Okay here's what's going on....
Thursday my midwife stripped my membranes at my request. I was hoping it would kickstart me into labor. So after that I went home and Pete and I did our part in making it happen (wink). After that I laid in bed for about 30 minutes. The contractions started at 6 minutes apart. And they kept getting closer, stronger and more painful. So we called the doulas and our baby sitter and my mom. I labored at home till about 11pm. That is when we went in to the hospital. When I got there I was 6 cms! I was so happy! So I labored for a few hours... but then things started slowing down... and then by about 3 in the morning the contractions had spaced out to 15-20 minutes. I was extremely discouraged. By morning when my midwife came in she checked me because she knew things were slowing down and my cervix had closed back up to a 2-3. She gave me three options. Gentle induction (enema, strip membranes again, nipple stim), aggressive induction (break my water and start pitocin) or go home.... I about had a nervous breakdown and told her there was no way that I could go home that at that point I was so sick of it all and mad about it that I would rather have a c-section than go home.
Soooo.... We chose the more gentlier route first. She stripped my membranes, I got my enema and Pete was doing nipple stim with a washcloth while I was in the tub. The contractions started back up again but pretty far apart. She came and checked me a couple hours later. I had progressed up to 3-4 cms. So she suggested a stronger enema... Yippy. I did that the contractions stayed about the same. So by early lunchtime around 11 or so she gave me two options. Pitocin or go home... Again I said I didn't want to go home so we started pitocin which I thought I would never actually ask for. That did the trick with contractions. She also tried to break my water when she started the pitocin but my cervix was so posterior she couldn't get the hook in there. So for a few hours I labored with Pitocin (It SUCKS!) and when she came back in to check me at 2 pm my cervix hadn't changed. I was really pissed. She agreed to pitocin for two more hours. So two hours passed the contractions were closer together, more painful and accompanied by lots of pressure. Everyone kept telling me to stay positive and believe that it was working. I was trying to think positive thoughts but it was so hard.
At 4 she came in and checked me again.... NOTHING. So she quietly went over and turned off the pitocin. She told me that it wouldn't be wise to try and continue to be agressive to induce as I would more than likely end up with a c-section. I was devestated. I couldn't believe that I was going to go home after 24 hours of hard labor and nothing to show for it. She has no explanation for why my body decided it wasn't ready after I had labored for 7-8 hours of my body's own accord than it just stopped. I was actually so upset about it she ended up talking to me and Pete privately and asking if I needed to spend the night there and get a psych eval... I declined.
In the end my mom ended up having Pete and I to come to her house so I could sleep with no interruptions from the kids and our baby sitter stayed another night with the kids. I drank some wine, took 2 benadryl and went to bed. I slept for 7 hours without ever moving a muscle or peeing... How crazy is that??
I am sooo disappointed and down in the dumps right now. I feel like my body is just about the stupidest thing on earth... Yesterday was the hardest day of my life. I went through so much pain with nothing to show for it. I know that more likely than not the reason the baby wasn't born was probably a good one... but it is so hard to have to have gone through real and true labor only to have it stop and nothing happen. Even more frustrating when they were so sure upon my arrival that I was going to have the baby within a couple of hours that they had everything set up right away.
So now I am a ticking time bomb. I am waiting for it to all start over again. And she will not electively induce me till one week past my due date. The only way she would do anything like pitocin or breaking my water again would be if my body started this again and I was admitted. She will not bring me into the hospital specifically to try and get my body to have the baby.
I am trying hard to just not think about it or wonder when I will go into labor but it is so hard... One thing I remember was that sometime in the middle of thursday night (around 3 or so) she offered to break my water while I was still 5-6cm... I thought about it and had a bad feeling so I declined. I keep going back and wishing I had just let her do it because I'd be holding Abby right now. But then I remember the bad feeling I got and I just don't know... It was weird... just a fleeting thought like what if she breaks my water and the baby isn't ready to be born yet?
This is not how I want my birth to be and the only reason I made some of those decisions was because in the moment I was so depressed about the whole thing. I want to go into labor on my own now. I am never asking to have anything done again to get things going... But I am so discouraged and tired... I am still having contractions they still hurt but they are doing nothing to my cervix right now... That is really hard to deal with mentally and emotionally.
So that's where I have been and what's going on. I will keep you updated.
Thursday my midwife stripped my membranes at my request. I was hoping it would kickstart me into labor. So after that I went home and Pete and I did our part in making it happen (wink). After that I laid in bed for about 30 minutes. The contractions started at 6 minutes apart. And they kept getting closer, stronger and more painful. So we called the doulas and our baby sitter and my mom. I labored at home till about 11pm. That is when we went in to the hospital. When I got there I was 6 cms! I was so happy! So I labored for a few hours... but then things started slowing down... and then by about 3 in the morning the contractions had spaced out to 15-20 minutes. I was extremely discouraged. By morning when my midwife came in she checked me because she knew things were slowing down and my cervix had closed back up to a 2-3. She gave me three options. Gentle induction (enema, strip membranes again, nipple stim), aggressive induction (break my water and start pitocin) or go home.... I about had a nervous breakdown and told her there was no way that I could go home that at that point I was so sick of it all and mad about it that I would rather have a c-section than go home.
Soooo.... We chose the more gentlier route first. She stripped my membranes, I got my enema and Pete was doing nipple stim with a washcloth while I was in the tub. The contractions started back up again but pretty far apart. She came and checked me a couple hours later. I had progressed up to 3-4 cms. So she suggested a stronger enema... Yippy. I did that the contractions stayed about the same. So by early lunchtime around 11 or so she gave me two options. Pitocin or go home... Again I said I didn't want to go home so we started pitocin which I thought I would never actually ask for. That did the trick with contractions. She also tried to break my water when she started the pitocin but my cervix was so posterior she couldn't get the hook in there. So for a few hours I labored with Pitocin (It SUCKS!) and when she came back in to check me at 2 pm my cervix hadn't changed. I was really pissed. She agreed to pitocin for two more hours. So two hours passed the contractions were closer together, more painful and accompanied by lots of pressure. Everyone kept telling me to stay positive and believe that it was working. I was trying to think positive thoughts but it was so hard.
At 4 she came in and checked me again.... NOTHING. So she quietly went over and turned off the pitocin. She told me that it wouldn't be wise to try and continue to be agressive to induce as I would more than likely end up with a c-section. I was devestated. I couldn't believe that I was going to go home after 24 hours of hard labor and nothing to show for it. She has no explanation for why my body decided it wasn't ready after I had labored for 7-8 hours of my body's own accord than it just stopped. I was actually so upset about it she ended up talking to me and Pete privately and asking if I needed to spend the night there and get a psych eval... I declined.
In the end my mom ended up having Pete and I to come to her house so I could sleep with no interruptions from the kids and our baby sitter stayed another night with the kids. I drank some wine, took 2 benadryl and went to bed. I slept for 7 hours without ever moving a muscle or peeing... How crazy is that??
I am sooo disappointed and down in the dumps right now. I feel like my body is just about the stupidest thing on earth... Yesterday was the hardest day of my life. I went through so much pain with nothing to show for it. I know that more likely than not the reason the baby wasn't born was probably a good one... but it is so hard to have to have gone through real and true labor only to have it stop and nothing happen. Even more frustrating when they were so sure upon my arrival that I was going to have the baby within a couple of hours that they had everything set up right away.
So now I am a ticking time bomb. I am waiting for it to all start over again. And she will not electively induce me till one week past my due date. The only way she would do anything like pitocin or breaking my water again would be if my body started this again and I was admitted. She will not bring me into the hospital specifically to try and get my body to have the baby.
I am trying hard to just not think about it or wonder when I will go into labor but it is so hard... One thing I remember was that sometime in the middle of thursday night (around 3 or so) she offered to break my water while I was still 5-6cm... I thought about it and had a bad feeling so I declined. I keep going back and wishing I had just let her do it because I'd be holding Abby right now. But then I remember the bad feeling I got and I just don't know... It was weird... just a fleeting thought like what if she breaks my water and the baby isn't ready to be born yet?
This is not how I want my birth to be and the only reason I made some of those decisions was because in the moment I was so depressed about the whole thing. I want to go into labor on my own now. I am never asking to have anything done again to get things going... But I am so discouraged and tired... I am still having contractions they still hurt but they are doing nothing to my cervix right now... That is really hard to deal with mentally and emotionally.
So that's where I have been and what's going on. I will keep you updated.
