or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Single Parenting › hmm question ~ is this abuse?? Sleeping while children play...
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

hmm question ~ is this abuse?? Sleeping while children play... - Page 2

post #21 of 100
Quote:
Originally Posted by bu's mama View Post
:


:

that will be a story to tell when he gets older! Hopefully you're at the point where you can laugh about it now.

I laughed at it then,
I edited out the parts of me running out the back door with my pants half down after hearing the doggy door swing, having diarrhea cramps, trying to get him back into the house, him running and squealing from me, having to go back inside to spend more time on the potty,,, all while he ran around buck naked squealing.


I absolutely am not saying you are neglectful or abusive for not watching them every second of every day. I was just pointing out that many people have different comfort levels, and how I personally deal with my comfort levels.

Like now, I am at the kitchen counter with the lap top, my two year old is in the play room (open house design) playing with his cars. To some people that is neglectful and I am not in the same room with him.

To some mothers and authorities, the above incident with him outside naked during the winter in Oregon, would be abuse, or neglect. To me, it was just one of those days you end up laughing about.
post #22 of 100
Personally my DD is never alone. I never nap and I always wake up before her or wait until she falls asleep to take a shower. I just think it's one of those sacrifices i make as a single mom. I've been quite surprised at my abilities to operate on such little sleep!

Am i tired? Sure. Do I feel really dirty some days? Absolutely.

There is just too much that could happen when i'm preoccupied on other things though. She gets into enough when i'm awake! Sometimes she'll hop in the shower with me and I don't mind that at all. I wouldn't say it's "abusing" your child if you leave them alone, but so many potentially "neglectful" things could happen. I don't feel comfortable giving my DD that opportunity yet. :
post #23 of 100
I know personally I wont let my toddler about the house if Im out cold.I was a single mother for quite a few years and I still just couldnt do it. Every once in a great while I will lay back down for a few minutes when DS1(11.5) and DS2 (8.5)are up, because together they can contain the 2.5 year old. I will however put a video on and rest on the couch and kind of be half there.
I use to sleep when my oldest son was little but he literally never did anything, to the point I worried about it.I would put him in the playpen and he would stay there. If I didnt take him out to play he would have been content to be in tehre all day.
Then my friend fell asleep while her child and one other child were playing and they hucked matchbox cars everywhere and ended up killing one of the kittens. they were 3 and 4 years old (the kids not the kittens) I just couldnt even think about doing it after that
post #24 of 100
My happiest moment was when DD learned to open the bedroom door by herself. I say that tongue in cheek, but I do sleep while the kids are up. Not for naps, but in the morning when DD decides she needs to be up at 7 and I'm exhausted still. She is 3.5 and DS is 9. They go down and watch TV, play quietly together, etc. I have been letting DD get up w/o me since she was around 2.

It never occurred to me to wonder if it was abuse.
post #25 of 100
Thread Starter 
LotusBirthMama ~ what you said makes me wonder how many other mamas will actually pass out when they're exhausted .... i never believed my sister when she said her dh does this ~ i just thought he was a jerk who wanted extra sleep ~ until it started happening to me.

for awhile before my drs put me on all the new meds i'm on right now, many times the only sleep i would get were the couple of hours in the morning when my kids were awake. and yes there were days i actually passed out from sheer exhaustion. so i figure, it's better to be at least somewhat more alert and able to function then try to take care of a child on no sleep ... yk?


boobybunny ~ your last post made me think of a set of neighbors i had awhile back who used to let their two daughters (who were around 2 years old and 4 years old at the time) play outside in their underwear, in winter, while the mother prostituted + did crack. yes there is a HUGE difference between a once in a lifetime doggy-door incident (funny) and every single day (abuse)!!!
post #26 of 100
i dont think it is bad you are there as long as you are not dead to the world it dont matter if it is night time or day if you are sleeping even if the kids are sleeping if you are a single parent or not most parents are able to listen for them even while your are sleeping that is why you are woken up when they are crying, babbling or even talking in their sleep (well maybe it is just me when they are there i dont sleep dead) it dont matter if you are peeing, pooing, geting a drink, answering the phone or door, at the pc, watching tv, cooking, doing dishes or any other thing that needs to be done on a daily bases a chlid could get in to things you learn really quick what you chlid is bound to get in to and what they are able to do on their own each child is different it is also how you parent if you know your child is fine doing something no matter their age (eg. you know when they are able to play fine with out you watching over them, when they can pee by them selves, when they can get a drink or a snack by them selves) you as a parent just know your chlid it dont matter their age the marker thing yes it has been done here not while i was sleeping it was when i went to go pee and the door was open!!!

i live my kids with all my heart i do everything for them i would never put them in danger my daughter will come to me for everything if i am up or sleeping she will ask me can i do this or can i have this can u get me this... lots of times she wakes up plays for a bit then comes in to my bed and goes back to sleep i know her i know what she does alot of time where she plays i can see her but i can always hear her my house is more for the kids then me everything is touchable everything is fine she knows the few things she is not to touch
i live in a apartment the doors have the door alarm things the go off if they are opened and boy it is loud the windows have child locks on them can only open about 4 inches my dd was good she got in to more stuff when i was peeing or washing dishes then she did when i was sleeping still is that way she use to wake up turn on the tv (i have a older one i can block out all channels she could only watch treehouse) and play... she is getting beter but she use to sleep for a few hours and be up for hours and hours the most was almost 36 hours with out sleeping...
post #27 of 100
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by littlemizflava View Post
... i would never put them in danger my daughter will come to me for everything if i am up or sleeping she will ask me can i do this or can i have this can u get me this... lots of times she wakes up plays for a bit then comes in to my bed and goes back to sleep
my kids do this too. the past few days they've been coming in and snuggling w/ me in the morning and falling back asleep for awhile.
post #28 of 100

Toddlers... calculated risk... I couldn't do it

Showering: I found a toddler plastic fence, and made a "yard" outside the open bathroom door, put in playthings for dd. She was content. Never let her be about the house by herself... toddlers are unpredictable... accidents happen noiselessly sometimes.

Letting them be up without you, look after themselves... maybe promotes independence--that's a good thing. Kids though... the fact is, that they will quickly identify the times they can do what they are not allowed to do while you're on alert... just because you don't know what they're up to does not mean that they aren't up to trouble. I'm sure you and your sisters are very good mothers, but just because nothing's happened... is it a good idea to not wear seat belts since no one in your family has ever been in an accident? No one in my family had been, and then I was hit head-on at high speed by a one-ton truck, whose grill my body would have been tangled in had I not been wearing a belt.

Your six year old is probably developing a "little mother" or "little father" personality as he/she is kind of "in charge" of younger sibs. That's kind of the way I was raised: my older bro kind of took charge when parents were not right there. That's not a bad thing, usually. Maybe the eldest left in charge gets saddled with a certain amount of responsibility that may be a bit premature, and that makes them a different adult. Good? Bad? Who can judge? It depends on their personality, their genetics, their environment. We're all different, responding to different cues. You do what feels safe... and you can always change your mind or alter your approach if it's indicated based on cues your kids give you.

My seven-almost-eight year old gets up without me... since age fivish, I've always left fresh fruit, bite-sized cut, for her to get her own snacks when I was right there. I'd have my coffee, and let her serve herself with what I'd prepared the night before. We'd be together, but she'd be serving herself. By the time she was six, I was letting her get up and feed herself while I slept a little longer. I had her well-habituated to fruit and/or cereal in the morning, and laid out irresistible projects to occupy her if I knew I was hoping to sleep in.

Trust your intuition. Abuse... no. Abandonment... well, yeah. If they got hurt while you were sleeping, the public interest would not be supportive, I'm sure, no matter who else also sleeps while their little kids play in the house. But if they don't get hurt, who's to know?

Oh, and one more thing. I used to be a light sleeper. A really light sleeper. And then, I realized that I am not a light sleeper anymore. Something to consider. You don't know when you stop being a light sleeper until you hear about the noise that actually occured while you were sleeping "light."

I like your name... Aura Kitten.

VF
post #29 of 100
Thread Starter 
thank you.


Quote:
By the time she was six, I was letting her get up and feed herself while I slept a little longer.
followed shortly by

Quote:
Abuse... no. Abandonment... well, yeah. If they got hurt while you were sleeping, the public interest would not be supportive, I'm sure, no matter who else also sleeps while their little kids play in the house. But if they don't get hurt, who's to know?
has me ... (?)



and fwiw i think there's a gigantic difference between letting kids play in an age-appropriate and child safe environment and putting them in a moving vehicle without proper safety restraints.
post #30 of 100
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aura_Kitten View Post



and fwiw i think there's a gigantic difference between letting kids play in an age-appropriate and child safe environment and putting them in a moving vehicle without proper safety restraints.
The thing is, a home is generally not a child safe environment. Electrical outlets and cords? The stove? Windows? Chemicals? Toilets? Bookcases or other large furniture that could fall? Even "safe" foods can cause choking.
post #31 of 100
I guess it all depends on so many variables....

But, there are times when I've been sick, really sick and needed to sleep. I've fallen asleep right near the kids. What other choice do I have? If I didn't sleep while sick, the potential exists that I could get really sick, end up in hospital and that would be far more traumatic for the kids than me napping for a few minutes with them in the room.

There is no way that anyone can protect, anticipate, or keep their children safe 100% of the time. Sometimes, being awake and in a dangerous, sleep deprived state (where one could forget to turn off a stove or inadvertently leave a sharp knife laying somewhere not thinking) is for more dangerous to a child than napping nearby.

Abuse - no. Neglect - come on!?!? What about at night? Is a parent supposed to stay awake all night in case a child sleep walks and falls down the stairs or gets wrapped up in sheets or something that cuts off their airway?

I agree that it would depend on the maturity level, the age level, the comfort level, the safety issues, etc. etc. but generally, what I think the OP has suggested here is probably just fine.
post #32 of 100
I am a single parent and I think it is irresponsible to leave a child under the age of 6 to their own devices in the home without direct adult supervision.

A child this young does not have the ability to reason or the experience to know what a dangerous situation is. They can get into trouble very quickly and it can turn into a disaster. Sadly, I know someone who lost their 2 year old granddaughter right before Christmas. She was playing in a room by herself and got twisted up in the blinds cord. The new kind of cord that is not supposed to cause strangulation. She was a "good" child, she wasn't mischievous, and sadly she is now gone. It took a few minutes for the whole accident to happen and the adults in the house said they never heard a sound (the silence actually caused them to worry).

Maggie
post #33 of 100
[QUOTE=MsChatsAlot;6868289]

But, there are times when I've been sick, really sick and needed to sleep. I've fallen asleep right near the kids. What other choice do I have? If I didn't sleep while sick, the potential exists that I could get really sick, end up in hospital and that would be far more traumatic for the kids than me napping for a few minutes with them in the room.



QUOTE]


In the room with them, right? She is talking about going in another room away from the child.
post #34 of 100
Thread Starter 
the "other room" in question is not even 12 feet away from where my kids play actually (we live in a very small apartment) and with the door open.




and the 2 year old in question was, presumably, in a home with other AWAKE adults.

accidents happen, sure. i still don't equate it to not using carseats.


MsChatsAlot ~ THANK YOU.

Quote:
Is a parent supposed to stay awake all night in case a child sleep walks and falls down the stairs or gets wrapped up in sheets or something that cuts off their airway?
yes, that. exactly.
post #35 of 100
I don't think it's ideal, but I think it can be just as dangerous, if not more dangerous, to try to parent while sleep deprived.
post #36 of 100
Quote:
Originally Posted by rmcarons View Post
He goes to bed and leaves dc alone to put themselves to bed. They go to bed whenever. Believe it or not, it is not neglect. The circumstances are as such that because of thier ages, 10 and 12, they are considered ok..
Gosh, my friends and I regularly babysat kids at this age - staying alone in a house with small children or babies until the parents came home at midnight or 1:00 in the morning. We certainly didn't need anyone to put us to bed .
post #37 of 100
Nah no way. Ive napped and dozed right there when i was REALLY sick, but that happens maybe once/twice a year if that. I would never let my 2 yo wander around the house unsupervised. I think its totally wrong. You have children, you learn to live with some things, lack of sleep being one of them. And yes, i have been a single mom. Now with my 12 yo I have no problem doing it. Not my 2 yo though. Even in a *safe* zone. Reminds me of a person I know..she naps while her THREE children..ages 15 months, 2years and 3 years are awake. Roming the house. Her 3yo climbed up to a shelf in the kitchen( a really high shelf , using a chair, some pillows). Got a knife, and stabbed his 2 yo sister in the leg. Mom was asleep. Not good. Oh, shes a good mom, but these things can happen.
post #38 of 100
Quote:
Gosh, my friends and I regularly babysat kids at this age - staying alone in a house with small children or babies until the parents came home at midnight or 1:00 in the morning. We certainly didn't need anyone to put us to bed
Me too!! Hence, with my 12 yo, I go to bed whenever, he might still be at a friends. Hes old enough to put himself to bed!
post #39 of 100
I do this almost every morning. My DD is up almost every morning at 5:30 and i dont get up with her. I get for a couple minutes put on a video, get her a snack, and a sippy cup. and give her a hug and i go back to sleep. I cant wake up a 5:30 in the morning. However i am not a light sleeper but if she calls me or i hear her i am up i take care of whatever she needs. I am a better mom because i get that extra one and a half of sleep. The house wakes up at 7 that is what i tell my girl. But if she wants me i am there to help her out. If she wants to cuddle she can come in my bed and have quite/sleep time with me. I live in a tiny apartment though so there is not anywhere she can really be unsuperived without me hearing her.
post #40 of 100
I have done this usually tho in the same room with the kids. Tho I have recently started to let my 6yo dd get up without me. The bedroom door is open and I can hear her. I do worry that she might get hurt and I only lay there till ds wakes up. Since he dosnt go to sleep some mornings till 4am and dd goes to bed around 11 when there is no school I have to have that extra sleep.

I do not think it is neglect in any shape or form and certainly not abuse.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Single Parenting
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Single Parenting › hmm question ~ is this abuse?? Sleeping while children play...