Need Advise!

[teamchambers]

so here is the situation:

I have this "friend" "Sally" who is in her 60's or so, poor health, makes $500 a month... she has a son "chris" who has a 2 1/2yo daughter "Sara" with a young lady names "Rachel"
okay.... we have:
Sally (gandmother)
Chris (sally's son/father)
Rachel (mother)
and Sara (2 1/2 year old child)

So about a year or so ago Rachel moved here we live from Cali to find work and start a life (her and the father are not "together" any longer) so anyways, when she lived here it was obvious to me, and Sally that this young lady either did not want to care for the child or did not want to care for the child.... At that point in time I made it VERY clear to Rachel that my husband and I would be more then happy to care for her little girl.. needless to say, she didn't take us up on that offer and basicly just up and moved....

Fast-forward to this past November...
Chris and Rachel litterally just drop Sara off (from Cali) at Sally's house and say that they will be back in three weeks to pick her up and that Rachel would give Sally some money for food, diapers, ect... they leave her with no money (of course) no warm clothes (it's cold here!) and all the rest of that stuff.... sense then Rachel has not called Sally once to check up on the child and Sally's son has called once (a few day's ago... told her that Rachel has not founda job yet... she is homeless also.. that's why she SAID she dropped the child off with Sally... to find a job and get a place for her and the kid!... Chris is also homeless... apparently he likes to live under the steps of some hotel in Palm Springs)

So Sally has major health problems and makes $500 a month... she has contacted a lawyer about getting custody of the child, but that takes time (as you all prolly know) She has also gotten the ball rolling for getting some food stamp assistance and medical for the child.. (child just went to the ER last week with an ear-infection)

So here's the scoop... Sally wants me and my husband to take custidy of the child.... We already take the child as much as we can.. 3-5 nights a week.. Sally watch's her during the day while I am at work.... My husband feels that this is a good idea. I however have reservations... here are my reservations.
1. I'm about ready to have our first baby (EDD Feb 1st) I'm overwhelmed as it is.
2. Child has problems (obviously) from being treated like a rag doll... do we know how to properly handle this child and her needs now and in the future?
3. I don't want to care for a child and try and love her and nuture her and then have "mom" come in her due time just to take her back and screw her up again.
4. Is the process just as easy as the lawyer makes it seem? Sally get's custody of the child then gives us custody?
5. Is Sally looking out for interest of this child or is this custody thing just a way to "get back" at mom and dad?


I'm confused and need some outside input... my mother thinks that we are just CrAzY for even entertaining the idea... She thinks that it's not our problem so we should just stay out of it....

I'm also afraid that Sally's going to litterally drop dead with heart failure and this kid is going to be stuck in her little apartment for god knows how long....Sally just isn't in good health to be taking care of a little one like that, plus she can't afford the pot to piss in or the window to throw it out of...(BTW, how I met sally was that she was living in her truck out on the street and I work with the homeless)

So.... give it to me... what do you think?

[sesa70]

I personally would not enter into this situation without having the mother and fathers parental rights terminated, or at least have her in a legitamite foster care situation. As it stands now, the parents could come back at any time and take the child back, and it may or may not be in her best interest and you would have no say. As it stands, basically they can do or not do whatever they want and there is not a thing you can do.

I dont know the legalities of it, but after a certain period of time where the parents are absent, the child can be declared abandoned and the rights of the parents terminated. Or, at least you can have a state investigation done where most likely the parents would be found to be unfit or unable to care for her, and temporary custody would go to the state in which case she woudl be in foster care and you could act as her foster mother, or another family could, its up to you whether you feel up to that. This way at least what the parents do and dont do is supervised by someone other than yourself,and they will have due oppourtunity to either get the help they need or their rights will be terminated in which case this little girl will be able to have a permanant family.

[lauren]

I think Sally is talking about temporary guardianship, which can be awarded fairly easily in some states for temporary reasons. In my state it is handled by Probate Court, not Family court. Birth parents can still go back in and contest the guardianship even if they have voluntarily given guardianship to someone else. It depends on the judge how this will go. Typical scenario: someone gives guardianship to another parent 'while they get their life together.' Child gets close to new parent(s). The birth parent comes back and says life is together and asks judge to have child returned to her guardianship. Judge may ask for evidence (proof of housing, job, etc.) and will if the new parents contest this. New parents might bring in a therapist for the child or other evidence that the child should not go back to birth parents, but it is still up to the judge to decide. A probate judge may know little about attachment, only about the 'proof' that the birth parents have their life together. So it is a very risky way to go, but sometimes necessary if CHild Protective SErvices won't remove the child based on abuse/neglect.

Another option would be for Sally to call police and state that the child has been abandoned with her. THis is also risky as the child may be taken and placed in foster care if Sally's home does not meet standards. You could then come forth and state your desire to care for the child, go through temporary foster parent credentialing and hope that she can be placed with you. However, I agree with you that taking a child like this will be a lot of work and love will not necessarily be enough. (see other threads about attachment issues/disorder) While you are preparing to have a baby and to nest for that baby, it will be a huge issue to bring a child with these issues into your home. Not impossible, just very very difficult.

A lot of this depends on the state you are on, so you may want to call your local CPS office and ask their advice on how best to proceed based on local norms. Good luck!

[Sierra]

Originally Posted by teamchambers

1. I'm about ready to have our first baby (EDD Feb 1st) I'm overwhelmed as it is.

Yes, this is a significant reason to consider not doing it. Having a new baby is really all-consuming. It may not be fair to either child to go into all of this at one time.

And for a kid who has experienced "abandonment" like that, there will be significant things you will need to do to foster a good bond/attachment if this ends up being a longer term scenario...it may be that it would be best for this child to be in a home where the focus is on her for a bit.

2. Child has problems (obviously) from being treated like a rag doll... do we know how to properly handle this child and her needs now and in the future?

This is another issue not to be taken lightly. If you are seriously considering this, I would look into classes offered by your state on caring for children who have been abused and/or neglected, or who have experienced abandonment. I highly recommend you start taking such classes before you consider this further so you can make an informed decision.

3. I don't want to care for a child and try and love her and nuture her and then have "mom" come in her due time just to take her back and screw her up again.

This may be a risk that is inherent in the situation, unless the legal situation develops further.

4. Is the process just as easy as the lawyer makes it seem? Sally get's custody of the child then gives us custody?

Unlikely that the best route is Sally taking custody first. I have been in a situation with one or two similarities, and received legal counsel not to go that route. I am no attorney, but I think you could do something like petition for what is called "third party custody." Sally could support you in obtaining this custody with her own testimony. You really need to contact an attorney yourself if you are going to pursue caring for this child.

5. Is Sally looking out for interest of this child or is this custody thing just a way to "get back" at mom and dad?

I really can't advise you there without being familiar with the situation first hand.