed about the late-night episode. The kids were in bed at a pretty decent time, and so my DH and I watched a few dvd episodes of "The Wire" (it's an HBO series and it's amazing).

So, right around midnight, DS woke up crying and had broken out in hives. So I had to tend to him for an hour, and when I finally was able to get him back to sleep, I came downstairs and DH was fixing himself a little snack, and I thought, "What the hey... I deserve a piece of cake now." Was I hungry? No. I felt terrible afterwords.

Anyhow, this leads me to a question for you all: I know that it's impossible to go "cold turkey" with food as one is advised to do with addictions other than food, but wouldn't it be wise to keep particularly difficult things out of the house? If the cake hadn't been there, I wouldn't have eaten it.

Gotta go... DS is awake.
post #195 of 1694
maggie,

i have wondered the same thing. i can see both sides -- you should keep problem foods out of the house, because that is what an alcoholic or drug addict would be advised to do. then again, if you just avoid the food, have you really conquered your problem? at one point in my life, i could eat a few cookies and stop. so to me, that says i could be like that again.

thats all for now.
post #196 of 1694
Thread Starter 
Morning ladies,

I'm sorry to hear that your son is so sick eldadeetlit--I hope he recovers quickly--both for his sake and yours!!

I wanted to comment on what GouGou said about food and not having the temptation in your house... honestly--as scary as it seems--you really NEED to have all of the foods that you used to think badly of IN your house and in LARGE quantities. That way, they are always there and you can come to realize that they will always be there and that YOU have to learn to figure out when you are satisfied. For example, if you love Hershey's kisses and want to eat some, you should pour a ton into a BIG bowl and then you can eat some... if the bowl gets more than half empty, you should pour more in... the idea is that YOU and your body have to decide how much to eat--not some other preconceived notions--you need to figure out how much you need to feel satisfied... and trust me, you'll stop... because you've actually had enough -- not just because of other reasons like telling yourself you're a pig or how many calories they are or whatever-- and then you'll start realizing what needs to be done... You need to learn to trust your body to be able to do this--if you listen to your body and be mindful when you eat then it all becomes MUCh easier... You also have to give up the idea of ever doing diets or restricting your food again otherwise for it to work otherwise your mind is still thinking that the chocolate will be restricted again at some point in the future and so you should binge now when you can....

I REALLY recommend doing that exercise with the bag of 'bad' foods for a day--it REALLY helps get you started and puts things in perspective... It's absolutely amazing... Let me know if anyone tries it (I talked about it in an earlier post)

Anyway, the idea of having TONS is that you have to choose when to stop--not stopping because you had a certain serving or the bag is empty or the amount that you put in your bowl is finished... you need to have the feeling that there will ALWAYS be more and you can have more whenever you want...

Some people start off with one or two foods that were previously off limits while others bring everything that they have recently craved/labelled as off limits into the house and works on it all at once... whatever level you think you can handle but it needs to be done!! I know it all sounds scary but it really does work--I am living proof--I have not gained weight since I started doing that and I was CERTAIN that I would and I have been MUCH more satisfied around food and don't regret doing that one bit. I know that once I work through the rest of my 'issues' that food will eventually become a non-issue for me and I am SO excited as one of my counsellors has agreed to have me start seeing her every 2 weeks and not pay her until we get our feet back on the ground after moving into our new house!!!!! Isn't that amazing? I'm so excited--I start on the 29th and I'm beyond excited!:

I went to bed at -- get this -- 7:30 last night and slept until about 7:30 this am!!! I was SOOO exhausted (and had been the whole afternoon), I couldn't read a book or watch tv or anything past 7 and I was craving sweet stuff but I finally realized that I shouldn't eat food to stay awake--I should listen to my body and go to sleep--even though it was 7:30!!

My body must have known a migraine was coming on as I woke up around 5 with a migraine but luckily I took medicine and was able to sleep a little more and it's mostly gone now...

Anyway, I'm definitely stressed (although feeling less stressed as I might not have to put our house on the market) about the thought of my friend buying my house--I SO want it to happen but worry that it will all fall through so my old pessimistic self doesn't want to get excited as I worry that we'll end up disappointed. Anyway, my friend has been asking how much we would sell it for with the appliances and our huge floor to ceiling wall unit and is getting really excited--oh I SOOO hope that it will work out!! My stress level would be SOOO much lower if I didn't have to list with a realtor and having to keep the house immaculate with 3 kids, 2 dogs and 2 cats and having to leave my house all the time and find things to do with the kids! And it would be so nice if my friend bought my house as I know how much she loves it as we have put our hearts (and ALL our money!) into this house and fixing it up and we are sad about leaving of course so it would be nice to visit it once in a while!!

But no--I'm not getting excited yet hahaha!!

Hmm what else is going on... we've been working hard on getting the house ready to sell and I'm feeling really overwhelmed with all of that... my hubby's been painting and wow--what a difference paint can make! (Mostly it was just another coat of the same but we changed the bathroom color and what a difference!!)

We're also going to grab chocolate brown paint from our new house and paint our front door-it's always been this salmon pink color for some reason but we're finally going to paint it--I think it will look much nicer as our house is a cream color so I don't know why the door was salmon pink!! Hopefully chocolate brown will look much nicer!

Maggy - I'm SOOOO proud of you for opening up to your therapist!! I['m so glad that it is feeling good for you and that your therapist has been supportive. Yay you!!
That's so interesting about your shoes--I too hope that you can learn to do the same for your body--I really feel that if you honor yourself and give yourself what you need and NOT beat yourself up about it, it will REALLY help you... However I know how hard it is to REALLY stop doing that...

Missingthetrees - can't wait to hear about your first two exercises in the Geneen Roth book--good for you for doing them!! I have torn this house apart yet again after reading that, trying to find mine and I have NOOOO idea where the heck it could be. I'm hoping that it will turn up really soon so I can start using it with you but please do keep going in it on your own--I will definitely encourage you on the way!! I'll see if I can get one from the library in the mean time... Glad that you posted!!

I have to say that I have had points and days where I could eat a more normal amount of a previously forbidden food and stop.... Those days I know that I am feeling good about myself, I don't have issues that are really getting to me at that moment and I am paying attention to my body and what it wants/needs. Those days/moments feel SOOOO good that it makes me want to have more of them and keeps me fighting to get 'there' again.

I did an intensive weekend therapy session last April I believe it was--it was from 10-6 on Friday, Saturday and Sunday and we would go home at night--we would go out for lunch and eat together and during the whole weekend and a few days after--I was like a whole new person. I chose things at the restaurants according to what my body wanted--they were often things that I would have told myself that I couldn't have before but I got them anyway and worked on not thinking about what others might have been thinking... I then ENJOYED them but ate very little as I was listening to my body and it really doesn't need that much food to be satisfied. I was more in tune with myself than ever and I was careful to write down my list of stressors several times a day as that checking in with myself really helped. I felt SOOO free and alive and every thing around me seemed new--it felt like I was transported into a new world where nothing bothered me, I was continually happy and had no food issues at all. My kids were cuter and funnier, I saw this certain plant that I have in my garden that I had NEVER seen ANYWHERE before in about 3 different locations --which just sort of symbolized what was happening--that everything was there before but I was too busy worrying about my body and food to realize and appreciate everything that was going on around me. How sad... and so ever since I've been wanting to work to get back into that 'zone'... However sometimes (like more recently) I work harder on that and sometimes I don't.... so I end up going many steps back... I know that if I work with all my tools that I can definitely move forward but it is a long process and it's HARD work dealing with your feelings and especially (for me) confronting people/things and so I think I often retreat back into my old patterns without even realizing it, start feeling really crappy and then start working the stuff again....

Taking the time for myself is really key and a big part that I struggle with--feeling worthy enough to give to myself rather than only others... I encourage everyone around me to do that and need to learn to believe that about myself as well... I guess it's hard because sometimes I DO give myself the time etc. but then I don't see any other moms doing the same and I feel like I'm being judged (and sometimes I definitely am as it has been vocalized to me!) because I'm taking time to myself and then it starts over again...

I was reading over some of my notes from that weekend yesterday and my counsellor says that once you work through your 'stuff' that food will just fall away and no longer be an issue.... And that couldn't be more true... I do think that I need to notice when I go to eat when I'm not hungry--not so much to change the 'pattern' (as I was thinking recently) but more to notice that there is stuff going on and try to work through that stuff which in turn will reduce my emotional food cravings and allow me to feel more balanced which causes me to eat more normally...

Does all of that make sense?? I know that I find it really hard to believe and I fall back into trying to control my eating in some fashion but I KNOW that it can be true as I've had glimpses of it before...

Anyway, I think I need to eat something so I'm going to figure out what my body wants and do just that as I need to fend off this migraine still..

Have a wonderful day ladies!

Holly
post #197 of 1694
Thanks so much for your supportive response, Holly.

I'm baking some bread right now, and afterwords, I'm going to go out and buy a big bag of almonds and a couple of bags of Bear Naked granola... I saw them on sale and I absolutely LOVE them.

I read the 2 articles on the intuitive eating website and it's all starting to make sense now.

More later. DS is speaking Whinese again.

Maggy
post #198 of 1694
I just read this and HAD to share:

"...everything you need for self-acceptance and joy is inside you now, like seeds already planted in the moist ground of a garden. All it takes for them to grow is a little water, a little time, a little attention, a little love."

Beautiful.

I'll post more later. (GouGou, can you send me a piece of fresh bread via e-mail? I have the butter ready. )

(Oh, and eldadeedlit - sorry your DS is sick! mine, too - fever, cough, achy. Pobrecitos. How is it that there are STILL new viruses for us to catch? : )

(oh yeah, and thanks for the encouragement, Holly. I just was given two new (used) books last night, and one of them was Roth's When You Eat at the Refirgerator, Pull Up a Chair. Cool!!!)



marybeth
post #199 of 1694
so, my son is feeling a little better today but is still just laying around watching videos and not eating. so no chocolate bingo for us. and my dh and i wanted to go out to a movie or something but the il's are too busy to watch the kids so, no dice. i get so stressed out doing everything i have to do on a daily basis! ack! being a grownup can be so overwhelming. and 3 young children means that the chattering, climbing on me and need for attention is neverending! aagggghhh! :

holly-
the bag idea scares me. i understand the idea but i am so afraid of going completely overboard! ugh.

i will be back later, i'm sure. nothing going on today.
post #200 of 1694
BTW I wrote most of this 4 1/2 hours ago. We lost internet service, but now I'm back.

eldeedlit, so good to hear from you. Sorry about the illness, our family went through that last weekend. It's so hard to look forward to the weekend and then have sickness hit the home and take over everything. I can relate to being overwhelmed by a lot of posts to catch up on. Hopefully this can be a place to feel no pressure and to read as much and post as much (or as little) as is helpful to each person. I think we'd all understand

missingthetrees,so glad you're around as well. I need to get and do the Geneen Roth workbook. I tried to find one at a used book store, but no dice. I guess it makes sense a workbook would be hard to find used. Hopefully, I'll be joining you and Holly soon.

Holly, thanks once again for sharing your process your history with all of this is so helpful.


Quote:
Originally Posted by GouGou View Post
Good Morning All. So, much to my chagrin, I have been digging into the cake a little more than I had hoped. I'm especially distressed about the late-night episode. The kids were in bed at a pretty decent time, and so my DH and I watched a few dvd episodes of "The Wire" (it's an HBO series and it's amazing).

So, right around midnight, DS woke up crying and had broken out in hives. So I had to tend to him for an hour, and when I finally was able to get him back to sleep, I came downstairs and DH was fixing himself a little snack, and I thought, "What the hey... I deserve a piece of cake now." Was I hungry? No. I felt terrible afterwords.

Anyhow, this leads me to a question for you all: I know that it's impossible to go "cold turkey" with food as one is advised to do with addictions other than food, but wouldn't it be wise to keep particularly difficult things out of the house? If the cake hadn't been there, I wouldn't have eaten it.

Gotta go... DS is awake.
This is a great topic. This is something I've debated since the beginning of my own journey with healing from emotional eating. Maggy, I am greatful that you are sharing about this issue as well. It's so helpful and validating to read. There have been many times I haven't tortured myself by keeping certain foods around. No temptation, no problem. Right? Well, for me, I have found that this puts the focus on the food being the problem and not me. If it worked to not have certain foods in the house, I personally would have healed long ago. I have found the times I've done this that I will emotionally eat on anything in the house...healthy foods, whatever. One of the issues is trusting myself to make good choices (I'm not really talking about food here). I am finding that putting restrictions and keeping things out of my hands, feed into my feelings that I'm not normal, and I'm bad. It sends a negative message to myself that I can not be trusted. This is something I want to heal.

Now this is all well and good in theory, but am I'm I totally embracing this belief? No. But I am trying...I can absolutely relate to the feelings about getting rid of the tempting items...especially at the beginning of this process this is a very scary out of control thing to do. But, what if...just what if, there is something to this theory about freeing ourselves from emotional eating? God knows nothing else has ever worked for me. What if giving ourselves free reign...and giving ourselves the gift of time to muddle through this until we figure it out, really does release us from this prison? Wouldn't that be amazing? Wonderful, Freeing?

Yesterday, I was talking to a very close, dear friend who was in town. I have known her since college...10 years or so. She is one of the few people I have ever known to truly appear to be free of the food/weight thing. She eats when hungry. Stops when full. Exercises for pleasure and to feel good. Wouldn't think of exercise as punitive.

Well, we started talking about food, the way we eat and how our history affects us. She shared that growing up her mother had a very unhealthy relationship with food, and this shaped her belief system about women and food. I asked how she was able to escape eating/body issues when this was her example. She was quick to say that of course she didn't and suffered through eating disorders. I had no idea. When I asked how she was able to heal this part of her life, she said she had read Geneen Roth's books on emotional eating!!! I really needed to hear this. How about that! The healthiest person I know about this stuff went through the same journey I'm currently on. Ahhhhhh...OK, I'll do this another day.

So, now I need to really challenge myself to have "tempting" foods in the house. I know this is so scary because I don't trust myself fully, but I don't think I will ever if I don't give myself a shot. I'm not sure if I should go shopping and just have the stuff around or try the exercise Holly talked about. It sounds so scary to me...like intentionally binging. I haven't binged intensly for a long time. It's a scary dark place for me. Going out buying all that stuff and planning on eating it, feels familiar and takes me back there. I'll have to think about this. I want to move through this, but I also don't want to trigger myself...hmmmmm

Well wise women, once again I'm just journalling away. So hugs to you all...

I wish you all health and wellness.
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